The O'Neill Chronicles Book I Jack Retires, part 2
by chazevelt
Summary: Begins at Chapter Fourteen. Please see Jack Retires First Installment for the first half of this story.


Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Sci-fi and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

The author of this story owns the character of Maddy and expressly denies permission for anyone else to use her- especially to kill her off!

If you find odd breaks in the physical flow of the layout, it is to make the visual aspect of online reading more comfortable.

Comments are welcomed and encouraged. They can be emailed to Adult language, adult situations, violence, and nudity. Mature subject matter, mature readers.

I am downloading this story in two parts. You may find the first half under Jack Retires, First Installment.

**Chapter Fourteen **

Jack was the first one in the briefing room. He sat in his usual seat, steepled his fingers, and contemplated the reactions from his friends when they noticed the wide gold band he now wore on his ring finger. He admired the ring for the umteenth time, enjoying the feel of its weight, loving the weight of its significance. His gaze drifted to the highly polished surface of the conference table, and in its glassy sheen watched the events of the past weekend replay in his mind's eye.

Maddy had been utterly breathtaking. She wore a dress from her closet, a whispy number that had just brushed her knees and showed enough cleavage to keep him distracted. It had been a pretty shade of yellow-green, dotted with tiny lavender rose buds. He had wondered at the time if she knew that peridot was his favorite color. He had stopped at three jewelry stores immediately after the ceremony to find her the right pair of peridot earrings to go with it.

She had clutched his arm as they stood before the Justice of the Peace, her eyes glittering with tears, her smile trembling. At least Jack thought the tears were in _her_ eyes, he hadn't been able to see all that clearly himself. When they exchanged rings, her fingers were shaking so badly he had gripped them hard, willing some of his strength into her hands and into her heart. He had known a moment of sheer panic when she seemed to lose her ability to breathe and that dreaded shadow tried to cloud her eyes. He had taken her chin and looked deeply into her eyes, bringing the entire ceremony to a halt until he was sure she wanted to continue. He had tried to tell her with his eyes that if she wanted to run it was okay, but he would be coming with her. And that if she wanted to postpone, he was alright with that as well. He tried to tell her how very deeply he loved her...

The moment had passed and Jack relived the relief and gratitude he had felt wash over him when her smile evened out and her fingers gripped his with steady resolve.

'_Maddy, you make me crazy,' _he thought with a smile. _'You drive me to distraction! I love fighting with you and I love laughing with you and I love just watching you.'_

Jack knew he had found the woman who would never allow him to become bored. She would keep him on his toes, keep him thinking, keep him laughing, keep him young. She teased him, challenged him, excited him. Made him feel eighteen again. She invigorated him, thrilled him, gave him a sense of peace he had never dreamed he could attain.

"Sir...?"

Carter's voice startled him from his reverie and he glanced up. She was trying not to stare at the ring on his hand.

"Sir... you... When did... You got married?" she stammered.

Jack grinned. It wasn't often he got to see Carter at a loss for words.

"Flew to Vegas over the weekend."

"Congratulations, Sir!" Her smile nearly split her face, and Jack was glad her good wishes were genuine.

"Thank you, Carter."

"Why didn't... I mean, we would have..." She shrugged as she sat down across from him. "I would have ordered a cake."

"We can still have cake."

She smiled and he could see the wheels turning. He decided he'd better warn Maddy to expect to be surprised. The rest of the team flooded into the room, and Jack watched smugly as one by one they noticed the ring and vigorously pumped his hand. The shock on their faces tickled him to no end. Except for Vala, who threw her arms around his neck and gave him a resounding buss on the cheek.

"Damn," she told him in all seriousness, "She took you off the market before I got a chance to try you out for myself!" Her voice dropped to a stage whisper and she shot a look across the table as she added, "We couldn't have told Daniel, though. He's terribly jealous of me!"

Daniel gave her an arched look over the rims of his glasses. "Congratulations, Jack! When'd this happen and why weren't we invited?"

Jack related the story to his friends, edited for content, of course, so that the briefing could commence. The conference seemed to drag on forever and Jack knew SG-1 and Landry were enjoying his impatience. When Landry dismissed SG-1 he asked Jack to remain. Jack tried to pay attention, tried to seem as if he didn't mind. When this was over he was going home... to his wife.

"I'm happy for you, Jack, " Landry told him warmly. "That spitfire should keep you entertained."

"That she does, Hank. In spades."

"I take it you've got a lot to get done, packing up your place and moving to the lodge... and things." The general quirked an eyebrow and Jack grinned at him.

"Yep, and _things_. Lots and lots of _things._"

"Take the week off, Jack. Enjoy your new wife. Keep your cell handy and if something comes up we need you for, I'll call. Plan on working on the training program for the new recruits next week. We've got twelve brilliant and eager cadets shaking in their boots at the thought of you torturing them."

"Thanks, Hank. I appreciate it- a lot."

Hank Landry shook Jack's hand. "After the years you've put your life on the line, the awful things you've endured for your country, and the countless times you've saved Earth- not to mention the other worlds you've helped to protect... Well, covering an impromptu week off for your honeymoon is the least I can do. Going anywhere special?"

Jack looked at him for a long moment. "Home, Hank. I'm going _home._"

Jack burst through the door calling, "Luu-cyy! I'm ho-ome!"

It was pouring down rain, and Jack took a moment to shake the drops from his hair. He slipped his boots off and glanced around for Maddy. Bonnie came to greet him, talking to him in sneezes, her stub of a tail going so fast her entire butt wiggled. Jack roughed the Boxer's ears.

"Where's that gorgeous red-headed momma of yours?"

He found her in the spare bedroom where they had planned to set up a home office. She was seated in front of her laptop, and when she turned to him the fury in her eyes drove him back a step.

"Maddy..." he began cautiously, "What's wrong, Doll?"

She was so mad she couldn't speak. He was pretty sure she could spit, though, and he waited for it to start raining nails. She turned her back to him and he took his life in his own hands by walking up and resting his palms on her shoulders. They were so tense he could have dribbled a basketball over them. He began reading the computer screen, looking for the source of her anger.

It was the tax assessment for the lodge.

In bold letters it listed Jack O'Neill as the owner.

And it gave the date the deed had been transferred.

Jack's heart dropped to his toes.

"I've been meaning to explain this to you..."

"I can't wait to hear this." Her tone was deceptively soft, but there was nothing soft about way she threw his hands away from her shoulders.

Jack hooked another chair with his toe and dragged it up beside her. He hesitated, then slowly sat down. Resting his elbows on his knees, hands hanging loosely between, he watched her face from beneath a lowered brow.

"You know how much I love you, how obsessed I was- am- with having you."

He wondered how she managed such an icy silence when she was so damned hot at him.

"I knew I was coming back to Colorado Springs. I couldn't get to Wyoming often enough to... persuade you. Hell when I _was_ there I couldn't find you. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I had to do something. No way was I gonna let you slip through my fingers."

Still no reaction from Maddy.

"In the meantime- and this isn't gonna thrill you either- Landry asked Daniel to dig into your life, find out who you were and why you were with me."

She didn't even blink- the only movement in her face was her temple throbbing in and out. Jack began to worry that she'd pop a blood vessel

."Landry needed to make sure you weren't working for either the NID or The Trust, weren't involved in my abduction. In the course of finding out that you weren't, Daniel and Carter decided that if we weren't already in love... we should be."

She squeezed her eyes shut and gave her head a short shake of disbelief.

"From what they found out about you, they decided we were made for each other. See, I told you that! Even my friends saw it." When she didn't respond he continued. "They put out a few feelers and came up with this place. Around then is when Thor found us, then you left, I took the job and moved back... I guess I was meaner than a bear with a sore ass- Landry's words- so Daniel and Carter brought me here and told me their scheme." He took a deep breath and blew his cheeks out. "There were several ideas to tempt you here. Offering you the place as caretaker at a huge salary, finding you a high-paying job you couldn't refuse, saying you had won it in a lottery. Hell, as a last resort I would have kidnapped you. Whatever we could come up with that would get you here... within my reach."

She sucked in a harsh breath but didn't speak.

"...And under my protection."

She shot him a withering glance.

"I wanted to take care of you, Maddy. Whether we were together or not, I was afraid of exactly what ended up happening with Boch. I still am. I needed you where I could keep an eye on you."

That didn't soften her a bit. Jack took a deep breath and continued.

"You sorta played into our hands. Seems the realtor that sold them this place is affiliated with the one you listed both properties with in Wyoming. We didn't need to offer you a job- you jumped at the property on your own."

Her mouth was pressed into a hard, tight line. She looked like she could cheerfully beat the living crap out of someone- namely him.

"When I came to Wyoming, Maddy, it _was_ to get even with you for leaving the way you did. But I accomplished two more objectives: I made you admit to yourself how much you loved me- wanted me- and I... helped along your decision to move. See, I knew once I tracked you down, you'd run. You told me there was nothing holding you there, so I gave you incentive to leave. In a hurry. Carter and Daniel greased some palms and made sure this place was, well, planted in your path... while I sort of... herded you into it. Quickly. Hopefully without enough time for you to give it hard thought."

Jack wondered how long it was going to be before the top of her head blew off and fireworks started shooting from her ears.

"I've told you more than once that Carter is the smartest human on Earth. Daniel isn't far behind. They laid the groundwork with the realtor here, who fed the offer to your realtor _there_, and within a couple weeks- here you were. When I saw their little scheme was gonna to work, I bought the lodge off them. The money you're paying on the article of agreement is going into a savings account with both our names on it. Mitchell is a common enough name- one we didn't think you would associate with me as quickly as Carter or Jackson- so we gave him power of attorney exclusive to signing on behalf of the property owner for the article of agreement. A really sharp lawyer worded the contract so my name didn't have be on the papers you saw."

"So on top of everything else, _they_ bribed one of my friends into stabbing me in the back, and _you _set up a _joint bank account_ before I even got across the state line?"

"Maddy..."

"I _hate_ being handled! You- and your cohorts- just planned out my life for me and... and _manipulated_ me into it! Total strangers just rearranged my entire existence and I had absolutely no say-so! Not to mention ruining a friendship in the bargain! How many more of my friends have you turned against me? I was dealt on, paid for, and transported to my new _owner_ like a _broodmare_ for stud service! What a bunch of arrogant..." She sputtered to a halt.

Jack knew her rage so great she couldn't think of harsh enough words to describe her fury. It wasn't in Maddy to cuss like a sailor, but right now he hoped she would. It might take her mind off the alternative he dreaded was coming.

"Need to borrow my Thesaurus?" His humor fell flat and she turned wickedly flaming eyes on him. He gestured hopelessly. "It all worked out," he placated. "I've been trying to figure out how to tell you. I knew you'd hit the ceiling, knew this would piss you off. I didn't have the guts. Not before I had convinced you to take a chance on me."

"You wanted to get a ring on my finger first!"

"Yeah, Maddy, I did. I was afraid you'd run again. I was terrified of losing you."

"That didn't occur to you when you were hatching this little _scheme_?"

"Sure it did. I was desperate. And I'm sorry about your friend. We had no idea that realtor up there was a personal... though how much of a friend could she be if...?"

"She needed the money, that's why! She's raising three kids alone because the lying, self-absorbed bastard _she's_ married to ran off with a slut half his age! You have no room to throw stones, you son-of-a-bitch. Manipulating, controlling, arrogant, self-absorbed _bastard_!"

"I can live with that as long as it got me _you._" The moment he said it he realized he had handed her the perfect opening to end everything, right there, right then. "Maddy look at the end result," he pleaded. "You're happy, right? We _are_ good together. You love this place. You love _me_. The day will come when we look back on this and laugh about it. We're gonna spend the rest of our lives..."

She stood up so fast the chair tipped over and crashed to the floor.

"The only reason you gave me Vegas was because this was hanging over your head! You weren't anxious to marry me, Jack, you were making damn sure you wouldn't lose your investment!"

Knowing the tears rolling down her cheeks were his fault crushed Jack in a way he wasn't sure he'd survive, knew he could never atone for. He watched in horror as she pried the wedding band off her finger and flung it at him. "Put that wherever you keep the rest of your insurance policies!" The ring bounced off his cheek and clattered to the floor. "You and your friends get a good laugh outta how much I saved all of you on cleaning bills?"

Jack bent over and picked up the ring. When he straightened, Maddy was gone.

Jack paced the deck in the pouring rain, his cell phone clutched tightly to his ear. Knuckles white, he punctuated the air with his fist as he talked.

"I don't_ know _where she is right now, Daniel! Her truck is still here. She's probably up at the barn. I just wanted to warn you not to go throwing any surprise parties."

"Jack, let me come talk to her. I'll take all the..."

"Hell _no_, Daniel! Do you hear me? _NO!_ You don't know her. That'll only make matters worse. I'll handle her. Just leave us alone. No surprise visits. She needs some time. If I don't talk to you by the weekend, come scrape me into a body bag. Hell, bring a coffee can- and a spoon to scoop up the pieces!" He cut the connection and looked up in time to see Maddy riding across the muddy ridge at a break-neck gallop.

Back at the SGC, Daniel stared at the receiver for a moment then hit a couple buttons and brought it back to his ear.

"Sam? I hope you didn't order that wedding cake yet..."

Jack took another bite of chicken and dumplings. As good as the food was, he had trouble choking it past the lump in his throat. He glanced across at Maddy, saw her pushing a chunk of chicken around with her fork, and he sighed. He was tremendously relieved that she hadn't left, doubly relieved she hadn't broken her neck riding as hard as she had. Her fury he could deal with. The pain and betrayal in her eyes, the distrust, shredded his heart.

"This is _really_ good," he ventured.

"You'd say that right now if I served you horse shit over re-treads," she shot back. "Or was that a convenient lie, too?"

At least she was responding to him. He hated icy silences. He watched as she got up, scraped her plate into Bonnie's dish, then all but threw the plate in the sink.

"I take it I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

She didn't look at him. "I don't give a rat's ass where you sleep."

"Good. I was hoping you wouldn't send me packing back to my place."

She rounded on him. "_Your_ place, Jack? _This_ is your place! _I'm_ the one who's outta place!"

"It's _our_ place, Maddy."

"No, Jack, it's your lodge, your town, your life. I'm just a fixture. A chair you had your friends pick up for you because it matched the corner of the room you needed filled! Do you have any idea how _embarrassed_ I am, how _mortified_, to have been tripping around this place _like I owned it_? Making changes and plans and putting things the way I wanted them, all my junk all over the place... Only to find out," she spread her hands wide, "It belongs to someone else!"

"The only designs I have on this place is a spot big enough to fit my ass out there on the deck!" he shot back. "I bought it for _you_! So you could do exactly what you've been doing- making it your home! _Our_ home!"

"Woulda been nice to know that from the beginning! Before I fell in love with it, before I had everything mapped out in my head! Before I wrangled a _cargo hold_ of alien boulders to be dumped here! Before I stood the chance of _losing_ it!"

"Stop blowin' this all outta proportion!" He slammed his fork down. "Most women would be flattered that the man they were in love with would go to those lengths to be with her!"

"Then you shoulda married one of them!" she railed. "But I was easy, wasn't I? I don't have anybody to watch _my_ back! No dad or brother or uncle here to take you on, no family to defend me against stuff like this. Nobody to rip the rose-colored glasses off my eyes and point out when I'm being used and played!"

She stormed out of the kitchen, then stormed right back in again.

"Is this how it's gonna be, Jack? Will I spend my life watching over my shoulder for the next con job? Every time you want something I can expect to be manipulated? There'll be other women and your SGC buddies will cover for you? Where will it end?"

Jack's jaw dropped. "Where the hell did _that_ come from?" he asked incredulously.

"From being made to feel like a _fool!_ I just found out my opinions, my decisions, my life, my _friends_, are nothing more than, than pawns in some freakish chess game you and your _friends_ are playing with my life! It's not bad enough some hulking _alien_ can just zap me onto his space ship- _now_ I find out _nothing_ in my life is up to me!" She waved her arms. "All of this is nothing but a charade and I've got nowhere to turn, nobody to bail me out, hell, I don't even have anybody I can _discuss _it with! I'm more of a captive and more defenseless, more isolated and insulated from everyone I know, here, in this marriage, than I was on that damned planet! How _stupid_ and _blind_ you people must think I am! Just tripping happily along thinking I was doing so well for myself; buying my dream home, marrying a man I might even be able to _trust_ someday. Instead I'm being played with like a rat in a maze by a bunch of mensa space jockeys! I feel like a damned puppet, a _slave _to the whims of you and your cohorts. You're no better than those Gou'alds you told me about- you just ripped me outta my own life and forced me to do what you wanted. Clap your hands, Jack, make me dance for you!" She stormed out of the kitchen again.

Jack stared at where she had been standing, still feeling the sting of her words. The shot about the Gou'ald had really hit home. He had disappointed her and lied to her and manipulated her, and now she was frightened, considered herself alone and abandoned.

He felt like every kind of bastard.

She had been so happy, so utterly in love with him, only to have it come crashing down around her ears. There was an undercurrent of fear that troubled him deeply. He did have her at a complete disadvantage and she didn't yet trust him enough to bare her soul to him. He had Carter and Daniel and Teal'c to watch his six, to talk sense into him, to bail him out. Maddy had... Maddy. He had the option of talking to people who cared about him; even if her friends weren't hundreds of miles away, Maddy was bound by confidentiality agreements that involved national security. There was no one she could bounce her fears off of, bitch or brag about him to, pour her heart out to or ask for advice. He was, quite literally, all she had and now what little trust he had built was gone. Instinct told him she and Carter would eventually become friends, and he dreaded the idea of her and Daniel becoming close but that would probably happen, too. Now that she labeled them as being on his side and unworthy of her trust, that time had been pushed back indefinitely. Certainly it wouldn't happen soon enough to get her through this.

'_We both would've been better of f if I'd just kept my ass in Washington!'_

She needed to cool off. The rain had quit so he poured a cup of coffee and carried it out onto the deck to think.

He knew trust was out the window for the foreseeable future. His gut told him there was more to her anger than just the fiasco surrounding her winding up in Colorado Springs. Though that was quite bad enough.

Two hours later Jack thought he had it figured out. He found Maddy on her hands and knees in the hall bathroom, scraping the wax ring from the spot where the toilet mounted.

"You don't have to do that, " he said quietly, "We can pay a plumber."

"Oh, that's right," she said waspishly. "I keep forgetting my place! Make me a list of what I'm _allowed_ to do around _your_ home!" She got to her feet and stripped off the rubber gloves.

He was instantly furious. "Go ahead, Maddy, put the damned toilet in yourself if that'll make you happy! Hell, doze the place down and build a new one with your own two hands! I was only trying to make things easier for you!"

"You wanna make things easier, write out that list so I know how much chain I have to live on. Be kind, Jack- show me my boundaries before I snap my neck hitting the end of my leash!" She threw the gloves into the trash. "Let's see, I'm allowed to cook and do laundry... Oh, and by the way, sorry about those rocks I had dumped in _your_ yard. All the nails I pounded into _your_ ceiling, all _my_ _junk_ I hung on them. _Your_ garage that is packed full of my stuff! How much of the barn am I allowed to have? How many horses do I have to sell so you can use the stalls for something else? When can I expect Carter and Jackson to start filling horse spots in _your_ barn with stuff they need to store?"

"My mistake," he said tightly. "I thought you'd be cooled off enough by now to _talk sense_!""Keep it up, Jack, and you'll manipulate yourself right back to square one!" She tried to brush past him but he blocked her path.

"Why was it _our_ place, _our_ lake, _our_ boats and dogs and horses when you thought you were buying it, but now that you know I own it, it's _my_ home? I want it to be _ours_, too- or are you the only one who is allowed to share in this marriage?" He mentally crossed his fingers that he wouldn't hear the word 'annulment'.

But he had her and she knew it.

She wasn't ready to cede even that one point. "Bite me, Jackass."

"Love to. You need to start telling me what's bothering you instead of building up a full head of steam then burning me with it."

"Did I not make myself clear earlier?"

"About the lodge, yes. I'm sorry you're taking it the way you are. Am I sorry I did it? No. I'd do it again- and more, if it was the only way to be with you."

"Well you're stuck with me now- how do you like it so far?"

Relief swept over him like a cool breeze on a hot day. She didn't have it in her head to separate- at least not yet.

"So you're gonna make our lives miserable just to prove me wrong?" He saw guilt douse the flames of her anger. He also sensed that being this close to him was effecting her. It gave him an intoxicating sense of power. He felt his chest expanding.

"Gimme a couple days, Jack, and I'll get past this."

"I don't want you _past_ it, Maddy. I need you to be okay with it. With all of it." He tilted her chin up. "Don't leave. Just... don't leave me."

She leaned her forehead against his chest and closed her eyes on hot tears. "I am so _damned _mad at you. But I'm not good at this."

He stroked her back. "But you're so _damned_ good at everything else."

She laughed and sobbed at the same time. "What do you want with me, Jack? Why are you so _damned_ determined?"

"Aww, Maddy, you're so.."

She stopped him with a look. "No, don't do that." She stepped back as if breaking away from a magnetic force. "I'm not in the mood to be stroked, hear about my hair and my boobs..."

"Don't forget your legs," he said dryly. "Love those legs."

She glared at him. "I wanna know what it is that has you so obsessed with me that you'd do all that. Is it because you feel responsible for me?"

"Yeah, Maddy, I married you because I feel obligated to protect you." His tone was heavy, thick with sarcasm. "I'm so pathetically incompetent that I couldn't possibly protect you without dragging us both into marriage!"

When her shoulders drooped his anger grew.

"Why can't you accept this at face value? I'm in love with you. I want you. I said it on that planet- and you didn't believe me. I said it when we got home- and you didn't believe me. I tried to tell you in Wyoming- and you avoided me. I all but got down on my knees and begged you to marry me- over and over, time and again- and you still don't believe me. You're pissed off now because of what I did so we could be together- and you still don't believe me. What is it gonna take?"

"What's it gonna take to keep you here when the boobs fall and the hair goes completely gray? When this middle-age spread," she patted her hips, "Turns into a spare tire? When hot young stuff with nubile bodies tempt you and your wife has lost all her sparkle, gained weight, gotten wrinkled and old and tired and nothing about her turns you on anymore?"

"I'll get old way before you do."

"Not with that Ancient stuff you told me about. Along with your... _enhancements_... you said it'll slow your aging process. Be careful when you lie to me, Jack, my attention span is longer than yours."

He winced. "I wasn't trying to lie to you. I'll still be old way before you. I feel ninety right now."

"Doesn't answer my question. What's the obsession?"

"Whatever it is," he said through gritted teeth. "It's not gonna change because of weight, wrinkles, or gray hair. Or us getting pissed at each other!"

"Kids, no kids," she said pointedly. "What have I got that you want? What is all this gonna cost me down the road?"

"If you're looking for something like, the way you cook, or the fact that you work your ass off day in and day out, or I need you to organize my closet- forget it. There's no chance of you screwing up or slacking off and making me fall out of love with you. Can't I just love you for _you?_ Unconditionally?"

"You _can't _know you'll be able to love me _unconditionally_! Even on that planet we didn't talk about stuff like," she motioned with her hands, "Food and movies and religion and... and the things that are part of everyday life. Things you have to live around, live without. Garlic. Horses. Clutter. TV. _Children_. I made sure of that, Jack, because I didn't want us to get that close."

Jack's heart went out to her. "We settled the issue of kids- let it alone. It was a sore spot in your last marriage- not ours. As for the other, none of that matters. There is nothing about you that could possibly outweigh what I love about you. Can't you trust me that much?"

"Don't bring up trust, not right now," she warned.

"I deserve that," he conceded. Reasonably sure she wouldn't try to dart past him again, he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe and crossed his legs. Maddy picked at a fingernail and Jack understood it was an excuse not to look at him.

"I fell in love with your spirit," he told her quietly. "Your confidence in everything you deal with, the way you handle whatever is thrown at you. The way you handled those horses, the way you worried about them- and me- before yourself. You cracked jokes, got in my face without getting mad, you took charge and never once backed down."

That brought a ghost of a smile to her face, but it was gone as quickly as it surfaced.

"You stood up to me, stood up to those two horses, stood up to that storm. I got into your truck and it had a dog and a manual transmission and the coolest selection of music I've ever heard on one CD."

She glanced up, surprised.

"I watched you ride that crazy horse through a nasty storm and never lose your patience, never lose your nerve, never give an inch. I swear, by the time we got back to my cabin that night I felt like I had finally met the other half of my soul."

She snorted softly and Jack wasn't sure how to interpret that.

"You're smart and savvy and funny. You get my dumb jokes. It isn't anything you _do, _or anything you _own, _it's the way you _are_. I love the way you embrace life, the way everything intrigues you, the way nothing rattles you. You're like Daniel and Carter and Teal'c all rolled into one- but _with_ a sense of humor." That last part surprised him. It hadn't been a conscious thought until it came out of his mouth. But there it was.

"I don't believe in love at first sight. I'm not sure I believe in love at all."

That rocked him. "You're in love with me."

She swallowed hard and the look on her face brought a rise of panic to his chest. "I believe in God's love, and the love of a mother for her child. But between a man and woman," she shook her head, "It's just a byproduct of lust. Once that wears off, what they thought was love becomes a noose. Those endearing little quirks become grounds for divorce. What's gonna happen to me, Jack, when the novelty wears off? When you get tired of pulling my strings and just cut me loose?"

"For starters, you're hardly a _novelty_. Second, you look at everything else in life as 'the cup is half full'. Why is it 'half empty' when it comes to love and marriage? When it comes to _me?_"

"I can... I _used to be able_ to control everything else in my life. That made me safe enough to take a gamble, know I could pick up the pieces and start over when the time comes. I can't control you, Jack. How you feel, when the well runs dry, the changes that inevitably happen. That's already written in stone- a killing weight hanging over my head: I know it has to drop, I just don't know when."

"So now you want to control me?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

She made a disgusted grimace. "Not the way you're implying, and you damn well know it! But, by the way, _how's it feel_?"

He had set himself up for that one, and that she took the shot made him wince.

"If I could control your heart, somehow ensure you'd never lose what you feel for me right now, then I'd turn that knob up full blast and break it off so it could never change. But I can't. You can't."

"_Nobody_ can! Everything is life is a chance, Maddy! One of us could die in a car wreck tomorrow- we can't give up what we have today _just in case._"

"I didn't say I was willing to give it up- stop putting words in my mouth! I'm just not..." she sighed in exasperation, "...not walking this tight rope without a net."

"Your net being the lodge?"

She nodded glumly. "I thought I had my own home to fall back on, so my horses and my dogs- _my_ kids- and I wouldn't ever be in danger of being homeless, of losing _everything_. I gave up a home I owned free and clear to come here and go back into debt.It was a big enough gamble that I'd never default, never get behind in the taxes, never get hurt and not be able to work. Not have to _struggle_ again."

"And marrying a man with a good job, two incomes, respectable bank account, and decent stock investments jeopardizes that how?"

She stared him in the eye. "You still don't get it, Jack. _You_ have all that. I've got these," she held out her hands and wiggled her fingers.

"You have it now," he insisted.

"No, Jack. Because as soon as I start relying on what you have, I lose all ability to stand on my own two feet."

"Damn it, Maddy, you don't have to anymore!"

"When I start taking your money, Jack, it's the same as selling myself to you! We aren't together because we want to be. You're supporting me so I owe you. The roof over my head, the food I eat, the clothes I wear, the grass my horses eat, the stalls they stand in, the water they drink- when you control the purse strings, you control everything. Which gives you the power to jerk it out from under all of us the first time something pisses you off."

Jack came off the doorframe with a thunderous look on his face. "Oh, for cryin' out loud! That's gotta be the goofiest thing I've ever heard!"

"Thank you," she said bitterly. "I wasn't seeking your approval on my convictions, and since I have yet to take a dime from you, you don't have the right to pass judgement on what I feel! Or were you expecting to buy that with this lodge, too?"

He slumped back against the doorway and motioned with his hand. "Go on," he said sourly. "Lay it all out for me. Explain to me how handing you all the security any woman could ever want translates into buying your soul."

The look that settled on her features actually frightened him. He had touched a very raw nerve and it set him back on his heels.

"My _soul_, Jack, is not _ever_ open to negotiations. Not even for you."

They stared at each other for a long moment. "I could have said that better," he said carefully. "Let me try again. You don't ever have to struggle. The mortgage that worried you is non-existent. The money from both of your properties is safely gaining interest. Your home is paid for. You and all the critters you ever want will never be in danger of going hungry. You've got access to the best medical facility in the world and it won't cost you a dime. You are married to a man who worships the ground you walk on, who wants to give you the world and then some. Why on earth does that _scare_ you?"

"It's so pretty, the way you lay it out," she said tiredly. "Step into my shoes for a minute, Jack. I had nobody I could go to and borrow a hundred bucks to get me through until next pay. I had nobody to bail me out if calamity strikes. I took one hell of a chance when I moved here, and the chance I was willing to take was on _myself_. I _literally_ bet the farm I could swing this place, a new life. That helped me take a chance on you because I had a net, security, I was building equity I could fall back on. And _poof!_ It's gone. I'm pushing fifty and I've got nothing to show for all those years of blood, sweat, and tears. If it didn't work out between us, if we got divorced, this place was undisputably mine. It was my haven, my sanctuary, the hole I could crawl into and pull in behind me. You could go away and take all your security and assets with you, have plenty to start over with. And I'd have a secure place to try and recover. You couldn't take half, you couldn't kick me out, you couldn't force me to sell. I'd never have to face seeing Bonnie or Taco go to new owners because I had no place to keep them, nothing to sell off in order to feed them. It was mine before we were married so it couldn't be considered community property- if they have such laws in Colorado. I was safe enough to..."

"You really don't trust me not to do that to you?" He was beginning to understand. He didn't agree with her, but he starting to see things from her perspective.

"In the throws of a break-up, all bets are off. People who started out with mutual respect and admiration suddenly become spiteful and mean. I lucked out in my first divorce- nothing we had was good enough for _her_ so I didn't lose anything I'd miss or want to replace. Including him."

"What the hell do you mean _first_ divorce? That sounds like _our_ divorce is a foregone conclusion!"

"Something my dad taught me: Expect the worst and plan for it. Until it happens, you're prepared for everything in between and life is smooth sailing. Nothing catches you off guard."

"This is a marriage, Maddy, not war! But I am, after all, the meanest human on Earth. You have that on good authority," he said bitterly. "I'll sign the lodge over to you. There, problem solved."

She shook her head disgustedly. "It's too late, Jack. The damage is done. If you sign it over now, even if I continue to make payments, a court ruling could go against me. This property is yours. We are married. It'll never be mine, and it'll never be _ours_. It'll always be yours and I'm moving in on you."

"But it was alright for _me_ to be in that position?"

"Sliders and fast balls, Jack. What did you have to lose? How hard would it be for you to move back to that house you're renting? You can afford to buy yourself a place like this three times over. Hell, you could pack all your belongings in a storage unit and have room enough park your truck in there, too. You spent your life being a hero, saving lives and worlds, putting your life on the line for people you don't even know. You deserve to have anything and everything you want. That you want me is humbling. What I had to offer you in exchange- including this place- is a drop in the bucket compared to what you could provide for yourself. But in offering you everything I had, I could have been comfortable accepting help from you in maintaining it. Don't you see how it would have evened out, Jack? I was so anxious to give you everything I had to give, and you would never have felt the pinch of what you invested in us building from there."

She took a breath and watched his face.

"I thought we were playing a fair game, Jack. I went all in and was prepared to play the cards that were dealt to me. But I just found out all the pennies are yours anyway, so I have no legitimate right to bet the hand. No matter how well or how hard I play, I'll always be using your pennies. If I win, they go back to you. If I lose, I owe you."

He gave her a blank stare. "I wish you'd learn something about hockey. Baseball and poker analogies are hard as hell for me to follow."

She tried to laugh at him. "Stop playing dumb with me, Jack. I can see right through it."

"Okay, so I screwed up. I didn't- in my wildest dreams- expect you to take it the way you are. And for the record; I don't agree with your assessment of the situation. But I think I have a handle on what's inside your head. Spinning around and around and around..." He used his finger to describe lazy circles around his ear in a pointed reference.

"That spinning is inside your own head, O'Neill. One too many zat blasts." She tilted her head. "You thought you'd sit me down, tell me the whole story, and I'd throw myself into your arms," she mused. "I'd be thrilled, excited, maybe even grateful, and we'd live happily ever after."

"I'm still pulling for the 'happily ever after'. But yeah, something along those lines."

"Manual transmission, Jack. Horses that are half nuts. Hell, horses that are half grizzly bear. I prefer to roll around in the grass with Aussies and Boxers to carrying a fluffy little dyed pink poodle in my purse. I married _you_. What gave you the slightest idea you could predict the way I'd react?"

It was his turn to snort. "This marriage is gonna be one hellava ride, Maddy. I actually thought it was the lying and manipulation that were gonna cost me a nut."

Her eyes widened briefly at his choice of words and Jack chuckled to himself. No way was he gonna let her corner the market on shock and awe.

"Lying and manipulation I can forgive you for. I already have."

"You already have?" Damn. She one-upped him again.

"Of course. I'm still pissed, and forgetting is gonna take a little longer. But I understand why you did it, and I understand that you didn't mean to hurt me. Hurt us. It's my fault, when you think about it. If I hadn't avoided you, if I'd had the nerve to sit down and talk with you, we wouldn't be standing in this bathroom having this argument."

"This is an argument?"

"Do you always only catch the last part of the last sentence anyone says to you?"

"Says to me?"

Maddy looked around for something to throw. Jack laughed at her.

"Would you really have prefered a discussion where you convinced me to leave you alone to the way I got us together? Do you regret marrying me?"

She softened. "Took guts to ask that when I'm as mad as I am."

"Answer me- or is the jury still out?"

"Does it make any difference? Nothing else I've wanted has carried any weight. What's the right answer, Jack? You might as well tell me so I can get used to it."

"I thought I was forgiven," he shot back.

"You are. I'm just trying to be the dutiful, supportive puppet. _Wife_- I meant wife."

"Ahhhh!"

"Frustration sucks, huh?" she needled.

Jack turned a full circle and forced himself not to reach for her. "You are about this close," he warned, holding his thumb and index finger a fraction apart. "Just answer me, Maddy."

"No, Jack, I don't regret marrying you."

The words were right, but the tone was off. He decided to let it ride for now. "And I'm really forgiven for this mess with the lodge?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

He stared at her. "You... just... said..."

"I just said I forgave you for the lying and manipulation. The lodge is a whole nuther kettle of fish, O'Neill."

Jack threw his hands up in the air, spun around, and slammed both palms into the hallway wall. "_Ahhhh!_ ..._Ah!_" He stood there, braced on his hands, chin touching his chest. "One. Two. Three. Four..." When he turned back around Maddy was leaning back against the bathroom wall, absently unrolling and rolling the toilet paper.

"Now that I officially have a headache," he growled, "Explain that to me. Slowly. In short sentences because I only ever catch the very end of the last ones."

"You lied to me."

He nodded.

"You manipulated me."

He nodded again.

"I forgave you."

"Thank you. It's more than I deserve." This was way too easy. He sensed an ambush.

"You bought a really nice piece of property."

He narrowed his eyes at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "And?"

She shrugged. "You beat me to it, Jack. That's all. It's yours instead of mine. What am I supposed to forgive about that?"

He took a breath, held it, then blew it out. "Isn't that what you're so upset about?"

"I'm upset about it, yes. Mad that you made a business deal before we got together? No. I'm really pissed that I'm in a situation I promised myself I'd never be in. It's my problem, my paranoia, my... worst nightmare. There's not a damn thing you can to do fix it or change it. I'm sorry you have to deal with me while I deal with myself, and I'll try really hard not to beat you over the head with it. Are you responsible?" She bobbed her head around. "Indirectly, maybe. A contributing factor. But not because you wanted me to be where I see myself. Too many sentences all at once?"

"You're not gonna tell me I struck out at bottom of the ninth?"

She grinned at that. "Foul tip. You're still in the game."

"I love you so much, Maddy. Enough to lie and manipulate you into my life when I couldn't see any other way. Can you believe me when I tell you it's not the way I usually operate? That I don't intend to make a habit of it?"

"Horny men shouldn't be held accountable for their actions. Wrong set of brains in charge. Let's see how it goes once your shakes are cured."

He had gotten nowhere. All this time, a headache, and he had really concentrated on keeping up with the discussion. For nothing. She had taken the blame for his actions. Forgiven him, let him off the hook, and shouldered the responsibility for them both.

She was still picking the rocks out of his path.

"Maddy..."

She shook her head at him. "Go take a shower, Jack. Have a beer, watch TV. Fish, do something. I'm not going to put a divorce lawyer on speed dial, but I need some space."

"So you _are_ still mad at me."

She jerked the toilet paper off the roll and threw it at him. "_Go away!_"

He caught the roll and set it on the sink. She was fishing the rubber gloves out of the trash, had her back to him, was putting distance between them again. Jack turned on his heel and headed for the deck.

Nearly an hour passed and Maddy hadn't come looking for him. Jack shifted and glanced at his watch again. It was her turn. He had gone to her, now she should come to him, right?

Crazy horses and manual transmissions. She would refuse to acknowledge that it was her turn, unless she could use it to needle him.

What the hell did she mean, she didn't believe in love? How the hell could she think so damned straight when she was so emotional? She'd have made one hell of a fighter jet pilot.

God, he loved her!

Everything about her either thrilled or tickled him. And so far he'd done everything wrong. He needed to pay closer attention. The lines of communication in this marriage were all crossed; she was doing all the clamming up and he was doing all the coaxing. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Sure it was- and he had screwed up that marriage, too. Good thing Maddy was so forgiving- he was gonna need it. He wondered if he could forgive her as easily, then couldn't imagine her doing anything he'd need to forgive her for. Maybe that was part of the problem. Maddy didn't step out of line, never stepped out of her Christian character. If she'd just screw up once, give him the opportunity... Trust. It all boiled down to trust.

Where the hell had she learned to be so damned independent? So cynical? If strength of character was forged in trial by fire, Maddy must have been born into an inferno.

He looked at his watch again.

Crazy horses and manual transmissions.

He got up and went inside.

Maddy was sitting on the floor, arms crossed on the lid of the toilet, crying her heart out. Jack soft-pedaled backwards and closed his eyes. Her tears slayed him. His instinct was to fold her in his arms, promise her the moon, kiss away her fears. Maddy hated promises and she would say she didn't need the moon anymore than she needed a diamond. She'd use his kisses against him, make him forget she had been crying, and when he had fallen asleep she'd slip off somewhere to cry alone. She had seemed alright when he left- something was still bothering her. It was why she had chased him away- not so she could work on the toilet, so she could cry on top of it. The only way he was gonna get it out of her was to piss her off. It seemed to be the only thing that worked.

Newly married, a week more or less off work, and he had her in tears already.

What would Daniel do?

Hell, she'd make mince meat of Daniel. What would Homer do?

Beer and TV wasn't going solve this one.

Crazy horses and manual transmissions. Doh!

He went back into the kitchen.

"Maddy! Iced tea or cola?" He waited patiently.

"Tea."

He grinned and took his time. After he had heard her blow her nose he headed for the bathroom.

"Thank you." She tried not to look at him. Her face was splotchy, her eyes red-rimmed and sore looking.

"How's it coming? Need some help?"

"Oh," she sighed, "I'm about to give it up for the night." She took a long drink.

Polite distance. Jack decided to jump in with both feet. "If you don't believe in love, what was it you were telling me all those times?"

Her head dropped forward. "You caught me there, Jack. One of my little black secrets."

"You _lied _about being in love with me?"

She sighed in exasperation. "I love the _hell_ outta you, Jack. For all the good it'll do when your lust burns out and you fall in 'love' with someone else."

"We had this discussion back on the planet. I know what the hell I feel!"

She struggled to untangle herself from the toilet and stand up. He reached down to help her and she recoiled. Wide eyes flew to his and for just an instant he saw fear. She had heard anger in his tone and automatically expected it to be in his touch, too. He deliberately took her elbow, levered her to her feet, then gave her arm a gentle pat.

"Legs asleep?" he asked.

She nodded and leaned back against the wall.

"Then we can fight while you're getting feeling back. One way to keep you from running away from me."

"Fight?"

He shrugged. "Have a discussion. Argue. You're the one with the Thesaurus- you tell me."

"About what? I thought we agreed to disagree about the lodge."

"And that's why you were wrapped around the toilet bawling your eyes out."

"Post-wedding jitters?"

"I bullied you into moving here, I rushed you into sleeping with me, then I rushed you into getting married. You're entitled to a few jitters."

"I'm guilty of lust, too."

"So- according to Maddy's Official Unabridged Dictionary- you can't be in love with me. Lust cancels it out. Oh wait- you don't believe in love so lust is all you've got."

She sighed and studied her feet.

"This is where you tell me how wrong I am," he coached. Damn, she could be hard to piss off sometimes.

"Maybe you aren't," she murmured.

"Then you lied to me about loving the hell outta me."

Ah, that did it. Her head came up and her eyes were flashing.

"I'm in love with you, I admire you, I respect you, _and_ I lust after you! All separate emotions."

"But I can't feel that way?"

"I'm not defining what you _feel_, Jack, I'm telling you men are wired differently. I love you enough to want to be married to you forever if we never had sex. Men don't love that way. When lust is gone, so is every other reason to stay married- or at least faithful. _That's_ the 'love' I don't believe in, Jack. The kind that says no matter what happens to either of us- to our bodies, our libido, our wants, needs, finances- we could never be apart from each other. I agreed to marry you because I want as much of what you're _feeling _right now as I can get for as long as it lasts. I don't want your money, I don't want your home- I don't want a damned thing from you either one of us will feel I'm obligated to you for when lust runs its course and you start looking for it elsewhere!"

"It's okay, though, for you to feel that I owe you? I move into _your_ home, get attached to _your_ dogs and horses, use _your_ tools, fish _your_ lake, sleep in _your_ bed? Keep me obligated to you, is that your idea of marriage, Maddy? Is that what you think it'll take to keep me around?"

"I want to share everything I have, everything I am, with you. You deserve so much more than what I can offer, but I want to lay everything at your feet and hope it pleases you. I don't want to be a burden to you, Jack. I don't want to cost you anything. I need to feel I've contributed more to this marriage than satisfying you in bed." She hesitated, fiddled with the bottle cap. "Obligated, Jack?" She shook her head. "I can't imagine anything that would obligate you to me. Look at you! Look at who you are, what you've done, the incredible, awesome man you are! It's ludicrous to think you could ever owe me anything!" She looked up and met his gaze with a pinched frown. "Can you understand how hard it is to know that's the only way I'm capable of loving you, and at the same time have this overwhelming need to cover my ass for a future without you?"

Jack could only stare at her. He didn't trust his voice.

"Too many sentences?" she winced apologetically.

"Not enough," he cleared his throat and added, "You didn't cover why you think I'm destined to throw that kind of love away at some point."

"Too many sentences," she sighed. "Because, Jack, none of it will mean a damned thing to you once the lust is gone."

He wanted to be angry, wanted to feel hurt by her attitude. But the panic and desperation and aloneness she radiated overrode everything else. Arced through him like a zat blast. He set his own emotions aside and tried to reassure her.

"Maddy, who is entitled to what will be a moot point forty years from now when I'm still madly in love with you. When I've finally proved your theories all wrong. Tell me how to make you feel secure between now and then."

"If you've got it in your head to grow old with me you're deluding yourself. The woman you grow old with is probably two or three down the road yet- when you're too damned old for lust and just need someone to change your diapers and wipe the drool off your chin. Probably some hot young thing who will do it just to get her hands on your money. And your lodge. With its lake and horse barn."

"That's a hell of an attitude to build a good marriage around!"

Maddy laughed bitterly. "I'm all for loving you full-tilt for as long as it lasts. But what happens to us- to me- when all the '_love'_ wears off? What happens when you get tired of me? Bored with all of this? What's your definition of love then? You'll come to resent me and everything I hold dear. Where will I end up- manipulated out of your life as easily as I was manipulated into it? I'm gonna wake up one day and find myself leading my horses down the road with nowhere to go. Bonnie and I sleeping in the truck, Taco and Chimmy tied to the bumper. I just don't have another restart left in me. I thought I had it right this time... Daddy always drilled it into me to have an ace in the hole. This place was my ace. I tucked it up my cuff, stuck my heart out on my sleeve, and took a free-fall with you. The minute we jumped out of the plane, Jack, you cut the cords on my parachute. You didn't mean to, it wasn't on purpose- but I'm still without a chute. Without a net."

"So grab onto me instead of pushing me away!"

"And trust you not to pry my hands free, let me go half-way down?"

"_Why_ would I do that?"

"To scratch an itch?" she shrugged.

"An _itch?_" Jack blinked a couple of times, tried to sort through her cryptic response. "Another woman? That kind of itch? I'll tell you one thing, Maddy, as long as I'm trying to wade through your head like this, I'll sure as hell never get _bored_!"

"Aww, still have that headache?"

"Right now you're a pain in my head _and_ my ass! How can you ride like you do, take on challenges the way you do, and be so damned afraid of _us_?"

"Don't worry that handsome head of yours about it. I'm here, you're here, we're great. I told you before- my demons are my own."

She was building walls again.

"I am _not_ gonna leave you, get bored with you, get tired of you, or fall out of love with you. Damn it, Maddy, you're everything I could want in a lover, a friend..."

"Sparring partner?" she interjected wryly.

"...a _wife,_ Maddy. And before you go passing judgement, before you have the divorce settlement written out and our lives divided, do me a favor and _wait to see what happens_!"

She looked crestfallen. "I want this to work, Jack, I really do. I love you so much it hurts."

"You fought this, took a chance on me- I know that. I wish you could step inside my body just once and see what I do when you look at me, feel what you make me feel."

"I do know, Jack," she said wistfully. "It's awesome, overwhelming. That's why it'll be so hard to take..."

"_Don't!_" he roared. "_Do not _split us apart in your head! We won't have a snowball's chance in hell of making this work if you've got us shot down before we even get started!"

She shrugged and he watched as the wall he had just torn down slowly rose between them again and she retreated behind it. "I'm sorry to have thrown all this at you. I should have kept it to myself. I was just so damned mad over the lodge and the way I was manipulated that it all just sorta came bubbling to the surface." She gave him a tortured look. "Does that stargate have a 'delete' button? Can I take it all back?"

"I don't want you to take it back, and I don't want you to keep stuff bottled up inside. I want to know what's in your head..."

"So you can get pissed off, or do you just enjoy getting headaches?"

"So I can understand you. So I can not make stupid, thoughtless mistakes that will hurt you, or frighten you. Or worry you. I know I'm all you have right now. The only person you can talk to. That makes it doubly important that you open up to me- even if it's _about_ me."

"I sound like more trouble than I'm worth."

Jack shifted to the opposite side of the doorway and frowned. "You don't have to earn your place in my life, Maddy. I'm not your boss, or your judge. You don't have to work at keeping me in love with you. God! You _own_ me, Maddy!"

"It's fresh and wonderful and exciting right now. With any luck it'll last longer than the last time for both of us."

"_Damn_ it, Maddy!" He turned and slammed his palm against the wall. The plaster cracked and fell into the sink. Maddy flinched. "Life happens! I see death and deceit and broken spirits every day! I watched Daniel search for years to find Sha're and he loved her as much when she died trying to kill him as he did in the beginning! I've learned the value of living- and loving- every day for it's own sake because I've seen too many tomorrows _blow up_! I don't know what passed for love in your universe, but I can assure you it's a whole different ball game in O'Neillville!"

"You're a hell of a man, Jack O'Neill, not to have let all that make you cynical."

"Ask anybody at the SGC- I'm the most cynical, hard-nosed bastard in the _universe_ but like I told you before- compared to you I'm a romantic school girl!"

"Meanest human in the galaxy?" She tried to lighten the atmosphere, but Jack wasn't having any. She had been talking, opening up, but now she was retreating into deep into cover and it pissed him off.

"I might have been, until I found out there were men right here on Earth that taught you to hate being in love! It must have taken a whole friggin' flock of assholes to..."

"Whoa!" she interrupted. "What do you mean, 'a whole friggin' flock '? Nobody is responsible for the way I see things but _me_! I'm a realist, Jack. You're a romantic. You've lived on the edge for so long, getting a little off balance doesn't spook you anymore. You can hit bottom and know from experience that you'll bounce back like an over-inflated basketball. You can do that on ego alone! If I hit bottom, I go splat!"

"You're entitled to as much ego as I am, Maddy. The difference is, you are _so_ entitled to that ego that anybody who thought they had the nerve to take you on would have to drag you down to their level to try it! Have you ever, even once, let someone step in and take care of you? Even for a moment? Not because you needed them to, but because they wanted to?"

He watched her swallow a few times before she answered. "A man's idea of 'taking care of me' is eliminating anything _they _don't feel like dealing with. Horses, dogs, my family, _my hair_... I'm not high maintenance, Jack, but I'm _hard_ maintenance. If I was gonna have the kind of life I wanted, I had to learn to provide it for myself."

"Like what? I can't imagine refusing you anything."

That made her smile sadly. "Gimme time..." She sighed. "If the barn needed work, it was easier for them just to try to force me to sell the horses. If my old truck needed work, just get rid of it and drive their vehicle- when they gave me permission. After I explained where I was going, what route I was taking, how long I'd be, then justify the need to go at all. When my hair clogged the drain or vacuum, or took too long to comb, or got tangled in the drill and burned up the motor- cut it short..."

"Got tangled in the drill!" he exclaimed.

She nodded wryly. "I should have tied it back. Ruined the drill."

"Didn't it hurt?"

"Well, yeah! But it ruined the drill."

"To hell with the drill!"

She laughed. "Where were you when I rolled the tractor?"

Jack sagged against the wall. "You _rolled_ a tractor? People don't usually walk away from that! God, Maddy!"

She shrugged. "I did. When he found out, the first words out of his mouth were 'how bad is the tractor?' At that point he didn't know if I was alive, or in the hospital..."

"_Did_ you get hurt?"

"Not a scratch. Crawled back under it to shut it down- it was going in circles on it's side, on one tire." Her grin faded. "He had taken off one front tire and hadn't gotten around to replacing it. He told me to use it that way, just be careful. I wasn't careful enough..."

"Son-of-a-bitch," Jack muttered under his breath.

She waved him off. "Look, Jack, the cost of being taken care of has always meant giving up anything that meant something to me. Letting them take care of me meant the humiliation of having to ask for money to buy shoes or pads or flower plants- and justify the need, the cost, the frequency. It meant being lectured on not needing another horse, or a cool new bridle, or being told that if I took better care of the vacuum it wouldn't have broken. Everything in life has a price, Jack. I learned early on how to pay my own way so I wouldn't be at anyone's mercy."

"What else has been held over your head to bring you into line?" She was creeping out of cover. He needed to hear as much as he could before she shut him out again.

"What, you taking notes?"

"I just want to know, Maddy. You know everything about me."

She stuck out her lip and blew up across her face. "My faith in God- that I chose my conscience over their whims. You got a taste of that. My horses. Sex. My right to my own body- and life- when it comes to having kids. My right to be interested in, or do, or have, anything they didn't consider 'necessary'. My ability to indulge in anything that didn't interest or benefit them- and they had a point there, Jack. I'm into a lot of silly stuff."

He could well imagine how battling her stubbornness could drive a man to look for the few chinks in her armor.

"Those are pretty heavy things to give up for someone else. Nobody should ever ask that of anybody, and using love as leverage is cruel. I admire you for sticking to your guns."

"Until it's something you want me to give up or change."

"As long as you aren't into golden showers or shaving your head and sleeping in airports, I can't think of anything off the top of my head that we can't come to an agreement over." He'd find a way around those too, if it meant losing her.

"I can. Fending for myself."

He snapped his fingers. "By damn, Maddy, you did come up with something we can fight about. But let's define it so the argument doesn't chase itself in circles. Fending for yourself is different from being independent."

"You've been making use of that Thesaurus," she muttered. "How do you figure they're different?"

"Independence is letting you put the damned toilet in when a plumber could save you the aggravation. Fending for yourself is damn near having a panic attack when you found out you don't own this lodge."

"Another point on which we need to agree to disagree."

"Fending for yourself is trying to do all the damned work around here without letting me help because you're afraid I'll start to bitch about it. Or struggling to buy this place _and_ pay for horse feed, repairs, wallpaper, carpeting and most of the groceries when you could just let me know how much _we_ need to spend on _our_ home. I have no desire to be a kept man."

"You can chip in on the carpeting and wallpaper..."

"It's a start."

"...because they're not something I can take with me when you kick me out."

He started to get mad, then tamped it down when he saw that she was teasing him.

"And groceries. The way you like to eat, we should think about buying stock in a grocery chain."

"That _is_ your fault," he shot back. "If SG-1 ever gets a taste of your cooking, they'll eat us outta house and home."

"But horse feed, Jack? Not a chance. And while we're laying down ground rules, I do not own a riding stable. I won't appreciate you offering my horses to every Tom, Dick, and Harry at the base."

"I can live with that- as long as you let _me_ ride with you."

"You ride?"

"Been known to, once or twice."

"Well," she came off the wall and started past him. "Now that we've got our lives lined out for the foreseeable future, want a sandwich? Popcorn?"

He stuck out his arm and blocked her path. She glanced up, startled.

"We're not done, Maddy. Not by a long shot. Nice try, though."

She immediately back-pedaled to the far wall. Out of his reach. "What's left?"

"I don't agree to disagree about you fending for yourself. 'Independence' is still on the table, too."

She raised her eyebrows at that. "This business with the lodge is the last link I'll let you take outta my chain, Jack. Don't push me."

He glanced at the date on his watch. "Twenty years from right now, at precisely eleven-oh-six PM, I'm gonna say 'I told you so'."

She laughed. "I'll mark it on the calendar."

"You do that. In the meantime, Maddy, I don't want to be kept in a holding pattern on the outside circle of your life."

"Okay, I'm confused. We're even. Done now?"

Jack made himself comfortable and stared at her until she squirmed. Finally, he said, "What do you dream about? What makes you cry when you remember it? What- or who-do you miss so much it hurts?"

"I get it already," she complained. "I'll teach you to ride, and buy a pitchfork with a handle that fits your hand. No, wait! _You_ buy a pitchfork with a handle that fits your hand and I'll show you how to use it! Will that make you happy for the next ten years?"

"Twenty," he corrected.

She shook her head. "You start shoveling horse shit and that twenty year date will fall short by half."

"No it won't! I want you to _need_ me to be a part of...everything! I want you to tell me that you need me to hold the end of a board instead of chasing me off or stopping the moment I walk in. Or that you need me to learn to cook so you don't have to do it all. Tell me it's my _turn_ to do the friggin' laundry. And to go feed the horses because you_ just_ _don't_ _feel like it_!"

"Here's a start; what are you, ten? You know stuff needs done- why do I have to ask you to do it?"

Well, she had him there. "You're missing the point," he said impatiently. "I wanna be neck-deep in your life, Maddy. I don't want to feel like your animals- feed me, shelter me, show me affection, clean my quarters, then kick me out in the pasture until it's time to do it all over again. I don't want to be another chore you have to handle so I'll be around to pet and ride when you feel like it."

Her eyes flew to his and he saw a spark of anger rising again. Good- she'd talk when she got mad enough.

"Tell me you need me to go buy you pads because you have cramps and don't feel like going yourself. Tell me you need to talk about your ex, your dad, your brother because it's festering inside you and you need to get it off your chest. Tell me what they did that hurt you so much that if I do it you'll shut me off. Tell me, just once, that you need me to take the day off work and be with you because you just want me with you."

"Talk about jumping the gun! We haven't been together long enough for those things to be an issue!"

"Maybe not married, but certainly together enough."

"Okay," she took a step forward. "I'm trying to make your life perfect, Jack. And that's wrong for you, how?"

"_Your_ idea of perfect. I don't want you to burn out trying to please me. Talk about resentment waiting to happen!"

"What do you want, a 'to do' list?"

He studied her for a long moment. "It would have fish, drink beer, and watch The Simpsons on it, wouldn't it?"

She shrugged. "What do you _want _to do?"

"What I_ want_ is not to be pushed outta the way."

"So you can complain to your friends how I work your ass off? How _I_ want horses so _you_ have to..."

"_NO!_ There it is, right there, Maddy! I'm not going to bitch about you having horses because I don't want to fix fence or shovel shit or stack hay! If you're doing it, I want to be there doing it with you!"

"For the first couple of months, anyway," she muttered.

"Damn it, Maddy, I need to break the pattern I see forming before it gets to be a habit. You bust your ass all damned day doing the stuff you think you need to shelter me from, then bust your ass the rest of the day trying to please and pamper me. I love the attention- don't get me wrong- but you could leave a note saying 'I'm on the back forty fixing fence. Bring a cold drink and an extra hammer."

"You were at work all day. About the third time you feel like you have to come home and..."

"Will you _stop_ trying to anticipate what might drive me away and _start_ letting me into your life? I can't drive a nail, at least not like you can. I don't have the first idea how to fix a fence or saddle a horse or stack hay. I don't know a damn thing about ceramics, but for damn sure I'm not gonna sit on the couch and watch TV when I could be doing it with you. God, you make me feel like an unwanted kid hanging around in the way!"

"I'm sorry, Jack. I'll do better."

He stared at her. "You don't get it, do you? I need a life. I've been bored outta my mind! Why do you think I find kids to play with?"

"Your job, your work- how on earth can you be bored?"

"All the reasons I wanted to make a life with you expanded like a black hole when I found out what an interesting and active and involved _life_ you've made for yourself. It sucks me in further and further the more I get to know you. Breeding dogs and having horses and going to auctions. Antique guns and glassware and power tools. Aquariums and ceramics and mechanics, hunting and fishing and camping and boats... Do you have any idea how _envious_ I am? I never had a chance to make a life like this. I couldn't have a friggin' _dog_ because I might get stuck off-world for God knows how long. I fell in love with your spunk and your compassion and your nerve, your sense of humor and intelligence... but the more I learn about you, the more I feel like a kid that just found out Grampa owns a candy store!"

"Trust me, Jack, the novelty will wear off. You'll start to resent all the things I'm wrapped up in. You'll get tired of it and your friends will start defending you against me and before long you'll sit up watching TV to avoid having to share bed space with me. You won't wanna do any of the stuff I'm doing but you'll feel guilty letting me do it myself. You'll start out telling me not to lift sacks of feed anymore. After you unload it once or twice, it'll sit there for three days until I just go ahead and do it and don't bother to ask because it'll give you the chance to say if I don't wanna do it, get rid of the horses."

That last part was no hypothetical situation and Jack cursed whoever had done that to her for making his argument now that much harder to prove.

"Have you heard a single thing I've said?" he shouted. "I can't resent a life you _won't let me into!_"

"_No kidding!"_ she cried triumphantly. "_Now_ we agree!"

They stared at each other in the abrupt silence.

"I love the way you take care of me, Maddy, but I need to take care of you, too. Like the lodge you won't accept from me, or a diamond ring you didn't want..."

"I absolutely love the ring you gave me, Jack. You would never have thought of that if I'd settled for a dumb old diamond."

Dumb old diamond. Crazy horses and manual transmissions. Jack let his head fall forward and he took a couple of breaths.

"You said you wanna share everything you have, everything you are with me. Then give me something I can do for you that you can't, or won't, don't want to do for yourself. Or by yourself. Talk to me about your past, your fears, your hopes for the future. Do you even have any dreams? All of this is _mine._ It's not your independence that bothers me, it's your death grip on the door into your life!"

"I'm terrified of losing you, Jack. It's why I didn't want to try this. It would have been so much easier, so much safer, just to walk away. You think I'm strong, but I'm not. It's all a big show to cover the fact that I'm emotionally fragile, weak. Unstable. There- another of my little black secrets."

"You've been _conditioned_ not to make any demands on the people around you! You've had love and guilt and threats and sex all used as a means of holding your hand in the fire. Not because you deserve it, and not because of anything you've done wrong, Maddy. Because you've never had somebody who _needed_ you to need _them. _They've made you too damned scared to let _me_ get close enough for you to _need _me."

"I do need you..."

"You need me to make love to you, Maddy. That's _all _you'll let yourself need from me- stud service!"

Her face turned a dark red. She took two long steps and slapped him. Jack's head rolled with the blow and his eyes blazed.

"Tell me that's not the truth," he raged. "If I walked out right now, all you'd miss of me is what you get in bed! That's why you agreed to marry me- you felt guilty lusting after me and you knew it was only a matter of time before we were going at it like rabbits! That's why you're so friggin' pissed at finding out you don't own this place- you can't bring yourself to trust me or need me enough to build a future that _includes_ me! You treat me like a damned gigolo- paid for by fishing with me and feeding me- but keeping me shut out of your life! Maybe you _don't_ love me, Maddy! Maybe it's _you_ who can't tell the difference between lust and love!"

"You've got an exciting job, money in the bank, _friends_ you can talk to and depend on- _conspire_ with. You've got social standing, a general's rank,_ a home _that is paid for! You can afford a maid, and to eat out every night. When was the last time you did your own laundry- and depositing a sack of underwear at the cleaners is not doing laundry! You could have any woman you want, any time you want them. What is it you think you can get out of this marriage? Why am I worth so much of your time, effort and money, Jack? What's there that will still be there ten years from now? And don't repeat that list you read off- you don't _need_ me to give you any of that. You're quite capable of providing any of it for yourself."

He could feel his ears getting hot, feel the blood pounding in his temples. He heard how anger made his voice hoarse, but he held nothing back. "All the things life has taught you not to ask for! Companionship. Warmth. Somebody to share the details with. Somebody I can take care of, lighten their load because they lighten mine and it makes me feel good! Somebody who knows every black, ugly thing about me and loves me in spite of it. Interests and projects and plans and dreams we can work on _together_. None of this would be any fun without somebody to share it with!"

"You've got Daniel and Carter and Teal'c and who knows how many..."

"I don't wanna fold laundry or wash dishes or stack hay with them! I want somebody to share _them_ withme, not just fill in the blanks when they're not around. I want somebody who will take _my_ side in meaningless arguments. I need you to live life with me the way you dance with me, the way you make love to me, the way you ride, for cryin' out loud! I don't need a show piece on my arm for a night here and there, Maddy, I need a playmate who can take the rough stuff and throw it back at me."

Her face was still tight, shutting him out, refusing to accept.

"I need _this,_ Maddy," he motioned back and forth between them.

She scowled. "You need me to fight with you?"

"I need your undivided attention, whether we're fighting, or making love, or discussing the weather, or building stalls. Because you care about what I feel, what I think, what I want, my opinions. I want to be able to talk about _anything_ with you and know I won't be judged or ridiculed or analyzed."

"Like you're doing to me now?" she fired at him.

"_No!_ Damn it, Maddy, I want to give you all the things you already give me! You're inside my head and my heart and my soul- but you won't let me past the friggin' _bedroom!_"

"That's not true!"

"You're still keeping me at arm's length, just like you did on that planet. You make time for me when I want to be a part of every minute. I don't know what your favorite color is. You've never even told me your brother's name! Or your mother's! Vanilla or chocolate, Maddy? "

"There hasn't been a whole hellava lot of time, Jack."

"There's been plenty of time! Time for _you _to know all about _me_. You just won't open up, won't trust me with what makes you _you._ Do I have to seduce that out of you, too?"

Her eyes widened. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He scrubbed a hand over his head and took a steadying breath. "I didn't mind working to get you, Maddy. But we're married now, and I shouldn't be made to feel like I'm prying when I want to know about your past, what you want for the future, what makes you sad, what hurts. All the things that make your eyes shut me out when I get too close."

"Do you know how many men would give their eye teeth not to have to listen to a woman blather on and on about herself, her _feelings_? About her ex? Her family?"

"How many, Maddy? Exactly?" he said pointedly.

She stood glaring at him, breathing hard through her nostrils. He resigned himself to getting slapped again.

"That was a low blow, O'Neill."

"You can take it. Answer me."

"Bite me!"

"Later. How many men have taken advantage of you trying to be so perfect, then let you down?"

She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and clamped her jaw shut.

"Do you know _why_ it didn't work? Because none of them loved you, Maddy. They used you, enjoyed the way you can pamper a man, stroke his ego without even trying to, streamline their lives and pick the rocks out of their path- then they found out you're too damned much woman for them- in bed and out of it- and they couldn't handle it."

She closed her eyes and turned her head as if he had slapped her.

"_That wasn't an insult_! Maddy, you're an incredible woman! Any useless, self-centered asshole who would take advantage of you that way wouldn't have balls enough to handle your passion. They..._he_... didn't have the guts to admit he wasn't man enough to take you the way you need to be taken, so he made you believe it was your fault." He watched her face for a moment then added, "You don't pull any punches. You love the way you live- with everything you've got and then some. You loved him the only way you could and he used it as a weapon. It left deep scars and made you afraid to love like that again."

She swallowed and bit her lip, but couldn't look at him. "I love you so much more it scares me, Jack. That's why it's so much more dangerous. Stop making excuses for me. You'll find out for yourself soon enough."

Jack felt his anger draining away.

"I've never been able to turn myself loose on a woman the way I can with you." he said quietly. "You take it all and dare me for more. I don't have to hold back with you, in bed or out of it, and to me that's priceless. It's what I _need_ you to want from me. I'm man enough to handle you in bed- what makes you think I'm not man enough to handle everything else?"

"That's just it, Jack," she said so softly he almost couldn't hear her. "You're the most incredible, virile, _potent_, completely _male_ man I've ever met. The things you've seen and done and experienced- I'm in awe of you. I'm thrilled that I can satisfy you in bed... but outside the bedroom what can I possibly offer that will keep your interest?"

"And you accuse me of having a short attention span! Too many sentences, Maddy?"

She ignored the jibe. "I just don't see how mundane things like horses and aquariums and auctions and poker, ceramics and building fences, building stalls- all the silly, ridiculous, meaningless stuff I'm into- could _possibly_ hold your attention after you've flown space ships and met aliens and explored new planets and saved the world how many times? I'm afraid if I let you into what makes my life worth living, you'll find out I'm pretty damned boring. Hell, now that I've had a little taste of your life _I'm_ bored with me! The things in my past that bother me," she shrugged, "They're trivial compared to being shot, tortured, _killed_ and revived over and over... Your closest friends are rocket scientists and brilliant archeologists and decorated generals and _aliens_... The _President_ is in awe of you! How foolish, how pathetic my problems and my life are in comparison. When the lust wears off, Jack, none of this can possibly interest you."

Jack slid down the door frame and stared up at her. "Babe, if you stubbed a toe I'd land the Odyssey in the back pasture to make sure you were okay!"

She smiled at that, but it didn't reach her eyes. "You wouldn't have to. I can handle a stubbed toe."

"I saw you handle a_ broken_ toe. Hell, you could probably handle an invasion. I know I wouldn't _have _to- I'd want to. Maddy, I'd _need_ to."

"See? My independence is already emasculating you!"

He shook his head. "Sweetheart, you don't threaten me a bit. I don't need you to be less able, less willing, to do anything. I don't need you to be less strong, less intelligent so I'll feel stronger or smarter." He leaned his head back and watched her through half-lidded eyes. "I need to spoil and pamper and please you, Maddy. I haven't figured out _how_ yet. The lodge backfired. You don't want diamonds. I can't give you cargo holds full of gemstones but I would if I could."

She shook her head impatiently. "Aris didn't _give_ me those rocks, Jack! He just made a delivery in exchange for using me to deliver his message. He owed me something for all he put me through and I collected. As far as a diamond, the lodge- that's why I'm so hard to live with, so hard to love. I'm not normal. I swim upstream. I was so excited about giving you a home, but I can't wrap my mind around accepting the same thing from you. You want to spoil me with a diamond and I'd be so much happier with a refrigerator."

Jack tried to laugh but couldn't. "You can have a refrigerator. You can have a dozen of them, but they're _not_ how I want to spoil you!"

"See? You wanna waste a pile of cash on a ring I'll never bother wearing and feel good about it. I'd trade the Hope Diamond for a man who will take the scraps out to the dogs because it makes me gag."

Jack stared at her incredulously. "I never realized that bothered you."

She shrugged. "Has to be done, I do it."

"Dump them in the garbage."

She snorted. "See, there you go! The male way out. Eliminate the problem. Moon and Scarlet _love_ those scraps. And it would be wasteful. Besides, it would smell the same in the garbage can."

"It smells good when you cook it..." He stopped when she gagged. "Maddy?"

She held up a hand for him to wait until she took a drink and caught her breath. "Not all mixed together, it doesn't. Mom used to say I had a nose like a hound. I can walk into the barn and smell thrush, or blood, or infection- and tell them apart. When I hunt, I can smell the deer before I see them. I hate the meat department in the grocery store because I can smell the blood, the plastic wrap..." She grimaced and swallowed a couple of times.

Jack's eyebrows climbed his forehead. "So why didn't you ask me to take the scraps out?"

"If it bothers me, it might bother you, too. I've always just done it. And Jack, you know the scraps go to the dogs every night after supper, you like Moon and Scarlet- why haven't you ever just done it?"

He grimaced. "It never occurred to me. I would have, if I realized it bothered you."

"And it'll bother me more if you're doing it because you think you _have _to."

"For cryin' out loud, Maddy, _why_?"

"Because I don't want you to have to do a damn thing you don't wanna do!" she yelled in exasperation. "I refuse to do anything that might label me as a _nag_! I despise hearing men complain about how their wives nag, and I hate women who _do_ nag! If you wanted those dogs to have those scraps as much as I did, you would have _thought_ of it! And if you do it only because I don't like to, it allows you to tighten my chain by one more link. One link at a time, Jack, and before long I'm fastened by the throat."

"The chain I put on you when I married you?" he asked carefully.

"The chain I put on myself by falling in love with you."

Jack slowly and methodically banged the back of his head against the doorjamb. She watched him quizzically.

"Just like auctions and horses and computers and antiques and tools and tractors. If any of that never occurred to you, then it doesn't interest you- and if you keep it up you're gonna blame _that_ headache on me, too."

Jack stopped banging his head and brought up both hands in a gesture of frustration. "Ahhhh! You make me nuts,Woman! You listened to me pour my guts out for seven friggin' months and you didn't pick up on the fact that I _never had the time_?"

"You had time to fish..."

"_No, I didn't!_ Not enough! I always got interrupted or called back." He held one finger out to her, silently asking her to be quiet. He took a deep breath. "I need to get it through that beautiful, stubborn head of yours that nothing you do, or ask me to do, is gonna piss me off enough to leave. The whole reason for this _discussion_ is the fact that you're so damned pissed off at me for going to the lengths I did to _have_ you. You think I'd go through all that, put you through all that, just to give it up because you asked me to take out scraps? Or garbage? Or plunge the toilet? Or because I found a hair on the floor, or supper got burned, or we don't like the same TV shows? Christ, Maddy, if you _cheated_ on me I couldn't leave you! If you end up hating every member of SG-1 it won't change the fact that _I need you_ and _I want you._ Damn it! I don't think to do stuff like take out the scraps because I'm friggin' _dense_!"

He studied her face and saw that he had gotten nowhere.

"If you have one fault that's gonna irritate me to no end," he continued, "It's insisting on fixing stuff before it's broken."

"Can I speak yet?"

He growled at her.

"Was that a yes, or a no?"

"It was a grrrrr! With an exclamation point!"

Maddy grimaced. "Jack, I'm terrified of doing anything to displease you, or make you... not be completely and thoroughly happy. Or bore you. Or irritate you. I'm terrified of _this_, seeing you angry with me." She couldn't hold his gaze. "I'm terrified of being in love, and the longer I'm with you, the more terrified I am of losing it. If I wait 'till it breaks, it'll be too late to fix it."

"It didn't bother _you_ to get royally pissed at _me_."

"Sliders and fast balls, Jack. If you left me over getting pissed about the lodge, that's a reason I could accept. It's a biggie. If I lost you over something _I_ had control of, something I could change or give up to please you, then I could never live with myself. I've worked long and hard to build a life for myself, hoarded pennies to get what I have, gave up three things to get one. I have, literally, eaten hot dogs and beans for two weeks so I could save to go buy useless glassware or more fishing tackle at an auction. I'd give up any of it for you, but I'd rather not have to. I'm selfish that way. So I pick my battles. This is one I could face the consequences over."

"So instead of asking me to take out the scraps, you do it even though you gag- just incase I'll tell you to get rid of the dogs because I don't want to take out the scraps?" He shook his head in confusion.

"And eventually you'll just get pissed that I insist on it being done, no matter who does it," she nodded. "And one piss leads to another..."

Jack made a face and massaged his temples. "Do me one favor, Babe. Stop over-thinking everything. You don't have to work this hard at being in love with me. I think," he said slowly, "We both have to stop putting the other up on pedestals so damned high we can't reach each other."

"Your pedestal or mine?"

He laughed. He couldn't even pretend to still be mad. "Daniel and Carter will, at some point in the future, confirm what I'm gonna tell you. They already love you, by the way, if only because you're keeping me outta their hair. The whole friggin' SGC admires you for the way you handled Boch, for the way you handle me. And Maddy, you're a hellava lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. You might not know quantum physics and God knows how many languages, but you're gonna rock them in their socks with everything you know about so damned _much. _What makes Carter and Daniel so damned brilliant is the ability to combine intelligence with common sense, the ability to think on their feet, and you do that, too. Someday I'll give in and let them meet you, but I'm not ready to share you just yet."

She started to speak. Jack wagged a finger at her.

"That's probably another thing about you that intimidates men- most of them can't handle their woman being so damned much smarter than they are. Me," he shrugged, "I've been around Carter and Frasier and Lam and Weir and enough other brilliant, strong, tough, fearless women that I'm used to it. It tickles me, or maybe I'm too damned dense to realize I _should_ feel threatened by it."

"Or you're so confident in your masculinity- and rightly so- that you can accept it?" she interrupted softly.

He studied her for a moment. "Whatever it is, I've got enough of it to take you on, Maddy. I love your brain and I love your passion- I can't get enough of either. But I can see how you'd intimidate some men, and how they'd need to drag you down to their level because they didn't have what it takes to climb up to yours."

"Why do you pretend to be dumber than you are?"

He snorted. "So when I do have an occasional brain fart it makes people wonder?"

"I think it's because you like to let the people around you, the people you care about, shine."

"Maybe I'm just lazy. A lot of the time I'm not interested in the details- just give me something to blow up so I can go fishing."

"I can't do that for you. Unless you wanna level that ridge west of the barn..."

"Maddy, making love to you is like lighting a fuse to C-4. If I place the charges just right, the explosion is awesome."

She blushed and looked away.

"You're right, though, I've led a pretty damned exciting life- most of it the not-so-good kind of excitement. When I was in the thick of it, it held my complete attention... most of the time, anyway. Once we got back, Daniel would bury himself in his research and Carter would lock herself in her lab and Teal'c would go off to be with his son- when Carter or Daniel weren't picking his brain. And I'd go nuts."

"Didn't you have, like, mission reports and stuff?"

He grunted. "They were briefs. Literally." He chuckled. "One of them I got called on the carpet for was all of eight words. "Don't trust these assholes. Don't go back there."

"It would have given you something to do."

Jack shook his head. "They're up to their armpits in it all the time because they wanna be. I wanted to kill the bad guys, blow something up, save Earth, then go fishing. Or play street hockey. Or be on the roof with my telescope. Or sitting in front of the TV with a pizza and a beer. Or find something new and interesting to do that wasn't remotely connected with work- but I never had the time to figure out what it would be. I'd just get started and be called back to save the world again."

He paused, made a rueful face, and rested his head against the door frame. "Whatever it was, I wanted somebody to be there with me. I tried like hell for years to get one or all of them to go fishing with me. Teal'c was bored outta his gourd the one time I got him to go. Carter and Daniel finally gave in, and they liked it. For the first day. Then they started getting itchy to be back in their labs, back into the battle-du-jour. They're young and idealistic and full of piss and vinegar. I'm an old war horse- I'd seen enough action to last me a lifetime before they ever figured out how to open that damned stargate."

She was watching him, fascinated, and Jack took a moment just to savor her watching him. She was hanging on his every word, listening with her heart, devouring him with her eyes. He wanted to talk and talk and talk, just to be able to watch her watching him.

"I got promoted and shipped off to Siberia- they called it _'Washington'_. And all I wanted to do was go fishing, camping, find somebody to play street hockey... They're sorta paranoid about telescopes on roofs around there. I sure as hell didn't enjoy the cigar-smoking, deal-brokering, politics-hashing poker games that went on. There's only so many times you can go to museums and aquariums and amusement parks _alone._ I hated the city, hated the social bullshit, I _really_ hate politics."

"It must have been hell. I know I would have hated it. Did you know anybody there?"

He rolled a shoulder. "Nobody I cared to spend off-time with. All the invitations I got involved dress blues or a suit and tie. I avoided as many as I could."

"You must have been so lonely."

"My only option was to retire- and I would have if there had been anybody in my life to keep me occupied. But I didn't have a life to retire _to_. There had been no time develop interests that didn't revolve around explosives and weapons... and politics. I couldn't take on any responsibilities for a life because I never knew how long I'd be gone, or if I'd come back at all. Or if I'd be laid up with some life-threatening injury or disease. Or if my brain would be scrambled. A _dog_ was out of the question, let alone a wife- or even a regular lay that might last more than a couple weeks. They get too close, start to learn too much, ask too many questions, and then it gets sticky."

He shifted around so he filled the doorway and braced one knee against the jamb.

"So there I was, too old and worn for field duty, too damned young to learn to knit. Hating where my career had taken me, but scared to death of the gaping emptiness I saw in retirement. The thought of being _alone_ with nothing to do but fish, camp, look through my telescope, watch TV _by myself _was worse than the God-awful job I was doing."

He looked down and absently massaged his knee, took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"I've been incredibly lonely since Charlie died. I drove Sara away, and I had nothing to live for. I couldn't face being so _alone_."

"And Carter was off-limits," Maddy murmured sympathetically.

Jack grunted. "I would still have been lonely- Carter spends way too much time at work."

He glanced up at her and meant to look away. But Maddy was so engrossed in his words, his feelings, that it was a long moment before he could continue. Mainly because he had forgotten what he was saying. She did that to him way too often.

"SG-1 became my family. I was 'Daddy'. They were green and I had to protect them, teach them, lead the way, make the hard decisions then hold them to it when they didn't like it- or thought I was wrong. They needed me to take the hard shots for them, kill when it wasn't easy to do. They needed the experience that made me hard-nosed and cynical to curb their idealism."

"You shouldered responsibilities that went way beyond the call of duty, Jack. I'm so proud of you, but how did you handle it as long as you did?"

"I stuck with it so I could protect them. All three of them are so much more valuable than I am." He heaved a long sigh. "But, like any family, they grew and learned, matured into the job. Carter was more than capable of leading the team. Daniel toughened up, learned to ask the hard questions, wised up in a lotta ways. Teal'c had proven himself, earned the respect he so well deserved..."

A wistful look crossed his face then, and he frowned when he couldn't erase it.

"Once the Gou'ald were defeated, Teal'c started spending a lot of time away from Earth. When he was here, we didn't get to spend time together like we used to." He chuckled. "Last count he had watched Star Wars nine times. Knowing Teal'c, it was probably nine times in a row."

Maddy whistled. He shot her a grin before he continued.

"SG-1 didn't need Daddy anymore. They split up for awhile, then Mitchell got them back together. Vala joined. Nobody missed me." He shifted so he could massage the other knee. "Any outline I had in my head for a life had died with Charlie. I took that first stargate mission thinking I wouldn't live to have to bother with it. Most of the missions after that were a crap shoot whether or not I'd come back. Retirement ambushed me and I started to resent that I'd lived through all those missions because I had _nothing_ to retire _to. _I didn't know where, or how, to start"

He looked up and captured her gaze. "The women in Washington refuse to go fishing, and they can't play chess for shit. You get them more than a cab ride from a place to shop or have their bodies tortured, they morph into whining, bitching shrews."

Maddy laughed softly then said, "I'm so sorry Jack."

He shook his head and held up a hand. "There's a happy ending. Wait for it. George offered me a cherry-picking job back among my drifting family, and I couldn't get away from Washington fast enough. Then, on the way to my cabin to think it all through, I met this incredible woman. She was wild and beautiful and gutsy as all hell. She had big eyes and big boobs, great legs and incredible hair- and she had five rods and three tackle boxes and four guns in the back of her pickup. She played chess with me, beat me at poker, played gin and ate supper at the same time, chewed up my sarcasm and spit it back at me... And I knew that no matter what it took, I was gonna make her fall so hard and deep in love with me that I'd never be alone again. For damn sure I'd never be bored.

"I spent a very long time on a very distant planet falling in love with this wild, beautiful creature who would fish with me, camp with me, learn to play street hockey- and probably whip my ass at it. She loved to watch the sky and I couldn't wait to show her my telescope- and you can take that however many ways you want."

Maddy laughed.

"I thought her horses were so cool, and I fell in love with her Boxer. I love dogs, and I find out she has _two more _and she's into breeding them. She was an amazing cook, she kept me laughing, and better yet, she seemed to like my goofy sense of humor- something SG-1 just never appreciated they way they should have. And she's got _hands_, good God, Maddy, every time she touched me I just oozed into a puddle of slobber. She massaged my back for _hours_ just so I wouldn't ache. She never knew how many times I got off while she thought I was sleeping, just because she was sitting on my ass, gripping me with those incredible legs, and working those magic hands over my back..."

Maddy's face went red again, this time out of embarrassment. "Oh, you did not!"

"Oh, Baby, I did _too_!" he assured her. "One of _my_ little black secrets. This woman was fearless, smart, level-headed, compassionate, inventive, adventurous, sweet... Hell, they don't make enough adjectives to do her justice, and I was gonna explode if I couldn't touch her. But the life I've led has made me hard. I've killed and done worse. There's danger and weird stuff- alien stuff- tied to me that I won't ever be able to shake. I've got secrets- some damned dark ones- and I had to know if she could, if she _would_, deal with it. I told her everything. Stuff I had never considered telling anyone. I had to lay it all out for her because my life depended on her accepting the man I've been, the man I've become. It didn't faze her. No fear, no judgement, no revulsion."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, then took a deep breath.

"A lot of things happened, and a couple of times I wondered if I was gonna end up with her. She wasn't easy to catch. But my very existence depended on her loving me."

It was Maddy's turn to shift uncomfortably. He waited until her eyes touched on him again and he had trapped her gaze.

"One night, after dazzling me with her smile, and dancing with me, and laughing with me, and listening to me with her eyes and her heart... she made love to me."

He shook his head, then let it fall back against the doorway. "She made me feel like I was a _god!_ Invincible. Superhuman. Worshiped. I was putty in her hands. She was even more wild and fearless and beautiful and giving in bed and I felt the drifting parts of my life merge together around her. She became my core, the force that makes my heart beat, the very air in my lungs..."

Maddy couldn't take another word. She climbed into his lap and cried into his shoulder. Jack folded his arms around her and nestled his face into her hair.

"I'm not a threat to you, Maddy, or anything you want or need. In bed or out of it, I just want to be with you. If some weird alien zapped us with something that made us asexual, I'd be just as in love with you while we fished, camped, rode horses, played with the dogs, played street hockey and chess and poker. Washed dishes and folded laundry and shoveled shit and went to auctions..."

She raised her head and kissed the corner of his mouth. "You don't fight fair, O'Neill."

"I'll sign a post-nupt that gives you the lodge no matter what. I'll take my name off that savings account. I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel secure. Be mad at me, punish me, just don't leave me, Maddy. Give us a chance, give me a chance to love you the way I've wanted to love you all my life."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jack." She kissed him again then added, "Where would I go?"

He closed his eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you're trapped. Tell me how to fix this."

"You just fixed a lot of it."

"Are you okay with the whole scheme-to-get-you-here thing?"

"No. That's gonna take awhile."

"Be as mad as you want with me, but please don't be mad at Carter and Daniel. Don't resent them. They were only looking out for their old CO. Those two may very well become your best friends- don't shoot them down before you give them a chance. Will you promise me that?"

"I'll promise to try. That's the best I can do. But I'm pretty mad at everybody right now."

"The day will come when you thank them for it," he told her. "Because we're gonna be so deliriously happy you'll wonder how you ever lived without me."

"I'll show you my telescope if you'll show me yours..."

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "Make-up sex already?"

She batted at his chest. "I'm not that easy, O'Neill. And it's still gonna cost you... But I was being serious. I have a kick-ass telescope. Hubble technology, motor to rotate it in time with the Earth, software for the computer so you can find whatever you want. You can see the flag on the moon and the rings around Saturn. An electronic eye you can hook to the TV so you don't have to squint through the eyepiece..."

He hugged her hard. "I just fell in love with you all over again. So, while I'm still reeling, tell me what it's gonna cost me."

"A hot tub."

He pulled back and studied her face. "Seriously?"

She nodded. "In the livingroom, where we can see the lake and the sky. In front of the glass doors so we can open them when it's snowing. It has to be big and have lots of jets and a towel warmer."

"Gonna install it yourself?" he dead panned.

"_That's_ gonna cost you chilled drink holders."

"Can we sit in it naked?"

"Is there any other way?"

He grinned at that. "Go online and pick out what you want."

She lowered her lashes and picked at a button. "I sorta hoped you'd look with me. We could pick it out together."

He kissed her. Maddy curled her fingers in his shirt and hung on for dear life. When he finally let her come up for air she gasped, "I should... have asked... for that... sooner!"

He slipped a hand into his pocket then caught her wrist. "Put this back on, Mrs. O'Neill." She didn't protest when he slid the wedding band back onto her finger and closed his hand over hers.

"I'm sorry I did that," she panted softly. "It was mean and thoughtless. I promise never to do it again, no matter how furious you make me."

"It scared me. I was in a cold sweat when I couldn't find you. I thought for sure you'd left."

"Always check the barn first."

He laughed. "Thanks for the tip. Maddy, are we okay?"

She nodded uncertainly.

"Do I have to sleep on the couch?"

She shook her head.

"Because _you're_ gonna sleep on the couch?"

She shook her head again, and smiled.

"Will you try to talk to me? Not be so afraid to tell me what's on your mind?"

She nodded, but she bit her lip.

"Am I gonna get slapped again when I try to make love to you?"

She drew in a shaky sigh. "Bite me, O'Neill." She pointed to his favorite spot on her neck. "Right here."

Jack took the barrettes out of her hair and shook it free. "I will, in the shower. I've been itching for the chance to wash your hair."

**Chapter Fifteen **

They spent the week cleaning out Jack's old place and moving him into the lodge. Daniel called daily to make sure everything was alright, and Jack was getting impatient with the disruptions to his time with Maddy.

"Why don't you two go have coffee or something," she finally suggested after overhearing Jack's acid sarcasm to his friend.

"He'd get sick of hearing me brag about you... in bed."

"I said have coffee with him- not take him to bed!"

Jack picked up a pillow and whacked her with it.

"Don't start, O'Neill. We have a lot of work to get done here."

"Don't call me O'Neill or we'll never get started."

Jack picked up a picture of his son and studied it for a moment before carefully placing it in a box. Maddy took it back out, wrapped it in a towel to keep it safe, and just as carefully replaced it. Jack kissed her for it. When she started to move away he caught her elbow.

"There's something bothering me, and I want to ask you about it."

Her brow creased and he thought she looked almost stricken. The old fear, the panic. He sighed.

"I know you don't like to discuss things that have happened in your past," he began gingerly. "But... Maddy, I'm not ever gonna use your horses as a weapon against you. I need you to believe that."

She nodded and turned away. He turned her back.

"Not good enough. What has happened to make you so damned protective of them? Seems like every argument we have, you bring that up."

"They're important to me."

"Obviously," he said dryly. "You couldn't keep your hands off that creature on the planet. I was jealous that you were handling him and not me."

She patted his chest. "_There_ you go."

"Your ex, he was jealous of the time you spent with your horses?"

"He wouldn't have been _jealous_ if he caught me in bed with another man," she snorted. "He probably would have critiqued my performance. It wasn't that they took time away from _him_, they took time away from what he wanted me to do, or thought I should be doing instead. It was my obsession with having them at all. It's always been the one thing that could get me to come to heel- threatening to take them away."

"That's cruel."

She shook her head sadly. "I set myself up for it. I told you I pick my battles, Jack. If something pisses me off, I stop and ask myself if it's worth a divorce. If it isn't, I just make up my mind to live with it and let it go. Doesn't give the other guy a whole lot of chain to grab onto when they want to jerk me around."

"That's a good way to end up with stomach ulcers, or a nervous breakdown."

She gave him a sympathetic smirk. "You haven't been around me long enough to pass judgement. I have to have horses the way other people have to have air. It's non-negotiable."

"The way I have to have you? And I wasn't opening negotiations. I just want to understand your fear of losing them."

"I hope you never do."

Jack sighed. "_Talk_ to me, Maddy. Don't dance around it."

"If someone breaks into your house, do you hand him a gun?"

"Fine!" he barked. "Shove me into the pile with all the other assholes in your life and I'll figure out how to deal with it on my own!" He picked up a stack of CDs and threw them into a box.

Maddy hung her head in the face of his disappointment. "It started with my dad," she said softly from behind him. "We never had much, there was never any money, but Mom made sure I got a pony. She grew up on a dairy farm and always wanted a horse. Her dad would never let her have one... She said when I was born and the doctor slapped my butt, I didn't cry, I screamed 'I wanna a pony'! She got him for me when I was four, and she took care of him. Dad refused. When she was pregnant with my brother she still had to carry five gallon buckets of water through snow drifts so I could have that pony..." She caught a breath that sounded like it hurt. "I spent all my time with him. I picked his feet and picked his teeth and picked his nose. I'd get out of bed in the middle of the night and go sit with him.. I swear, Jack, late at night I'd talk to him and he'd answer me. He'd nod or shake his head, or twitch his ears..."

Jack's movements slowed but he didn't turn to look at her as she was speaking.

"I loved that pony to death. He was my best friend. I chose spending time with him over human playmates, over going to summer camp, over going to birthday parties. People would smile and tell Mom that I'd outgrow it. I never did."

Jack couldn't help a small smile, picturing a tiny Maddy with her pony.

"He was the only one I could talk to about the horrible fights Mom and Dad had, and how badly they scared me. How much I dreaded losing my only friend and one of my parents if they split up. How it must be my fault somehow but I didn't know how to make it right."

Jack winced.

"When Tedd came along with all his problems that pony was my lifeline. I could cry to him without being told to hush up like my cranky grandparents did. He never reminded me that instead of crying I should be praying for him, and giving thanks that_ I_ hadn't been born that way."

Jack tried not to let her see him cringe.

"That pony lived until I was fifteen. And for eleven years every time I did something wrong, Dad threatened to shoot him."

He whirled then, and saw the emotion welling in her eyes.

She bit her lip, then continued. "I was the best behaved, hardest working kid you ever saw. I always thought, when they fought so much, that it was because I had to have that pony. Dad resented it when I got older and worked for the neighbors after school so I could buy another, and pay for the feed because he couldn't- and wouldn't have if he was able. Dad hated horses and hated that I was into them and not pigs, cows."

Jack had to sit down. He couldn't imagine treating a child of his so callously, much less a daughter. She would have had such big eyes as a child, and they would have been so stricken...

"Not that he minded when I worked, as long as I got my own farm work done, too. He always felt that every penny that came in should be his to handle- and Mom and I were the last ones he considered when he spent it. I was in eighth grade when I got my first job. I'd get off the school bus, eat, walk a mile down the road to a neighbor's, shovel pig manure for a buck twenty-five an hour, they would bring me home, and I'd get my own work done. That work never ended. Dad would plant this humongous garden- a half acre of tomato plants alone- and get so damned furious when I didn't keep that garden spotless. I hated those big black and yellow spiders... But if I didn't get more weeds pulled tomorrow than I had today, he was gonna shoot my pony. I had manure to shovel and fences to fix and hay to put in and grass to mow and wood to split and pigs to sit up with when they were farrowing- and when anything went wrong, he was gonna shoot my pony. We were always building something. We'd tear down buildings and it was my job to go over every damned board and make sure every damned nail was pulled out- and not bend them so we could reuse them. He had an old, rusty barrel for scrap. If a nail was too rusty, it went into that barrel. If a nail ended up anywhere but in that barrel, he was gonna shoot my pony."

She sighed again, and Jack knew dredging up the old memories were bringing her new pain. He almost wished he hadn't asked.

"If you ever wondered where I got these shoulders, now you know. By the time I was in my teens, I probably could have taken him in a fight. And I was primed to do it if he ever tried to carry out his threat. The guy at the feed store said I was a local legend because I could carry hundred pound sacks of feed without them bowing my back." She laughed sourly. "The horses were all I had, all he had to hold over my head. It was a _daily_ fight to keep them, Jack."

She paused. Jack turned and saw the far away look in her eyes, the remembered hurt and frustration.

"I thought I'd like to join a softball team. It didn't last long because Dad figured if I had time to play ball, I was wasting time I could be doing chores. It was quit the team or lose my horses."

"Sounds like he expected you to do everything he was too lazy to do," Jack suggested carefully.

She shook her head. "Dad was a classic workaholic. Worked himself right into the ground. Worked himself until he got down sick with a bunch of stuff, and after that he just sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee and not talking to anybody. I couldn't even talk him into going fishing with me."

Jack could only stare at her, his heart aching for the child who had been forced to grow up far too quickly.

"Then I got married. And he loved the idea of horses- the stage you're at right now. Tom was a city kid... I was eighteen and already had a stud and a couple of brood mares. Did some breaking and training for other people. He thought everything I could do was so cool. Sound familiar?"

He gave her a dirty look.

"We bought a trailer and he learned to ride and went to shows and wanted to invest in better bloodlines. I was ecstatic. Until the novelty wore off. They weren't in his blood the way they were in mine. And when he got tired of them, I was supposed to be done with them, too. We had to sell the horse trailer to pay for truck repairs, and that was the end of my showing, promoting my breeding stock or ever making a dime with them. The end of my dream."

She looked up and met his gaze. "He thought if didn't have horses to waste my time and affection on, I'd give him a baby. It was one of the battles worth fighting and I dug in my heels. I did sell off my breeding stock, but I held onto my favorites. Horses I'd grown up with, raised from babies. I thought about it long and hard, Jack, and I decided that those horses were worth more to me than the loveless marriage I was in. I also decided that giving him a baby just to keep him around wasn't worth it, either. So I kept my horses, didn't get pregnant, and waited until he got fed up and left. Took him another, oh, six or eight years to look hard enough out on the road to find someone else. I packed his bags, kissed him goodbye, and promised myself never again."

Jack kept watching her, his heart twisting. She was silent for so long he wondered if she was gathering thoughts or if she would clam up again. He didn't move, didn't want to distract her.

She took a deep breath.

"I loved my dad and my husband both, Jack. They weren't bad men, they just held a different view of a woman's place in their lives than I did. Remember what you said about wanting a life and someone to share it with? It's what I wanted from both of them. I really didn't mind the work, but I would have loved working _with_ them instead of _for_ them. They, however, wanted exclusive rights to their lives and I was just there to do the heavy work so they could."

"They should both be shot."

She shook her head and picked at a fingernail. "It wasn't them, Jack, it was me. My priorities are screwy. I'm not normal. What kind of woman doesn't want kids? Who would choose horses over a husband? You know... If I had known Tom would eventually leave me, I'd still have married him. I learned so much from him, got to see and do so much when we were on the road in the semi. It was a good investment. Tuition to the School of Hard Knocks."

She smiled at that, and picked up one of his medals to carefully place in a box. "As far as the horses, Jack, I've fought tooth and nail all my life to keep them. My mom fought for me before I was able, and she stood shoulder to shoulder with me through every battle over them. They have always been the only thing anybody could ever take from me that would really, _really_ hurt. I don't think any of them wanted to hurt me so much as just... caring more about what they wanted from me than what I wanted." She took a steadying breath. "Did that answer your question... or make you reconsider being married to me?"

Jack was sitting with one elbow propped on his knee, a hand slanted across his face, watching her intently.

"I don't know what to say, Maddy."

She shrugged it off and picked up a book to pack. He watched her in a stunned silence, thinking about what she had told him. A lot of pieces to the puzzle that was his Maddy had just fallen into place.

"I guess I should have loved at least one of them enough to give up my horses for them," she said sadly. "Maybe that's what they were trying to get outta me. How's it feel, Jack, to know I can't ever love you enough to give up my horses for you?"

"How's it feel, Maddy, to be loved so much that I'd never consider asking you to give them up? I shudder to think of what you've been through that _didn't_ involve your horses," he said softly. "You sure had a nasty run of luck with men from the very beginning."

She turned a too-bright smile on him. "Don't, Jack. Our past is what shapes us into the people we are now, and if everything in my past has made me someone you can love, then it's all been worth it."

That nearly broke him. He snagged her wrist and drew her over, down into his lap, and wrapped his arms around her. She laid her head against his shoulder.

"Thank you," he said against the top of her head. "I know telling me that was hard for you."

"I hate the pity I saw in your face. Now you'll judge me against everything..."

"I will never judge you!" he said forcefully. "Not against your past, not for anything you say or do in the future! Damn it, Maddy, I'm too busy just being in love with you to bother judging anything! Can't I just hurt for you and love you and want to see you happy without any strings attached?"

"Can you?"

"Watch me." He brought her chin up and kissed her. "I want to make you all sorts of promises, but I know you'll just resent it. I want to tell you how much I ache for you, but you'll resent that too. So I'm just going to go on loving you the only way I know how. Just promise _me_ that, hard as it has to be, you'll stop judging me by the way other men have treated you."

"I'll try, Jack."

"Why were you holding out on me?" he asked gently. "If you had told me this back on the planet, or even those two days at the cabin, I would have better understood what you needed from me, why you were so afraid."

"Before, or after you ran like a cat with it's tail on fire?"

He shook his head. "Not a chance. But this is what I want, Maddy. Inside your life."

She frowned, searched his eyes, and hesitated. Finally she said carefully, "You know better than anybody that understanding your enemy is half the battle."

He pursed his lips and nodded, not sure he liked the idea that she thought of him as 'the enemy'.

"And the last thing you ever wanna do is show them your weakness."

"We aren't at war with each other."

"Love and war, it's all the same," she grimaced, and got pinched for her sarcasm. "Ouch! I've learned that... well, men don't always think for themselves."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "And?"

"If you tell them too much about yourself, your past, your mistakes, your fears, your faults, they turn it on you. Out of the blue they throw some detail up to you and make problems where there weren't any. Things get all twisted and misconstrued in their heads and all of a sudden the smallest thing is taken out of context and it's a fight. If you just keep your mouth shut, you aren't providing them with bullets to fire back at you."

He put both hands on either side of her neck and mimicked choking her. "If you weren't so damned perfect all the time, trying so damned hard to carry everybody's load for them, you'd give them their own reasons to bitch at you. You spoil men, Maddy. You know what happens when you spoil a kid? He's never happy. Never content with what he's got. He wants more, more, more, and instead of you putting your foot down and saying '_no_' and letting him live with it, you give it to him! If it hurts or is too hard or you're too tired, you still try to make it happen. What man could feel he had the right to bitch at you for some little thing that irks him when everything else you do is so perfect? People get outta sorts. We all have bad days. Living with a friggin' _saint_ when you aren't one yourself is _not easy_. Sometimes we just need to blow off steam. Unfortunately, the person we love the most is usually the one we feel obligated to blow up _at_. Who could blow up at you, Maddy, and not feel awful about it? So, yeah, I can see somebody needing to fire a bullet or two and having to use one you gave him because you sure as hell don't leave a lot of lead laying around for them to make their own!"

"What you just said- does that mean I can tell you 'no'?"

"Just don't wear it out," he warned.

"I'm not as perfect as you think, Jack. Don't start building that damned pedestal again."

"You and Carter- you build your own," he grumbled.

"Carter?"

"The two most irritatingly perfect women I've ever known. You're both damned hard to live up to."

"Then why did you marry one of us? Because the other wasn't available?"

His hands tightened threateningly. "I married the one I love more than life itself. The one who spoils me and fishes with me and feeds me too damned well. The one with horses and dogs and a _life_ I can be part of. And great hands. Dynamite boobs. Sexy hair. Gorgeous, really strong legs. Mind blowing muscle control." He pulled her head down and started mauling her neck.

"The one who doesn't call you 'Sir' all the time?" she asked innocently.

"The one who calls me O'Neill so I'll make her pay."

"What'll 'Sir' get me?"

"A spanking that has nothing to do with foreplay!" he growled as he bit her slightly harder than necessary.

She pulled away and laughed at him. "Foreplay? You're in a constant state of perpetual 'foreplay', Casanova. We have work to do."

"Was that a 'no'? 'Cause if it was, I'm gonna talk you out of it."

"In another minute you wouldn't have to and I wanna make you wait for it."

"Why?"

"So I can tease you and torment you the rest of the day and have you so hot and ready to go by the time we get home that when I call you O'Neill by accident you'll ravage me the rest of the night." She held his face and looked straight into his eyes. "I want it hard and fast and rough tonight, O'Neill. I want you outta control and in charge." She nipped little bites across his lower lip. "I'm in the mood to taste your dark side, big boy."

He dragged her shirt over her head and buried his face in her breasts. "You just blew that plan outta the water."

"Jack!" she squealed. "The window! Everybody can see...!"

Without raising his head he pawed for the string that controlled the blinds and let them drop.

Jack watched Maddy lay his hockey stick across the back seat of her pickup then dust her hands on her hips. When she turned to him with such warmth and adoration in her eyes, he felt his chest tighten. He stood still as she walked up to him, held her gaze, wondering if he was going to explode all over the yard.

He started to shake.

She drifted her fingers over his shoulders, over his chest, her eyes caressing his face.

"I love you," she said softly.

How did she do it? How could she overwhelm him with just her nearness, her eyes? He cupped her face and kissed her. He didn't intent to do anything more than that, but then she was in his arms and he was crushing her against him, sweeping them away on a tide of emotion. He felt as if he was starving and only her kiss could satisfy him, save him. He tried to stop before all the neighbors got a free show. He breathed her name, buried his face in her hair, relished her warmth.

After a moment she squirmed free.

"I wonder if we'll have geese visit the lake when they fly south."

"Geese?" he squinted at her. All he could think about was holding her, making love to her, breathing her in, and her mind was on _geese?_

"You know," she teased, "Big, honkin' birds that crap all over the place..."

"I had to fall for a farm girl," he sighed. "What on earth made you think of geese?"

She grabbed his hand and led him towards the house. "Saw an ad in the paper for baby ducks."

"You want ducks?"

She wrinkled up her nose. "Not Muscovies. Maybe a few Mallards, or Wood Ducks." She turned and danced up the steps backwards, still gripping his hand. "I wanna turn that nice little spot on the east side of the lake into a bird haven. Nesting boxes and feeders, plant grains they'll like..."

"Landry is gonna love you," Jack grumbled.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "General Landry? Why?"

"He's a 'birding' nut."

She stopped abruptly and let him walk into her. Her arms snaked around his waist and she slid her hands into his back pockets.

"You made that sound like a bad thing," she purred.

"I'm not ready to share you," he growled back.

The way she laughed at him and shook her head made him feel like he wasn't in on some joke.

"I love it that you're so enamored with me, Handsome, but you're gonna be sorely disappointed when everybody else isn't. What do _you_ want to do at the lodge?"

"Make love to you. Fish. And make love..."

She giggled at him and he couldn't help but smile.

"I mean, what ideas do you have for the place?"

"I like roses."

She stiffened and drew back to stare at him. "Not fair! You know I love roses. What do _you_ want?"

"I like roses," he shrugged.

"Oh, you do not."

"Why?"

"It doesn't fit my picture of you." She kissed him on the chin.

"What picture of me do you have?"

A look of dreamy abandon crossed her features and Jack shivered. She could rattle him with no more than an expression.

"The picture that just crossed my mind was of you standing in the shower, washing your hair, your chest..." she closed her eyes and made a soft groaning sound. "Soap suds slipping down over your stomach, water running over your skin." She inhaled unsteadily and opened her eyes. "I need a shower."

"Cold shower?"

"Whatever it'll take to get you in there with me."

Jack moved her fingers to the buttons on his shirt. "Talk me into it."

She wrapped her hands in his shirt and drew him through the door.

"We should probably put some clothes on," Maddy murmured against his chest.

Jack shifted so he could fiddle with her nipple. She lazily nipped at his ear.

"The door's locked. The blinds are down."

"You're a closet exhibitionist!"

When she looked at him the way she did, he might never put clothes on again.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"You're what's making those things stand up, not the temperature," she giggled. "You never did tell me what you wanted to do at the lodge."

"I want to make love to you. And fish."

She clicked her tongue at him.

"But since you're in the mood to give me what I want..."

She raised up and gave him a wide-eyed look. "You can't be _serious_!" she yelped. "Even a machine has to cool down once on a while or the bearings burn out! Besides, I thought we were supposed to be packing."

"Careful or I'll have to let my ego out another notch." He shifted his head on the arm of the sofa and played with her hair, watched her face. "Make love to me in my bed here, tonight. It's your last chance to make one of my favorite fantasies come true."Her cheeks turned pink. "You really did fantasize about me?"

"I still do... But you don't know how many nights I lay awake in that bed in there and thought about all the ways I wanted to touch you, wanted to kiss you, wanted to make love to you."

She traced a finger over his eyebrow. "Really?"

He sighed. "Madison, I have been fantasizing and dreaming about you since the night we met. I've loved you in my office, in the elevators, in my quarters at the base, in the infirmary, on the ramp to the stargate, on every conceivable surface at the cabin, up at your camp, in the front of my truck, the _back_ of my truck, in the produce aisle of the grocery store, and don't even get me started about that planet we were on..."

"The _produce_ aisle?"

"It's the melons. _Love_ them melons!"

"That's just _wrong_," she giggled. "I'm gonna have to talk to Dr. Lam about cutting down on those testosterone injections she's been slipping you."

Jack laughed at her. "I'd better take you out for dinner, don't want you getting weak on me."

"Jack..." She toyed with the hair on his chest. "All these fantasies... have I lived up to any of them?"

"Lived up to them?" he snorted. "Babe, you're taxing my imagination. I don't know how you do it, but the way you love me always ends up being more incredible than I could ever dream."

"Has to be that short attention span."

"What?"

"You're attention..." He was laughing at her again. She pulled on a knuckle full of chest hair. "Can we order in?"

"Are we gonna give the delivery man something to tell his buddies about?" He shifted her so she was straddling his stomach.

"Depends... Is your cable still hooked up?"

"_TV_? You can't be serious! TV's are illegal on honeymoons in O'Neillville."

She raised his arm and looked at his watch. "If we order food now, we have time to finish these boxes and get them loaded, then we can watch 'MacGyver_' _while we eat."

"_MacGyver?_" he yelped.

Maddy gave him an odd look. "Reruns, at five, on cable. Everyday. Twice on Sunday."

"_MacGyver?"_ he repeated.

"You don't like MacGyver?"

"It's just totally unbelievable," he told her. "The guy's a wimp. He hates _guns_. That goofy haircut. Believe me, Babe, chewing gum and duct tape never got SG-1 out of a tight spot!"

Maddy laughed at him and playfully scrubbed her fingers over his head. "He's cool. Just because you're the meanest human in the galaxy and you like to blow up everything you can't shoot at doesn't meanMacGyveris totally unbelievable. I _do_ like your hair better... especially when you let it grow just a bit, like it is now. The longer it got on that planet, the harder it was for me to keep my fingers out of it."

"I'm damned lucky you didn't use that old knife you found to wack it into a gray mullet," he grumbled.

She made a comical face. "_Silver_- never gray," she corrected. "I can't picture you in a mullet. I was thinking more of braiding it. And your beard."

Jack growled and started tickling her, particularly enjoying the way she was wiggling around. God, how did he end up with her?

"Wait! _Wait_," she squealed. "You didn't let me finish!"

He obediently ceased operations and tilted his head expectantly.

"I was gonna say," she panted, "That you're so much more handsome than he is." When his hands crept towards her sides again she hurriedly added, "And you have much nicer hands. And you're so much more masculine. And tougher?"

He let her think she was winning. But he wanted to tickle her again. He wanted to love her again. He couldn't get enough of that incredible feeling, the way she made him feel powerful and weak at the same time.

"You'd be a better shot," she pleaded.

He let his hands ride her sides threateningly. "He doesn't shoot."

"I don't wanna make love to him?"

"Alright. Still, MacGyver?" he winced.

"Oh, like The Simpsons is realistic!" she shot back.

"Hey! Homer is my roll model! I'm gonna grow up to be just like him!"

"Well I'm safe," she told him with a kiss. "You'll never grow up, Jack."

Late that night as Jack held his sleeping wife, he lay staring at the ceiling and thinking over what she had told him. So much was clear to him now. Her inner drive to push herself non-stop had been instilled in her since childhood, not with positive reinforcement, but through fear of losing something she held dear, and, if he was correctly reading between the lines, a means of justifying her very existence.

Something no one should ever be made to feel, much less a child.

His body clenched as anger washed through him. Maddy felt it, stirred and tightened her hold. Even in her sleep her instinct was to nurture, to comfort, and Jack loved her for it.

And her first marriage- her first love- must have been no better. No wonder she looked at love with such a jaundiced eye. He couldn't imagine anyone not seeing her as he did, loving her as he did, and to treat such an incredible spirit and heart as hers with such a heavy hand was inconceivable to him. She may never bring herself to trust him unconditionally and with good reason, but it no longer galled him. He had done all the wrong things for all the right reasons but her heart had been big enough to forgive him. He vowed that she would never regret a minute of their life together. She got mad, she got over it, and it was gone as sure as yesterday's sunrise. Maddy's scars were hard-earned but she didn't hold grudges, and when she forgave, she apparently forgot as well. Her ability to do that dumbfounded him, but he was grateful that she could.

'_Heaven knows I'm gonna push her to the limit on that, too!'_

His mind turned to the way they had romped and played all day, to the way she teased and aroused him, to the way no matter what she was doing, he seemed to be the center of her attention. He couldn't keep his hands or his eyes off her. She drew him like a faint scent you just had to get closer to so you could breathe it in. She was so full of energy and ideas and laughter. Every time he made love to her it was an incredible experience. Sometimes they laughed and talked and simply played. Other times it was a driving, heated, frenzy of animalistic hunger. Then there were the times when she was so incredibly erotic and sensual, teasing and tormenting him to the point of insanity. She made him feel warm and comfortable. Powerful and sexy. She turned him inside out then tied him in knots and left him drained, exhausted, quivering and raw.

He turned onto his side and wrapped himself around her.

Her skin was so smooth, her hair so soft, she was so warm and wonderful to have against him. She was strong and tender, compassionate and giving, wild and gentle, exciting and relaxing. He had never felt such an overwhelming variety of intense emotion and he wondered how he was going to survive eight hours a day away from her.

She had come to him at a point in his life when he had resigned himself to being alone. Just the idea that he would be holding her like this a month from now, a year from now, that he could contemplate a future that wasn't stark and lonely, was worth everything. He silently promised both himself and Maddy that he wouldn't screw this up, wouldn't let anything tear her away from him.

'_God, if you're listening tonight... thank you.'_

**Chapter Sixteen **

"Maddy, I've been thinking..."

"Oh, Lord!" She dropped the armload of towels to the kitchen floor, gave an exaggerated sigh, unfastened her jeans, then started to peel off her tee shirt.

Jack laughed "Well, that too, but in a minute."

She dropped her arms and looked at her watch. "Honeymoon over already?" she pouted.

"Not on your life!" He walked up to her, kicked the towels out of the way, and skinned the tee shirt over her head. She was braless as usual and his hands automatically began roaming her breasts. "You can't give me a peek that way and expect to get _anything_ else done. Are you still serious about getting a job? You don't have to, but I know you're more comfortable having your own money, and so far I can't beg you to accept a dime from me."

"Yeah," she glanced up at him from beneath her lashes, "I've always liked working midnights. Know of somewhere that runs three shifts?"

He saw that his stricken expression delighted her. When he realized she was rattling his chain he began walking her backwards into the bedroom. "How about I pay you to stay home nights? If you're extra nice to me in bed, I'll leave a good tip."

"I'm always extra nice to you in bed!" she pouted.

"Yeah, you are." He started working at her jeans. "I had a thought."

She wiggled her hips against his. "I can tell."

"I think about _that_ all the time!" he said before he kissed her. "You're an awesome cook. The SGC commissary could use some TLC. If I could get you in there, would you be interested?"

She tugged his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor, then ran her hands over his shoulders. "Have I ever told you what awesome shoulders you have, General?" She worked soft kisses across his shoulder.

"I think you might have mentioned it."

"They look like the shoulders of the meanest human in the galaxy."

"Wait until you see my..." She cut him off with a giggling kiss.

"You'd be right in the thick of things... well, on the fringes of the thick of things. But I know you'd eat up all the excitement and goings-on. You'd get to meet aliens from time to time..."

She threw herself back onto the bed and stretched dreamily. "All that hot, young male stuff to feed. Muscles and egos and _guns_..."

"Look all you want, drool a little if you can't help it, but bring the goodies home to Daddy," he growled.

She pulled him down and crawled onto his chest. "You just want to keep me in a constant state of 'hot and bothered'."

"I have a lot of fantasies for you to fulfill."

Her fingers walked over his shoulder, her nails raising goose bumps on his flesh. "General, you don't need to expose me to all that testosterone to keep me hot for you. You do a fine job, all by yourself."

He grinned and put his arms behind his head. "You don't understand just how potent you are. You're gonna break hearts, Maddy. Be gentle."

"With America's Finest, or with you?"

"With them. It's no holds barred with me."

"Remember you said that when I have you curled into a ball, sobbing for your momma..." She slid down and started kissing his chest, working her way lower and lower. Jack's body tensed, reacting to the anticipation of what he knew was on her mind. Incredible waves of electricity began darting around in his stomach, instigating an intense throb that made it hard to breathe. He twisted his hands in the pillow and tried not to clench his teeth. It took a few deep breaths before he was able to speak.

"We'd be on the same schedule, for the most part. You might have to work a few weekends..."

She nipped the rim of his belly button.

"Get up with you. Ride to work with you. See you at work. Come home with you." She punctuated each phrase with a nip on his stomach. Each nip was further south than the previous one.

"Well you could always drive yourself if it's gonna make you bitchy." He fought back the urge to moan. He had to consciously force his legs not to draw up and seize.

She was going back over each spot with her lips and tongue. Jack had already lost interest in the conversation.

"I was gonna say,_ smart ass_, I think I'd like that. Will you talk to Landry?"

Every nerve ending in his body zeroed in under her mouth. His toes tried to tie themselves in knots. Jack gasped and buried his hands in her hair. It was a moment before he remembered to answer her question.

"When I go back. Maddy, if we don't break this... bed down and put.. _it ummm_... on the...truck... _we're_ ahhh!...never gonna... _awwwhh_... get... _this_... plaaa..." His words trailed off on a ragged, mindless groan.

Jack gave the sofa a final shove and turned to give Maddy's shoulder a squeeze. He was rewarded with a bright smile. Maddy started up the steps but he grasped her elbow. "Sit down a sec. I wanna ask you something." She obediently dropped to the top step with him and tucked her arm around his knee. "Do you wanna go somewhere for a proper honeymoon? Hawaii, the Bahamas, Switzerland, Rome, hell, if you want, I'll arrange for Thor to drop us off on Nirrti's planet."

"If Landry gave you this week off, won't it be hard to get more time?"

"Landry told me to take it, yes, but he's not my boss, not technically. I defer to him- and Hammond- out of courtesy, but I'm more or less my own boss. And I've been on-call. I could arrange a couple weeks off as long as nothing drastic is going on off-world." He gave her a squeeze. "You don't have to choose now. You can decide then we'll make some plans. But if you want to go and they kick about it, I'll quit. You're more important than _any_ job."

She rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't have to think about it. I just want to make love to you in the pasture field, and on that ridge above the barn, and a couple places around the lake- did you know we have a waterfall?- and _in_ the barn. On the roof..."

Jack grinned. "The barn roof has a pretty steep pitch."

"The garage roof is flat enough. Jack, I love where I am. I'm happy just being there with you. My dream home, dream husband... I really don't wanna go away somewhere, at least not yet."

Jack got warm all over and loved the feeling. "How about we plan something for our first anniversary, and I'll take a month off. We have time to do it up right."

"I'll have a job by then, it might be hard."

"You happen to have pull in some pretty high places, Mrs. O'Neill. And I guarantee it'll be hard."

She ignored his implication and he listened closely to find out why.

"That sounds nice, Jack, if you're not ready to kill me in a year."

Ah, the old worries, the old fears.

"Not a chance. The best thing about fighting with you, Maddy, is making up."

She plucked idly at his sleeve. "Then, if I start an argument now, by the time we get home you'll be ready to make up with me?"

He gave her a kiss. "Why don't we skip the argument part and go right to the make up part?"

"Not even if I have something really, _really_ good to argue about?"

"Do you?"

She shrugged.

"Out with it, Maddy."

"_Opera_, Jack? Those CDs. Geeze. Do I have to walk around all day with opera blaring through the lodge? 'Cause if I do, I'm warning you, I will not be inspired to great things in the kitchen."

"Have you ever listened to it?"

"Not intentionally."

"Give it a try."

"I don't know the language."

"Neither do I. Well, not all of it. But it's the sound, the tempo, the emotion..."

"Yeah," she grunted. "_That's_ what I'm talking about! No wonder you're the meanest human in the galaxy."

He laughed. "I'll keep them in _my_ truck. But while we're at it, I refuse to listen to rap."

"There's something we can agree on. Jack, have you ever logged into one of those internet gaming sites?"

"Not that I'd admit to."

She gave him a quizzical look.

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it," he told her cryptically.

"Well, I was thinking," she said, still frowning over his odd attitude, "It would be kinda cool to have two computers on separate lines in the office, and we could play against each other."

"I'll trade you dueling computers in the office for gym equipment in the other spare room."

"We really should have at least one spare bedroom, but we don't need three stalls in the garage. I could frame one in, insulate it, put in electric heat... the floor, being cement, would be more solid for weight benches."

"Excellent idea, Mrs. O'Neill. But now I have to come up with something else to put in that spare room."

"A bed? Chair for our guests to sit on?"

"There it is. 'Guests'. _That's_ why I want to use up that room."

She was surprised. "Why don't you want guests?"

"Because I like to chase you around the entire house, leaving clothing in our wake."

"Be just as hard if our guests are sleeping on the couch."

"Damn. Well, I'll try the internet if you'll try opera."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "I'll have to think about that one."

"I'll play in the nude."

"You just wanna distract me so you can win."

"I just want an excuse to be nekked around you." He dropped a kiss on her nose. "Babe, would you be up to a dinner guest, say, tomorrow night?"

She sat up, a bit startled. "Who?"

"Landry. I was thinking if you were to feed him just once, when I pitch getting you a job at the commissary he won't be able to say 'no'. That meatloaf you made was incredible. But then, so is your chicken and dumplings. And that orange chicken Chinese thing you make with the fried rice."

"Manipulating my life again, O'Neill?"

"Employing good battle strategy." He grabbed her chin. "And you do realize you'll have to pay for that?"

She nodded impishly. "In the currency of your choice."

General Hank Landry dabbed a napkin to his mouth and sat back with a sigh. He met Jack's eyes across the table.

"You're gonna get fat, Jack." He looked up at Maddy, who was replacing his dinner plate with a warm piece of peach pie and ice cream. "Did you make this from scratch?"

"Rolled the dough, cut the peaches- I have a whole barrel of 'scratch'. Chased the chickens out of it just for you."

Landry chuckled at that.

"She made the ice cream, too," Jack added, pointing with his fork to the ice cream maker out on the deck. When she gave him his serving, he caught her hand an kissed it. She caressed the back of his head briefly and turned for her plate.

Landry watched the exchange with an open grin, and when Jack glanced at him the general gave a slight nod of approval. "Caught yourself a winner, Jack."

Jack's eyes drifted to Maddy again. "Yeahsureyoubetcha."

When seconds of the pie had been polished off, Maddy suggested they have coffee out on the deck. The sun was beginning to set and the lake was reflecting the brilliant colors of the sky. Landry sat back, patted his stomach, and sighed.

"You've got it made, Jack! This place is incredible, that woman is incredible, I'm happy for you." He sat up suddenly, tilted his head to one side, and listened intently. "If that's what I think it is... I'd love to bring my birding gear up sometime and have a walk around."

"Help yourself," Jack told him. "Anytime. Do you fish?"

"I've been known to drown a worm or two on occasion."

A huge trout chose that moment to leap out of the water after a settling bug. Landry's eyes went wide.

"You really are in O'Neill Heaven, aren't you?"

"Wait until you taste her coffee. Fair warning- I think she puts extra caffeine in it just to keep me up at night."

Landry shot him a sideways look full of meaning. When Jack grinned, Landry laughed at him.

"I hate to burst your bubble, Jack, but that wife of yours is _walking_ caffeine!"

The entire SGC was still buzzing about the new Mrs. O'Neill. Jack lost count of how many times a conversation came to a screeching halt when he walked past. He missed her already.

Siler was coming down the hall towards him. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Landry wants to see you. Congratulations, General."

"Thanks." Jack headed for Landry's office. The door was open and Landry was on the phone, but he motioned for Jack to have a seat.

Jack flopped his lanky frame into a chair and waited patiently for Landry to finish.

"Good Morning, Jack. Nice to have you back."

"'Mornin'. Can't say it's nice to _be_ back though. It's getting harder and harder to let go of that armful of soft, warm bobcat just to come help save the planet."

"Did she cook you breakfast?" Landry asked.

Jack could almost see the drool forming. "She offered, but I had other ideas. One of these mornings I'm gonna let her up for air long enough to make me her blueberry pancakes." Jack straightened up and leaned forward. "Hank, I've got something I want to discuss with you."

"In a minute, Jack. I want to just toss something out to you. That wonderful meal got me to thinking. I know your wife doesn't have to work, and probably doesn't want a job, but if you could just talk her into working in the commissary... They sure could benefit from her up there."

Jack was proud of the way he stifled a grin.

"It's damn near impossible to find a bona fide _cook_ who can pass our security parameters- or who would _want_ to work in a super-secret base at the bottom of a missile silo. The military cooks we've been issued are heavy on 'military' and light on 'cook'. Mrs. O'Neill would fit the bill perfectly- she already knows as much about the stargate program as any cook would need to know."

Jack pretended to consider his suggestion. "I dunno, I could talk to her. What position did you have in mind?"

"With all the civilian jobs opening up in the SGC, I was thinking of creating an oversight position in the kitchen. Use your position as precedent and outline her job description, her authority, under similar guidelines. I just got off the phone with George- he likes the idea and told me it was my base, do what the hell I wanted."

"Shoot first, ask questions later?" Jack dead-panned.

"More like 'kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out'," Landry returned. "It could take _years_ to get the go-ahead from the Pentagon. Longer if they decide to hold generic congressional hearings on the general issue, set a precedence, then decide if it applies to us."

"But institute it as base policy- a rider on my oversight position- then let them fight and argue over whether or not you should have, instead of if you can," Jack nodded. "You always were a devious old son-of-a-bitch."

Landry gave him an arched look. "How many years have you been waiting for the opportunity to say that to me and not be brought up on insubordination charges?"

Jack pulled a face and didn't answer him, but a ghost of a smile touched his lips.

"She could work the same hours as you, be in charge of quality control. We'll make it a salaried position rather than hourly. Like yours- contingent on a monthly hour quota rather than weekly. That way, once she gets things lined out, you two can coordinate your hours, shuffle time so you can take a day off here and there and make it up later. Work a few ten hour days and have a long weekend now and then."

Jack studied his nails, not bothering to hide a smug expression. "I can't believe they left that clause in my contract."

"It _was_ a brilliant touch," Landry chuckled.

"You think so?" Jack looked up brightly.

"Quintessentially Jack O'Neill," he retorted dryly. "Do you think she'd go for it?"

"I'm not sure _I_ like the idea," Jack hedged.

"Worried all the testosterone will turn her head?" Landry taunted.

"I was thinking more along the lines of putting her in danger," Jack shot back. "The SGC is the first line of defense- we've always got some crisis or another. Weird diseases coming through the gate, dangerous people going bonkers, a foothold situation..."

Landry nodded. "I thought about that when Carolyn took over Dr. Fraiser's job. But she'd have the best of the best to protect her, Jack. And how often does anything spill over into the _commissary_? Hell, even aliens who eat live bugs won't touch that food!"

Jack chuckled. "She does have quite a background in the food industry. The working end, not just the cooking part of it."

"I saw that in Daniel's report. Everything from fast food to five star steak houses to camp cook for outfitters. Your lady certainly gotten around, Jack."

Jack wasn't sure he liked the sound of that, but he let it pass.

"You'd have to put her in charge, though. Those hard-headed hash-slingers won't take kindly to her suggestions for change if she has to start out at the bottom."

"That's why I suggested the civilian oversight position. In fact," he tapped his pen on the desk as he thought, "If we were to make the position an extension of your job..."

"Whoa!" Jack sat up straight. "Nepotism. Very bad idea. Being my wife's boss at work- worse idea!"

"Being a spin-off of your job muddies the waters, Jack. No longer a military issue. It becomes congress's baby. _Congress_, Jack. The word 'nepotism' was _invented_ for congress. Have her submit a detailed resume- if she's well qualified they'll argue the merits back and forth until we've all retired. I'll tack on five pages of security issues and..." He spread his hands wide. "Once she starts feeding our guys, congress will play hell getting past them to haul her out bodily."

"I still refuse to be her boss."

Landry nodded. "Nobody but you and I will ever know. It'll be that way on paper to confuse the nay-sayers, but she'll report directly to me. That work for you?"

"Only if I lay it all out for her from the beginning. Got bit in the ass once for not coming clean with her. You're willing to just turn over the commissary to her?"

"On a trial basis, to see how it works out. If she doesn't fit in, or doesn't like it, we'll have instituted policy granting us leeway to find a decent cook. Hell, how could it be worse than it is now?"

"Or the cooks won't take orders from her?"

Landry gave him a hard look. "Oh, the cooks _will_ take orders from her. I'll see to that! I'll tell you up front, Jack, the head cook we've got is a navy reject who was foisted on us in lieu of a dishonorable discharge. He can't get along with anybody. Pushes the regs right to the breaking point. He's due to re-up and I want rid of him. George let him slide too damned long. Maddy's position would make his position obsolete, and he's not the type to accept a demotion."

"I don't want her to land in an awkward- or confrontational- position," Jack grimaced. He couldn't wait to call Maddy, but decided to negotiate the best offer for her he could. "Will she have to go through some sort of SGC orientation, weapons qualification, protocol, procedures, that stuff?"

"All of it, Jack, for her own good. The dossier Dr. Jackson put together will do nicely as a background check. But not until we see if the position works out. She will have to be able to use a sidearm, but you can take care of that, no doubt."

Jack grinned at him. "Do you remember that stand of timber on the west side of the lake?" When Landry nodded Jack said, "She picked off three coyotes running full-tilt through those trees with a .300 Savage. Open sights."

"From where?"

"The very chair you were sitting in on the deck."

Landry whistled. "Is she as good with a handgun?"

"Been afraid to find out."

Landry let out a belly laugh. "Well, at least she isn't afraid to use a firearm."

"Hank, that woman isn't afraid of a hell of a lot."

Landry gave him a sober look. "No kidding. Look who she married."

"Married, hell, she traded my pizza for a _joyride _with Aris Boch then talked him into delivering a cargo hold of gems to decorate the yard!"

"Do us both a favor, Jack," Landry chuckled. "Don't _ever_ leave her and Vala alone together!"

Jack leaned against the doorway of the commissary, watching Maddy at work. He thought about how nervous she had been that first day, over a month ago. He had had to catch her hands to keep her from wringing them raw, and he worried the salty military cooks would have her for lunch. They hadn't been thrilled at the idea of civilian oversight of their kitchen, and when they saw Maddy it was like they smelled fresh meat. He had made his presence and his position as her husband known- which had tamped down a lot of potential problems- but he still wondered if he had thrown his wife to the wolves. He had insisted she put 'Mrs. Jack O'Neill on her ID tag instead of 'Madison'. Maddy had protested, but Jack had put his considerable foot down. He knew that when one of those stove-jockeys got it into his head to mouth off, one look at that name tag would make him have second thoughts.

He had been so proud of her, though. She had stepped gingerly into the position, felt her way around, used her charm and wit to soften her arrival, and taken a couple of weeks to see how the operation worked before instituting any changes. She had dug in and worked each position herself, proved she was capable of handling anything she would eventually ask of her crew, and he knew her laptop held several files of notes and ideas. For the most part she seemed to be developing an easy rapport with the staff and Jack was getting used to her throwing that wonderful smile of hers around like candy at a parade.

Nobody called her 'Mrs. O'Neill'. She was 'Maddy' to everybody from colonels to cleaning details. Jack wasn't sure he liked that.

She loved the job, everything about it. Jack was the one having second thoughts.

When the initial idea had occurred to him, it had been almost entirely selfish. Having her nearby all day, being able to drop in for a quick kiss, a moment's conversation, hell just being able to lay eyes on her for a full minute. Keeping her close so he could protect her, watch over her, keep her from killing herself on one of those horses while he was at work. How the woman had managed not to break her neck the way she rode, the wild-assed chances she took, was beyond him. It was something he dared not bring up to her, but he was hedging his bets nonetheless.

He decided right there and then to leave his motorcycle in storage.

A young lab tech called out to her from the sandwich case and Maddy turned. He gave her a little wave and Maddy waved back. The tech's companion elbowed him then gave a slight jerk of his chin towards Jack, whose eyes were drilling into the back of the man's head. The tech kept his eyes down, grabbed a sandwich, and scooted to a seat in the back. Jack tracked him with his stare, his face impassive, but inside he was having a good laugh.

'_Admire and wave and dream all you want, Lab Rat, she's going home with me.'_

The thought of her going home with him started another episode of the shakes.

Raised voices caught his attention and he stepped sideways to see what was going on.

A burly middle-aged sergeant with huge, tattooed arms was giving Maddy hell over something. Jack started forward, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He shook it off impatiently and whirled to see Daniel watching as well.

"Let her handle it, Jack," he advised quietly. "It's been going on for a while now."

"_What_ has?"

"One of the line cooks told me that O'Hara isn't happy about Maddy's position being made permanent next week. He thinks if he can scare her off, he'll be in charge again. I guess he's been ragging her all day."

"Why didn't somebody report him?"

"And face him if he manages to run Maddy off? You gotta be kidding, Jack! He's bullied and man-handled those guys from day one."

"When'd he start?"

"Day one..."

"If he lays a hand on her..."

"Jack, chain of command. He's ex-navy, under marine jurisdiction now. He has superior officers to answer to."

"My ass, he'll answer to me and his CO can have what's left."

Daniel nodded towards the argument. "Maddy's holding her own."

Jack stiffened when the two abruptly left the kitchen together, headed towards the office in the back that had been assigned to Maddy. He bolted for the hallway. Jack raced down the corridor and got his toe in the door before it closed. Holding it only slightly ajar, he listened.

"...me, you sniveling twit!" a deep male voice boomed.

"I _am_ in charge here, and I'm not taking any more of your bullshit, O'Hara. I'm asking General Landry to transfer you."

"You've got a nerve, Girlie! I've been running this kitchen since the very beginning!"

"Then you are the reason I was brought in."

Jack was pleased to hear that her voice hadn't been raised to match O'Hara's. But his blood pressure was climbing rapidly.

"You're serving here at the pleasure of your husband! You should go home and service him there, instead of sticking your nose into _my_ kitchen!"

"It's my kitchen now, O'Hara, and unless you come to heel you won't be seeing the inside of the SGC again."

Jack cringed at her choice of words.

"_Come to heel!_" the big man roared. "You may have brought that arrogant ass of a husband of yours to _heel_, Missy, but Shamus O'Hara comes to heel for no woman- kitchen or no! Now you just trot up to Landry's office like a good girl and tell him the SGC kitchen is in good hands with Sergeant O'Hara, and then you go on home to your hot-shot boyo and be a good little wifey to him. We're not needing yourself here! And be sure to take your spices and your recipes and your thermometers and your holding times with you!"

"I'm headed to the General's office, Shamus, to request your transfer."

"_And I hope it's to Siberia," _Jack thought darkly. He heard a loud crash and he was through the door before the sound died. Hidden from their view by a tall shelf of supplies, he had a clear view between two cases of mayonnaise. He hesitated, knowing she wouldn't thank him for jumping in, knowing if he leaped to her rescue every time something came up it would only make matters worse for her. Fists clenched, he forced himself to stand pat and just watch.

Maddy was standing toe-to-toe with the giant Irishman. He towered over her, his head bent menacingly close to hers. A large swivel chair lay broken against one wall. Several files slipped off the shelf above and rained papers to the floor. Neither of them noticed Jack's presence. He saw red and had started forward when Maddy took a step closer and practically touched noses with the big man. Jack forced himself to wait. She needed to do this, but he was going to tear O'Hara apart when she was finished.

If she left him any pieces big enough to tear apart.

"Stand down, O'Hara," she said quietly.

"Or you'll sic your bad-assed husband on me?" he snarled back. "You're nothing but a silly little bitch with big tits and bigger ideas! You'd never have this job if it weren't for that bastard husband of yours pulling strings!"

Jack felt a touch on his arm and glanced around to see Landry standing beside him. Daniel was hovering in the background. Jack held up a hand for them to wait and watch.

"I've been called worse things than that by bigger men than you, O'Hara." She was calm, her tone mocking, and she wasn't giving an inch.

"I could break that pretty neck with one swipe of my paw, you nosy bitch! And be sure to tell Landry I said that- it'll be my word against yours! I'm advising you to take your priggish ass outta my kitchen!"

"Make the first one count, O'Hara," Maddy warned with deceptive softness. "Because if you don't I'll have your balls in a stew pot before you hit the floor."

O'Hara's face went from red to purple. "You mouthy bitch, I'll tear you limb from limb!"

Maddy stood on tiptoe to push her nose into his. "Bring a friend, because you'll need the help! If you're no better at brawling than you are at running a kitchen, my grandmother could wipe the floor with you! Now back off before you make me mad!"

The two of them stood there, literally nose to nose, Maddy not batting an eye. Finally the big man drew back. "Accidents happen," he threatened. "Guns go off, knives slip, boxes fall, hot oil spills... If you don't walk away I'll see to it you're hauled out on a gurney. You've not heard the last of this, Missy." He turned on his heel and came face to face with O'Neill and Landry.

"Oh, yes, she has, O'Hara. Report to my office," Landry barked. He motioned to the two SFs who were flanking the door. They stepped forward meaningfully.

Jack came forward off the balls of his feet like a coiled tiger.

Landry stepped into his path. "I'll handle it," he said with quiet authority. The two generals locked gazes.

O'Hara's face went from red to white in the space of a heartbeat. He mustered a belligerent look for O'Neill.

Jack slowly settled back onto his heels. It was only then he realized Daniel was riding his right arm and he shook him off impatiently.

O'Hara stalked past the three men. They turned to look at Maddy.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, her voice shaking just a bit.

"Long enough," Landry answered. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, thanks." She ran the heel of her hand over her face to wipe away O'Hara's breath. Her fingers were trembling.

Landry looked at Jack with a hint of a grin twitching at his lips. "Take care of your wife, Jack. I'll handle O'Hara."

"General," Maddy hesitated. "Don't be too rough on him. I'm taking his job. He's mad."

"Damn straight you're taking his job. If he'd been doing a better job this wouldn't be happening. And this is the military; I will not stand for the conduct I just witnessed."

"I'm sorry. I feel responsible."

"No need. Is there anybody else handing you this attitude?"

"Oh, they were letting O'Hara handle their light work," she tried to smile. "If I handled him, they'd step into line. If I let him bully me, they'd all try it."

"I wish you'd told me about this," Landry said stiffly. He turned to Jack. "Why didn't you say something?"

Jack's eyes were on his wife. "She didn't tell me, either."

Landry turned back to Maddy. "We will hold weekly meetings from now on, Mrs. O'Neill, and you will give me a detailed report on the conduct of your staff. That report will go into their permanent files. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

Landry gave each of them a hard look before he left. The door closed with a solid thunk. Jack crossed the room in two strides and folded Maddy in his arms.

"You're shaking."

"I was pretty mad."

"Not scared?"

She shrugged. "I usually don't get scared until after the fact. Thank you, Jack, for letting me handle it."

He put his face into her hair. "You handled it really well, Babe. I should've known something like this would come up. I just didn't think."

"Being a working supervisor over a crew of ex-cons in a steel mill was worse," she told him. "And I didn't have a," she imitated O'Hara's brogue, "Big bruiser of a bad-assed boyo to be walking me home."

There was a tap on the door. Jack muttered 'Go away Daniel' as he stepped away from Maddy.

"Come in," Maddy called. She patted her hair into place and stepped around behind her desk.

Daniel poked his head into the office. "Is this a bad time?"

"Yeah, Daniel, I almost had her bra off," Jack retorted.

Daniel shot Jack an impatient look and turned to Maddy. "I'm Daniel Jackson- we haven't had a chance to formally meet." He moved forward to shake Maddy's hand. Jack idly drew Maddy's hand out of Daniel's grasp. Daniel shot him a curious look. "Is everything alright, Mrs. O'Neill? He had been giving you a pretty rough time all morning. Several of us would have stepped in, but," he made a rueful face, "You sorta need to establish your own pecking order. But we wouldn't have let it get outta hand."

"She handled it just fine, Daniel."

"I wasn't asking you, Jack."

Maddy looked back and forth between the two men. Jack knew she was confused by the terse exchange.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. You were in the commissary?"

Daniel nodded, his blue eyes wide and concerned. "Along with about twenty others."

Maddy scowled. "I'll have the reputation of a shrew," she grumbled.

"Then maybe those grunts will leave you alone," Jack growled.

"The way the food tastes since you arrived, you've developed quite a fan club, Mrs. O'Neill. If you hadn't taken that argument out of the kitchen when you did, I think O'Hara would have been tarred, feathered, and run out of the base on a rail."

"Would've liked to seen them get him on a rail onto the elevator," Jack mumbled.

Daniel flicked his eyes to him impatiently. "In any case, the SFs were bracing for a riot."

"Why the hell didn't they drag O'Hara off my wife?"

"I think they were more concerned about dragging the entire SGC off O'Hara."

Maddy made a face at him. "If you two will excuse me, I have a crew to face."

Daniel turned to Jack. "Have you tasted the coffee lately? Wow!"

"I taste Maddy's coffee every day, Daniel," he shot back as he followed the younger man through the door. "Jealous yet?"

Maddy saw his hand reappear briefly for a little wave, then listened as the lively banter between the two men faded down the corridor. She picked up the fallen papers, righted the swivel chair, and took a deep breath. Touching a button on her phone, she opened the kitchen intercom.

"Corporal Jensen, I'd like to see you in my office, please."

When Maddy left her office for the day, Jack was lounging in the corridor. He came off the wall and greeted her with a smile.

"How'd it go?"

"How'd what go?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

"Your confrontation with O'Hara was all over the base, and so was the fact that you were calling the kitchen crew into your office one-by-one. You're the buzz of the base, Babe."

Jack glanced at her as she fell into step with him. She was usually so bright and chatty after work, bubbling over with enthusiasm about her day. They had a mutual, unspoken agreement to maintain decorum while on the base, so when she grasped his elbow and hung on it was a definite sign something was bothering her.

"O'Hara's in the brig," he informed her.

"I know." She looked down at her feet. They paused at the elevator and Jack studied the tension in her face.

"Maddy, what is it?" The doors slid open and they moved aside to allow three people to step off before they entered. When the doors closed Jack caught the back of her neck and drew her head back so she had to look at him. "Give."

"They ask you to pee in a cup yet?"

Jack's face screwed up in a look of utter confusion. "What?"

Maddy sighed. "The entire base is getting a surprise drug test."

"You put the wrong spice in the pumpkin pie?"

She didn't laugh. "After O'Hara and I had it out, I talked to each of the crew to make sure there were no more...issues...brewing."

Jack nodded his approval.

"No less than three people told me O'Hara had been dealing drugs through the commissary."

"_What? _There are safeguards in place to keep that from... How'd he...? Son-of-a-bitch! So much for the best of the best."

"Don't judge them, Jack. The stress, the danger, the responsibility... I can see where it could happen."

"Not on this base- for all the reasons you just laid out!"

"I talked to Landry. I hate drugs, Jack, I had to do something. There are gonna be some very pissed people when they find out I squealed."

"That explains why O'Hara was so irate. He knew you'd catch him. Or at least shut him down."

She nodded. "The three who told me were scared to death of him. That's why they didn't go to Landry before, and they made me promise not to reveal their names."

Jack whistled. The doors opened and he led her to the exit, submitting to the cursory check by the gate guard. When they stepped into the tunnel, the local police were gathered around one of the cars. Jack took her elbow and guided her over. An SF stepped forward.

"General O'Neill, Sir."

"What's going on, Lieutenant?"

The man hesitated, then said, "They're going through a staff sergeant's personal vehicle, Sir."

"Did they find the contraband?"

The man's eyes flickered. "Yes, Sir. Stashed in cans of coffee."

Jack and Maddy exchanged glances. "No wonder everyone is addicted to coffee," he muttered. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

They got into the truck and Jack pulled out onto the road. "Have to mention to Hank to do a check on the guards at the entrance," he mused. "Somebody was turning a blind eye to O'Hara."

"I am scared now, Jack," Maddy said softly.

He reached over and tugged on her arm. "Come here." Maddy slid close and laid her head on his shoulder. He put an arm around her. "I'll ask Landry to assign you a guard."

"He already did. Everybody thinks it's because O'Hara threatened me."

"Everybody will assume that's why the bastard is in the brig, too."

"It doesn't matter what 'everybody' thinks. It's the people who _know_ that'll be waiting for me."

Jack tightened his hold. "Not necessarily. They'll just figure he got his ass wrung up on charges for going after you and that's why their supply dried up."

"What about the drug testing?"

He shrugged it off. "They do random testing anyway. It's SOP." He stopped at a red light and dropped a kiss on her nose. "It'll be okay. But if you wanna quit, that's okay too. I'll handle it for you either way, Babe."

"I've sorta set the SGC on it's ear, haven't I?"

"Yeah- I love it!"

She shook her head. "I just wanted the job. No stress, no hassle..."

"Get enough of that at home?" he teased.

"I've got home figured out," she informed him with a superior air. "When that big bruiser of a bad-assed man I'm married to tries to give me guff, I just do this," she snaked her hand across his thigh and walked her fingers up along his zipper. "He instantly forgets what he was bitching at me about."

"Keep that up and we won't make it home," he warned.

She did, and they only made it as far as the lane leading to the lodge, where Jack checked off yet another of his long list of fantasies.

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Jack, why hasn't SG-1 been around?" Maddy asked as they enjoyed a little sunset fishing. She recast her line and added, "I've only met Daniel and that was today."

"Carter and Mitchell are aboard the Odyssey, Teal'c and Vala are on Chulak, and Daniel just got back from a dig on P-somethingorother."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"You talk about them so much, I just wondered if I was gonna get to meet them, you know, socially."

"Over being mad at them?"

"Them yes, you no."

"Just so you don't cut off my balls and throw them in the stew pot," he muttered.

"You heard that?" She looked embarrassed.

"So'd Landry."

Maddy gasped. Jack grinned at her. "He was impressed."

"I don't want people to think I talk like a drunken sailor! Good, _glory_ but you're a handsome devil when you smile like that!"

Jack felt that delicious warmth flood over him. He decided not to tell her how many times he saw men covering their privates behind her back. "You did what you had to do- and quite well, I might add. O'Hara wouldn't have understood those fifty-cent words you're so fond of using."

"Thank you for letting me handle it myself."

"Daniel stopped me from jumping over the dessert case when it first started," he admitted. "I instantly saw red when that bastard started on you."

"I had no idea you were there."

"You usually don't," he said cryptically.

"You... Ohh!" She felt a tug on her line and set the hook. Jack sat back and watched her expertly land the sizable trout. She gently removed the barbless hook and freed the wiggling fish.

"Nice one!"

"One of these days I'm gonna invite him to supper. That's three for me and one for you and the sun's nearly down. No opera again tonight!"

"I'm gonna have to come up with a bet I can win," Jack groused. He recast and gave her a sideways glance. "Tell me a secret."

She wrinkled her brow at him and scratched Bonnie's ears. "Like what? How I catch more fish?"

"There's a secret to that?" he sat up straighter.

She laughed at him. "You think they're attracted to my boobs?"

"What do you do?"

"Hmm, you got it out of me that there's a secret. The rest will have to wait."

"Then tell me something else."

"Like what?"

"Tell me something you like in bed."

"I like _you_ in bed."

He grinned. "Tell me something that turns you on- besides me."

She blushed and he laughed. "Maddy, how can you still blush after everything we've done together?"

She shook her head and teased her line.

"Come on... " he coaxed.

"Why don't _you_ tell _me_ something I can do to turn _you_ on?" she countered.

"Lord, Maddy, if you came up with any more ways to arouse me we'd never get to fish!"

"Cop out," she accused. "Why won't that work for me?"

"Because I'm a simple man. You're a woman- enough said."

She clicked her tongue at him.

"I like beer- you like wine," he said as if that explained everything.

She shot him a confused look.

"Beer is beer. Wine is sweet, dry, white, red, pink, grape, pear, watermelon..."

"Dark ale, light beer, lager..." she shot back.

He gave her an astonished look. "There's more than one kind of beer?"

She took off her shoe and threw it at him.

"Tell me something that will astonish me."

"I use WD-40."

"_In bed_?"

She threw the second shoe at him. "On my bait, you ass!"

He gave her a meaningful leer as he ducked the shoe.

"On the hook, in the water, for the fish!" she cried in mock desperation.

Jack laughed at her. They sat in silence for awhile then he said quietly, "Tell me about your brother." He watched a deep sadness settle over her features.

"Teddy was great," she said softly. "He was the light of my life. I miss him. Him and Mom both. Sometimes I can't stand it."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Circle of Life. I lost them and gained you."

"He was handicapped?" Jack pressed. He knew the facts from her dossier, he wanted details. He wanted them from her.

"Spina bifida. I was seven when he was born. Back then they couldn't repair it in the womb like they can today." She sighed softly. "I spent a lot of time in the playroom at the hospital. I saw so many kids with these huge heads. They kinda looked like Thor... water on the brain. Tedd had it too, but they implanted a shunt to drain his off so he didn't get a huge head. He was paralyzed from the waist down, had a spastic right arm- but he was left-handed like Dad so he could feed himself and such. He had something like fourteen major operations before he was ten years old." She took a breath and sighed. "He wasn't born mentally retarded, but so many brain surgeries, so much wrong with him... He had the mentality of around a twelve-year old- a very mature twelve-year old at times," she laughed softly. "He could read some- when he wanted to- and I always tried to encourage it. If he could read, he'd never be bored."

She paused and he knew she was reliving memories.

"Mom took such excellent care of him. She never once resented the time and effort. Dad was useless, but the only thing I ever heard him compliment Mom about was how well she cared for Tedd. He didn't bother to help her, though. Anyway, I tried to help when I could, but it was always more Mom helping me than me helping her. When diabetes took her sight and mobility, I took care of them both. Tedd was in diapers, and he couldn't turn over by himself, and of course I had to take him anything he needed, like food, drink... Our bathroom was too tiny to get him into the tub, so we gave him bed-bathes. He loved coffee. He could run the remote better than Mom ever could. He had such a sense of humor- you'd've loved him, Jack. He was mentally challenged, but he was so bright, so smart, so quick on the draw..."

"Must run in the family," Jack mused.

"I'm mentally challenged?" she asked archly.

Crazy horses and manual transmissions. What he said was, "No, Dear, you're bright, smart, and quick on the draw. Go on." He loved her voice, loved the way her tone told him more than her words.

"The things he'd come up with... We'd get to giggling, and the harder he'd laugh the harder I'd laugh, until neither of us could breathe."

She fell silent and Jack's heart went out to her. His amazing Maddy just kept on amazing him.

"He took seizure medication," she said at length. "That was the scariest part- when he'd seizure. I never understood how Mom could deal with it, pull him out of it or work on him until the ambulance would arrive. Then I learned. It's that simple, Jack. When it happens, you just..._ do it._"

Jack watched her bite her lip for a moment and he understood she was fighting back tears.

"He loved Star Trek, and home improvement shows. He loved to fish.

He would have loved this deck, the lake... you. He would have idolized you, Jack. He loved cooking shows, and would try to repeat recipes for me to try. He loved to arm wrestle, and he would shoot everybody with his finger when they came through the door. The neighbors got so they'd try to shoot him first, but he'd swipe his hand in front of himself and tell them that was his shield."

"You've had an awful lot on your shoulders, Babe. You didn't have any help? Family that would come in once in a while...?"

"Family' advised me to put one or both of them into a home. There was no way _that_ was gonna happen. But Jack , they were such a delight to take care of, both of them. The only thing I had a problem with was the housework. Laundry- messy sheets and pressure pads- vacuuming, dusting, _dishes_ were the bane of my existence. I always spent more time doing the outside work than the inside stuff. They were happy times, it was a happy home. It only got that way once we were both husbandless."

"Now I understand, Maddy," he said softly. "About you just coming up for air and I dragged you back under. Why you didn't want somebody depending on you."

"You're not so bad, _so far_," she told him lightly.

"Until I start drooling all over myself and you have to change my diapers."

She laughed at him as she landed another splashing fish. "Just how badly do I have to beat you before you concede?" she demanded.

"How about we call this one a draw and start another bet?"

"No way!" she yelped. "I cleaned your clock! But I'll betcha we can both fit into that garden tub."

"Betcha I can put on opera before we climb in and make you not be able to pay any attention to it."

"Bet if you do you'll be bathing alone."

"I'll wash your hair if you give me a turn-on secret."

"You washing my hair _is_ a turn-on secret."

"For both of us. Doesn't count."

"No fair- you should have to figure them out for yourself! Running outta ideas already, O'Neill?"

His eyes lit up mischievously. "You know what that means... But it won't distract me. And no, I'm not running outta ideas. I just wanna hear you talk about it. There- you got one of _my_ turn-on secrets."

"It'll embarrass the fish. Drive them to the other side of the lake."

"I'll tickle it outta you," he warned.

"Ice," she said immediately.

"Ice?" he repeated, not sure he had heard her right.

She held up a finger at him. "That's all you're gonna get. You figure it out from there."

"Ice?"

Maddy sighed. "Betcha I can lock the bedroom door and make you sleep on the couch if you don't give it up."

Jack swatted at a mosquito. "Betcha it's time to take this inside. Ice ..._cubes?_"

Maddy narrowed her eyes at him as she nonchalantly reeled in her line. She leaned her pole against the railing and went into the lodge through the livingroom doors. She quietly locked them behind her and raced around to the kitchen. She made it to the doors one step ahead of O'Neill. Their eyes met through the glass as she locked him out. He bolted down the deck towards the garage. Maddy turned and raced down the hall to lock the garage door. The main door was all that was left. She wheeled to make a dash for the livingroom.

Jack was blocking the hallway with an arm on each wall, a smug look on his face.

With a resigned slump to her shoulders, she gave him a crestfallen look and trudged up to him, lifting her face for his kiss. When his mouth was almost on hers, she bit his lip, ducked under his arm and fled down the hall. She was rounding the livingroom partition and headed for the still open door when Jack caught her around the waist and carried them both onto the couch. It rocked back with the force of their impact, teetered a moment, then fell over onto it's back. The end table skated sideways and the lamp fell with a resounding crash. The usual end table clutter scattered everywhere.

Neither of them heard the car, or the knock.

Jack was digging his fingers into Maddy's sides, making her squeal and squirm and tearing her blouse open in the process. She was clawing at anything she could get her hands on, bucking with her hips and thrusting with her legs, trying to dislodge him. Bonnie was darting around them, barking furiously.

"...to lock me out!" Jack was growling. "Bite me, will ya? I'm gonna tickle you 'til you can't breathe, then I'm gonna..."

Daniel cleared his throat. He had to do it again, much louder. Bonnie left the fray and nosed her head under his hand. "At least you heard me," Daniel told the dog loudly. "Bark or something."

Maddy's eyes went wide and she grasped at the edges of her torn shirt. Braless as usual, she had a hard time making herself decent. Jack looked over his shoulder.

"Is this a bad time?" Daniel asked innocently. His eyes took in the upset couch, the shattered lamp, the cluttered floor, looking everywhere but at Maddy.

"Go away, Daniel," Jack grumped.

"Jack! Be nice!" Maddy swatted at his shoulder, heaved her hips, and sent him toppling onto his ass. She stood up, trying to hold her shirt together, re-fasten her jeans, and avoid Jack's grab at her ankle at the same time.

"Hi, Dr. Jackson," she panted. "Make yourself at home while I go..." She motioned helplessly at her chest and darted for the bedroom.

"Wow, Jack, you give a whole new meaning to 'chasing your wife around the sofa'!"

Jack picked himself up off the floor and Daniel helped him right the couch. He eyed Jack's ripped sleeve, missing buttons, and dangling pocket, the teeth marks still showing in his lower lip and his pants hanging open, and he raised his eyebrows.

"Either you two play rough, or I just interrupted the mating dance of two Bengal tigers."

Jack's sharp retort died in his throat as Maddy came out of the bedroom. She hadn't taken the time to put on a bra and the thin gray tee shirt of Jack's that she had grabbed left little to the imagination. Her hair was a wild tangle and she tried to tame it with her hands as she approached. Having her arms above her head only accentuated the outline of her breasts and the hard pucker of her nipples. Her eyes were still sparkling and her cheeks were flushed a pretty pink.

She literally took Jack's breath away. Again.

Daniel's too, from the way he quickly averted his eyes then stole a second glance. Taken off guard, he tore his eyes from Maddy and looked at Jack instead. The look on his friend's face as he watched his wife made the younger man smile. He thought Jack looked twenty years younger, and there was such a rapt look of adoration on his features that Daniel felt a pang of envy.

"Can I get you coffee?" Maddy asked briskly. "I think there's pie left."

"Yes, pie," Jack said brightly, stepping around Daniel so he could eye his wife's backside as she walked into the kitchen.

"No wonder I keep catching you napping at your desk," Daniel said with a straight face.

Jack wiggled his eyebrows and led the way into the kitchen. "So what brings you by, Daniel?" Jack drew out the name, letting the younger man know he was irked by the intrusion.

"You're usually more grateful when you get rescued." Daniel pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled when Maddy handed him the dessert. "There's all sorts of buzz around the base about what happened with O'Hara. I just wanted to stop by and see if Madison was alright."

"We have this new technology, Dan-niel, it's called a _phone_."

"I thought a personal visit would be more appropriate, Ja-ack," he mimicked the older's man's tone.

Maddy served coffee then sat at the table across from Daniel. "Thank you for coming, Dr. Jackson. I appreciate your concern."

"Daniel, please," Daniel replied with a smile that was not to Jack's liking at all.

"Daniel," Maddy replied.

Jack didn't like the way his name rolled off her lips, either. He made short work of is his pie, hoping his friend would take the hint.

"Jack, did you hear about O'Hara dealing drugs out of the commissary?" Daniel asked around a sip of coffee.

"Maddy nabbed him," Jack confirmed. "He was smuggling it through security in cans of coffee."

"No kidding!" Daniel beamed at Maddy. "Nice goin'!"

"Didja say you had to be going?" Jack asked innocently. Maddy gave him a kick under the table.

"I never realized there was more than one way to serve scrambled eggs," Daniel told her. "What's in that 'flea tag' you make? Everybody is wondering, but nobody can figure it out."

"Ancient Chinese secret," Jack retorted. "If she tells you, I'll have to kill you."

Maddy rolled her eyes. "We seem to go through a lot of it. It's just eggs, with..."

Jack kicked her under the table. Maddy kicked him back. Daniel grinned at Jack.

"...onion powder, garlic powder, and grated Parmesan cheese."

"Wow. It's great. And that toppings bar for the eggs- everybody loves that. I've tried the salsa and hot sauce so far, and the cottage cheese."

"Well, Daniel, nice of you to stop by," Jack said brightly.

Maddy put her foot against his chair and gave it a shove without taking her eyes off Daniel. "I hear you were just on an off-world dig. What did you find?"

"Oh, _here_ we go," Jack groaned.

Daniel and Maddy both ignored him as she became totally immersed in Daniel's tale. Jack sat with his jaw on his palm, his fingers every so often drumming his cheek. Now and then he'd rub his pinky finger over his eye. He didn't take his gaze off his wife the entire time, and it grated when she asked pertinent questions that only encouraged Daniel to talk more.

"... rib cages of horses," Daniel was saying. "Most of the bones are gone, but the heads and rib cages are intact. That's how we knew the Gou'ald implanted symbiots into the horses. What's throwing us is, they're all short one rib. There's no sign of that particular bone being broken off, and all three are the same way. So we don't know if they were taken through the stargate from Earth, or if horses evolved on another planet, or if Nirrti had something to do with it."

"The Spanish Barb _has _one less rib bone than other breeds," Maddy informed him. "Though I'd have to look up just when the breed originated. The Arabian is supposed to be the original horse- the oldest breed- which stands to reason if the Garden of Eden was somewhere near the Fertile Crescent, but beyond that, I'd have to check. Another way to tell is check the cannon bone- the shin bone, " she clarified. "If you can find one. The Barb is the only breed that has a round cannon bone. Other breeds have more oval cannons. But if you come up with a leg bone..."

Jack's jaw dropped further into his hand as he listened to his wife speak Danielese.

"_Really?_" Daniel shifted and sat forward. "Could I have another cup?"

"Sorry, fresh out," Jack muttered.

Ignored again, he watched sourly as Maddy refilled the cups.

"If these Gou'ald were so powerful, and had ultra-sophisticated weaponry, why need a battle charger that could... think?" Maddy asked.

"My guess is, it wasn't so much being able to think in battle, but talk" Daniel answered. "Respond to outrageous commands. Make their eyes glow. A parlor trick to help convince the slaves that they were gods. The bone structure of these horses doesn't look substantial enough for them to have been battle chargers."

"The Spaniards didn't use armor as heavy and cumbersome as the Arthurian knights did," she replied. "Arabs didn't use any at all- they struck swiftly and retreated. That's why the Arabian- much like the Barb- was so perfect- it could run like the wind, go for long periods of time without water... They're small, but incredibly hardy and were loyal to their master like a dog. Perfectly suited for desert warfare. They were a status symbol- getting to sleep inside the tents with their masters, sometimes displacing family members. The Barb is slightly heavier built and could carry the weight of Spanish armor, but they would be enough like the Arab to impress slaves that were accustomed to Arabians. So if the Gou'ald did ride at all, from what Jack told me of their garish dress, the Barb would suit them better. Implant a symbiot, ride it around where the slaves could see it's eyes flash and hear it talk..."

Jack realized that Daniel already knew most of what Maddy was telling him, but he could see that the young archeologist was fascinated by his wife's ability and willingness to discuss the subject with him. As much as it tickled him that his wife could hold her own with Daniel, it irritated him more that his friend was equally as tickled with her.

"What the hell are you doing wasting resources on the Gou'ald? We defeated them already!" Jack growled. "It's the Ori you should be concentrating on."

"Well, I was, Jack," Daniel defended. "But there was a Gou'ald ruins on that last planet where Cam located the Arthurian artifacts we're working on now. That's why we were confused about the horses. Arthurian knights would have explained the horses, but the implanted symbiotes threw us off. We're trying to sort out the time line..."

It was nearly three hours later when Daniel finally looked at his watch and rose. "Stop by my lab tomorrow, Maddy, and I'll show you some of the stuff we just brought back."

"I will, Daniel. Thank you, and thanks for coming. Stop by anytime."

Maddy walked Daniel to the door, and when Jack realized they were alone in the other room he quickly got up and stalked out to stand behind his wife. She idly leaned back into his arms and he gave Daniel a triumphant look over her head. Daniel looked confused for a moment, then said a final goodbye and left. Maddy looked back and up at her husband.

"I like him," she said simply.

"Obviously." His tone should have warned her. He whirled her around and kissed her quite a bit harder than necessary. She squirmed in his arms, but he only tightened his grasp.

"Jack! What was that for?"

He ran a thumb over her lower lip. "For being too damned sexy for your own good. For _my _own good!"For using Daniel to tease him all evening. For giving him a taste with Daniel of what had made her the belle of the base. For fueling a degree of jealousy he hadn't known he was capable of feeling.

She kissed him lightly. "I'm gonna go rinse out the coffee pot and turn off the..." Before she could finish the sentence he had the tee shirt over her head and his face buried between her breasts. She had to clutch at his shoulders to keep her balance. Jack unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips, then bent down and hoisted her over his shoulder. The jeans were off before he reached the bedroom.

"Jack!" she cried, "What's got..."

He dumped her onto the bed and began undressing. He could see the uncertainty on her face as she scrambled back to her feet. Jack caught her arm and jerked her against his chest. She made an 'umph' sound and sucked in a breath. His hand in her hair was not gentle as he jerked her head back, and his fingers were digging into the small of her back. She tried to push him away, tried to avoid his kiss, but Jack was in no mood to be put off.

It was Wyoming all over again, only he wasn't as gentle and this time he finished what he started.

The next morning Jack leaned on the doorjamb and watched Maddy study herself in the mirror over the sink. Her lips were puffy and bruised. She had tiny red marks where his teeth had been, and several large purple circles along her neck and shoulders. Her breasts were covered with sore looking rashes from his beard stubble, their nipples still an angry, puckered red. The imprint of his mouth dotted her stomach. There were small bruises on her hips that fit the span of his fingers.

He had scared her last night.

He didn't think he had actually hurt her, and she hadn't struggled as if he had. He'd been rough before, playfully rough, and Maddy enjoyed that side of him. But last night he had taken her with an edge of anger, and he had battled with himself for what control he had managed to hold onto. He had showed her his strength, proved who was the more powerful- something he'd never been inclined to do before.

He had let her know by action what he would never have found the words for: she belonged to him, and him alone. He had wanted to drive all thoughts of Daniel out of her mind.

Judging by the look on her face, he had succeeded. It didn't make him feel good.

Their eyes met in the glass. Jack moved up behind her and gave her his cup of coffee. His fingers crept along her neck then her stomach, gentle now and caressing, outlining the bruises. When they trailed up over her breasts she flinched. He covered them with his palms and let their warmth ease the sting as she sipped at the coffee.

"Maddy..." His eyes held hers in their reflection. "Tell me I didn't hurt you. That I didn't go too far."

She shook her head. "I'm fine." But her voice wavered.

"You don't sound fine."

She managed to smile. "You took me by surprise."

"I took you hard and rough and I shouldn't have. I should have walked that off before I touched you."

"I can take it, Jack."

He took the cup and set it on the sink, turned her, and cradled her head in his hands. Maddy loved the way he held her, he could see it in her eyes. And that was all he saw. No fear, no accusation, no anger.

"I'm sorry, Maddy."

"I'm not," she said with a quirked eyebrow. "Just a taste of your dark side."

A tiny grin plucked at the corners of his mouth. "You're tough, you know that?"

"And getting tougher- if I'm to survive this marriage. Jack... did I do something to piss you off last night?"

"No, Babe, you didn't do anything wrong. That was all me."

"But something set you off. You scared me."

There it was. She said it. He closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry..." He pulled her close and held her with all the tenderness in his heart. "I don't ever want you to be afraid to be with me." He wrapped his arms around as much of her as he could possibly touch at one time and drew in a long, ragged breath. He wanted to inhale her bodily.

"It was a good kinda scared- like a wicked roller coaster."

He couldn't help the chuckle that rumbled in his chest. This was not the reaction he deserved after handling her the way he had.

"I trust you in bed, Jack," she told him earnestly. "I know, no matter what, you'll never hurt me."

He winced and couldn't hold her gaze. "Hope I didn't screw that up," he muttered.

She ran a delicate touch over his face and his eyes drifted back to hers. "Up, down, sideways- it's all good for me," she teased gently.

His eyes crinkled a bit in the corners but he couldn't muster a smile.

"What was so... why the...?"

He took a deep breath. "You looked so damned hot in that thin tee shirt and tight jeans, your hair all over the place, eyes shining. Nipples poking out. He wanted you, Maddy. We both wanted you. I wanted to make love and you ignored me to talk to Daniel. Daniel always gets the girl. Off-world, back here, it's always Daniel who gets lucky. "

"Always?" she teased. "Because I surely can't be the only woman in the universe who would pick you out of that line up."

He grimaced sheepishly. "Well, not _always_... but most of the time."

"Will you tell me about it someday?"

"About... Daniel?" He knew that wasn't what she meant. How could he accept her forgiveness for last night then rub salt into the wound with past liaisons?

"About the 'not always'."

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Let's shelve that for another time, okay?"

She nodded. "So you felt the need to assert your... dominance? ...last night because for once you were the one staying and he had to walk away? Knowing what was surely happening when he left? Or were you punishing me for ignoring you?"

Jack sighed and glanced at his watch. "Get dressed, Babe, and we'll talk about it on the way to work."

He tried to move past her but her hand on his face stopped him. Her eyes held his steadily.

"I'm sorry, Jack," she said evenly. "I teased you into that. I knew what I was doing but I didn't mean to make you mad. I wasn't trying to make you jealous of Daniel- I'd never do that. I wanted all of your attention when he left. I thought I wanted exactly what you gave me... I'm sorry I pushed you too far."

She was taking all the blame for the way he had handled her. That she thought she had to bothered him even more.

"Maddy, you didn't do anything wrong. Babe, do you understand that I get screwed up, I lose it? Don't let me off the hook that way. You are not responsible for my actions."

"Last night I was."

Her smile was self-depreciating and it bothered him. He turned full around and gripped her shoulders.

"I got stupid last night! You had nothing to do with it!"

"_Now_ I'm worried," she pouted impishly. "If _Daniel_ can arouse you that much but _I_ can't..."

He stared at her for a full minute, unable to believe she was making a joke out something that bothered him so much.

It must have been the look he got so often from Daniel, from Carter, from Teal'c and Hammond and Landry. He couldn't help a lop-sided grin.

"Just tell me you're alright. That _we_ are alright."

"_We_ are awesome, Big Boy. You in particular."

He patted her bottom and left her alone to dress.

The ride to Cheyenne Mountain was uncomfortably quiet. Jack searched his mind for ways to explain his unreasonable jealousy, but nothing he came up with seemed good enough. He mentally anticipated her every argument and could find no means of apologizing again without her wresting the blame from him. He understood that she read his silence as residual anger, and he kissed her briefly at the elevator hoping to dispel some of her concern.

Towards the end of the shift, Jack sent word to Maddy that he was going to be tied up awhile. The news wasn't good and he pushed all thoughts of previous night from his mind as he concentrated on the intel he and Landry were sorting through. He knew she would hear more alarms and clattering excitement in the corridors than usual, and the commissary had probably been empty most of the day. She would be worried about him, possibly even afraid, but he didn't have time to stop in and reassure her.

Finally Landry suggest he go home and get some sleep, then come back and relieve him overnight so that one of them were on hand at all times.

"We'll run them down, Jack," Landry said tiredly. "Teal'c is scanning the Lucian home world for the Odyssey's homing signal."

"You know what the Lucians do to women, Hank. How many women were onboard?"

Landry puffed out his lips. "Sixteen, including Colonel Carter." That he could rattle off the exact number without checking told Jack volumes.

"You know she's gonna set herself up as bait to keep them off the other fifteen," Jack said heavily.

Landry ran a hand over his head. "We'll find them before that, Jack. Go get some rest. I'll see you about two."

Jack spun on his heel and slammed the side of his fist into the wall.

"Better leave that here," Landry warned. "Maddy doesn't need you to take it home with you."

Jack slapped the wall again on his way out.

Maddy wasn't in the commissary. One of the line cooks told him she was seen leaving with Daniel. Jack headed for Daniel's lab, his mood getting blacker with every stride. He pulled up short just inside the doorway.

The lab was totally dark, save for the square of light on the bookcase where Daniel was producing a slide show for Maddy.

"So this means 'master', and this one is 'heaven'?" Maddy used a laser pointer to pick out symbols.

"You catch on quick," Daniel approved. "Actually, its 'heavens'"

"I saw some of these on the walls of Nirrti's lab on that planet. I can't get the page to turn."

Daniel leaned behind her and pressed the key. Nothing happened. "Oh sometimes..." He scooted his stool in close to hers amid the clutter. He muttered something and Maddy giggled.

It pissed Jack off even more.

Daniel absently reached over her shoulder and handed her the remote. She glanced at him and laughed at something else he said. Daniels teeth flashed in the dimness and Jack heard him chuckle.

"_What the hell are you doing_?"

Maddy and Daniel both jerked around.

"Oh, hi Jack." Daniel went back to tapping the keys, giving Jack a second glance when he didn't move.

Maddy didn't take her eyes off her husband, though, and when she stood up he could see her wringing her hands. The phone at Daniel's elbow rang, making Maddy jump.

"Hello?" Daniel's eyes moved to Maddy in surprise. "Yes. Speaker? Just a minute."

It was Landry.

"Listen up, both of you. This is a two-minute warning. Jack is in a royal piss. Go easy with him."

"Thank you," she replied stiffly.

"Um, General," Daniel's tone was warning enough. There was a moment's pause on the other end.

"He's there already, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Maybe I should issue you a zat gun," Landry said dryly. "Don't take his attitude personally tonight, okay?"

"Yes, Sir. I'll talk with you in the morning."

Jack glared at Daniel from under a lowered brow as Maddy picked her way around and through the clutter to come to him. Like a dog that knew who its master was but preferred the company of another. Guilt and worry were written all over her, he could feel what he didn't see. He knew it, knew Daniel would be captivated by his wife, knew he wouldn't stay away from her. And the moment Maddy had gotten the chance, here she was with him in a darkened lab, sitting close, giggling for him the way she giggled for her husband.

Both of them should be shot for acting this way when Carter and the crew of the Odyssey were in mortal danger.

They had taken advantage of him being distracted. Bad enough they were disloyal to him, but he couldn't forgive their disloyalty to Carter. A little niggling voice in the back of his head reminded him that they didn't know, but he was too overcome with jealousy to listen to it.

When Maddy reached up to touch his face, he smacked her hand away.

Maddy backed up a step, unable to keep the shock from her face.

"Jack?"

Daniel, oblivious, was still fooling with the computer and muttering to himself.

"Jack, let's go." She gamely stepped up again, but Jack wasn't ready to give in. "Let's go home."

How could Daniel cozy up to his _wife_ like this? Where did he get off being so comfortable around her, so familiar, in such a short time? And Maddy was no better, laughing- _giggling_ like a school girl with a crush on the quarterback.

"Jack!"

He spared her a glare.

"Let's go home."

He shot one last withering look at Daniel and followed her through the door, down the hall. He tried to get a handle on his anger, tried to reason that his fury was caused by the situation with the Odyssey, that he was taking it out on his wife and his friend. But Daniel had gotten an eyeful of his wife last night, had been captivated by her all evening, and now he finds them together in his darkened lab.

They rose to the surface in silence. Jack's face was stony, and there was an angry heat radiating off his body. As they stepped out, Maddy put out her hand for the keys. "Lemme drive tonight."

He gave her a blank look but handed over the keys.

"Mind if I run through a drive-through for supper?" she asked. "It's late, we're both tired..."

He flipped a hand at her and stared out the side window.

Maddy didn't bother asking what he wanted. She wisely let him stew in silence as she got the food and headed home. He still hadn't spoken when they went inside, and he went straight out to sit on the deck in the darkness. He didn't want food, he knew he wouldn't sleep, and this was no time to try to talk to Maddy. He'd only end up saying something stupid, making foolish accusations he didn't mean and wouldn't be able to recant.

There was still a light burning in the livingroom when he came in at one-thirty in the morning. Maddy was curled up on the couch, still dressed. He figured she hadn't wanted him to find her in bed in this mood. At least one of them had some sense.

She sat up, bleary-eyed, and stared up at him groggily.

"Go in to bed Maddy," he said harshly. "I have to go back to the base."

"Did you get any sleep?" she asked.

He grunted. "I won't be back tonight. See you in the morning."

He headed for the door and Maddy leaped up. "Jack?" He opened the door and turned impatiently. "Is everything ok?"

"I'm going back because I enjoy the decor!" he snapped sarcastically. "No, Maddy, nothing is okay and I don't have time for this now!"

He was half-way through the door. "Are you leaving because of me?" she asked nervously.

His chin dropped and he turned impatiently. "No, Maddy, this isn't about you." He slammed the door behind him.

Maddy didn't sleep the rest of the night. After pacing a lot and crying a little she finally showered and headed to work two hours early. The base was already humming with activity, and there was an excited, dreadful overtone Maddy could almost taste. She doubled the amount of coffee they usually made, and found they had to double it again. Knowing that if Jack hadn't eaten there were probably others in the control room that hadn't eaten either. Hoping she wasn't overstepping her bounds, she had the crew deliver a tray of sandwiches and several thermoses of coffee to the briefing room. Dying to know what was going on, she wandered down to Daniel's lab. The lab was empty, and on her way back the SF who was supposed to be guarding her politely told her to get back to her kitchen and stay put.

Maddy did as she was told

The commissary remained quiet throughout the day, and Maddy busied herself and the crew by instituting an exercise in deep cleaning. It was well after the end of the shift when General Landry called.

"Thanks for the grub, Maddy. It helped a lot. Didn't even have time to make our own coffee up here today." He sounded terribly tired.

"Can I send up more?"

"Isn't it past time for you to go home?"

"An SF told me to stay put and Jack..." She let it hang, hoping Landry would give her more information.

"Jack's been deployed off-world, Maddy. Go home. Try to get some rest. We'll need you here in the morning."

"What about the SFs?"

"I'll have you escorted to the surface."

"General...?"

She heard him sigh. "I don't know, Maddy. I'll call you as soon as I get any word at all." The revolving red lights and sirens went off again and Landry hung up on her. Maddy was alone in the kitchen. She sat down and rested her head in her hands. A gentle hand settled on her shoulder. She started and looked up, thinking it was Jack.

"Hey," Daniel said gently. "Lemme take you home."

She shook her head. "I can drive. Landry's sending an escort..."

Daniel smiled. "That'd be me. Come on." He ushered her to an elevator amid a flurry of soldiers, lab technicians, and emergency medical teams. Maddy concentrated on the snatches of conversations she heard, but Jack's name wasn't mentioned. They had the elevator to themselves.

"What's going on, Daniel?"

He made a face, looked at the ceiling, blew out through pursed lips. "I knew you were gonna ask that."

"I know Jack's off-world, Landry told me."

"He did?" Daniel looked surprised.

"It's something big, Daniel. Tell me. Trust me, my imagination is probably making it far worse than it is."

Daniel fidgeted. "The Lucien Alliance captured the crew of the Odyssey," he blurted out. "They had a cloaked ship and just beamed the crew off the bridge with no warning. We found the planet where they're being held. SG's 3 and 4 went in to rescue them and got pinned down. Jack went with three more teams to get them out. Dr. Lam won't release me to go with them because I'm still having blurred vision from those powder burns." He was speaking so rapidly his words ran together. "And if Jack or Landry finds out I told you this they'll kill me."

**Chapter Nineteen **

The next two days passed with excruciating slowness as Maddy grew sick with worry. Five severely injured marines and two bodies were sent back through the stargate. She arrived as early and left as late as she thought she could get away with. Finally, when no rest and such overpowering tension caught up with her, she fell into a deep sleep. The ringing of the phone very nearly didn't penetrate her slumber. She pawed for Jack's cell, knocked it to the floor, then had to find it. Awake now, and in a lathered panic to answer before it stopped ringing, Maddy dove halfway under the bed and snatched up the small cell phone.

"Hello!"

"Maddy..." When she heard Jack's voice she started to cry. "Maddy, I'm okay. Come to the base?"

"_Jack_! Oh... Jack..." She couldn't stop sobbing. "I'm coming."

"Call me back when you get to the truck, okay?"

"Don't hang up, oh, please, don't hang up yet."

"Calm down, Maddy. I don't want you driving the way you ride."

She laughed. Then she couldn't stop laughing.

"Just stay put. I'll have somebody come get you."

"I'm already in the truck, Jack."

"Did you even get dressed?"

"I never undressed."

"Ewww," he teased. "Tell me you're at least wearing a bra."

"Do you really have time for a 'what are you wearing' conversation?" She put the truck into gear and tramped down on the gas.

"No, but I'll take a rain check."

"Oops..."

"What? Are you okay?"

"I forgot shoes."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!" There was a pause, and he tried to stifle a gasp.

"Jack? ... _Jack!_"

"Mrs. O'Neill? This is nurse Benson. General O'Neill is fine. He can't talk right now, but he's anxious to see you." Maddy could hear Jack's voice in the background, and he sounded grouchy. "An SF will meet you at the surface and escort you down to the infirmary."

"Thank you." Maddy nearly hung up, but she heard Jack yelling for them to 'give him the damned phone back', so she waited to see if he got his way.

"Maddy! Still there?" he asked breathlessly. "Hang on a minute, wouldja?" Maddy floored it and managed to hang onto the cell phone and the wheel at the same time. She glanced both ways and blew threw the stop sign without slowing. She could hear Jack being incredibly impatient with someone who was causing him pain. He finally came back on the line.

"Still there?"

"I'm still here, Jack. I could hear you bellowing like a bull. Hell, Honey, I could hear you _without_ the phone."

There was a long silence. She could hear voices and clatter in the background. The word 'stat' stood out starkly.

"What did you just say?" he demanded.

"I said I could hear you..."

"No, no, no- the other. What did you call me?"

Maddy scowled and ran back over the conversation in her head. Then she knew, and she gave an embarrassed laugh. "Honey?"

"_That's_ it. Cool."

"Why cool?" She heard him battling with someone over possession of the phone again. "Jack? I'm pulling in now. I'll see you in a minute."

"_You're what?"_ he yelled. "Were you sleeping in the truck... in the tunnel?"

"No," she laughed. "But Jack? Your truck has a hellava shimmy at a buck ten."

The SF that escorted her to the infirmary had to dog-trot to keep up with her. When she pulled up abruptly at the doorway, he bumped into her.

"Sorry, Ma'am!" he blurted. "You can go on in. Dr. Lam is expecting you." He turned and maintained a security position outside the door.

"Thank you," she shot him a smile before tentatively entering the infirmary. A nurse motioned for her to go through one of the open doors. There was a line of hospital beds, all holding occupants. An intimidating number of machines clicked, whirred, and beeped. Maddy started to get a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Several nurses moved briskly among the patients, and Maddy felt self-conscious standing in the doorway. She couldn't see Jack until a nurse moved a curtain to one side. Maddy nearly fainted from relief when she saw Jack sitting in a chair instead of confined to a bed.

He saw her and stood up, and that's when she saw his right arm was in a sling.

"_Jack!"_ She had enough presence to whisper, but the emotion was there none the less.

He smiled and held out his hand. Maddy slipped into the crook of his arm and held him as tightly as she could. She couldn't help it, she started to cry. Jack held the back of her head, pressed his face to her hair, and closed his eyes. After a bit she pulled back, swiped at her tears, and checked him all over.

"Just a crease on my arm, Babe. I don't know why they insisted on this damned sling."

"You're not hurt anywhere else?" she whispered frantically.

"If you mean," he glanced downward, "We're both just fine."

She blushed furiously. "I'm just glad you're back in one piece. I was so worried."

"I was worried too there for awhile," he muttered darkly. "My knees aren't up to the pounding they got."

"Mine either," she murmured. Then she pouted. "Well, I was _scared_."

"I was more scared," he played along, grateful that she made him smile. Then he sobered. "Maddy, I have to tell you this. It was on my mind the whole damned mission... Babe, I'm so sorry I slapped your hand that day in Daniel's lab." The words came tumbling out in one long breath. "It's been bothering me... I shouldn't have taken my jealousy out on you. I know how scatter-brained Daniel can be, I know it was nothing. Please, Doll, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I reacted..." He winced and swallowed hard. "I hit you."

"Jack, Jack, " she caressed his face and tried to still the flow of words, "You didn't _hit_ me. It's alright. I understand. There was a lot going on, you reacted instinctively. _Honey_, I love you. It's okay, honest." When she called him 'honey' again, Jack melted. He crushed her against him, his big frame shaking.

The person in the bed behind them stirred and Jack's head lifted. He gripped her shoulder as he stepped past her. Maddy was surprised by the tenderness that crossed his face as he spoke.

"Carter? You awake?"

The famous Samantha Carter, smartest human on Earth, a national treasure according to her husband. She hung back and watched the byplay between her husband and this woman for whom he had such deep feelings. Maddy felt abandoned, abruptly cold. In that instant she understood Jack's jealousy towards Daniel. She didn't have to see the blonde hair or the wide blue eyes, she didn't have to look past the bruises and cuts to see what a beautiful face held those pretty eyes. She had only to hear the tone of Jack's voice, see the expression on his face to know that this woman was very special to him. Maddy let her eyes drift down over the form outlined by the sheet and she knew a moment's dismay. This woman was everything she wasn't- trim, compact, nicely curved without the excess Maddy felt she carried. Colonel Carter had such pretty hands- slim, pretty fingers that tapered delicately at the ends. Maddy glanced down at her own paws, at the nail beds that were too large for any of the artificial nails she had attempted to wear, and she abruptly shoved them into her pockets.

"Umm, yes, Sir," Carter managed.

It sounded to Maddy like her throat was dry, and it was more of her automatically responding to her CO's voice than anything.

"Welcome back," Jack said gently. "How ya feeling?"

"Like the Odyssey landed on me."

"Not far from it, Carter. You're back at the SGC. Lam will be torturing you for a few days."

She closed her eyes. "Yes, Sir."

Jack indicated that Maddy should get a nurse. She did as he asked, fighting back another twinge of jealousy. This wasn't the time, it wasn't the place, and she knew that Carter wasn't one she should hassle Jack about. That ice would be way too thin. But it still hurt to see such tender emotion on his face for another woman. It was Dr. Lam herself that Maddy brought to Carter's bedside. Jack stepped back and took Maddy's hand while Dr. Lam checked on the colonel. She had the nurse help Sam sip some ginger ale, then adjusted the IV.

"She's coming alone fine, General O'Neill. Go home and get some rest," the doctor told Jack. "Daniel will be here in a bit to sit with her, and Miss Mal Doran is going to use the Gou'ald healing device." She nodded at Maddy. "And you get some shoes on in my infirmary."

Maddy grimaced at Jack and shrugged helplessly. "I'll go wait in the truck if you want to stay awhile," she offered. "Or... I could go home and see you in the morning?" She hated making the offer, but felt she had to.

"Not the way you drive," he teased. He moved up beside Carter again, satisfied himself she was resting easily, then drew Maddy from the room.

In the hallway she pulled on his hand to stop him. "Jack, really, if you want to sit with her, I understand. I'm being kicked out but you aren't."

"I'd just fall asleep anyway," he told her with a tired smile. "Take me home, Beautiful, and put me to bed."

Despite his teasing he let Maddy do the driving. He laid across the seat with his head in her lap and fell asleep. Maddy drove with one hand caressing his head the entire way. She had trouble rousing him at the lodge but finally got him inside, undressed, and into bed. She was just getting undressed herself when the phone rang. She snatched it up to keep it from waking Jack.

"Maddy," Landry sounded as tired as Jack. "I hate to ask, but could you come in and open the commissary? We've got teams coming and going and they need hot grub."

"I'll be right there."

She hung up and threw the phone as hard as she could into the livingroom. Bonnie ducked and dove with her nose under the couch. The cell hit the stone fireplace and flew into a dozen pieces. Dog tired and desperate to be with Jack, she rebuttoned her blouse, left a note on her pillow, and made the trip to the SGC once more. The sky was just tinging with pink as she pulled into the complex again.

This time she remembered her shoes.

Jack heard the truck pull into the drive. He glanced at the clock and knew it was well after her shift should have ended. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, hoping she'd just crawl into bed and get some sleep herself. Bonnie was curled up against his side and he felt her stir, felt her stub of a tail wag. Then he heard Maddy in the kitchen. A moment later she kicked off her shoes and padded quietly through the bedroom into the bathroom. The shower came on and Jack waited impatiently for her to finish.

She was taking too long. He threw off the covers and got out of bed. When he opened the shower door she was leaning on the wall, all but asleep on her feet. He startled her, making her cry out and jump. She slipped and nearly went down. Jack caught her and stepped in under the spray with her.

"Whoa," Jack soothed. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were _sleeping._"

"I wasn't sleeping."

"You always snore when you shower?" he asked.

"I was not snoring! Where's your sling?"

"Dog ate it, Mom."

Maddy turned him so she could see his wound. "Just a crease, huh? Looks more like you got branded with a drill rod! Jack, that's clear to the bone- it should be covered."

"It's not to the bone, Maddy, just a surface wound. The water will do it good."

Too tired to argue she slipped into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I woke you. I tried not to."

"I heard the truck." He poured liquid soap into his hands and began gently lathering her shoulders. "I was waiting for you to come to bed."

She stirred. "I should be babying you, you were the one in battle."

"Shhh. I just slept for fifteen hours."

She actually fell asleep against him, and he roused her as little as possible to get her out of the shower, dried, and into bed. She snuggled up against his good side, Bonnie snuggled up against his opposite hip, and Jack drew the covers up over all three of them.

"_I could get sooo used to this,"_ he sighed.

Jack let her sleep until the last possible moment. She barely made it up in time to get to work. Jack was already up and dressed. He handed her a cup of coffee as she swung her feet to the floor.

"How's your arm?" she asked, sipping the steaming brew.

"Good enough to drive. What's this about a shimmy at one-ten?"

She smiled around the rim of the cup.

"Scarey thing is, you had to have gone that fast to make it in the time you did."

"I didn't take time to put on shoes?"

"Oh, that shaves a hellava lot off! For cryin' out loud, Maddy, you could have killed yourself."

"Or wrecked your truck and damaged your opera CDs?"

He tried to pretend he was mad, but he couldn't help laughing at her. "Get dressed- we're gonna be late. Wear a bra!" he called back over his shoulder.

"You could come hook it for me," she called as she set the cup down and started dressing.

"I only _un_hook 'em, Babe."

"Thank you! Next time you call me in the middle of the night to come baby you over a flesh wound, I'll ask Aris Boch to give me a ride. Get there quicker without having to listen to you bitch about my driving! I bet _he'd_ hook my bra for me!"

"I got one boot to lace, then I'm leaving," he called back. "Unless you wanna drive yourself..."

"Betcha I can beat you there- give you a head start to the stop sign. But I get your truck, it corners better."

"You probably couldn't find the gas pedal with shoes on."

"Oh, alright! If shifting the gears in my truck will confuse you, I'll drive it!"

Jack stuck his head around the door as Maddy was fastening her jeans. "Just get your delicious ass into the truck, Mario."

She glanced at her watch. "Better let me drive."

Jack drove as fast as could and still didn't come close to getting there as quickly as Maddy had. He threw the truck into park and gave her a long look.

"No traffic?" she shrugged.

"You're gonna have to show me how you did that."

"You gotta learn to straighten the curves and ignore stop signs."

His eyes narrowed. "You didn't."

"Where I come from, if there's a little white line around the edge of a stop sign, it's considered optional."

"I wanna hear you convince a cop of that."

"As long as you don't make me wear a bra."

"One ten, Maddy?" he asked incredulously. "I don't think this truck will hit one ten."

"Get it up there yourself and see if there's a shimmy," she shrugged.

"_One ten_?"

She laughed at him. "Try it in a semi sometime. Now _that's_ a ride!" She got out and headed for the security check. Jack followed, shaking his head.

"Not on those back roads!"

"I was raised on hilly, winding back roads. You married a bona fide ridge-runner, Soldier Boy."

"Next you're gonna tell me Daddy had a still and you learned to drive like that running moonshine. With Cousin Bo and Cousin Luke."

"Well, actually..."

He grabbed her arm and turned her around. "You're _kidding_!"

Her grin was sheepish. "He really did have a still- got it out of an old train station. They used it for distilling water. He fiddled around with it some, but never got serious about making it work. I think he just liked to brag that he had it. Now I know why. The look on your face was priceless. Beginning to wish I hadn't hauled it to the scrap yard."

They swiped their ID cards and entered the base. On the long ride down the elevator, Jack asked, "Was I in a pain-killer-induced stupor, or did I hear you call me 'Honey' the other night?"

Maddy's ears started to burn but she held his gaze. "I'm sorry. Is that Asgard for 'mikta'?"

Jack used her rolled-up hair as a handle to hold her still and gave her a kiss. "I liked it. Do you know it's the first time you've called me anything besides 'Jack' or 'O'Neill'?"

"I believe I've called you 'General' a time or two."

"That was before you fell in love with me."

"Jackass, Smart Ass..."

"That was _after_ you fell in love me," he said dryly.

"_Handsome._ And you have no idea when I fell in love with you," she sniffed.

"Sure I do. It was the first time you saw my..." The doors slid open and Jack bit back the rest of his sentence as two nurses stepped in with them. "...big... red ...truck. My truck."

Maddy laughed at him as he slowly released her hair and patted down a few stray strands. The nurses got off a floor later.

"Jack, your truck is _green._"

"You got my drift," he leered. He looked around at the ceiling of the elevator. "I'm gonna talk to Landry about putting music in this thing."

"Elevator music?" she wrinkled her nose. Then her eyes widened in a horrified expression. "_Not_ opera!"

God, he loved her.

He made a face. "I was thinking of nice, slow, romantic stuff- so I can dance with my wife during the long ride."

The doors opened again and they stepped off. As they walked down the hall, Jack kept brushing her hand with his. There was so much he needed to say, so much he needed to explain. When they parted at her office, he winked at her.

Jack left his wife and went to check on Carter. On his way he bumped into Sergeant Siler.

"Siler. Got a minute?"

"Sure, General."

Jack sketched out an idea he had and Siler grinned knowingly. "Can you get General Landry's approval?"

"Don't need it. I'll sign the order and Landry can ream my ass if he doesn't like it."

"Good enough."

Jack slapped him on the back and moved on.

Sergeant Siler got half way down the corridor and had to turn and look back. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn that was Jack O'Neill who just asked him to pipe romantic dancing music into the elevators.

Colonel Carter was awake when Jack stopped in. "Hey, how you feeling?" Jack asked.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Better, Sir." Her speech was thick. There were nasty purple bruises all over her face, neck, and arms. Her eyes were sunk into dark hollows. But it was lingering fear, the shadow of something awful in her eyes that worried him.

Jack hitched a hip on the bed. "Anything I can get you? Jello? Cake? Maddy makes incredible blueberry pancakes..."

She shook her head. "Thanks for bailing us out. How's the arm?"

"And where's the sling?" Dr. Lam asked as she motioned for Jack to remove his shirt. He obeyed and winced as she poked the wound. "Why'd you remove the dressing, General?"

"It was itching."

"It's supposed to itch." She got to work replacing the bandage while Jack talked to Carter. "Keep that on and keep it dry. The colonel needs to rest. Say goodbye."

Jack made a face at her back as she walked away, making Carter laugh hollowly.

"Sorry, Carter," he grimaced.

"Sir, was that Mrs. O'Neill here the other night, or was I dreaming?"

"She came to pick me up."

Sam nodded. "Thought so. Daniel says she's nice."

Jack's face stiffened. "Yeah, he seems pretty taken with her."

"So do you, Sir. I'm happy for you." She started coughing and Jack was ushered out by the nurses.

He made the rounds of the wounded, taking time to chat a moment with each, then cornered the doctor.

"Has Vala used the healing device on Carter yet?"

"She's still off-world, but the General is recalling her."

"Is it gonna be too late to do any good?" he asked worriedly.

Dr. Lam patted his arm. "She'll be fine. And it wouldn't hurt to have Vala work on that arm of yours when she's done."

Jack shook his head. "It drains her energy so fast- Carter is gonna need all she can give her. I'll heal just fine, and it'll give Maddy a reason to fuss over me. Thanks, Doc."

When he left he headed for Landry's office. The general greeted him with surprise.

"Thought I told you to take a couple days off, let that arm heal?"

Jack shrugged. "I'm fine. You look like you could use a couple days' sleep, Hank.

"No kidding. I'm waiting for Carolyn to make it an order. With Carter out of commission, Mitchell and Reynolds limping home with the Odyssey... There's no _way_ I'm leaving command to _Vala,_" he joked.

"When is she due back?"

"Any time now. Colonel Carter?"

Jack nodded. "I've never seen her in such bad shape."

Landry massaged his temple and nodded. "That was as bad as I ever want to see. The Colonel is tough, Jack. We'll get her through this."

"Damn straight we will. I can mind the store for a day, Hank. Go get some rest. I'll call you for any official authorizations."

"You're wounded, too, Jack."

"Bah. I'm here, aren't I?"

"Only because you're worried about your wife and any residual problems with that drug mess."

"Bah. I'm here, aren't I?"

Landry grunted. "Let me clear up some paperwork and line out the shift, then maybe I'll take you up on that offer. I could use four hours in one of the staff quarters."

"Make it eight and I'll stick around."

"Thanks, Jack. How'd Maddy handle you being gone and returning wounded?"

"Like a trooper. She got a little weepy at first- after she drove one hundred and ten miles an hour to get here when I called her."

Landry laughed. "At least she didn't call Aris Boch for a ride."

"That's what she said when I gave her hell for it."

Landry sobered. "She actually drove that fast?"

"She was in the tunnel before we hung up. And she forgot her shoes."

"How on God's good green Earth...?"

"I tried it this morning. Couldn't get past eighty-five on those back roads."

"She's a spitfire, Jack."

"You should see her on a horse, Hank. When I told her she drives like she rides, I thought I was kidding."

The phone rang and an officer knocked at the door. A whirling red light and siren announced an incoming wormhole.

"That should be Vala," Landry said.

"I'll go see how soon she can use the healing device on Carter." He rose and hesitated. Landry glanced up at him. "Carter... Carter is gonna need some time, Hank. Don't let her convince you she's ready for field missions too soon."

"Carolyn is pretty protective in that respect."

Jack shook his head. "I don't think she gave us the whole story. Put a bug in Lam's ear to check her over... _thoroughly_."

Landry gave him a blank look for a moment, then his eyebrows crept up his forehead. "You think she was raped?"

Jack nodded and winced.

"You know her better than I do. I'll mention it to Carolyn."

It was another late night getting off work for the O'Neills. Once again Jack found Maddy hanging around in Daniel's lab. He wasn't as angry this time, but he couldn't tamp down the jealousy that roiled inside his guts. He grabbed Maddy away from the good-looking archeologist as quickly as possible. When they got to the truck, Jack tossed her the keys.

"Do it," he challenged.

Maddy took the keys but shook her head. "Too much traffic. Sunday morning, four AM."

"It's a date, hot-shot. You know, I'd order us a pizza on the way home but I found my cell phone smashed to smithereens on the livingroom floor."

Maddy glanced sideways at him. "Meant to tell you about that. Landry called me back to open the commissary not a half hour after I got you home. I was kinda pissed." She changed the subject. "How's Colonel Carter?"

"Not much better than my phone," he returned dryly. "_She'll_ recover, but it'll be awhile. Those bastards did a number on her." He clenched his fists and saw Maddy give them a side-long glance. "Vala used the Gou'ald healing device on her, but it's still gonna take awhile for her to recover. She's awfully damned weak. ...Don't think I've ever seen her so traumatized."

"You mean she wasn't wounded in the battle?"

Jack turned to look out the window as he spoke. "No, she was captured and tortured."

"Oh, Jack!"

"It wasn't pretty Maddy. Don't ever ask me to tell you the details because I won't."

"What can I do?"

"Just be friends with her. It's gonna be a long recovery- longer mentally than physically."

"Was she raped?" Maddy asked softly.

"She won't say, but I imagine. I'll get it outta Lam eventually. It was always her biggest fear," he added softly, then grunted. "Her only fear."

They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they got to the lodge Jack made no move to get out of the truck. He knew Maddy wasn't sure whether to leave him alone or stay. When he finally spoke his voice was ragged.

"Were you raped, Maddy?"

The question took her off-guard. "No, Jack. Never. Thank God."

"I meant that night before I went off-world."

She whipped her head around. "No! Why would you think that?"

"I was awful rough." He swallowed. "It seemed like I forced you."

She reached over and took his hand. "I told you I was fine with it."

"Tell me the truth."

"I am. I did."

"It won't happen again, Maddy, I promise. And don't give me your lecture on promises."

"Then you're not the man I thought I married," she said softly.

He scowled at her. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, Jack, that I know there's a dark side of you and I love it as much as every other part of you. You'll never hurt me. But I love the edge, and you wouldn't be nearly as exciting if I didn't think you could swing me out over it once in awhile."

Spunk. He didn't deserve her. He raised the back of her hand to his lips, then turned it over and kissed her wrist. "How did I ever find you?"

"If I recall, you tracked me down."

He grunted.

"While we're being candid- you need to get over Daniel."

"Over him? What's that mean?" He was stalling.

"I'm not attracted to him, Jack. I don't want to come between you two."

"You won't."

"Huh-uh. When you found me in his lab that night, I thought you were gonna come unglued."

"Like I did the night he came here?"

"Like a blood-thirsty pit bull."

Jack looked down at the floor. "I was stressed out over SG-1 being captured..."

"I know. That's why I didn't bring it up then. But I can tell you I was nervous about being alone with you _that_ night."

He groaned. "I wasn't thinking straight. Maddy, when you see me like that, just get in the truck and leave. Spend the night at the base- tell Landry and he'll understand. But if I ever lose it... please, take yourself away from me until I... get straightened out. And don't listen to a thing I say."

"That's why I didn't come out onto the deck that night. I thought you needed to cool off."

He kissed her hand again. "That's one of the many things I love about you. That's why you're so good for me."

"I've handled enough raging studs to have an idea how to handle you, O'Neill."

He laughed at that and turned sideways on the seat. "So after your first experience with me going off-world, getting wounded, how are you? Can you deal with it?"

"I did okay."

"You did more than okay, Maddy. Landry said you were great. I know you can _handle_ it. What I asked was, can you _deal_ with it? I guess I should have asked, are you _willing_ to deal with it?"

She looked him in the eye. "It's not a deal-breaker, if that's what you wanna know. I'm not gonna leave while you're gone, Jack. I'll always be here when you get back."

He knew his expression told her he was thinking of the way she left Minnesota, the way Sara had left him.

"It's like you once told me, Jack, life happens. The only way you can know is take a chance on me and you'll see I'm telling you the truth when I'm still here in thirty, forty years. And I promise- if I ever leave you, I'll tell you why face-to-face before I go. Probably at the top of my lungs. While you're ducking whatever I can lay my hands on to throw."

"You're doing better, Maddy," he said softly. "I haven't seen you panic lately. Not feeling as trapped?"

"You're keeping me too busy to think about it," she laughed.

"Working in the commissary hasn't bothered your claustrophobia?"

She shrugged. "Keeping busy helps. And I keep the air cranked up. It gets to me more in the corridors than it does in the kitchen. You still haven't told me why you get so damned jealous when Daniel's around. He's your friend, Jack! He'd never make a play for me. And I damn sure wouldn't take him up on it."

He grimaced and looked down at their hands, at his wedding band. "Daniel is young and pretty-boy handsome and charming. Look how he has you eating out of his hand already!"

"I thought I had _him_ eating out of _my_ hand. He's your friend and I want to make him comfortable around _us_."

"Then you aren't so interested in all his old junk?"

She raised one shoulder. "Actually, I do find it interesting..."

"See? He can talk interesting stuff with you. I just crack jokes."

"Ain't a man on earth who can compare to you in the sack, O'Neill."

That brought a wry twist to his lips. "I know Danny wouldn't make a play for you. And I know you aren't interested in him that way- I trust you, Maddy. But... Daniel just has a way about him. Things happen when we don't plan them."

"Or fight tooth and nail against them?" she reminded softly.

He nodded grimly. "There's that _something_ he has with women that I'll never..."

"Would Daniel be able to discuss the merits of a .30-.30 versus a .300 depending on the terrain you're hunting? Or a rooster tail versus a leach depending on the water and time of day and the type of fish you're after? Would he even know what a noodle-rod is, or the difference between a fly reel and a bait-cast reel? Does he love dogs and dancing in the headlights along the side of the road? And for damn sure Daniel wouldn't have been able to tackle me over the couch the way you did. Long story short, Daniel is simply no Jack O'Neill."

"Daniel would never have used you the way Jack O'Neill did the other night."

"Yeah, I was gonna mention that, but I thought I was losing you. That short attention span of yours."

He grinned. "It's not so short when the topic is _me_."

"Typical male," she snorted. "Jack, speaking from experience, do you really think gentle, soft-spoken Daniel could satisfy me? I'd chew him up, spit him out, and still be hungry."

"I dunno- Daniel's a hellava lot tougher than he looks. I'd pick him to watch my six over a whole unit of marines- don't sell him short. And he's tamed some pretty wild women. Sha're. Vala."

"Do you want me tamed, O'Neill?"

He gave her a narrow look. "I don't think the man lives that can tame you!"

"But do you _want_ me tamed?"

"Not a chance!"

"Jack?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going through some serious withdrawal. Make love to me."

"Here? In the truck?"

"That was your fantasy. My turn." She stepped out, then hit the automatic locks. "Wherever you catch me." When she slammed the door, his side locked as well. She took off running past the end of the lodge and headed for the pasture below the barn.

Jack had to slide across the seat and unlock the doors from the driver's side. He caught her by the seat of the pants as she was scrambling through the three-rail fence. He dragged her down into the dewy grass and stilled her with a long kiss. Maddy wrapped herself around him and gave as good as she got. They were both panting when he raised his head to look at her. Maddy rained her fingers down over his face then slid them up along his scalp.

"I didn't make you hurt your shoulder, did I?"

He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of her hands. "What shoulder?" he asked distractedly.

She shifted her hips and clamped him tightly with her legs. "Jack, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you."

"Only 'pretty sure'?"

"Um-hmm."

"Quite an admission from somebody who doesn't believe in love." He worked her hair loose and fanned it out around her head.

"So help me, Jack, if you ever say 'Next Tuesday at eight o'clock we'll plan on having sex', I swear I'll walk out the door and never come back."

"What brought that on? And who does that, anyway?"

"You've never read women's magazines, have you?"

"Ya _think_?"

"They say in those articles that when a marriage gets long in the tooth, and both parties are busy with work and kids and stuff, you should schedule sex. To make sure you keep having it." She started playing with both of his ears at once. "They say it gives you something to look forward to. Builds the excitement."

"My God Maddy as it is I'm gonna start carrying duct tape in my pocket so I won't get myself caught in elevator doors! I wasn't aroused this much, or this easily, twenty five years ago!"

"Ah-hah! You _do_ watch 'MacGyver_'_!" she chortled. Then she sobered. "I just don't want us to ever get to that point."

He played his fingers down the sides of her face. "Still worried I'll lose interest in you? What if you lose interest in making love to me?"

"Right here, right now, I can't imagine that at all. My body is tingling all over and I want you so much. I love the way you love me, Jack. _All_ the ways you love me. I'm scared of losing that. Can I download that Ancient stuff?"

"Trust me, Darlin', you do _not_ wanna do that!" His gaze bore into hers. "Besides, if you ever did, they'd have to lock you away as a lethal weapon. As it is you're almost too damned dangerous to have wandering loose around all those poor, defenseless soldiers."

"What do you mean?" She caught his head and held his kiss at bay until he answered her.

"Maddy, you're so damned hot the fire alarms steam when you pass them!"

"Only in your vivid imagination, O'Neill. But thanks for the thought. Nice stab at changing the subject."

Jack sighed and propped his chin on his hands. "With my job, and the way you ride- and drive- it's a pretty good bet we're not gonna live long enough to get bored with each other."

"Oh, _that's_ reassuring!"

"Its why you need to love to me today and let tomorrow take care of itself."

She pulled him down for a slow, gentle kiss. "Okay, I'm convinced." She rolled him over onto his back, straddled him, and opened his shirt. She kissed her way up his chest, spending time on each of his nipples before working up his neck to his ear. He slipped his hands under her shirt and unfastened her bra, then slipped the shirt over her head. Maddy sat up again and Jack raised his knees for her to lean back against. She shook her hair out and groaned softly as his warm hands roamed her breasts.

"You are so beautiful," he told her, watching as his fingers sent shivers through her body. She put her hands over his and let them ride there, following his every move. Her head tipped back and she closed her eyes, her senses tuned to his touch. The sun had nearly set and the fading golden glow gilded her body. "You take my breath away, Maddy."

"If I had one more of those, you could juggle them."

"If you had one more of these I'd have to tie a cement block to your ass to keep you from tipping over forward."

She leaned down and kissed the hollow behind his ear. "I love the way you touch me," she whispered. "Such incredible, talented hands." She ran her tongue around the outside of his ear, nipping and blowing softly until she felt him shiver. "Nobody can handle a woman like Jack O'Neill." She covered his mouth with hers, taking control and making the kiss as dominating as it was tender. "Love me, Jack. Make it last all night then love me again in the morning."

"Yes, Dear."

Jack had a smug look on his face as he came through the door. Maddy finished smoothing out the wallpaper border she was putting up in the bathroom then smiled down at him from atop the ladder.

"Hi. How'd your golf game go?"

Jack couldn't contain his excitement as he tried to shrug off the question. "You almost done?"

She studied him intently as she wiped her hands. "You didn't play golf, did you?"

His face fell. "Damn it, Maddy, how could you tell?" he demanded.

"You don't look like you've spent the day in the sun. You look way too pleased with yourself to have won a dumb golf game- even against Daniel and Landry. And Colonel Mitchell- who was supposed to be your partner- called to ask you something about a new recruit you asked him to keep an eye on."

Jack swore softly. He put his shoulder into her middle and levered her over his shoulder.

"Jack! I wanna finish this!"

He carried her out and dumped her onto the couch. "Close your eyes."

She obediently covered her face with her hands. Jack went to the door and motioned to Daniel. A moment later Maddy felt something very warm and very furry settled between her knees.

"Okay," Jack told her.

Maddy dropped her hands and gasped. Jack was kneeling on the floor steadying a tiny horse foal, watching her intently. Maddy's eyes welled and overflowed.

"Oh _Jack_...!" She ran her hands over the tiny, furry body, taking in every detail. The golden palomino filly turned bright blue eyes on her and promptly nipped her arm. Maddy laughed.

"Jack, she's _gorgeous!"_

"I've been looking for a miniature to get you," he explained. "When I saw her..." He watched his wife's dancing eyes and elated expression and nearly cried himself. "Can we house-break her? Keep her in the lodge?"

"Oh, Jack, _really? _That would be awesome!"

Daniel smiled from the doorway as Jack drew Maddy over the foal's back to give her a long kiss. He had never seen Jack so happy, so content. It was about time.

"What are you gonna name her?" Jack asked.

"Diamond," Maddy said immediately, caressing his face. "This is _way_ better than a refrigerator, O'Neill."

**Chapter Twenty **

The phone rang at just after two in the morning. Maddy shifted as Jack crawled over her to reach the stand. He said three words and leaped out of bed.

"Maddy," his voice was sharp. "I need you to get me to the base as quickly as you can without killing us." He was dialing the phone and pulling on his pants at the same time.

Maddy didn't question him. She drew on a robe and flew to the door. The truck was running by the time Jack leaped in, boots and shirt in his hand. She threw it into reverse, spun the tires and whipped the wheel throwing the back end of the truck into a one-eighty. Before it stopped moving she had slammed it into 'drive' and sprayed gravel in all directions as the truck leaped forward. Not slowing a fraction, she held the wheel steady as the truck skipped from the top of one rut to another, dead center down the rough lane.

Jack was barking instructions over the phone, and as they neared the turn from the lane onto the main road, he glanced her nervously. Instead of slowing, she hit the gas. Jack dropped his boots and braced a hand against the dash, still holding the cell to his ear. As the tires were leaving the muddy track, she tapped the brake, made a controlled fishtail onto the asphalt and floored it.

When Maddy had told him she 'straightened the curves' she hadn't been exaggerating. When a bend loomed, she took it from the outside to the inside, barely turning the wheel, using every inch of asphalt and a bit of the berm. But the truck steadily increased in speed, never once slowing for even the tightest of bends, and she never took enough of the berm on a curve for the gravel to spin the tires. She watched ahead alertly, knowing each intersection was clear before blasting past stop signs so fast they rocked in the truck's wake. On the open road now, she pushed the truck to its limits, smoothly cutting across curves so that they very nearly drove a straight line from the lodge to the base. Jack was not only amazed at her skill, but in the ride itself- there were only a couple times when he was rocked from side to side. For the most part it was unbelievably smooth. Like pulling G's in a fighter jet. He felt the shimmy she mentioned and knew they had hit one-ten, but she grimly pushed the truck past it and the tremor lined out again.

Tail lights loomed ahead and Jack glanced over to see if Maddy saw them. Her face was tight with concentration, but there was an excited aura about her that perplexed him. They bore down on the car without slowing. Jack's heart leaped into his throat when oncoming headlights broke the darkness.

"Maddy..."

"You could stick your head out the window and make like a siren," she told him.

She flicked on her right-hand turn signal, calmly eased onto the wide berm, passed the car on the right as the oncoming vehicle passed it on the left, and made a smooth transition back onto the pavement. Jack whipped around to watch the two cars. Taillights flashed briefly, but both vehicles continued safely on their way.

He understood now why people thought they saw UFOs overtaking them- it was only his wife, driving like she rode.

He had a fleeting image of her behind the wheel of a semi, gleefully double-clutching her way through the gears as she passed other trucks, and he couldn't help a quick grin. Then he forced thoughts of his wild wife out of his mind and concentrated on the information he was getting through the cell phone.

"Don't stop at the gate," he barked as she feathered the brakes and fish-tailed through the turn into the complex. "No time. They know my truck. If the gate's down, go through it."

She didn't slow upon approach to the security gate. She flashed the lights, laid on the horn, and smashed through the yellow and black drop gate. The security guard stumbled backwards into the small building amid a cloud of loose papers. She didn't touch the brakes as they approached the tunnel and Jack braced himself again.

"You can let me off at the elevators," he said dryly. "I don't need you to drive down twenty-eight floors."

Maddy let off the gas to let the truck slow on its own as the dim lights of the tunnel flashed overhead, then she stepped on the gas again, whipped the wheel, locked up the brakes, and put the truck into a sideways drift that nearly ran the length of the tunnel and came to a rocking halt next to the silo entrance. A white-faced SF leaped sideways as the bumper stopped a few feet from his knees.

"Christ, Maddy," was all Jack could manage as he leaped out and raced for the entrance.

Shaking, Maddy wiggled her fingers at the SF and eased the truck into a slow exit from the tunnel.

Jack leaned both hands against wall of the elevator, hung his head, and sucked in deep breaths before he finished dressing. When he finally reached Level 28 he had stopped shaking, but his adrenalin was pumping in overdrive. He raced to a munitions locker, armed himself and took a radio, then quickly but carefully took the corridors one at a time. There was sporadic gunfire to his left, then a barrage. Ahead the corridor was sealed by a blast door. Raising the P90, he swiped his ID card and dropped flat as the door began to raise. Three Lucians had taken cover inside an office and were holding off an SG team. Jack swapped the P90 for a zat'ni'katel and quickly neutralized the intruders from his flanking position. The SG team converged and took the unconscious intruders prisoner.

"Harper, report!" Jack barked.

"Three more are holding Landry hostage in the command center, Sir!"

"How the hell did they get through?"

"Beamed in, General. We're still conducting a search- they're coming in three at a time, right and left!"

"Are the radios secure?"

"So far, Sir!"

"Who's on base?"

"SG-3, 5 and 9, Sir, along with the usual compliment of SFs. And the infirmary staff."

"How are they deployed?"

"SG-3 is holding the command center and gateroom, 5 is guarding the perimeter, and 9's doing a continuous sweep. SFs are guarding the elevators and infirmary. Colonel Mitchell, Vala, and Teal'c are still off-world. Dr. Jackson is with SG-3, handling negotiations."

"The surface has been sealed off?"

"Yes, Sir. Only SG teams being recalled are allowed to enter."

"Hold this floor, Major. Stand ready to take the elevators off-line and shut down power to every floor but the infirmary _after_ Siler arrives. Get a man up to observation on sixteen- give us a heads-up wherever they beam in."

"Yes, Sir!"

Jack sped off, checking for more intruders as he made his way to the command center. Just as he was turning into Corridor C, another team of three Lucians materialized in front of him. He zatted them the instant they appeared, stepped over them and kept moving.

"Got three more in C, Harper," Jack said into his radio.

"We'll collect them, Sir."

"Jack?" Daniel's voice came through the headset.

"What's going on, Daniel?"

"They've got a cloaked ship with beaming technology. The signal scrambler we have to stop an Asgard beam isn't working on whatever they're using."

"The Odyssey?"

"Still outta range. Can't contact them without access to the control room."

"Thor?"

"Can't contact him without access to the control room."

"Is Landry alright?"

"So far."

"What are their demands?"

"Oh, the Odyssey, the SGC, Earth, the coordinates of Atlantis, to name a few..."

Jack swore. "Those demands are outta wack, Daniel. What are they _really_ after?"

"I'm working on it, Jack."

"What's the status of the gate?"

"Incoming wormhole we're assuming they established. It's being held open from their end. They've got Landry and the gate tech. Both unconscious. They haven't figured out how to open the iris yet. Jack, SG-12 is due back in three hours. If we don't get that iris open..."

"We'll get it, Daniel. Keep 'em talking. Harper, O'Neill. How many prisoners have you collected so far?" He put his back to a wall and glanced around. It was clear so he moved on.

"Nine so far, General."

"There are three holding the control room, Jack."

"Only three? Why hasn't somebody taken them out?"

"They've got Landry wired to a circuit panel, and each of them are holding a lead. If any of them fall, Landry gets fried."

"How the hell did they have time to do all that?"

"The first six beamed directly into the control room, got Landry, and took out the gate tech and guards before they knew what hit them. We've got four dead and two badly wounded. After that they just kept coming, and base security has been tied up neutralizing the intruders. We never know where they're going to show up, Jack."

"Has a medical team been down to treat the wounded?"

"Can't get to them."

"Two more neutralized, General O'Neill," Harper reported. "One headed down Corridor C."

Maddy pulled into the driveway and stepped out onto the sharp gravel. Wincing, she gingerly picked her way to the door and stepped inside.

Aris Boch was sitting on her couch, an alien-looking weapon pointed at Bonnie. The dog was crouched near the kitchen, hackles up and growling. Maddy turned to run, but his voice stopped her.

"Don't run, Maddy. I'll have to shoot your pet if you do, and I'll just come get you anyway."

She slowly turned back around. "What do you want? Bonnie, come."

"Pizza?"

The dog obediently moved to her side, stiff-legged and not taking her eyes off the intruder. Maddy pushed her outside and closed the door. She turned back to Boch and hugged her robe around her, grateful that they had closed Diamond in the spare bedroom for the night.

"You didn't come here for pizza, Aris. What do you want?"

"You."

Maddy felt the blood drain from her face. "I thought we were friends."

"We are," he shrugged. "That's why you're going to deliver another message to O'Neill."

"What's that?"

"You tell him that if the Tau'ri doesn't leave the Lucian Confederacy alone, next time I'll kill you."

"Confederacy? I thought it was 'Lucian Alliance'."

"The Confederacy is dedicated to universal sovereignty of the Lucian People. The Alliance leaders are opposed to our mandate, so they'll be the first to fall when we gain power. The ships we're seizing while the Tau'ri are being distracted will overpower the Alliance fleet. When we've gained control of the home world, not even the Asgard will dare to challenge us. With the Gou'ald exterminated, we'll take our rightful place as rulers of the galaxy."

"If you're so sure of that, why is the SGC a threat to you?"

"Our numbers are growing, but we have yet to accumulate sufficient weapons and ships to accomplish our mission. The Tau'ri's constant interference is slowing our progress."

"_Our, _Aris? You're not Lucian."

"Many in our ranks are not Lucian. I've pledged my allegiance to the Confederacy."

"I'll deliver your message," she said, hoping if she agreed he would leave.

"Yes, Maddy, you will. In a way O'Neill will be certain to understand. Not only will he convince the Tau'ri to leave the Confederation alone for your sake, he won't be leaving your side for a very long time."

Maddy spun and started running down the hall. She heard a click, then felt the most intense, horrifying pain she had ever experienced. It enveloped her, driving every nerve in her body to their limits of agony. She fell head-long into the kitchen, unconscious before she hit the floor.

Jack whirled, swiped his card, and closed the blast door behind him. He crept forward, listening intently, alert for the oncoming enemy. As he passed a weapons locker he paused then back-pedaled. He swiped his ID card, swung open the door to expose the weapons, then backed around the corner. Dropping flat on his belly, he edged the muzzle of the P90 around in front of him, and waited.

It wasn't long before the intruder made his way along the empty corridor and spied the weapons room. As he stepped inside, Jack shot him in the leg. The man returned fire.

"You're down!" Jack yelled. "Stay there and I won't kill you!"

His answer was another burst of lethal laser. Jack put a bullet in his shoulder.

"Next one will be your last!" he warned. "Give up!"

The man tried to crawl further into the weapons room and Jack's final shot left him laying still. Cursing, Jack stood and cautiously approached the Lucian. He was dead.

"Enemy KIA, Corridor C, Munitions," he said into the headset. "Daniel, I'm headed your way. What the hell were you and Landry doing here at this ungodly hour, anyway?"

"General Landry was sleeping in base quarters, waiting for SG-12. He was alerted when they established the unauthorized wormhole. I lost track of time working on that Arthurian ledger we found on P3..."

"And the gate's _still_ open?" Jack cut him off.

"Yes. I assume they'll bring in reinforcements as soon as they figure out the iris."

"I'll be there in a minute."

"General O'Neill! The prisoners were just beamed out of the holding cell!"

"Got 'em here," another voice called.

"The same ones?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Yes, Sir. We stripped them of all possible devices. Someone on the ship must be moving them around."

"No more prisoners," Jack ordered grimly. "Shoot to kill."

Maddy woke with the most incredible pain she had ever known. Her body continued to twitch and spasm as little currents of sheer agony raced and jumped through her system. It took several moments for her to realize she was tied to the bed by her ankles and wrists. She struggled and screamed, but the bonds only grew tighter, more painful. Her robe was gone- she was totally naked and completely helpless.

'_Jack will come,'_ she thought hysterically. _'He won't let this happen to me! He can't let this happen. Jack! Oh God, please help me! Jack where are you?'_

Aris Boch rose from his seat by the window and moved to stand over her. He was holding Jack's hockey stick, looking it over approvingly.

"That didn't take long," he smiled. Taking a silver orb from a pouch in his armor, he pressed a tab and gave the little ball toss up into the air. It hung there, humming dutifully, shedding it's blue light over the bed.

Maddy cried out and tried to turn away, certain the orb was going to do something awful.

"Don't you recognize the hologram recorder?"

Maddy tried not to cry, tried to muster her courage as the huge alien raised the hockey stick over his head. Eyes wide and riveted on the looming stick, breath coming in hard gasps, her body tensed for the blow.

"What is it you're going to tell O'Neill?" he asked.

The hockey stick whistled through the air with the force of it's descent. Maddy choked on her scream when it landed just below her breasts, cracking two ribs and driving the air from her lungs. Boch made an approving face and cracked another rib, raising an ugly red welt across her stomach. Her cries were choked off as she gasped and writhed in agony.

"What are you going to tell O'Neill?" he demanded again.

Maddy couldn't breathe, couldn't begin to answer him.

"It'll be worse next time, Maddy. You have to convince him to order the SGC not to interfere with the Lucian Confederacy."

The hockey stick whistled down again, this time shattering a knee cap. Maddy screamed until there was no air left in her tortured lungs as Boch methodically pulverized both knees.

"Maddy... _Maddy!_" He had to grab her chin to draw her eyes to his face. "You have to convince O'Neill to leave the Lucians alone. He's the reason you're in so much pain, Maddy. If he had left us alone, I wouldn't have to do this to you."

He propped the hockey stick against the headboard and opened his pants. Through the a haze of pain she saw and understood, and she renewed her futile struggle. Boch straddled her battered torso and raised his fist.

"_**Jack... help me...!"**_

The giant fist slammed into her face over and over. After the first couple of blows her face went numb and they had less effect. She felt her nose shatter and everything went black.

"How many?" O'Neill barked into the headset.

"Six beaming around, Sir, five dead, one too wounded to be of much use."

Jack pursed his lips and looked at Daniel. "Fifteen, counting those holding Landry."

Daniel addressed the leader of the Lucians. "There's no way out. We've got all your associates. You're surrounded."

Jack walked down the corridor so the Lucians wouldn't hear him. "Siler get here yet?"

"Here, General," Siler's voice came across the radio.

"I need you to pull the power to every back-up system we've got. I need to know Landry won't get fried when we drop these bastards."

"Working on it, General."

"When you pull the power, I need that iris to stay closed!"

"Got it, Sir."

Jack walked back and studied the situation. The Lucians had split up, making it challenging to take out all three simultaneously. One was busy at the computer console, trying to decipher access codes. The other two were merely watching.

"This is nuts. They know there's no way this'll work. It was stupid from the get-go."

"Yet they don't seem worried in the least," Daniel agreed. "They're calm, unconcerned. They haven't made a single threat demanding iris codes. They're just ...dicking around."

Jack keyed his radio. "Harper, send me your two best snipers." He scowled at Daniel. "All they're doing is running us around the mulberry bush... tying us...up... Damn! The ship facility! They're pulling a coup on that damned facility and these guys are just here to keep us occupied!"

"And we can't alert Mitchell aboard the Odyssey in time to reroute them," Daniel added.

"That's why the weak-assed ploy with Landry- they knew we'd just cut the power and take them out- but in the meantime we can't call in reinforcements." The two snipers rounded the door and O'Neill placed them with hand signals. "They don't want the iris open to bring in more troops- they want it closed to keep us from sending teams _out._ They're betting that with the power down to protect Landry, even if we dialed the gate manually we couldn't open the iris." He took bead on the leader and keyed the radio. "Siler, we're moving _now_. Have that power cut!"

The lights went out immediately, and back-up power did not kick in. The base went completely, totally black. A moment later the battery safety lights came on, giving dim and all but useless illumination.

Jack squeezed the trigger. The two snipers fired a heartbeat after Jack.

There was a bright flash and the three Lucians were gone.

One bullet smashed into the bank of computers and one took out the dialing computer monitor. One Lucian was beamed away with O'Neill's bullet in his chest.

"What's the status of the intruders?" O'Neill barked.

"Just beamed away, Sir!"

"Here, too, General."

Jack turned and slapped the nearest wall. "Sons-of-bitches! Daniel, get Landry unhooked from that circuit panel. Siler- standby to get that power grid back online!" Jack got busy contacting the Odyssey. "SG-3 and 5, be ready to go in five! Get those elevators back online and get those other teams down here, _now! _"

"I don't know if we'll be able to dial out, Jack. Those bullets did some damage..."

"We're gonna find out, Daniel."

Pain roused her. Incredible, excruciating, pain. Boch raised his head to look at her, lifted a blade for her to see. As Maddy watched, horrified, her blood dripped from the steel onto her stomach. She couldn't feel the cuts, didn't know if he had stabbed or sliced her.

"Well, now that you're awake..."

Boch raped her. Brutally, aggressively, repeatedly.

He bit her breasts and drew blood in several places. He broke her leg over his knee like a stick, and snapped her wrist. Maddy drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to feel anything as her body shut down out of shock. But she was aware, and she was terrified. When he finished cracking the rest of her ribs, one by one, he raped her again. She knew that he had paused once to readjust the orb so that it could record from a better angle.

He grabbed her face and slapped her into awareness. "Do you understand that O'Neill is doing this to you?" he demanded. "O'Neill is the reason you're being hurt. It's his fault, Maddy. He might as well be me. You call him off the Lucians, or I'll come back and do this again and again until you make him leave them alone. Do you hear me?"

Maddy heard the words but their meaning escaped her. She closed her eyes and thought about Jack. How he held her. How tender he was, how loving. She thought about his jokes, relived happy moments with him. Jack would be here any moment, he would kill Boch and stop the torture. Jack would save her. She remembered his look when she drove him to the SGC, and she laughed. Once she started laughing, she couldn't stop.

When Boch produced a short rod with three prongs that glowed on the tips, she laughed at him. Hysterical, maniacal laughter that held no meaning. As the glowing ends burned into the flesh of her stomach, arms, legs, and feet, the acrid smell of scorched skin curling her nostrils, she laughed. She felt her consciousness float out of her body, rise above the bed and look down at herself. She let her mind drift away to a safe place, refused to acknowledge to the hell she was being forced to endure. She focused on the orb, picturing Jack's face as a haven for her mind.

"Goodbye, Jack," she whispered.

Then she let go of her sanity.

When Boch knelt between her knees with the awful glowing prongs shooting a visible arc of bluish-yellow energy between them, Maddy screamed herself into blissful unconsciousness.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say Boch was involved," Landry told Jack and Daniel as he picked off the remainder of the wires. "The MO is so similar; cloaked ship we can't detect, beaming technology we can't scramble..."

Jack dove for a nearby phone and dialed the lodge. When he got no answer he contacted the surface guards to see if Maddy was being held with other non-essential personnel. Nobody had seen her. He bolted for the door with Daniel hot on his heels.

Daniel leaped from the truck before it stopped and beat Jack to the door by two heartbeats. When the two men burst into the lodge, the smell of blood and burned skin made them retch. Daniel saw Maddy's wrist tied to the headboard, and he tried to keep Jack from going into the bedroom. Jack threw the younger man aside and burst through the door. He took one look at Maddy, turned, and emptied his stomach. He fell to his knees beside the bed, fought the urge to puke again, fought the need to close his eyes against his wife's horrible mutilation.

Daniel checked for a pulse and grabbed his cell phone. "She's alive, Jack! She's not dead!" he shouted. "General, Maddy's been... get a medical team up here stat. She's still alive, but..."

Jack stared at his wife's swollen and bloody face. Her eyes were open, unseeing, unblinking. "God, oh _God_! Maddy. Maddy, can you hear me?" He couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

"She's better off unconscious, Jack," Daniel said gently as he released the bonds and gingerly moved her limbs into what seemed like a less uncomfortable position. They both could hear bones grating.

Jack moved to take her face in his hands, but stopped just short of touching her. He could find no place that his touch wouldn't cause more pain. He gently smoothed her hair and his fingers came away covered in blood. He stared into her eyes, sickened by the dull, lifeless, emptiness and he gingerly eased her lids closed. His gaze trailed down over her body, taking stock of the cuts, burns, tears, bruises, teeth marks, welts, and blood. The broken leg at an impossible angle, the pulpy mass of her knees, ragged ends of ribs poking through her skin. One nipple had been bitten almost completely off and canted horribly to one side, hanging by a small patch of skin amid a flow of blood. The horrible pronged instrument had been left laying between her knees with undeniable implication.

"Maddy, oh God...!" He dropped his head to the blood soaked mattress and sobbed.

**Chapter Twenty One **

"She will survive," Dr. Lam told the assembled group in the briefing room. "She was horribly violated in so many ways..." The tough base doctor had to swallow several times in order to continue.

"We all saw the hologram, Doctor," Landry saved her, and SG-1, from a recount of Maddy's ordeal. "What's the prognosis?"

"A very long, very painful, very difficult recovery," the doctor said. "Her body will heal a lot faster than her mind. The broken leg and wrist set nicely and will knit together with little residual effect. Depending on how much Miss Mal Doran can do with the Gou'ald healing device, we may still have to replace both knees. One lung was punctured, and her spleen is ruptured. We had to rebuild her nose, and at the moment her jaw is wired shut. Fractures of the facial bones were clean with no extrusions. The numerous burns, tears, bruises, cuts, punctures, and... bites... will leave scars but weren't potentially dangerous. Internal lacerations... and electrical burns..." the doctor had to stop and compose herself before finishing. "... will heal with some scar tissue but without major complications. Eventually. Again, hopefully, the healing device will circumvent excessive permanent damage. The attack was contrived to inflict excruciating pain and terror, but he was sadistically careful not to do anything that might be life-threatening. The trauma has effected her vital signs, but she's stable. Pain killers are having little to no effect and we're keeping her sedated, but I'm going to recommend inducing a controlled coma. She's responding to the pain, but attempts to reach cognitive thinking have been unsuccessful."

"Bastard knew what he was doing," Mitchell snarled. "Stopped just short doing anything that would kill her."

"What about Jack?" Daniel voiced what the rest of them were thinking.

"We've given him enough sedative to knock down a bull, but he's fighting it off. At least he's stopped tearing the infirmary apart." She passed a sheaf of papers to Landry. "Here's a detailed list of the damaged equipment, broken furnishings, and necessary structural repairs he left in his wake."

"With Sam still recovering," Daniel said, "Vala's the only one who can use the healing device."

"She's going to need more than what Vala can do alone," Dr. Lam stated. "We'll concentrate on the most vital areas first. Colonel Carter still needs her help as well."

Landry turned to Mitchell. "Any luck running down a Tok'ra?"

Mitchell shook his head, still looking a bit shell-shocked.

"I want to start immediately," Vala offered. "She's so badly injured- not sure how much I can do at one time. I wasn't able to completely heal Colonel Carter all at once."

"You actually did quite a lot," Dr. Lam told her. "But time is of the essence."

"Has Jack seen the hologram?" Daniel asked.

Landry shook his head. "I didn't think that was advisable. I've got it under lock and key."

"Any word yet from Teal'c?" Mitchell asked.

"Not yet. He's still scouting the ship-building facility the Lucian Confederacy managed to overtake. As soon as he returns we'll plan a takeover of our own." He turned to Dr. Lam. "Keep me apprised of Mrs. O'Neill's condition and contact me immediately if General O'Neill gets out of hand."

"How long before we can safely zat him again?" Dr. Lam asked.

Everyone looked at Vala. She shrugged.

"Not something that's come up before," she defended.

"I imagine there's been a Gou'ald somewhere, sometime, who sacrificed Jaf'fa to find out," Landry said darkly. "We'll ask Teal'c next time he checks in. Until then, if O'Neill needs to be stopped we'll find another way. Dismissed."

SG-1 stood around Maddy's hospital bed, offering their silent support as Vala moved the glowing hand device over the woman's broken and abused body. She moved repeatedly over her knees and pelvis which were Dr. Lam's biggest concerns. Jack sat in a chair near her head, clutching her hand and looking drained. His face was deeply lined and ashen, two days' stubble of growth darkening his chin and jaw. His eyes were flat and dead, with no spark of life to be found. The sedative made his head bob from time to time, but he would fight off the drugs and stare at his wife's hand as if it was her lifeline.

In the next bed over, Colonel Carter stirred. "Let me try," she said with a voice that was cracked and weak. She lifted the covers and tried to sit up, but her strength failed and she lay back in a sweat.

"You're in no shape, Colonel," Dr. Lam told her sternly. "Vala will do the best we can hope for."

Sam laid back and tried to focus on the group in general, on O'Neill in particular, but she was too weak to voice the concern and compassion that showed in her eyes. She looked at O'Neill with all the pain of having witnessed the invincible man's grief.

The golden glow ended abruptly and Vala sagged from the drain on her vital energy. Daniel and Mitchell both reached out to catch her and they lowered her into a chair. Dr. Lam checked Maddy's vital signs, then lifted the sheet to examine her wounds. SG-1 stepped back to afford Maddy some privacy.

"You've actually done a great deal to accelerate the healing process," Dr. Lam nodded her approval. "I'll need to do X-rays of the bones, but the minor cuts and burns have healed, the worst ones are improved by at least sixty percent. Overall, I'm quite impressed, Miss Mal Doran. We'll get pictures of her knees and see if the healing device is doing the job, or if we need to replace them."

When Daniel gave her a genuine smile of approval, Vala beamed.

"What she needs is a sarcophagus," the alien shook her head sadly. "Let me recover and I'll try again," she promised. "I want to see if I can help Colonel Carter more, as well."

"Use what strength you have on Mrs. O'Neill first," Carter whispered from her bed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Jack, did you hear the doctor?" Daniel asked.

O'Neill barely nodded, his stricken gaze still riveted on Maddy's hand. His fingers toyed sluggishly with her wedding band, and every one of them understood the implication:

If O'Neill hadn't pressed and pursued Maddy, she wouldn't be in this condition.

A cot was moved into the ward and placed between Carter's and Maddy's beds, which was the only way Jack could be convinced to get any rest.

Daniel and Cam made a temporary move into the lodge and did their best to care for Maddy's animals. Between them, they managed to clean up and erase all evidence of Boch's horrific visit. They replaced the mattress and cleaned blood off the walls, floor, and ceiling fan.

Teal'c returned with the necessary intel, and five SG teams routed the Lucian Confederacy from the ship-building facility. In return for a permanent base and Earth's protection- backed by the Asgard- the grateful race agreed to share their advanced technology- and their ships- with the Tau'ri.

Vala's ongoing efforts with the Gou'ald healing device expedited both Maddy and Colonel Carter's physical recovery. The alien thief worked diligently, exhausting herself over and over to power the healing device, earning the gratitude and respect of the entire SGC. Carter eventually recovered enough to return to Earth-based light duty, her physical strength returning faster than her emotional well-being. Maddy's body healed and Vala was able to erase all but the deepest of scars. Her knees returned to normal, and Dr. Lam suggested they were probably better now than they had been before the attack. She was brought out of the medically induced coma but her mind refused to return and face reality. When she continued to be unresponsive to even the sharpest of voices or pin pricks, Dr. Lam arranged for her to be moved to a long-term care facility.

Jack O'Neill was only a shell of his former self. He still had a hard time looking at his wife's face. He withdrew into himself, refusing to talk about Maddy other than to give a cursory description of her condition.

Landry and SG-1 met with Dr. Lam to discuss O'Neill's mental state, but other than time, they didn't know what to do for him. He spent his days mired in work, his evenings at his wife's side, his nights in his quarters at the base. His lean body shed weight it couldn't afford, and his face aged daily. He arranged for SGC personnel who needed down or recovery time to stay at the lodge so that the place and it's inhabitants would be cared for. Jack vowed he wouldn't set foot back there until Maddy came with him.

Christmas came and went, but SG-1 wasn't in any mood to celebrate.

Late one stormy spring evening Maddy blinked her eyes and tried to focus.

Jack didn't notice. He was standing by the window of her private room, staring out into the pouring rain, tortured by his thoughts, plagued by guilt and grief. He couldn't stop thinking about how he had pursued and manipulated and insisted, how had been so damned arrogantly sure of himself, so foolishly confident in his obsession for her. Almighty hunter, invincible warrior, brushing off her fears, dismissing her trepidation, he had convinced her to ignore the sixth sense that had alerted her to danger, and be with him. In targeting her heart, wearing her down, promising safety in his love, he had ultimately become the instrument of her destruction.

He just had to buck the odds. Dense didn't begin to cover it- Life had proved to him over and over that he was fated to be alone. Not only was anyone he loved going to be ripped away from him, they were going to be made to suffer in the process.

He just wanted to love her. Sit on the deck and watch her catch more fish than him. Watch her ride like a wild Apache. Roll in the grass with her and the dogs. She had become the sunshine he loved to bask in, his warmth when it was cold, his breath of fresh air when life stifled him.

He snorted softly, painfully. Nobody had the right to be loved the way Maddy loved him. She adored him, idolized him, put him on a golden, jewel encrused pedestal so high the angels could mock him face to face.

'_Is that it?'_ he silently asked the raging sky._ 'Did she love me too much? You are a jealous God. Wrathful. I didn't mean to step on Your toes- I just wanted to love her. She would have found out soon enough that I'm just a man. A mere mortal, flawed and weak, hopelessly human. You gave her the heart she has- don't punish her for sharing it with me.'_

He head dropped forward and rested it against the cold glass. His beautiful, spirited Maddy. Wasting away in a tiny, white room, her body fading into nothing, hooked to machines and tubes, refusing to face the world he had dragged her into. He wondered, as he did every waking moment since finding her battered, bloody body, if he had silenced her laugh for good. If he had broken that indomitable spirit. He raised his eyes to the night sky where lightning was splitting the clouds. He thought of the night they met. Maddy had ridden into his life on a storm, and now he wondered if she would ride out on one.

'_If You are that adamant about me not having her, why didn't You just kill me instead? She loves You, worships You, trusts You. She's been nothing but good, and patient, and kind, and giving... Her entire life has been a credit to You. If I can see that, if this woman has opened the eyes of a cynical, hard-headed , hopelessly lost bastard like me, doesn't that warrent a little of Your mercy? I might deserve this but she doesn't. Why won't You help her? You are the only one who can.'_

When an orderly came in to mop the floor and Maddy actually looked at him, he spoke a cheerful greeting as he pushed furniture into the hall out of his way.

Jack mumbled an answer.

"Oh, no, Sir. I was speaking to the lady. Nice to see you awake," he chatted. "My, you've got such pretty big brown eyes..."

Jack stiffened. His breath made rapidly evaporating clouds of moisture on the glass. Afraid of what he would see, or not see, he straightened and slowly turned to meet his wife's gaze. Instant tears clouded his eyes and he dashed them away.

"Hey!" he managed past the lump in his throat. He moved to her side and sat down on the bed.

She swallowed dryly, licked at her lips, and blinked a couple of times. "H...h..." Her voice was a croaked whisper.

"Hi," Jack smiled. He picked up her hand and held it to his lips. "Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"H..." It was no more than a puff of air. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her throat. "Who... are...you?"

Jack stared at her, stunned. "Don't you... who... what hap...?" He faltered, not sure how much he should say.

She frowned and watched the way he caressed her hand. She cleared her throat again, but could only manage a dry squeak.

"Don't try to talk right now." Jack admitted to himself the suggestion was selfish; he didn't want to hear what the sinking feeling in his stomach told him was coming. He ran a hand over her head. "Your throat has to be so dry. Lemme get a doctor, then we'll see if you can have a drink." He kissed her hand and gave it a squeeze, then walked out into the hall so she wouldn't see him break down.

Sam and Daniel found him there, sitting hunched forward in a chair outside Maddy's room, face in his hands, his broad shoulders shaking uncontrollably under the force of his sobbing. They stopped abruptly and exchanged stricken glances. As one they back-pedaled up the hall and retreated into a waiting room. Neither spoke. Their eyes said everything each was thinking.

Daniel broke the silence. "She was doing so well..."

"We don't know that she died, Daniel. Maybe he just got some bad news."

"How much worse could it get?"

Sam grimaced. "Maybe she woke up and he's just relieved."

"I can't imagine him leaving her for even a minute if she woke up."

"Maybe she woke up and asked for a divorce."

Daniel stared at her. "She _has_ been through a hell of a lot since they met. It would be hard to take." His eyes drifted to the door and he nodded for Sam to look.

She turned in time to see O'Neill disappear down the hall. The two of them looked at each other and shifted uncomfortably. When Jack walked past, quietly speaking to a doctor, their faces reflected trepidation.

"We should go be there," Daniel said dejectedly.

"Give them a minute," Sam responded.

As one they turned and walked slowly towards Maddy's room.

"Daniel, if he tried to eat a bullet when Charlie died..."

Daniel gave her a worried look. They slowed even more as the open doorway loomed before them, quiet voices coming from inside. Jack was leaning against the wall opposite the door, his attention on the doctor standing over Maddy's still form.

"Jack?" Daniel said softly.

O'Neill jumped. "Daniel! Carter." He jerked a thumb towards the bed. "She's awake."

Relief and disbelief nearly floored his two friends.

"Awake? She's...?"

Jack nodded. "Woke up a little bit ago."

"Did she say anything? Can she speak after all that time?"

"Yeah," Jack grunted. "She asked who I was."

Jack handed Maddy a cup of coffee and sat down beside her. She thanked him stiffly and sat holding it as if it were uncomfortable.

The doctors had run their tests and done their evaluations and tortured her with months of physical therapy and finally pronounced Maddy fully recovered from her ordeal.

Except for her memory.

'Repressed memory' and 'dissociative amnesia' and 'retrograde amnesia' were all doctor-speak for her not remembering him, Boch, the lodge, her horses, the dogs- nothing beyond some sketchy details about having lived back east. She didn't clearly remember having moved her mother and brother to Wyoming.

They told Jack to take her home and deal with it.

Her memories would either return, or they wouldn't.

The ordeal had left more than still fading scars on her body and a mind emptied of memories. She had become a walking skeleton. Her ribs showed through her tee shirt and her hip bones poked out against slacks that were four sizes smaller than she used to wear. She had lost so much weight her wedding band slopped loosely on her finger and Jack had seen it fall off several times. She always put it back on, but with a look that told him she wondered why she felt the urge. A once healthy appetite had dwindled to a few crackers and coffee. Once glorious hair hung limp and lifeless; hair the nurses had insisted on cutting to make caring for her easier on them. Jack had threatened them with bodily harm then took over washing and combing it himself.

Jack reached deep inside himself and scraped up patience and endurance he never realized he possessed. He was so incredibly thankful to have her awake and able to function that he vowed to give her mind the time it needed to heal as well as her body had. But he was emotionally exhausted. It was ultimately his fault all this had happened to her, and he both welcomed and dreaded the time when her memories would return. He almost hoped she wouldn't remember him, because with those memories would come the brutal torture at the hands of Aris Boch. He had seen the evidence on her body, read the medical reports, but everyone at the SGC had protected him from seeing the hologram Boch had left for him.

He hadn't wanted to see it. The end result had been more than enough.

Jack had once found a sparrow trapped inside his cabin. It had beat itself against the screen, trying to escape, until its feathers were shredded and its head was bloody. It had laid in his palm, propped on splayed, tattered wings, barely able to hold its head up. There had been a dead look to it even though it still breathed, terror and exhaustion having drained it too much to resist his touch.

Maddy reminded him of that sparrow.

The sparrow had died in spite of his efforts.

Bonnie padded up and worked her short nose under Maddy's hand. Maddy patted her absently. The palomino filly, thoroughly enamored with Jack, ticked past Maddy on the wooden deck to shove her muzzle into Jack's chest. He smiled and played with the kinky white mane.

"Do you remember Bonnie?" Jack asked Maddy, wincing when his voice startled her.

She swallowed. "She's familiar somehow, but..." She shook her head and blinked back tears.

"Do you want to lay down for awhile?" He said it, then immediately panicked when he realized the bedroom might trigger a negative memory. "On the couch," he ammended quickly. "The couch is comfortable."

She shrugged. "If you think I should."

Jack winced. That was so not Maddy. "We could take a walk. Your horses miss you- wanna go see them?"

She nodded uncertainly. Jack rose and took her hand. She didn't pull away, but she gave their clasped hands a wary stare. He squeezed reassuringly. She looked up at him, searched his eyes, something on her mind that she hesitated to voice. Jack cradled her cheek in his palm.

"Maddy, I'm here for you. Ask me anything. Tell me anything. Don't be afraid, okay? You're not alone in this."

The tears came then, and he gently thumbed them away.

"I'm so scared," she whispered. "I'm so empty."

"I know. I'll get you through this, I promise." He drew her against him and folded himself around her. Maddy submitted to his embrace, but she didn't return it. He nosed his face into her hair. "I love you so much. I've missed you so much."

She squirmed and he loosened his grasp, looked into her face, ached for her.

"Ready to take that walk?"

She nodded and let him keep her hand as they strolled towards the pasture. She seemed more preoccupied with his closeness than having any interest in their surroundings. Jack had been certain the piles of colored rocks would spark a memory, but she didn't seem to notice them. The horses came when Jack whistled, and Maddy did brighten a little as they nosed her.

"They remember you."

The perpetual frown deepened. "I think... there was...an accident. Rain," she closed her eyes and concentrated. Then she shook her head. "It's gone."

"Tell me their names," Jack coaxed.

She looked at the horses blankly and gave a shrug. The two Aussies came bounding up from where they had been playing at the lake, splattering them with muddy water. Maddy automatically stooped to pet them, unfazed by the wet spray.

Jack couldn't help himself. He reached without thinking to brush a knuckle over her cheek, removing a muddy drop. When she recoiled, unexplained terror leaping to her eyes, he slowly dropped his hand.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

She turned away, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"What are you remembering?" he asked.

She shook her head. "More of a feeling... What happened to me? Why am I like this?"

Treading uncertain ground, Jack hedged. "What have the therapists told you?"

"Nothing," she grimaced. Her eyes ran along the western ridge, searching, as if her answers might be written in the evening sky. "Just that I was hurt, you're my husband, and I belong here. Tell me."

"Say my name first."

"General O'Neill," she responded with a shrug. "I heard them talking to you."

"General' isn't my name."

"They told me but I couldn't hold onto it." She stared at him, studied his face, willing herself to remember. He thought she had given up when she turned away.

"I can't remember, jack shit," she muttered under her breath. "Jack," she repeated as if surprised by the word. She turned wide eyes on him. "Jack?"

"What a hellava way to remember your husband's name," he laughed. "But I always love the way you say it."

A couple of the horses got bored and wondered away. Her favorite, the big bay gelding, was demanding her attention. He pushed her with his nose and nearly knocked her off her feet.

"Stop it, Taco!" she blurted. She gave the horse an affectionate push before the realization hit her. "I knew his name! It just... came out!"

Jack watched some of the old spark return to her eyes and his heart felt lighter than it had in endless months. "Maddy," he said carefully, "I can't help myself. I'm gonna kiss you."

She stared at him, not sure how to react, but she didn't move as he pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. She didn't respond, but he was content that she didn't cringe away. It was a start.

"Thank you," he murmured, searching her eyes for... anything. "I needed that."

"Were we married a long time?" she asked.

"Not long."

"I think you loved me a lot."

He smiled. "I still do. More than ever. More than anything. You're my life, Maddy."

"Thank you," she murmured. Her eyelashes dropped. "I don't know what I would do... I don't remember anybody... Where would I...?" Large teardrops escaped her eyelids and rolled down over her cheeks.

Jack brushed the tears away and kissed her again. "You have me, Babe. You're safe. You're loved. This is your home, our home. I'll always take care of you. Nothing will ever change that."

"Mom? Tedd?" The tears kept flowing and Jack did his best to keep up with them, his heart writhing at what he knew was coming. She was going to lose them all over again. "I know a lot of time is missing in my head, but...?" She left the question hang between them.

"Maddy..." he shook his head sadly. "It's been a long time. Before you and I met."

"They're..." She couldn't say it, but she was trying valiantly to adapt, to accept.

He lifted her chin and trapped her reluctant gaze. "I'm so sorry, Maddy. I wish your first memories could be good ones." He kissed her forehead. "I know I seem like a stranger. But you love me fiercely. When you need a hug, to be held, you're the only one who might feel awkward about it. I ache to hold you again, protect you, comfort you. You used to tell me that I knew how to handle a woman, Maddy. You loved to snuggle up against me..."

"Why didn't you protect me from... whatever happened? Where were you?"

There was no accusation in the question, but Jack felt like he'd been stabbed.

"I was involved... in a... matter of national security. God, Maddy, I'd give anything to turn back the clock and..." He stopped, unwilling to tell her too much, too soon. She needed to trust him first. He needed her to remember loving him before she remembered what happened.

Before she remembered she had good reason to hate him.

"Just, know that I'm here for you and you are the only thing in my life. You're all that matters."

"Don't you have a job? Work you need to go do?"

"Tired of having me around already?" he grinned.

She shook her head. "Just fishing."

His grin widened. "That sounds more like the old Maddy."

"Are you gonna answer me?"

"I've taken an extended leave of absence until you're..."

"Better?" she finished for him.

He bobbed his head. "That works, I guess."

"I must be costing you a fortune," she murmured dejectedly.

"It's only money, Maddy, and there's enough. We've got lots of insurance. All the security in the world."

"Did I have a job?"

Jack nodded. "It's waiting for you, just like mine."

She sighed. "Then I'll be able to pay back some of what..."

"Maddy, the money isn't important. _You're_ important. Our finances are just fine." It broke his heart to know her past was so deeply imbedded, and yet her love for him was beyond her reach. His reach.

"What if I never remember?"

"Then we start from here. I make you fall in love with me all over again."

"Did you make me fall in love with you the first time?"

She was moving onto shaky turf, but he was so encouraged by her openness that he didn't want to cut her off. "You dodged and ducked but I caught you anyway."

"Wonder why I'd do that?" She said it more as a verbalized thought than actual question.

"Me too," he joked.

She studied his face, and he felt her really looking into his eyes for the first time.

"But I can answer that for you, if you really wanna know."

She nodded.

"Because you knew how deep and hard you'd fall for me, and it scared you."

Her eyes widened. "At least I have good taste. What if I fall in love with somebody else before I remember?"

She might as well have kicked him in the nuts. "You have somebody in mind?"

"No..."

"I think you've had enough to chew on for awhile," he suggested uncomfortably. "Let's go find something to eat." He bumped her shoulder with his. "Will you bake me a cake?"

"I think I can remember how to do that."

He gently prompted her through helping him with dinner and baking a cake, but could do nothing to encourage her to eat what they prepared. She held steady for his touch if she saw it coming- like bravely holding still for a needle, Jack thought ruefully- but the merest contact that caught her unaware made her cringe away and cry out. As he coaxed her to try at least a bite of everything, he decided that she needed a little de-sensitizing. Needed to get used to being touched again even as the reason for her fear continued to escape her. He didn't think she was ready for a back rub, and he wasn't sure she'd let him comb her hair.

Then inspiration struck.

When they finished loading the dish washer he led her into the livingroom and turned on the TV. She was eyeing one of the single chairs when Jack gently guided her onto the couch. The look on her face confirmed that she hadn't wanted to share a seat with him, but she didn't protest. He sat down but forced himself to leave space between them.

"Maddy, let me paint your toenails?"

She gave him the oddest look.

"You always kept them done up so cute..."

"I can do it if you want me to," she said uncertainly.

"I wanna do it," he pouted childishly.

A faint smile touched her lips and she shrugged.

Jack spent the evening managing to smear more of the red polish everywhere but on her nails. He did it purposely so he would have an excuse to touch her longer as he cleaned it up and tried again. He let his hands range over her feet, ankles, and calves, stroking, gripping, tickling. His efforts were not in vain as she became less tense and even tried to laugh at him a couple times. He mentally patted himself on the back.

As the hour grew late, they both became uncomfortable with the thought of the bedroom. Jack considered letting her sleep on the couch, but decided against it. He needed to take the bull by the horns.

"It's gonna be so good having you sleep beside me again, Maddy. I missed hearing you snore."

He wondered if the panic and dread that filled her expression had to do with a sense of something awful having happened there, or if she just dreaded the intimacy.

"I'm not going to ask for sex," he told her levelly.

Her face turned red and she looked away. He wanted to touch her, hold her, but forced himself to give her space. He settled for taking her hand and leading her into the bedroom. He watched closely but saw no reaction as she stepped back into the scene of the crime for the first time.

As Jack pulled his shirt off he said, "You usually just sleep in a T shirt, but tell me what will make you comfortable and I'll get it for you." He turned his back to her and hunched his shoulders. "Scratch?"

She hesitated and he waited patiently. "You've got sweats, but it's pretty warm for those. I'll show you which drawer has your nightgowns in it." He finally felt her gingerly work her nails over his skin. He groaned and rolled his shoulders. "Harder, Babe. You're just tickling the itch."

She put a little more effort into it and Jack smiled.

"Use both hands. Really dig."

She didn't dig, but he was able to coax her into a bit more vigor. When he felt her fingers tracing over the many battle scars, he grimaced and wondered how he would answer if she asked.

"Jack?"

"Mmmm?"

"All these... You..." She faltered. "Is the itch gone?"

"Yeah, Babe, thanks." He knew he should address her curiosity, but he wasn't sure what to say, how much to tell her. He didn't want to frighten her more. So he called himself a coward and decide he could live with that. When he tugged her shirt over her head, he acknowledged that is was a diversionary tactic. Her eyes went wide with apprehension as he reached around to unfasten her bra, but she stood, trembling and disconcerted, as he took it off and replaced the T shirt. When he reached for the waistband of her slacks she twisted away.

"I'll do it! Where are those nightgowns?"

He led her into the closet and opened the drawer for her. She grabbed the top one and shot him a furtive glance. Jack got the message.

"Holler if you need anything."

It was along time before she came to bed. He drew back the covers.

"You usually sleep on that side, but you can have this side if you want it."

She walked around the bed and stood there uncertainly. Jack held her gaze unwaveringly and she finally slipped between the sheets.

"Good night, Maddy."

"Night," she mumbled. She turned on her side with her back to him, clung to the very edge of the mattress, and lay there trembling.

Jack drew the covers up over her shoulder, gave her arm a squeeze, then lay back and stared at the ceiling.

That night Maddy had her first nightmare. There was no warning, no tell-tale twitching or moaning. She just sat bolt upright and screamed at the top of her lungs. Jack tried to hold her, but she screamed again and threw herself off the bed. She curled into the corner and sobbed hysterically. Jack hunkered down in front of her, not too close, and tried to calm her. She stared right through him and kept screaming, the deep hollows of her eyes standing out starkly against the ghastly gray of her complexion. Jack raked a hand through his hair, uncertain what to do. If he tried to hold her, it would only intensify her terror.

He couldn't bring himself to slap her.

"_Maddy!_"

She wasn't breathing. Her mouth was still open, her scream silenced, but she was not drawing in air. Jack took her by the shoulders and shook her.

"_Maddy!"_

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped into his arms. But her chest heaved and her lungs filled with air.

"Oh, God, Maddy," he choked. He pulled her into his arms and sat rocking her, feeling his own hot tears burning his eyes.

Jack carried her back to bed and curled around her protectively. Her sleep was restless after that, and he felt her muscles tense and jerk repeatedly. When she started screaming again, fighting him, Jack scooped her up and carried her into the shower. Taking her wild blows and trying not to drop her, he turned on the water and stood with her under the tepid spray. She didn't come fully awake, but she did quiet. Jack shut off the water, grabbed a towel, and carried her back to bed. Her nightgown was soaked so he removed it, dried her off, and redressed her, talking non-stop in a tone geared to soothe and calm her. When he laid her back down and drew up the cover, he forced himself to put space between them. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was his closeness that had provoked the nightmare.

Jack lay awake remembering his own battles with horrific nightmares. His black ops training had taught him how to get through a life-and-death situation, how to blank out the ugliness and brutality of the orders he'd been taught to execute without question. He had gone through brutal interrogations and brain-washing attempts, but training that was nearly as brutal as anything the enemy applied had taught him how to deal with it. Yet he had never learned how to escape his conscience, or to avoid the guilt of having done what he knew must be done. He understood the blind terror that raised up and engulfed her mind, the vicious shadows that advanced and overtook no matter how fast she ran to escape them. Right now hers was a mindless, faceless horror. It was remembered feelings that stalked her sleep now, the unknown, the knowledge of something elusive but evil. A black bottomless pit of sheer, insane, terror.

He dreaded the night when actual facts leaped out to attack her sanity. The helplessness of the nightmare would pale in comparison to the helplessness she had felt at the hands of Boch.

Maddy stirred in her sleep and Jack drew the cover up over her shoulder. He lightly rubbed her arm and murmured softly. She stilled and he lay back.

He knew what he had to do. The only way to know what her mind was showing her in fits and starts was to know for certain the exact events that had taken place. The one and single thing it was within his power to do when she started remembering her attack was to be one step ahead of her so he could talk her through it; anticipate her mind's next move and help prepare her for its assault.

He had to watch the hologram.

He needed to get Daniel off the base. Daniel would figure out why he was there, what he planned to do, and Daniel would try to stop him. Daniel was always trying to protect Jack from himself.

'_I don't wanna see this!' _he groaned to himself.

Carter wouldn't be hard to get around. If she paid enough attention to figure it out, the imbedded training and his years as her CO would make for an easy bluff. Or bully. She wouldn't like it, but she wouldn't defy him the way Daniel would. Carter was battling her own demons at the moment, and he felt doubly guilty that he couldn't be there to help her through the nightmares she must surely be having as well.

Teal'c would understand. Teal'c would understand to the extent he would help him get his hands on the orb.

'_Dear God, please don't ever let her remember and I'll quit the SGC and devote my life to taking care of her!'_

Maddy looked up from the eggs she was scrambling. She almost smiled, but a week of non-stop nightmares was etched in the lines in her face and the shadows in her eyes. He squeezed her shoulder as he leaned over to sniff the eggs, gratified that she didn't flinch away.

"That smells so good. We should get some chickens. Grow our own eggs. And some cows- grow our own steaks, too."

She laughed. It was a harsh, hollow sound, but she tried and Jack loved her for it. She set out two plates, gave Jack the lion's share and only picked at what she had served herself.

"Jack..."

He stopped eating and gave her his full attention. It made her blush.

"I... did I... I had another one, didn't I? They're all running together."

They were making her afraid to sleep. The therapist had left sleeping pills, but Jack knew from experience that most of those drugs only held you captive in your nightmares instead of letting you sleep past them. They were supposed to put you in a deep sleep, beyond the REM of dreamland. But Jack had tried to come up from that deep sleep and the residual effects made it that much harder to wake fully. It gave the dreams a chance to flank you. That first night, when she hadn't fully roused even when he held her under the shower, she had been under the influence of a sleeping 'aid'

"Yeah, Maddy. They're pretty regular now. But," he stabbed the fork at her, "Maybe that means you're remembering more."

"I saw a... thing... last night. It was gigantic, silver, and it moved. Like a robot... or a...a silver Michelin Man," she scowled and shook her head, pushed her untouched plate away.

Jack groaned to himself. Boch. It was starting. That space suit he wore was half-clothing, half-armor, and all silver.

"You can't remember me, but you remember the Michelin Man?"

"I saw the commercial last night... I started having... like... flashes of something. Then I dreamed about it."

"I'll chase it away tonight. Maddy, Babe... I need to run some errands today. I'm gonna ask Daniel to come stay with you."

"I'll be okay alone."

Jack switched his empty plate for hers and finished what she didn't eat. "I'll feel better if he's here with you. You're comfortable with Daniel, aren't you?"

She nodded. Jack knew she liked Daniel's soft-spoken and gentle manner. He tried not to let it bother him.

"Good. I'll stop at the grocery store on my way home. Anything you want? How about I pick us up a pizza for sup..."

Maddy stood up so fast her chair tipped over with a loud crash. The noise startled her and she whirled, hands holding her head, then turned again, her eyes wild. She started to choke and went to her knees. Jack was on the floor with her in an instant, holding her, patting her back and petting her head, calling himself every kind of a fool. Pizza. Aris Boch. She didn't know what had triggered the panic attack, but Jack did. At least she submitted to his touch and didn't fight away as she did during a nightmare.

It took Jack half the day to calm her enough to feel comfortable leaving her, even in Daniel's very capable care. When he left, Daniel and Maddy were logging onto the two computers in the office to play canasta against each other on the internet. Jack had to battle with a twinge of jealousy. Leave it to Daniel to know how to keep her occupied, how to distract her from her own, personal, horror movie.

General Landry had gone home for the day. Carter was in her lab, as usual. The skeleton crew that manned the base overnight barely gave Jack a second look. Pitying looks, to be sure, but his presence at any given hour was not cause for speculation.

Jack's ID card opened Landry's office without a problem. His locked desk, where Jack was sure he kept the orb, was another matter. A minor one as the lock succumbed to Jack's set of lock picks in no time flat. He stared down at the hateful thing, loathe to even touch it.

'_I do not want to see this!'_ he told himself.

But he picked it up, stuffed it into his pocket, and pulled his shirttail down over the bulge. He re-locked the drawer before he left. It might be weeks or longer before Landry discovered Jack's break-in. There would be no good reason for Landry to need, or want, to see the hologram again any time soon- if ever. Securely locked in the privacy of his own office, Jack set the orb on his desk and stared at it.

'_Oh God! I do not want to watch this!'_

He took a deep breath, sat down and touched the glowing pad. Their bed sprang up before him, Maddy tied securely, spread-eagled and fighting. Jack touched the pad to shut it off and closed his eyes.

'_I can't do this! I just can't watch this!'_

But he touched the pad and started it again.

"_**Jack! Help me...!"**_

'_Oh God!_' He slapped it off and dropped his head into his hands and shuddered. He knew this wouldn't be easy, but hearing her scream for him... It was a long time before he turned the orb on again.

This time he sat through the entire hologram, unable to breathe, unable to look away. Revulsion and fury brought his stomach up into his throat and he vomited into the waste can. Seeing Boch methodically defile and torture his wife was dreadful enough, but her screams raked through him like a million angry wasps stinging him from the inside out. Her mindless, hysterical laughter created an icy ball of fear in the pit of his stomach. When she looked directly at the orb, directly into his eyes, and told him goodbye Jack nearly lost it.

When the hologram flickered and ended, he dropped his head on his arms and sat there stunned, mortified, ill. Hopelessness and despair flooded through him, and the awful thought that entered his mind shocked even himself.

'_God, Maddy, it would be better if you had died rather than to have to remember all that, relive it every time you close your eyes!'_

A long time later he sat back and stared unseeing at the ceiling.

'_I did this to you. Your instincts were right on the money when you tried to avoid me.'_ He scrubbed shaking fingers over his head then cracked his knuckles. '_This isn't right, God. She's done nothing to deserve this! She gave herself to her family, to everyone around her, then she gave to me. She saved me, restored me. And I led her to this. Punish me all you want, You and I both know what I've done in my life to deserve it. But not her, not through her! What is it about me that reaches out to plague anyone I have the audacity to love?_'

He thought about Sara and his stomach cramped painfully. Sara would never have survived what Boch did to Maddy. She didn't have Maddy's spirit, her stubbornness, or strength. Sara would have died before Boch had gotten as far as he had with Maddy. He thought grimly that had Boch given Maddy a fighting chance, she might well have killed him. At the very least she would have given him a few scars to remember her by.He rocked back in the chair and blew at the ceiling.

'_Ok, God, this is more than I can handle, but I'm determined. I have no right to ask You for anything, but on Maddy's behalf, I'm asking for Your help. I won't get into why You let this happen to her, but thank You that she's still alive, and still fighting. You gave her an incredible spirit- please don't let this break her. And when it's all over, I'll walk away if that's what You're telling me I have to do to keep her safe. Just get her through this, give me the strength to see her through it, then let her fall in love with somebody else so she's not alone, so she's safe and happy, and I'll take the hint and bow out gracefully.'_

Jack walked into the lodge in a black mood that wasn't lightened by the sight of Daniel sitting on the couch holding his sleeping wife like a baby. Daniel put a cautioning finger to his lips. Jack glared at him and strode out onto the deck. Daniel grimaced and carefully settled Maddy onto the couch so he could stand. He paused a moment to make sure she didn't stir then went through the glass doors in search of Jack.

O'Neill was standing at the farthest end of the deck, gripping the rail so tightly his knuckles were white. His face was an unearthly shade of grayish-green.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Daniel asked worriedly.

"Just got a disturbing message from God," Jack growled.

"From... God?" Daniel repeated.

Jack waved an impatient hand. "Never mind, Daniel."

The younger man leaned a hip against the rail to study his friend. "She did pretty good all afternoon," he related. "Dr. Kearney was here for about an hour..."

"That weasel-ly little runt," Jack grunted. "He's a waste of oxygen."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "I thought you'd been assigned to Kearney before."

"I have. That's why I know he's a waste of oxygen."

Daniel knew Jack had given the effeminate psychiatrist a hard time, but he didn't realize he despised the man. He quickly changed the subject. "She was exhausted by the time he left. She was afraid to sleep but I coaxed her to try."

"So she fell asleep on your chest," Jack finished dryly.

"No, actually she fell asleep on the couch, but when she started dreaming I held her and talked her through it. It seemed to work..." he shrugged. "Jack, this is no time to go all jealous and green-eyed. She needs all the support she can get."

Jack's jaw clenched but he knew Daniel was right.

Daniel eyed Jack's stark features and rigid stance and knew something more than jealousy was bothering the big man. "What's wrong? You weren't like this when you left."

When Jack's stoic expression threatened to crumple and his eyes narrowed down on the faint sheen of dampness behind their lids, Daniel eyed him suspiciously. "Ja-ack... where were you? I didn't see any grocery bags."

"At the base."

"Why?" he drew it out suspiciously.

Jack turned the full force of his ravaged emotions on Daniel, the awful truth showing in his eyes.

"Oh, God, you watched the hologram!"

Jack's expression told him he had hit the mark.

"Why, Jack? We all tried to protect you from that! It wasn't necessary..."

"Yes, Daniel, it _was_ necessary! If I'm gonna get her through this I _need_ to know. I need to know every nasty, horrific, God-awful detail of what that... I need to know why, and how, and..." He choked off the rest of the words and took a few fast, deep breaths. "I can't slay dragons for her if I don't know what to look for." His eyes traveled over the darkened lake. "I made God a promise, Daniel. I promised that if He got her through this I'd walk away so she'd be safe." He dashed the back of his hand across his cheek.

"Aww, Jack, don't..."

"Daniel! Nothing but awful, horrible things have happened to her since we met!I almost wish she'd died so she won't have to go through what's gonna happen as she remembers! What kind of man would I be to chance putting her through something like this again?"

"You can't think like that! This wasn't your fau..."

"YES, Daniel it WAS! And there's nowhere in this universe- or any other- I can take her to protect her from all the Aris Bochs out there with a hard-on for me!" His anger waned abruptly and his head dropped. "Not Maddy," he muttered brokenly. "Aw, God tell me this isn't real! Tell me it's another nightmare and I'll wake up and she'll be there spitting fire and loving me so damned intensely..."

"And you'll just walk away?" Daniel asked quietly.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut.

"Then why would you do that now?" he reasoned. "She needs you, Jack."

"_Needs _me?" he shouted. "Needs _this_? Needs another round of anything even close to this? Christ, Daniel!"

"I understand how you feel, Jack, but you didn't..."

"You _understand_? Screw you!"

Anger flared in the wide blue eyes. "Yes, Jack I _do_ understand! I watched Sha're get taken over by a Gou'ald! You were there, Jack, you know how frantic I was, how desperate! Then it happened again with Sarah! If anybody on Earth can know what you're going through, it's me!"

"You're right, Daniel. I'm sorry." Jack scrubbed a hand over his face. "When you leave, take that _fuckin' _hockey stick with you. Get rid of it."

"Okay, I will, but Jack, she doesn't need you to be a martyr for her. She just _needs you._"

It was the one thing that had grated on him the most- she didn't _need_ him. This was a bitch of a way to teach her. He snorted bitterly.

Daniel misinterpreted the gesture. "You self-centered bastard," he railed quietly. "You hounded her and manipulated her life so you could make her fall in love with you, want you, want this," he waved an arm to encompass the lodge. "And now when she needs you the most you want to walk away to protect _yourself._"

"To protect _her_!"

"No, Jack! You think running away will atone for the guilt you're feeling! Self-inflicted punishment that will punish Maddy as much as you! And you're hoping that running away will protect you from living with the fear of something else happening! Where will _that _leave Maddy?"

"Safe!"

Daniel stared at him. "Will it? What are you gonna do, hover on the fringes of her life like a body guard? Sit in deep cover and watch her, day in and day out, on the outside chance that some alien you pissed off will come after her to get to you? Where's that leave her in the meantime? Heartbroken, alone, wondering what _she_ did wrong to drive you away?"

That hit bone. "I wouldn't go until she's... alright."

"Oh, yeah, that helps- wait until she's battled through this, when she's ready and able to live her life again, then blow it up in her face for her. But that's what you're best at, Jack- blowing things up!"

"It's already blown to hell, Daniel! She might get a lot better than she is, but how can anybody live a normal life after... after," he waved both hands with the frustration of not being able to voice the facts. "She never has trusted me, she doesn't trust anybody. Do you know what it's gonna do to herknowing it's possible for her to be whisked away by a beam of light or a set of rings with no warning whatsoever? To know that bastard is still out there?" His voice dropped into hopelessness. "To know that Boch will use her as leverage anytime there's something he wants?"

"We can change that," Daniel said roughly.

Jack's head snapped up and he studied Daniel narrowly. "Not 'we', Daniel. Me. I _will_ kill him."

"And there will be no stopping you, we all know that. But Jack, let that be the end of it. Take out your anger and fear and guilt on Boch, not Maddy."

O'Neill set his jaw stubbornly and wouldn't meet Daniel's accusing gaze.

"Damn it, Jack, she's not a dog you can drop off at the pound when she becomes an inconvenience or, or you think you can't deal with having her around! You wanted her, you got her, now _stick with her! _She deserves better than to be abandoned!"

Jack came off the rail in such a fury that Daniel didn't have time to duck the fist he swung. It connected solidly with the younger man's mouth and sent him sprawling back against the lodge. He stared up at the white fury in Jack's face as the big man advanced on him.

"Go ahead, Jack, beat me to a pulp if that's what you need to do," Daniel shouted at him. "Pound on me, but Maddy's been through enough! She doesn't deserve to have the one person in the world she needs the most to up and leave her- memory or no memory!"

Jack buried both fists in Daniel's shirt, hauled him to his feet, and slammed him against the wall. Through a red haze of mindless fury that Daniel's words had little to do with, he saw his friend's eyes, his glasses askew, the blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. He took a ragged breath. Very slowly he released his hold.

"Watch yourself," he warned with deceptive quietness.

Daniel took his glasses off and straightened the frame. "Feel better?" he asked just as softly.

Jack stalked back to the rail and gripped it so that he wouldn't take another swing. Whether Daniel deserved it or not, it had felt good. So good he didn't trust himself not to have another. Maybe he needed to stop by the base gym, work off some of this festering anger.

"Yeah. Actually, it did feel pretty damned good." He took several deep breaths and felt badly about having hit his friend. But he wasn't ready to apologize, either. "Ah, hell, Daniel, she may kick my ass to the curb anyway. Who could blame her?"

"That's what you're hoping for, isn't it?" Daniel was relentless, fearless in his battle to protect Jack from his own self-destructive behavior. "If she does it _for_ you, you can walk away without a fight and contentedly wallow in self-pity the rest of your life."

Jack shook his head. Daniel's tenacity had always amazed him. He decided he owed it to him, now, to listen. Knowing Daniel, he had provoked Jack into that punch for just that reason. He was too drained to fight both him and Maddy's dragons. He resigned himself to another of Daniel's therapy sessions.

"Like I'm gonna argue with her about it," Jack grunted. "Look what happened the last time I didn't take 'no' for an answer."

"Jack," Daniel pulled a chair around and sat down. "When all this hits her, she very well may try to make you leave. But not because she blames you or is afraid to be around you."

Jack eyed him sourly. "Go on. You earned it," he added meaningfully.

"Do you really think she'll ever let you or any other man touch her again, be intimate?" He shuddered. "If I were a woman and a Boch used that..."

"Don't!" Jack interrupted. "Just... don't say it."

Daniel nodded his understanding. "But I can't imagine _I'd_ ever be able to have sex again, whether I wanted to or not. And she'll think if she can't give you that..."

Jack shook his head morosely. "Maddy is so much more than great sex. But you're right. She fretted over us getting bored with each other once the novelty wore off." He sighed heavily. "She never did understand all the ways I need her, all the things I love about her."

"_Can_ you live without it?" Daniel asked, dabbing at the blood on his mouth.

Jack clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Just how damned shallow and self-centered do you think I am?" he demanded, anger surfacing again.

"On the surface that's admirable. But it's not practical. There's no way in hell you can hide how much you want her, Jack. Hell, it's written all over you just walking down the corridors of the SGC when she's not even around! Can you convince her you just magically gave it up?"

Jack scowled at the lake.

"It'll torment _her_, too," he continued softly. "Wanting something so much, yet being repulsed by it."

"Since when, among your big long list of degrees, did you add Doctor of Psychiatry?" Jack asked shortly.

Daniel gestured impatiently. "It's just life, Jack. Nature. The Human Condition."

"You're confusing me, Daniel, and right now I'm screwed up enough! One minute you're bitching at me for wanting to walk away and the next you're listing all the reasons why I should! Make up my mind!"

"I was just trying to prepare you for what's ahead," Daniel said contritely. "I know you think..."

He was cut off when Maddy's scream shattered the stillness. There was a crash, and a loud pop. A flash then darkness. Both men bolted for the door.

Maddy was sitting on the floor amid the scattered shards of a broken lamp. She was awake, but her eyes were wild and glassy. Jack crunched across the floor and scooped her into his arms. She immediately began fighting, flailing her arms and even biting him once. Jack sat down on the couch, buried his face in the crook of her neck, and let the wild blows rain over him.

"Maddy, Maddy, it's okay, Doll," he soothed. "It's me. You're okay." She wore herself out and eventually slumped in his arms. "I'm so sorry," he choked into her hair. "We'll get past this. It's gonna be alright."

Daniel, watching silently from the doorway, wondered if his friend was lying to both of them.

**Chapter Twenty Two **

"No freakin' way!" Jack shouted.

Daniel pushed his glasses up and shot Jack a look of consternation.

"It's for her own good," Dr. Lam said briskly, unaffected by O'Neill's outburst. "The panel of psychiatrists that evaluated Madison have unanimously concluded that most of her terror stems from not knowing exactly what is so frightening."

"She knows she was attacked," Landry addressed the doctor but kept a wary eye on O'Neill. He shifted the zat gun that was in his lap under the table, but didn't ready the weapon to fire. "Is it necessary to go into detail?""Detail is exactly what's stopping her memory from returning," Lam replied. "When her subconscious tries to give her brain the details of the attack, her brain blocks it out. Her nightmares are the manifestation of her imagination trying to fill in the blanks. The professional consensus is, if she knew the facts- the details- she could face them. It would give her something tangible to deal with."

"Putting a face on the ghost?" Daniel asked.

"More like putting a spotlight on the monster. Bring it out of the shadows so she can face it."

"That could make it worse," Jack argued.

Dr. Lam nodded. "Without a doubt it will get worse for awhile. It's like having a bullet in your arm, General," she tried to put it in terms he would relate to. "Getting it is bad. But unless you cut the wound open and pry the bullet out, it will only fester and infect the entire system."

"The longer you wait, the worse it gets," Landry offered.

"And the harder it'll be to endure," Daniel added.

O'Neill looked at each of them in turn. He had asked Daniel to sit in on this conference with Dr. Lam, and General Landry had insisted. Partly out of concern, Jack knew, but partly to protect his daughter from Jack's rage when he learned the results of several weeks' worth of very trying and stressful evaluations.

"Madison is the type of personality who _needs to know," _Lam continued. "Some people in her situation would benefit from not knowing the details, would be able to rationalize, welcome, not knowing. Frankly, a lot of women wouldn't want to know- they'd be terrified of the details. Gladly put it behind them and move on. From what we've learned about your wife, General, she won't rest until she understands the entire scenario. The way her mind, her psyche, works, she won't be able to accept and deal with the fear until she knows what, why, and how And fear is the origin of her amnesia."

Jack shook his head in frustration. "That woman doesn't know the meaning of fear."

"She knows the meaning, General, but she defies it. Pushes herself past it. You married an incredibly strong persona. Did you know, for instance, that she is deathly afraid of water?"

Jack whirled on her. "_What_? She's got three boats! On that planet she swam out farther than I wanted to- in an alien ocean!"

"Precisely. She is driven to defy her fears, overcome them."

He stared at the doctor, then Daniel. After a moment he asked, "What about the hypnosis?"

"They tried that, as you know. That's how we discovered her fear of water and a few other enlightening traits. That being said, it is very difficult to put her under- and that's with the influence of some very powerful drugs. Her mind is incredibly strong- your wife is inherently stubborn, General- and they weren't able to bring much pertaining to the attack to the surface. She simply blocked everything out again once she was awakened. Not a lot different than her nightmares- it just isn't working. Did you know, General," Dr. Lam folded her hands on top of Maddy's thick file, "That your wife is immune to the effects of narcotics?"

Jack lifted a shoulder. "What's that mean?"

"It means that when this first happened and we were unable to ease her pain- and ultimately had to induce a medical coma- it's because her system does not react normally to pain killers. Narcotics, General, do not magically erase pain. In layman's terms, it induces an euphoria in the brain that over-rides the pain sensors."

"Makes you not care your body hurts," Daniel interjected. "A type of getting high."

"What's that got to do with Maddy _now_?" Jack wanted to know. "She's not still feeling pain from..." he waved a hand so he wouldn't have to find the right words.

"No, General, but it all goes to the strength of her mind, her will power. The same strength- control, if you will- of her mind that won't give in to the influence of narcotics is what made the hypnosis fail. It's also blocking the details of the attack. And is keeping her in a holding pattern of nightmare after nightmare that she can't get past."

Jack sat down abruptly.

"Madison's situation is different from the nightmares you've dealt with, General," Lam continued. "You were battling with vivid memories. You knew what to expect, knew the details, and were able to reconcile them. Madison doesn't have the luxury of waking up and knowing the fear and pain is behind her. She's trying to sort out a horrific puzzle without any of the pieces."

Jack's eyes met Daniel's gaze across the conference table. "I knew she was stubborn..."

"We're not discussing temperament, General, or conscious choices... though I'm sure it does carry over into her everyday behavior." She gave him a sympathetic grimace. "Madison has a remarkable amount of self-control. Remarkable in that it's happening subconsciously. She doesn't look at a morphine drip and say, 'I want to feel pain, I'm not going to let this work.' Her mind simply refuses to be tricked. At a subconscious level, Madison doesn't _want_ to remember."

Daniel's head dropped forward and he looked at Jack over the rim of his glasses. "That explains a _lot_," he said pointedly.

"Then why can't she stop the nightmares the same way?" Landry asked.

"For the same reason she can block pain killers but not the pain. The memories are _there_. It's not something she's doing on purpose, General. It's not a matter of 'poof' the memories have vanished like a popped soap bubble and we want to make her relive the attack as if it never happened. The memories are there but her brain has them locked away to protect her psyche from the shock and trauma. The nightmares are a bleed-through, not of facts and details of the attack, but of the terror and dread surrounding it."

"She knows there's something awful and she's terrified of facing it," Daniel said sadly.

"And that terror is slowly killing her, General O'Neill," Dr. Lam continued. "She can't go much longer without eating. While the experts are fairly certain her memory will eventually return on their own, the trauma she's going through day by day is taking its toll. She may not have the necessary time to invest in waiting for the natural progression of things. She's dehydrating, the stress is draining her system, she's sleep-deprived and headed for a nervous break-down. Before long she's going to be too weak to bother fighting. And there's a very real possibility she'll become too depressed to want to live at all."

"There's a war going on inside her head and her body is going to be the first casualty," Landry muttered.

"I still say we get Hammond to contact the CIA, have her mind wiped completely clean," Jack growled. "Let her start completely over and never have to remember any of it- not the details, not the fear, none of it."

Dr. Lam shook her head vehemently. "There's no guarantee she won't still remember at some point. Not to mention all the satellite problems that are involved. They can't selectively remove just the attack- they'll have to wipe away _everything. _I don't think you've entirely considered the ramifications of that, General, or the possibility that it won't be permanent. We may just find ourselves back at square-one sometime in the future- with a lot more problems between now and that time."

"Trust me, Jack, you don't want to go that route," Landry advised darkly. "Maddy's been through enough."

Jack glared at the general. He knew Landry was right. But he had to glare at somebody.

"So somebody has to sit down with Maddy and explain- in detail- about the attack?" Daniel's expression said he didn't envy that person. "It can't be Jack, but it can't be some stranger, either."

Dr. Lam tapped the folder with a pen. "I think we should show her the hologram."

"_What_?" Jack was back on his feet again.

"Jack, calm down," Landry ordered.

"What she needs is to _forget_- not be forced to sit there and watch it like some God-awful horror movie with her in the starring role!"

"I would be there with her," Dr. Lam told him. "She can't be expected to go through that alone."

"For _that_ Jack is the one who should be there," Daniel observed. "She's gonna need the support he can give her more than your clinical observations, Doctor. No offense."

Dr. Lam nodded. "I wasn't sure the general would be up for it," she said gently.

"The _general_ isn't sure this is a smart idea!" Jack bellowed. "Can't we just tell her about it?"

"I could tell you about the Gou'ald, General, or the Ori, or even the Jaf'fa, but would your mind's eye get it right? This isn't a horrific car crash, or a shooting accident, or even a random attack. There is no generic base reference for her to call on to make any of this comprehensible."

"She's right, Jack," Daniel said. "I think she needs to see Boch's face."

Dr. Lam shrugged. "The decision is yours, yours and Madison's. I can only give you my opinion, as well as the opinions of the finest minds in the practice." She stood, indicating the conference was over.

"Wait a minute, Doc!" O'Neill said. "Say we go through with this, Maddy agrees to watch the damned hologram. What then?"

Dr. Lam sat back down, not bothering to hide a smug look. "She will still have nightmares, General, and it will still take a lot of time and therapy to deal with them. But there is a good chance her memory will start to come back more readily. Once the facts are out in the open, hopefully the repression reflex will disappear. As it does, she'll have to deal with each issue as it arises. Right now Maddy is in limbo. She can't go forward until her memories are unlocked so that she can deal with the reality of the attack, and that orb is her key. After that..." she shrugged sympathetically. "It's up to Maddy what happens from there. With any luck, once the entire process begins a forward motion instead of stagnating as it is now, her appetite will be stimulated, her nerves will be calmed." She added gently, "If she doesn't start eating soon, General, we're going to be forced to insert a feeding tube."

"I can't tell you," Maddy whispered brokenly. "I'm just so terrified. There's pain... and I know something... something terrible..." She plucked at her sweat-soaked nightgown. "That huge silver thing is there, and I can't move." She absently rubbed at the wrist that had been broken and looked up at Jack with deeply haunted eyes. "I'm so helpless. I can't fight, I'm being held down." He could see the panic rising in her eyes at the thought of being held immobile. "I can feel a giant hand against the top of my head, it's holding my hands still and I can't pull free..."

An icy chill swept over Jack. Boch had tied her wrists to the bed, spread out. _He _sometimes pinned her arms over her head. Panic rose in his chest.

"There's a voice, sometimes... I expect it to be angry, to be... mean and hateful. But it's not. It's deep and... and nice. Friendly. I don't hear words, just the sound..." She frowned at O'Neill. "Sometimes I think... I think it sounds like... _you_. But that doesn't make any sense!" Her throat moved and he heard her gulp dryly while trying to swallow. "I think... maybe... that's why when you," she glanced up apologetically, "When you try to calm me, the voices mesh together... I can't wake up. I want to wake up and get away but I can't."

It was the eighth time the nightmares had wakened her in twenty-four hours. Jack took in the sallow, sunken cheeks and dark circles around her eyes, and he knew he couldn't put off the decision any longer. Especially not if her memories of him and Boch were merging together.

"Maddy, do you feel up to coming into the kitchen?"

She nodded and held out her hand for him to help her up. That simple gesture melted his heart. He resisted the urge to sweep her emaciated form into his arms and carry her, glad, instead, that she let him keep her hand. He made a pot of coffee and, seeing her trembling, retrieved a blanket to drape around her shoulders. He scooted a chair up close to her and wrapped her hand in both of his. As he talked, he absently rubbed his thumb over the back of her wrist.

"The doctors say if I tell you what happened, it'll help you beat the nightmares."

Her eyes widened.

"But I have to give you some background first. So what I tell you will make... at least a little... sense. What I need to know is, do you want to hear this?"

She held his gaze and nodded. Jack was encouraged to see a little life fight through the shadows._ 'Maybe the shrinks are right,'_ he thought_. 'Give her something tangible to fight and she'll go on the attack.' _He began, as he had done once before, by explaining the Stargate Program. When her eyes didn't leave his face, when she seemed to relax as he spoke, he found he couldn't stop talking. He told her about the abduction, the planet with the weird animals, the strange horse she had tamed.

"Now it's sounding far-fetched," she interrupted for the first time.

"Any harder to believe than stepping through a huge stone-ish looking ring and finding yourself on another planet?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't believe you."

That took him aback. He hadn't anticipated she would think he was lying to her. Again. "You sure believed it while we were there. I'll show you all the rocks you brought back with you. All those weird rocks in the yard, the big, honkin' pile of gemstones? Your engagement ring, Maddy. It's made from one of those stones."

"What's all this got to do with my attack?"

"The bastard who kidnapped us is the same one who hurt you."

She shook her head. "An _alien_? This is too much."

"Are you getting a headache?" he asked worriedly.

"Just from trying to follow your fiction."

"You said something like that the first time I told you about the stargate," he said with resignation. "You called me Issac. Asimov."

Maddy's face pinched abruptly and she squeezed her eyes shut. When she put a trembling hand to her temple, Jack covered it with his.

"What is it?" he asked.

She shook her head briefly. "Water. Smells. Like perfume. No... flowers. I can smell wisteria, and honeysuckle. I hear ocean sounds, there's dark water. I'm looking out over it, from way up..." She opened her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. "It's gone."

"It's not fiction, Maddy. I'll take you to the base and show you."

"Oh, so this super-secret base has, what, guided tours?"

Sarcasm. It was a step in the right direction.

"You work there, too. In the commissary." When she stiffened he pressed, "What is it? Remember something?"

"More of a feeling. Like I should be somewhere, or I'm late. Or I left something unfinished... like when you get a mile from home and can't remember if you turned off the coffee maker."

She was becoming more responsive, more animated. Encouraged, Jack said, "Humor me. Pretend what I'm telling you is fact, okay? Or are you too tired?"

"Go on. At least it's interesting."

Jack grimaced at her and continued. When he got to the part where Aris Boch took her around the alien solar system, she actually burst out laughing.

"It gets better," he told her, and jumped ahead to the part about the pizza, and her convincing Boch to deliver her a cargo hold of rocks. When she didn't react badly he let out a painful breath. "That's why you had a panic attack when I mentioned getting us a pizza that time..."

"Do you lay awake nights dreaming all this up, or has Daniel helped you write this story?"

Jack stared at her, at a loss how to make her believe him.

"Really, Jack, how is all this supposed to help me _remember_? Shouldn't you be telling me something... constructive?"

"You need to know who Aris Boch is, Maddy. Your Michelin Man- he's the one who raped you."

She blinked hard at the harsh word. "Raped me. That _is_ what happened, I should know. But it's still... shocking to hear it. I was raped by the Michelin Man?"

Jack almost smiled at that. "Do you want to hear the rest?"

She hesitated, then nodded.

"He tied you down, Maddy..."

"Where?"

It was Jack's turn to hesitate. "Our bed."

A pitiful look crossed her face. "Go on."

"He tied your arms and legs, and he raped you." Jack swallowed. "Repeatedly. In between, he beat you pretty badly. Broke a lot of bones, used a knife." He paused to gauge her reaction. She was handling it better than he was. "They did a lot of reconstructive surgery on your face. Your jaw was wired shut for quite a while, but you were in a coma..."

He stopped and they just looked at each other. Jack willed her to either remember something or tell him to stop. He didn't think he could put the rest into words. He waggled both hands on either side of his head and said, "Any bells ringing? Whistles going off?"

She shook her head. "How'd I get the... burns? Did this alien have like a... radioactive..." She blushed and lowered her lashes, still not comfortable enough with him to be so explicit.

Jack couldn't help a chuckle at her description. Then he sobered. "No, Maddy, he used a torture device."

"Describe it to me."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

He took a deep breath. "You showed me a cattle prod one time, in that farm store you like to go to. Do you remember?"

"I know what a cattle prod is."

"The torture device he used looked a lot like that, but with three prongs on the end. The prongs can shoot electrical bursts, or get white-hot, or put a burst of energy through you like being struck with sustained lightning."

She was almost completely disengaged from the discussion and showed only a morbid curiosity. Jack was both relieved and discouraged. He had dreaded this part, dreaded her reaction, but he hadn't considered that she would simply not believe him.

"You describe that like you've had it used on you," she noted.

"I have. But not like you, Maddy. God, I shudder every time I ..."

She reached out and patted his shoulder. "I think I can sleep now," she told him. "Maybe I'll dream of deer with elephant heads and humming birds with rabbit's ears."

Jack watched sideways as she gathered the blanket around her and padded away, Bonnie walking with her. If nothing else, she was thinking for herself more than she had been. He sat back and absently stroked Diamond's face when she nosed into his chest.

The nightmare that night was different. Jack couldn't put his finger on what had changed and Maddy had clammed up, refusing to discuss it. He crossed his fingers and prayed it was a good sign, but his gut warned him differently.

The fish were jumping like crazy. Maddy was delighted by the sight and Jack was delighted by Maddy. He got himself another beer, twisted off the cap, and took a long pull.

"How'd your session go today?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Dr. Kearney doesn't say much." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "I think he's afraid of you."

Jack tipped the bottle again and shrugged as he swallowed.

"Why would he be scared of you, Jack?"

He savored the sound of his name on her lips before he answered. "Oh, he's tried to get inside my head a time or two. Wasn't shrink enough for the job."

"Why were you in therapy?"

Innocent enough question. "I"ve had some close calls, Maddy. The powers that be said I couldn't go back to saving the universe until I talked to somebody."

He caught just a glimpse of an odd expression on her face, but she turned away before he could do a double-take. Something about it bothered him, but he couldn't put a name to it. When she gasped and clutched at her head, Jack was on his feet and at her side before his beer bottle stopped rolling on the deck.

"What is it?"

She shrugged him off and put her head down.

"Maddy?" She was so still, so tense. He rubbed her back uselessly and winced at the way her spine protruded. She finally squinted up at him.

"Flashes. Bright lights. Lots of people, lots of clattering, lots of cleaning. Smells, like grease and garlic and... coffee. Bleach. Loud voices." She shook her head and blinked. "It's coming. They're happening more and more. Like watching a movie in fits and starts, but all mixed up- nothing seems to be in order." A fish flopped near the deck and made a loud splash. Her eyes widened as she stared at the rippling water. "I caught more fish than you!"

"You habitually catch more fish than me," he said dryly.

"No, I mean, I remember us sitting here fishing. We had a bet." She turned wide eyes on him. "My driving scares you. You threaten me with opera. I almost named Diamond 'Refrigerator'."

Jack smirked as he sat down between her feet and wrapped his arms around her knees. "Keep going."

Her eyes roamed the distant shore of the lake. "You were in your underwear, in a strange cabin... I was cooking bacon. I can practically smell it. It was raining..."

"That was my cabin in Minnesota. When we first met."

"You were in your underwear the first time we met?"

Jack chuckled. "I thought you were asleep. I was soaked and muddy, I undressed outside, opened the door, and wham! I fell in love."

She frowned. "Still asleep? I slept with you the first night we met?" He could tell that bothered her, and he took it as a positive sign- she was remembering more about herself.

"No, Babe, you slept in the cabin with me because it was pouring and you hadn't set up camp yet. You and Bonnie slept in the spare bedroom. I sat staring into the fire, wondering how on Earth I was gonna make you fall in love with me."

"You just said you fell in love when you opened the door and I was cooking bacon- the following morning."

"I wanted you to chase me."

Her eyes searched his face, and he was delighted by the way her expression softened. "I imagine you get chased quite a bit, Jack O'Neill."

"Yeah, but I would have let _you_ catch me."

"So what happened?"

"You weren't interested in playing games, so I got serious."

"Was is good between us, Jack? Were we gonna make it?"

"Maddy we're great together. You complete me. You are the very air I breathe."

She looked down and traced her finger over the back of his hand. "You have incredible hands."

"You've told me that before."

His implication made her catch her breath and she looked up quickly.

"I believe you also used the term 'talented'." That brought a smile to her lips. "If I kiss you, are you gonna panic?"

She sat back abruptly. "I can't, Jack. Not now. Not yet." Tears sprang into her eyes and Jack felt like a heel.

"It's okay, Maddy." He reached up and stroked her cheek. "Just know how much I adore you, okay? Don't ever forget it."

"I have the distinct feeling you won't let me forget it."

"You're right."

"Did we ever fight?" she asked suddenly

"Did we ever!" he grinned. "You fight far too fairly, but the way we make love afterwards is always worth it."

"We had a lot of make-up sex?"

Jack caught her fingers and twined them with his. "We took advantage of every excuse we could."

She blushed and he sensed a withdrawal. "Can I tell you more, or are you getting too uncomfortable?"

"Tell me. Am I bitchy?"

"You are the most bitch-free woman I've ever known."

"But you said we fight."

"Oh, yeah, we fight. But that's different from bitching. For the most part you are the most easy-going female I've ever run across. You're funny, but even more important is that you laugh at my dumb ass jokes. You even get most of them." When she gave him an odd look he smirked. "I have a weird sense of humor. Not many people can appreciate it. I like to think you do." He teased her fingers until he had her idly thumb wrestling with him.

"What did we fight about?"

Alarm bells went off in the back of Jack's brain. "Not much," he said carefully.

"Why are you avoiding telling me? Are you hoping I won't remember to fight with you about... whatever it is? So you can have your way?"

He shook his head. "I just don't want you to get upset."

She sighed. "Do you have any idea how sick I am of people side-stepping direct questions? _That's_ upsetting."

"It's long and involved and I'm not sure it's something I can lay out for you. The gist of it is, you didn't wanna be in love and I kinda pressed the issue. You have very intense issues about your independence and freedom and you're afraid I'll smother you."

"That must have been disappointing if you were hoping I'd chase you."

"Oh, but Maddy, you're so exciting to catch!" He raised their clasped hands and kissed each of her knuckles.

"Tell me about Daniel," she abruptly changed the subject, catching Jack off-guard.

"What about him?"

She lifted a shoulder. "How long have you known him, how long have I known him, is he married, seeing anyone?"

Jack pursed his lips and tried to battle back the green-eyed monster that was poking at him with a torture device. He related the story of how Daniel figured out the stargate, their first mission to Abydos, then he told her about Sha're.

"You really are serious about this space stuff, aren't you?"

"Still don't believe me?"

"I think you're obsessed with it. Do you watch a lot of Star Trek?"

"I only have room in my life for one obsession Maddy, and that's you."

"When I asked about Daniel, I meant _now_..."

That green-eyed monster gave Jack a wicked jab. "He's single, although Vala has the hots for him."

"Vala?"

"Another alien that SG-1 adopted. Super-sexy number that has a fetish for black leather- and Daniel."

"So the two of you sit down and make up these stories _together_? Like sex fantasies?"

He caught the sides of her head and stared directly into her eyes. "Everything I've told you is the truth, and you are the only sex fantasy I've had since you wrecked your horse trailer on my lane!"

"Then Daniel isn't seeing anyone?"

Jack untangled his long legs and stood up, taking a moment to stretch out cramped muscles. "No, Maddy," he sighed, "Daniel is quite available." He ran a gentle hand down over her head. _'But _you _aren't!' _he thought wildly.

He arched his back and winced. "I'm gonna grab a shower and find something to eat. You want something?" _'Besides Daniel?'_

"No, thanks. I'm exhausted and I have a raging headache. I think I'll go lay down for awhile."

But she was still sitting there when he finished with his shower, and when the stars began twinkling in the clear sky she hadn't yet moved. Jack made a sandwich, took one bite, and fed the rest to Bonnie. He sat sipping coffee, watching his wife, and wondering if it was thoughts of Daniel that had her so distracted. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer. He walked out into the fresh, cool night air and dropped a light hand on her shoulder.

Maddy came out of the chair like a shot and whirled on him, her eyes flashing unspeakable fury.

Jack fell back a step, his blood pumping furiously. "Maddy! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!"

"Startle me? _Startle_ me? You _bastard!_"

"Maddy?" Jack was completely confused.

"_You_ were the one who raped me!"

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Maddy, no..."

"It's coming back!" she seethed. "Bits and pieces! You had my wrists pinned in your hand. You bit me! You hurt me, you son-of-a-bitch! I saw your face! You held me down..." She was backing away from him and her foot bumped the forgotten beer bottle. She snatched it up and hurled it at Jack. He ducked and let it sail over his shoulder.

"Maddy! Think! I didn't cut you, I didn't break your bones. And I sure as hell don't have access to a torture device! That wasn't me! What about the Michelin Man you remember? I'm not Aris Boch!"

"Aris Boch! Space ships! Stargates! Torture devices and aliens! Dr. Kearney is afraid of you. You were forced into therapy! You're the head-case, O'Neill, not me! You said we fought, and I was afraid you'd smother me! Have you tried to hurt me before? You attacked me and now you're trying to convince me I'm crazy!"

"Why would I do that?"

"So I'll believe you and tell the doctors a wild story about aliens taking me in their space ships and raping me! They'll commit me and you'll be rid of me! You don't want to go to jail for rape so you're trying to make me prove I'm insane! I survived what you did so now you have to..." Her eyes went impossibly wide and her hand flew to her mouth. Her tone went from angry to terrified. "Now you know that I know... you have to kill me. Oh my God, you're gonna kill me!"

"I'll call Daniel and he'll come..."

"How do I know he's not on your side?" She was still backing away. "How do I know he won't hold me down so you can smother me? Or strangle me?"

"Maddy, you're confusing the wrong bits and pieces of memory! I _did not_ rape you!"

'_Or did I?'_ he thought abruptly. _'Oh God!_ _She's remembering that night when I got rough and blending the two! Aw, hell!'_

He took a step towards her, frantically trying to think of something to say.

"Stay away from me!" She kept backing, and Jack could see the sheer panic on her face.

She was living her nightmares. And he was the cause.

"Just don't panic," he said evenly. "I"m telling you I didn't attack you. Think, Maddy, _think_! You're remembering us making love and getting it mixed up with the attack. Don't move anymore- look, I'm not coming toward you. I won't, I promise." He held his hands out from his sides in a placating gesture.

"No!" she whispered hoarsely. "I don't believe you! You held me down and it hurt! You were rough, and angry! You forced me! I'm not confused!" She snatched up a deck chair and hurled it at him. Jack deflected it into the lake. When she bolted, Jack let her go. Then he thought about the trucks.

They always left the keys in the ignition.

He sprinted for the front door.

Maddy was just wrenching open the door of her pickup. By the time Jack got there she was in and had the door slammed. He cupped one fist with the other and drove his elbow into the window, smashed it out, and reached through to jerk the keys out of the ignition. Maddy flailed at him, screaming and crying in a blind panic. Jack yanked the door open and Maddy flew out, screaming like a banshee. He felt a nail rake his eye, a foot connect with his shin. She tried to knee his groin, but he deflected it with his thigh and tried to catch her fists. One connected solidly with his jaw and for a moment he saw stars. She scratched at his face, going for his eye but he jerked back and she nailed his cheek. He felt heat in his ear as she tried to tear if off his head. Her knee came up again and this miss was a close call. He grabbed a swinging arm and left himself wide open for a haymaker she brought up from her heels. He shook it off and spun her around, clamping her back against his chest, fighting to secure both her arms across her stomach. Immobilized, she used her feet to do as much damage as possible. Jack carried them both to the ground and wrapped his long legs around hers. She squirmed and struggled, not feeling the gravel that dug into her flesh. Her head reared back into his nose and Jack had to fight through the flash of pain to keep his hold on her.

"Damn it, Maddy! Stop!"

He knew that in her panic, trapping her this way was only fueling her fear but he was deathly afraid to let her go. He knew she'd run, knew she'd hurt herself or worse. Despite her weakened condition he still had his hands full, and he wished again that Aris Boch had given her a fighting chance. She stilled abruptly but Jack was wise to her ploys and didn't loosen his grip. Her body was shaking terribly, her breath wheezing through a throat raw from screaming, and Jack ached for her, knowing the awful mixture of terror and fury that consumed her. Even if she calmed, he didn't dare let her go. He didn't relish the idea of laying there in the gravel with his body clamped tightly around her until someone happened to find them. She exploded into another frenzy of twisting and thrashing but her strength was waning. Sheer terror had given her strength her weakened body should never have been able to muster.

When something poked into his side he remembered the cell phone in his pants pocket.

Once she had worn herself out again Jack said gently, "Maddy, I'm gonna call Kearney. We can't lay here like this indefinitely. Don't fight me, don't try to run. Let me get us some help, okay?" He warily loosened one hand but held her arms tightly with the other. She tried to take advantage but he held her fast. She groaned with frustration and fear. He managed to fish the cell out of his pocket, dropped it, raked his fingers through the gravel and found it again. She twisted around and sunk her teeth into his biceps. Jack sucked in a breath and let it out with a curse between clenched teeth. He didn't know the doctor's number, but he had Daniel on speed-dial.

"Daniel, get Kearney up here. Lam too." Not waiting for a response and not bothering to hang up, Jack let the phone fall off his shoulder.

"No!" Maddy started to struggle again, screaming and moaning with renewed strength. "Lemme go! Bastard! Kill me, but don't rape me again!" Her body was slowly losing strength, her will seeping away. "Just kill me and get it over with," she sobbed. "Don't torture me again...!"

It seemed like hours to Jack before he heard a car negotiating the long lane, then the headlights swept over them. It crunched to a stop and doors slammed. The headlights stayed on, nearly blinding Jack.

"Jack, Maddy," he heard Daniel's voice and twisted his head around to look up. Blood still ran from his nose and the eye she scratched was red and watering. His other eye was swelling closed and becoming discolored. His lip was split and swollen, trailing another path of red ooze. His ear trailed blood down his neck and into his shirt. There were four deep, starkly white lines along his cheek, each seeping fluid from the top where her nails bit in before she dragged them downward.

Daniel grimaced at Jack and squatted down where Maddy could see him. "Maddy, are you okay?"

Jack grunted sarcastically. Daniel ignored him.

Dr. Lam knelt beside Daniel, but Dr. Kearney kept his distance, a look of distaste pinching his pale features.

"Maddy, you're alright," Dr. Lam said gently as she tapped on a syringe.

Daniel closed his eyes against the sheer terror on the poor woman's face.

"No! Nooo! Don't! Don't give me that! Just get me away from him! No!"

Dr. Lam slipped the needle into her neck and dropped the empty syringe into her pocket. She rubbed a gentle hand over Maddy's arm. "You're going to be fine, Madison. He'll let you go as soon as we're sure you won't hurt yourself. Feeling better?"

Maddy thrust her head back again and Jack narrowly avoided another bash in the nose, but she rattled his teeth for him. They thrashed and battled until the doctor and Daniel had to move or be knocked over. Eyes glazed, Maddy's strength ebbed as the sedative coursed through her body, but it wasn't enough to still her. Dr. Lam refilled the syringe and gave her another dose.

Daniel watched her eyes as she fought the effects of the drug. "Maddy, you're okay. It's gonna be okay, do you hear me? You're safe. We're here and we'll help you. I promise..."

His words inspired another brief struggle, then she went limp.

"You can let go now, Jack," Daniel said gently.

But Jack shook his head. "She's playing possum."

Maddy erupted again, but this time the drugs overpowered her nervous system and when she went slack in his arms Jack knew it was finally safe to release her.

Jack winced when the swab of antiseptic touched his lip. "It's just a cut, for cryin' out loud," he grumbled. "You don't have to cauterize it!"

The nurse hesitated then touched the split again. "Ouch," he told her pointedly.

In the next bed Maddy slept fitfully. When she moaned Jack gently moved the nurse aside and went to her. He didn't touch her, didn't speak. He was afraid of frightening her again.

"General O'Neill, plant your ass on that bed and let Nurse Corry treat those cuts," Dr. Lam ordered. She wheeled a cart loaded with instruments in beside the appointed bed.

Jack reluctantly resumed his seat, eyeing the cart with distaste. Dr. Lam tilted his head back and palpated his nose.

"Ouch!" he growled. "You've got the hands of a grizzly, Doc!"

Ignoring him, she got to work rearranging the sore member. When two male orderlies came in carrying restraints, Jack rolled his eyes to watch them.

"No, oh _hell_ no!" He grasped the doctor's wrist and gently but firmly moved her hand so he could turn his head. The orderlies were attaching the restraints to Maddy's bed frame.

"What part of 'no' did you not understand?" he yelled. "You are _not _putting her in restraints!"

"Doctor Kearney's orders," Dr. Lam told him.

"Screw _doctor_ Kearney!" Jack raged. "She's claustrophobic. You tie her down and it'll only make her worse!" He slid off the bed, shoved the cart out of the way, and headed for the orderlies.

"Take them off, gentlemen," Dr. Lam told them. She jerked her head for them to make a quick exit. The orderlies were quite happy to vacate Jack's immediate vicinity. Jack stalked back to the bed and submitted his nose for the doctor's attention.

"Kearney is officially off Maddy's case," he told the doctor.

"No kidding," she shot back dryly. "Now hold still."

Daniel and Sam found Jack in a chair beside Maddy's hospital bed, legs splayed, snoring softly. His face was haggard and drawn, his nose and ear sporting bandages. An ugly red scrape began above his eyebrow, bisected the lid of his right eye, and ended just above his cheekbone. His left eye was swollen closed and turning angry shades of red and purple. The four long, deep scratches along his cheek, and an identical set on his neck, were covered with an ointment.

"Holy Hannah," Sam said softly to Daniel, "She really did a number on him!"

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "I have no idea what he would have done if he hadn't had that cell phone in his pocket. It took a double shot of sedative to calm her."

Sam shook her head and looked down at Maddy. At the woman who had stolen Jack O'Neill's heart. "She looks awful, Daniel. I can see bones poking through the sheets! What are we going to do? I mean, how will we get her past all this?"

"We do whatever it takes, Carter," Jack answered groggily.

"Sir," Sam turned with a sympathetic smile. "Looks like you went three rounds with Simba."

"And lost," Jack grunted, sitting up. He cast a worried glance at Maddy. "Daniel, I have to leave..."

"We'll stay with her, Jack," Daniel offered immediately.

"No, Daniel, I mean _leave_. I told you that before and this only confirms it."

"She thinks you... attacked her?" Sam asked, knowing the story from Daniel.

"She's never gonna get straightened out with me there," O'Neill said, his head dropping forward into his hand. "Ouch."

"Temporarily," Daniel agreed. "Right, Jack?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"There might be another way, Sir," Sam said tentatively.

Jack looked up, his eyes full of despair. "I'm open for suggestions, Carter."

"Well, Sir," she glanced at Daniel, who nodded. "What if I were to move in to the lodge for awhile? You could stay, but I'd sort of... run interference."

"Having another woman to talk to might help, Jack," Daniel pressed. "Then you wouldn't have to leave at all."

"She'd still be there alone with me while Carter's at work."

"So find something to do," Daniel told him. "Come pester Landry."

"I don't want her left alone all that time."

"We'll get a nurse or somebody to stay with her."

Jack gave Daniel a sour look and indicated his face. "You know of any professional wrestlers with a nursing degree?"

"Actually," Sam said slowly, "I have some time coming. Dr. Lam won't release me for field duty yet and I'm running out of work-to-catch-up-on in the lab. I could give you a month, Sir."

Jack studied her intent expression and felt a wave of gratitude for this woman he had such deep feelings for. There was something in Carter's eyes that told him she needed the time with Maddy, the solitude of the lodge, as much as Maddy needed her.

"But there's a catch, Sir," Sam said with a long look at Daniel.

Jack looked at him too.

"There's only one way to prove to her you didn't attack her, Jack."

"No."

"It's the only way."

"I said _no_."

"What's Maddy say?"

Jack just stared at him.

"You didn't tell her about the orb."

"And I'm not going to, Daniel!"

"Sir, Dr. Lam and Dr. Kearney..."

"Kearney isn't gonna survive long enough to make any more suggestions regarding my wife!" Jack interrupted.

"Okay, Sir, but the consensus is that it's more crucial now than before that she see that hologram. It will prove to her that Aris Boch hurt her- not you."

"You don't know that."

"Of course it will! How can she dispute..." Daniel's voice faded as the look Jack was giving him sunk in. "Oh."

Carter looked back and forth between the two men. "What did I miss?"

Jack shot Daniel a withering look. "Nothing, Carter."

Daniel gave Sam a brief shake of his head, warning her not to push the issue.

"If there was no such thing as a hologram, Carter, how would they treat her?"

"But there _is_, Jack, and it's the best way," Daniel answered for Sam.

Jack dropped his face into both hands. "Ouch. Lemme think about it."

Dr. Lam appeared, checked on Maddy, then jerked her chin for O'Neill to follow her from the room. Jack groaned when he stood, but trailed the petite doctor from the room.

"General, we need to discuss your wife's condition."

As soon as they were out of ear shot, Sam rounded on Daniel.

"What was _that_ all about?"

Daniel shuffled his feet and looked embarrassed. "I think what Jack was trying to tell me... Maddy might have... She's remembering her and Jack, confusing it with Boch's attack... because, well, sometimes they play pretty rough, Sam."

"Oh. ..._Ohhh._"

"With her memory all mixed up, and the rape, and..."

"I get it, Daniel.

Dr. Lam was having the same conversation with Jack. "We felt the hologram would give her a basis to begin the process," she explained. "Now, with this latest episode, it appears seeing what actually happened to her will fill more than one function. It seems that her mind is being quite selective in what it remembers. Between what she's been told, what she actually remembers, the pieces of her _returning_ memories, and the skewed time line, Maddy is putting two and two together and getting five. Have you discussed the hologram with her, General?"

"No. I filled her in on the basic information about the SGC and wanted to see how she dealt with that before I dumped the rest on her."

"And how did she react?"

"She accused me of making it all up. Then she started remembering more and jumped to accusing me of setting her up to be committed. She thinks I raped her and if she swallows the alien story the shrinks will lock her away so I can stay outta jail for assault. That turned into fear that I'd try to kill her for figuring it out."

"Her mental state is quite fragile, General. It's my professional opinion that you should give serious consideration to letting her see that hologram. It's getting to the point where her conception of what happened may actually be worse than what really happened."

"Doc!" he yelped. "_Nothing_ could be worse than what Boch did to her!"

"Yes, General, it could. She could believe that Boch doesn't exist, her husband assaulted her, and is now trying to either have her committed, or kill her."

Jack deflated with a groan.

"With your permission, General, I'll explain the hologram to her and see how she reacts."

"I'll tell her."

"With all due respect, she doesn't trust you right now."

"Trust, hell, she hates me! But I'm the one who needs to tell her."

"The sedative should be wearing off in a couple of hours. Go get something to eat and find a bunk, General. I'll make it an order if I have to."

Jack tiredly pushed to his feet. "I'm retired, Doctor. With all due respect and appreciation for your concern, shove your damned orders."

Jack did manage to catch a nap in the chair beside Maddy's bed, frequently opening his eyes to check on her. Daniel and Carter had left, and while he was grateful for their interest and concern, he just needed to be left alone with his wife. When Maddy stirred and cried out softly he stood but kept his distance. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on her surroundings.

"Hi," he said gently.

Her eyes whipped to his face.

"You're in the infirmary at Stargate Command. Dr. Lam will be in to check on you in a minute. How do you feel?"

She didn't answer, but he could see the panic rising in her eyes.

"What do you remember?"

The tightening of her face, the way her fists clenched and her eyes stormed, told him all he needed to know. "As soon as you can get up, I'm gonna take you on a tour of the facility- prove to you that I'm not making up stories. Then, Maddy, we need to talk." He sucked in a breath and rubbed at his bandaged nose. "Ouch. There is a hologram that shows exactly what happened the night you were attacked." Her eyes narrowed in disbelief. "It's an alien device, Babe, that Boch used to record your assault. He did it to send a message to me, but the docs think if you watch it, it could help with the nightmares, with regaining your memory." He picked at one of his nails. "It's awful graphic, and for the record I don't think you want to see it. But the decision is up to you."

"Have you seen it?" she asked. All the screaming had left her voice hoarse and low.

He nodded and met her gaze. "It's terrible, Maddy. I puked my guts out. I can't stand the idea of you going through that again. I hope you decide against it. ...I'm afraid it'll send you over the edge. You kinda went mad when it first happened. You told me goodbye on that hologram, Maddy, then refused to wake up, refused to come back to me for so long... I'm terrified of losing you."

"Your doctors, however, think it may help you considerably," Dr. Lam qualified as she slid the curtain back and checked Maddy's eyes with a pen light. "Seeing the reality of your assault may help to untangle your memories and allow your mind to put everything into perspective. It will also prove to you that your doting husband is not the actor you think he is."

"Will it make the nightmares go away?" she asked.

"No. You will probably have nightmares for a very long time. But you will be able to find relief when you wake up, and be able to accept comfort when it's offered. You'll be able to sort out the facts and not be so confused. Hopefully it will ease you enough to get you eating again. And you will be able to eventually put the assault behind you and move on with your life."

"What if it makes me lose my memory all over again?"

Jack made a sound like he'd been hit in the stomach but Maddy refused to acknowledge him.

"That's a risk," Dr. Lam told her levelly. "But your mind is strong enough, and you are stubborn enough, to disconnect yourself somewhat. The way you did when it was happening. Do you feel up to getting out of bed?"

Maddy's eyes slid to Jack with pointed deliberation.

"General, let's give Madison some privacy, shall we?"

Jack turned on his heel and stomped out of the ward.

Maddy agreed to the tour, but only when Sam offered herself as guide in place of Jack or Daniel.

"What's wrong with me?" Daniel asked Jack as they watched the two women walk away.

"She thinks you sit around making up fantasies about sexy aliens in tight black leather."

Daniel looked flabbergasted. "Exactly how did she get _that_ idea?"

But Jack was ignoring him. A moment later he was shadowing Carter and his wife down the corridor. Daniel turned in a complete circle.

"Was I speaking?" he asked fruitlessly. "Jack!" He trotted to catch up to the long-striding man. "Jack, leave them alone. Maddy will only get nervous if she knows you're around every corner."

Jack grimaced, abruptly made a left turn, and headed for the control room. He was innocently standing there when Sam and Maddy wandered in a few minutes later.

"Status, Sergeant?" he barked unnecessarily.

The two technicians seated before the dialing console turned to give him quizzical looks. Jack flicked an irritated hand at them.

"Uh, status of _what_, Sir?" Harriman asked dryly.

Sam intercepted the byplay and smirked at Jack's attempt to impress his wife. She showed Maddy the stargate and gave a cursory explanation of the control room.

"Incoming wormhole!" Walter called out. The inner ring of the giant circle began to rumble and turn. It stopped and a chevron along the side lit up and slid into place. Jack watched Maddy watch the stargate.

"SG-12 is scheduled back now, Sir. Chevron one, encoded."

Maddy watched in fascination as the final chevron was called out and a huge vortex of water flushed forward into the gateroom. It settled back into itself and formed a shimmering puddle.

"That's the event horizon," Sam explained. "Watch."

A lethal looking metal cover that reminded Maddy of a camera shutter with spikes expanded to cover the puddle of water.

"That's the 'iris'. It stops anyone- or anything- from coming through until we give permission."

"Receiving SG-12's IDC."

"Open the iris," Sam instructed. The metal cover slid back into itself, once again revealing the impossibly vertical puddle of water.

"Have you ever touched it?" Maddy breathed.

"Lots of times. Every time I walk through it." Sam glanced behind them for subtle permission from O'Neill, who gave a faint jerk of his chin.

"Come on." Sam led Maddy down a set of steps and into the gateroom, then put a hand on her arm to hold her back until SG-12 had emerged from the puddle. The team leader walked up to Carter and gave a sharp salute.

"Recon completed, Colonel," he said tiredly. "Some old Gou'ald ruins and a pretty extensive archive that Dr. Jackson might want to check out. Friendly inhabitants as first-contact indicated, no sign of the Ori yet. Recommend sending a team to give them some basics on sanitation, irrigation, crop management, and such, Ma'am. Not much by way of technology, but they've got a couple medicinal plants we'll want to check out."

"Well done, Major. Debrief in twenty. Dismissed." Sam returned the man's salute and gave each member of the returning team direct eye contact and a nod as they passed.

Maddy watched the tired and dirty team file by, removing various packs and weapons as they passed. There was a distinctive odor they brought with them that made Maddy's nose curl distastefully. Carter was motioning for her to come forward.

"Sergeant," Sam called up at the window where Maddy could see Jack standing, "Initiate a benign radio signal to hold the gate open." She led Maddy up to the giant puddle and flicked it with her finger. The event horizon reacted as any puddle of water would- it made a wet plopping sound and rippled outward.

"Wow," Maddy breathed. She raised a hand and touched the puddle. "It feels like...water, only it isn't wet. Have you ever tasted it?"

Sam gave her an incredulous look. "We've touched it, tested it, measured it, passed through it, experimented on it... but it's never occurred to me to _taste_ it." Sam turned to meet O'Neill's eyes through the glass. When she turned back, she leaned forward and touched her tongue to the puddle.

"Carter!" O'Neill roared in surprise.

Sam looked at Maddy. "Try it."

Maddy touched her tongue to the puddle and giggled. "It tickles! Did my tongue just come out on another planet?"

"No, wormholes are one-way. If you stepped through, you'd just end up on the other side of the stargate. Do it."

Maddy drew back a step, unconvinced.

"Come on." Sam grabbed Maddy's hand and led her through the event horizon. Maddy tried to hold her breath, but there was nothing but a tingle and she didn't get wet. She beamed at Carter. They stepped back through and Maddy turned to stare up at the huge ring.

"So how do you travel through it?"

"We establish an _out-going_ wormhole. This is an _in-coming_ wormhole."

"Will you explain it to me? And how you know what planet you're gonna end up on?"

"If General Landry okays it, I'd love to!" Sam beamed. "Do you know anything about quantum physics?"

"I'm not sure I could spell it!" Maddy laughed.

In the control room, Jack nodded his approval at Maddy's relaxed and cheerful attitude. Maybe Carter would be good for her. Actually, as the thought about it, Maddy might be just as good for Carter. He had never known the intrepid colonel to have a close woman friend other than Janet Frasier, and she had taken the doctor's death hard. Cassie was more of a daughter to her. Perhaps Carter would find a kindred spirit in his intelligent and adventurous wife. He snapped his fingers and popped his hands together. The technicians started, glanced at the retired CO, at each other, then went back to monitoring their consoles. Sam made a slashing motion across her throat and the gate shut down. When the women returned to the control room, O'Neill gave Carter an arched look.

"Thirsty, Colonel?"

Carter flushed, but she was still smiling. "It was Maddy's suggestion, Sir. I'd never thought of tasting it."

"What's it taste like?"

Sam shot Maddy a devilish look. "Tastes like chicken, Sir."

Jack glowered at her.

"Guess you'll just have to try it yourself, General," Sam said with a straight face.

The two technicians shared a glance without moving their heads. The image of General Jack O'Neill sticking his tongue into the event horizon brought matching smirks to both their faces.

The two women left and a moment later Daniel walked in. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

"How it's going?"

"Oh, just dandy, Daniel," Jack told him. He clasped his hands behind his back and rocked forward onto his tip toes. "They stuck their tongues on the event horizon, held hands and skipped through the gate, and now they're skipping down the corridor. I believe there is giggling going on."

Daniel poked his head around the door for a look. "Are they still holding hands?

"Dan-iel," Jack said in a warning tone.

Daniel raised his eyebrows and mentally considered the possibilities. Jack managed to keep a straight face as he watched the byplay in the young archaeologist's expression.

"I'm reading your mind right now," he said softly, "And you need to remember that's my wife you're picturing in there..."

Jack paced anxiously as Dr. Lam led Maddy into the interrogation room below. The tinted glass hid him from her sight and he wondered if she expected him to be where he was.

"Jack? Sure about this?" Daniel asked as he and Carter stepped into the room.

"Maddy's gonna need all the support she can get. You two need to be up to speed." He motioned helplessly with his hands, then turned full around to look at Carter. "You haven't seen it yet," he said grimly. "Sure you're up to it?"

"Sir, Daniel and I are with you and Maddy to the end," Sam told him. "Just tell us what you need."

Jack paused in his pacing to look at her. "You two hit it off."

Sam smiled despite the gravity of the situation. "I really like her, Sir. You did well for yourself."

"That's good, Carter, because you might end up being the only one of all of us who can get to her. Are you sure about this? It can't be far from what you went through yourself."

She nodded. "Do you think she'd take me riding?"

Jack grunted sourly. "If she ever remembers how, herself."

"Uh, Jack..." Daniel motioned towards the window. "I think it's starting."

Dr. Lam was showing Maddy how to turn on the orb. She gave her a pat on the shoulder and left. The door shut behind her with a soft click. Jack sat down heavily, eyes riveted on his wife.

'_I should be down there with her,' _he thought desperately. _'I should be holding her while she watches this.'_

"She doesn't seem nervous," Sam commented.

'_Neither do you,'_ Jack thought worriedly. _'What is it with me that I'm attracted to such tough females?'_

"You said she insisted on watching it alone?" Daniel asked.

Jack nodded grimly as Dr. Lam came into to the observation booth and took a seat next to the colonel. He knew she was just as worried about Carter's reaction as she was Maddy's.

Maddy sat down and looked at the orb. She only hesitated a moment before touching the glowing panel.

Jack closed his eyes.

Maddy watched herself being brutally assaulted, listened to her own screams, her pleas for Jack to help her, with a detached interest that worried her husband. He sat chewing on a nail, unwilling to watch, unable to look away. There were a few times when she cringed, and as the end neared he could see her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Wow," Daniel said softly. "I'm having a harder time with this than she is."

"You don't know what's going through her mind, Daniel," Sam said. Then she leaned forward. "Hey! Did you guys see that? Right when Boch reached up to adjust the orb?"

"I'm trying not to see anything, Carter," Jack said roughly.

She glanced at the two men who were obviously deeply disturbed. No wonder they had missed the detail she thought she had spotted. A very interesting detail.

When the orb shut off Maddy didn't move. She stared at the table, still breathing harshly, hands folded in her lap. Jack shifted restlessly and waited. Still she didn't move. He stood and paced. Finally he threw open the door and a moment later Daniel and Sam saw him stride into the room below.

Maddy looked up. Jack halted and stared at her.

"You okay?" he asked, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice.

Maddy glanced up at the darkened window then back at him.

"Just in case," he answered her unasked question without apology.

Dr. Lam walked in. "Maddy? How are you doing?"

Maddy took a deep breath. "I... just need some time."

"Feeling panicky? Faint? Tell me your name and where you are," the doctor fired questions at her as she checked her pulse and her eyes. "I was afraid you'd go into shock, but you seem fine." She turned to O'Neill. "If there was going to be a severe adverse reaction, it would have surfaced by now, General. Take your wife home and give her some space to think." As she passed O'Neill, the doctor slipped a syringe into his pocket. Their eyes met. "You have my private cell number," she said quietly. "Put it on speed dial."

Maddy spent the entire evening sitting on the deck. She didn't move, didn't speak, and Jack didn't disturb her other than to drape a blanket over her shoulders and hand her a mug of hot chocolate. She murmured a thank you. He had hesitated but when she seemed disinclined to talk he left her alone. Jack spent the evening sitting on the couch in the darkened livingroom where he could watch her from a distance. He knew the memories were returning, knew it was making her head hurt, knew she was crying a lot. He also knew she would resent him if he interrupted. It was closer to dawn than midnight when Maddy walked into the livingroom. Jack had dozed off, but instinct brought him instantly awake when she stood looking at him. Beside him Bonnie stirred, saw no reason for alarm, and curled back to sleep. Diamond was stretched out beside the couch, snoring softly. Errant, diffused moonlight barely made Maddy a shadow in the darkness.

"Go to bed, Jack," Maddy said softly.

He rubbed at his eyes, bumped his nose and swore. "Ouch."

"I'm sorry." Her voice seemed disconnected.

"I've had worse."

"I owe you an apology."

Jack sat up. "For what?"

"You didn't rape me. You told me the truth about the SGC. I beat on you pretty good. I'm sorry for all of it. I feel awful."

"It's okay, Maddy. I've screwed the hell outta your life so far, I should be apologizing to you."

"None of this was your fault. You're just getting the shitty end of the stick." Her voice was so flat, so unemotional. He was glad he couldn't see her eyes.

"_I _am? How can you say that?" he asked incredulously.

"You had such high hopes for us. All you ended up with is a mental patient. I'm so sorry I attacked you."

"You're not mental, Maddy. You've been through more than anybody should ever have to face. I'm proud of you just for surviving that."

"If you want a divorce, I'll understand. I think I'll be okay... You don't have to feel responsible for me now."

'_No, no, no, bad topic!'_ Jack changed the subject. "Your memory coming back?"

"Pretty much. Not all of it I think, but enough to know I'm pretty screwed up."

"We'll get through it, Maddy."

"You have to be tired. Go to bed."

"Only if you come with me."

"Afraid to leave me alone?"

Jack paused for a heartbeat then answered truthfully. "Yes."

He heard her sigh. "You're smarter than you let on, Jack."

"Well don't tell anybody, okay? Sit down here with me."

"No."

"I'll make some coffee."

"I don't want any."

"What can I do, Maddy? How can I help?"

"Give me your sidearm and go away."

'_Oh, God Maddy! I've been there.' _"Sorry to disappoint you."

"Don't tell anybody I want that. I'm sick of being _evaluated_."

"I imagine you are. It'll get better."

"I don't see how. At least not for you."

"Let me be the judge of that."

"Manipulating me again?"

"Yep."

"I can't love you, Jack. I'm dead inside."

"You're more alive right now than you have been in a long time."

"But I don't like it anymore."

"There's so much to live for- Carter's gonna explain the gate to you. ...Well, maybe that was a bad example. You haven't met Teal'c yet. And there's The Simpsons... MacGyver."

"You're making fun of me."

"No, Maddy, I'm trying desperately not to throw myself at your feet and beg you not to feel this way. Not to give up. Not to leave me."

"You deserve a woman who can make love to you."

"I want you. Whatever that means."

"You say that now, here. Six months from now..."

"Six years from now I'll say it again and mean it just as much."

"I was so foolish not to believe how much you love me."

"Believe in love now?"

"Yes. Now that it's too late."

"What changed your mind?"

"You. The way you stood beside me, supported me, fought for me, defended me. Took care of me. Been so patient. ...Painted my toenails."

"Sounds like you've got most of your memory back already. Wonder what's left?"

"I can't remember why I ever doubted you."

"Oh, I'll probably screw up and give you a few reminders over the next forty years or so. I can't seem to help myself."

"I'm tired, Jack. Tired of fighting with myself, tired of the fear that sneaks up on me. Tired of being poked and prodded and examined and questioned..."

"You're on the down-hill side of that now, Babe. Give yourself a chance."

"I'm too tired."

"Then give me a chance. I'll never tire of fighting for you."

"Or fighting _with_ me?"

"Or fighting with you. Lady, I've battled Jaf'fa who were less determined than you were the other night."

"What did I do to make Aris..." She choked on the words.

"You did _nothing_ _wrong_ Maddy. Nothing. You were just a means to an end for him. Leverage."

"Why does he hate you so much?"

"I don't know- because I have you?"

"This might be your last chance not to lie to me."

"I plan on having a million chances yet."

"Only a million?"

"Gotta leave a margin for error."

"I want to know _why_ he..."

"I'll ask him for you when I find him."

"Please don't Jack. Please don't go after him."

"It's not negotiable."

"He'll kill you."

"Not before I kill him first."

"God, Jack, hasn't there been enough? You need to forgive and move on."

"Forgive? ..._Forgive_ who? Myself?" He shook his head, forgot and dropped his face into his hands. "_Ouch_."

"Boch."

"You aren't serious!" He couldn't fathom her thinking, but then, that was his Maddy. Who was he to question the beliefs that made her so giving and compassionate. That gave her the heart she had. If she could forgive Boch, then maybe she could forgive him. Maybe if he learned to be more forgiving, he wouldn't have such turmoil in his soul.

"I have to, Jack. I can't die with so much anger and hatred in my heart."

"So don't die."

"We all die, Jack."

"Then you have another forty, fifty years to work on forgiveness."

"I don't need more time. I'm done."

Jack winced into the darkness. "Don't you think if God wanted you dead, you wouldn't have survived the attack?" he reasoned.

She didn't answer.

"I'll trade you promises. Don't kill yourself, don't leave me, and I won't go after Boch."

"I have to make two promises to your one?"

"I won't go after him _and_ I won't send Mitchell after him." It was glaringly obvious that he had left out Teal'c, Carter, Daniel, Vala, and the rest of the SGC who were seething to avenge her. Avenge both of them.

"I can't, Jack. Not tonight. It might be my last chance not to lie to you."

"What the hell did you remember that's so awful you can't face another day?"

"That hologram wasn't enough?"

"It's over and done with Maddy. Behind you. There's something else bothering you."

"It's irritating how well you know me."

"I can see where you couldn't live with that," he said dryly. "If it's my opera CDs I'll throw them in the lake."

"How can I want to die and laugh at the same time?"

'_Bingo!' _he thought desperately. "Same as when you want to hit me and kiss me at the same time. Turned it into an art form, haven't I?"

"What do you expect from me, Jack?"

"I expect you to stick around so we can torment each other."

"Is that all?"

"It's enough for me, Maddy."

"I'm not all here anymore."

"Even a tiny part of you is more than I want from any other woman."

"Even Sam? I really like her, Jack. I can see why you love her."

"I could never have with Carter what I've got with you."

"You might- if you ever learned each other's first names."

"She can't cook."

"I can't make love."

"But you can cook."

"Damn it, Jack!"

'_Good girl!' _he praised silently. '_Laugh, get angry, feel life. It'll make it too hard to give up.' _"Damn it, Maddy! Stop trying to burn bridges we haven't even gotten to yet!"

"You have a 'yet'. I can't find mine."

"Can't remember where you put it?"

"That would really be funny if it weren't so true."

"I'll help you look for it."

"Has it ever occurred to you that we were just too damned good together for it to last?"

"Only when you insisted on bringing it up. Will you please stop doing that?"

"Damn."

"What? You forget something?"

"I just remembered what an ass you can be."

Jack grinned into the darkness. "What was the 'damn' for?"

"I wanted our last conversation to be a good memory for you. I'm pissed that this is gonna turn into an argument."

Jack felt a cold fist clamp around his heart. "Let's get it on then. I've had more sleep than you- might gimme a shot at winning one for a change."

"You're gonna be damned disappointed when there's no make-up sex."

"I'll be a hellava lot more disappointed if you're too_ dead _to argue with me."

"You're giving me a headache."

"Babe, you have a much better excuse than that for not wanting to make love."

"Where's that sedative Lam thought she was slipping to you on the QT?"

"Think you need it?"

"I was thinking of giving it to _you._"

"I don't need it. As soon as you fall asleep I'm there, too." He was lying to her. No way was he going to sleep until she was past this idea of killing herself.

"I'm terrified of falling asleep."

"I know, Maddy. I'm sorry. Try thinking of it this way: you have a certain number of nightmares to get through, then they'll be gone. The sooner you start knocking them off, the sooner they'll stop."

"You missed your calling, Jack. You're better at this than that whole herd of shrinks."

"I've been there, they haven't."

"I seem to be retracing a lot of your steps."

"We're very much alike. Must be why I fell in love with you."

"But I'm not a narcissist."

"I could point out a few other differences, too."

"Stop sign, General. Don't go there."

"All the stop signs in this marriage have white lines around the edges- they're all optional."

"Maybe they used to be..."

"It has to be that way, Maddy. If we stop being open about our intimacy, or lack of it, we'll eventually stop being able to talk about anything."

"Not tonight."

"That's how it turns into 'not tomorrow' then 'not ever'."

"Jack, those waters are just too deep for me right now."

"The best way to swim in an icy pool is to dive right in. If you keep testing with your toe, you end up talking yourself out of swimming at all." _'For cryin' out loud,' _Jack thought_, 'Now I sound like Oma. Daniel would be so proud.'_

"I _hate_ it when you make sense."

"I love it when you don't."

"_Why?"_

"'Cause that's when I know for sure that I'm getting to you. Otherwise, Maddy, you've got your head screwed on so straight I feel like a ditzy blonde beside you."

"You're a lot of things, Jack, but ditzy is never one of them."

"It'll break my heart if you don't give me a list."

"Arrogant, stubborn, bullheaded, indefatigable..."

"_Whoa_! Stick to English!"

"...Illiterate, really bad at pretending you don't know what big words mean, obnoxious, over-sexed..."

"_That_ one is your fault."

"...Manipulative, possessive, insatiable, and you like opera."

"Is it enough to live for?" he asked quietly.

There was a long pause. "Enough for me to think about it."

"Come to bed."

"I'm afraid to."

"I won't pressure you, Maddy."

"I was talking about the nightmares."

"What was I talking about?"

"Making love."

"See, it wasn't that hard to say."

"Will you tell me about your nightmares?"

"Do I have to?"

"If you want me to come to bed."

"You drive a hard bargain, Mrs. O'Neill."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Since we're being brutally honest about sex, can I ask you something?"

"You never have to ask that, Maddy. Just say it."

"If I need you to hold me, is it going to be hard for you?"

"It's always hard for me when I hold you." He grinned into the darkness when she clicked her tongue at him.

"Can you be serious for just one question?"

"I _was_ being serious, Maddy. I can't control how my body reacts to you. You arouse me. You keep me in a constant state of arousal. I need you in my arms far more than you seem to need to be there. I crave the briefest contact with you the way Daniel craves coffee. But don't ever feel self-conscious, or obligated, when that happens. And for God's sake, don't ever keep away from me because you feel guilty that I get aroused and you don't want to make love."

"Well, _that's_ putting it out there," she whispered.

"Really, _really_ far out there, right?" he teased.

"Stop it, Jack. You'll make _me_ as horny as you."

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"It'll just make me bitchy. Wanting something I can't have."

"Why can't you have it? I don't get those kinds of headaches."

"I can't Jack. Period. End of story."

"Lam says there's no physical reason you can't make love."

"Dr. Lam wasn't there."

"Well, it doesn't matter, Maddy. I'll be grateful just to be able to hold you."

"Not for very long. I know you. You never get enough. Remember '_insatiable'_?"

"Less than a week ago I had resigned myself to never being able to so much as touch your hair again. To wrap myself around you for an entire night will be manna from Heaven."

"I'll trade you a little manna for one of your nightmare stories."

"That's fair."

"Jack... can _you_ forgive _me_?"

He was stunned. "For what, Maddy?"

She sighed. "For driving you nuts. For not being a whole woman anymore. For taking away your dreams. For causing all of this?"

"You didn't cause anything, Maddy! How can you take the blame for..." He shook his head, confounded. "Maddy, I'm the one who opened Pandora's Box for you. If I'd left you go when you kept trying to run, this would never have happened. Maybe it _was _the devil and not God who bumped your horse trailer off my lane that night."

"No, because the one thing in life I hadn't come to terms with was believing in love. He used you to teach me how wrong I was. What's left?"

"You believe in it now and makes you wanna _die_? Guess I made a hellava mess outta _that_."

"No, Jack, you just made my life complete. There's nothing more for me to accomplish. Nobody to take care of, nobody who needs me, nobody depending on me, no dreams to chase, no reason to keep fighting... Which is good because I don't have any fight left in me. Time to retire."

"Not from _life_, Maddy. Can't you think of _one_ reason to live? _Me_, for example?"

"What can I give you now, Jack? A headache? Sexual frustration? That massive debt and early heart attack you once mentioned, without being able to satisfy yourself on my body in return?"

"You can fish with me. Teach me to ride. You still haven't showed me your telescope..."

"You'll find it when you clean my stuff outta the lodge."

His heart jumped into the back of his throat. "Your horses. What about them?"

"I don't care, Jack. Sell them, shoot them. It doesn't matter."

'_Aw, Maddy, no!' _"The way you ride, Maddy, you can't be willing to give that up."

"I'll never ride again.."

"Sure you will. You're legs healed good as new. If you don't remember now you will eventually. There's no reason..."

"I remember. The _reason_, Jack, is the same reason I can't stand the thought of wearing jeans. I don't want anything touching..." She retched and caught a breath. "The thought of straddling..." She gagged, hard, and Jack hurried to her side. Maddy twisted away and took several deep breaths. "Go away, Jack. Let me find peace. Don't fight me on this. I promise you'll never get mad at me over anything, ever again."

The enormity of her reaction staggered him and he sat back down. He thought bringing up her horses would help. It made things worse in a way he had never imagined. He needed to distract her.

"Maddy, we're just getting started, you and I. Don't give up. Sleep on this and I promise, tomorrow morning I'll find some reason to piss you off so you _have_ to scrounge up some fight."

He thought he heard her laugh. "Jack, I can't imagine ever fighting with you again."

"Oh, _there's_ a reason to end it all," he said dryly.

"I owe you so much. I'll never be able to work off that debt. Not even in bed. Especially in bed. I'd never have the right to get mad at you over anything, not ever. I'm just not good enough to live up to that."

"Maybe it's time to stop working so hard, stop fretting about accomplishing something or owing anybody anything, and just play with your husband. I can't play with you if you insist on building my pedestal so damned high I can't even see you anymore."

"I love you so much, Jack. I've never known such awe and respect this side of God Himself. You don't wanna live with that. It's too much work, too much responsibility."

"I think I can deal with it," he snorted. "Give me that chance. ..._Please_?"

"It's all too overwhelming. I can't do you justness, I can't rationalize my fear, I can't justify my existence _in_ your life... and I don't wanna live outside of it. I'm worthless to myself now, to you, and to God. I'm sorry if I disappointed you. You deserve better."

Her desperation crushed him. He rose and folded her in his arms. She was too spent to resist.

"Maddy, you're looking for your own forgiveness when there's nothing for you to be forgiven _for_! I'm sorry I didn't protect you from Boch. I'm sorry I wasn't here, sorry I dragged you into all this." He stroked her head. "I'll quit the SGC, never leave you alone again, watch over you day and night. I'll drive you nuts smothering you until you push my pedestal over so you can get me down on the ground and yell at me about it. But Maddy, I can't face a life without you. I need to make you understand that what you're feeling tonight will pass. You got through the physical part, you got your memory back, and you _will_ get past this. You just have to give yourself a chance, Babe. Give me a chance. Tomorrow will better, and the day after that it will be better yet." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "You don't have to do it alone. You've got my shoulder to lean on now. Trust me with the responsibility."

She finally gave in and leaned into arms, resting her forehead against his chest. "You wanted me to need you in my life, Jack," she said in a dull, dead voice. "Am I needy enough for you now?"

Jack didn't think he could hurt for her anymore than he already did, but seeing her so utterly broken, so completely without hope, was more than he could bear. He swept her up and carried her into bed, curled himself around her, and fought desperately not to cry for her, too.

She had slept in his arms after listening intently while he related one of his intense stress-and guilt-related battles with sanity. He had gotten up and hung a blanket over the lace curtains to keep out the morning sun so that nothing would wake her. There had been no nightmare, and he was perhaps more grateful than she would be.

Her unemotional talk of suicide had terrified him. It had taken all the courage and wits he could muster to keep the conversation light, to provoke her humor, get her to verbally spar with him. He hoped his instincts in handling the matter were right and she would wake up in a better frame of mind. He was man enough to admit the doctors had been right about her watching the hologram. She was more like herself early this morning than he could have hoped, and had a lot of her memory back. But she was severely depressed. He understood that depression and prayed he could pull her out of it.

Daniel had been right when he anticipated her revulsion at the thought of being intimate. But Jack was willing to bet even Daniel couldn't have predicted the extent to which Boch's sadistic torture had traumatized her.

He also prayed he could stay awake twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week until he was positive she had regained the will to live.

The bright side of that was if he didn't sleep, that sadistic Michelin Man couldn't rape her over and over again in _his_ dreams.

**Chapter Twenty-Three **

"Right there!" Carter paused the hologram and pointed to a spot on Boch's chest.

At a point where the neck of his space suit had pulled open, Landry and Daniel could just make out the top arc of a silver disc and the faint glow of a blue light.

Daniel gave a low whistle. "If that orb hadn't been focused _down_, nobody would ever see it."

"What is the significance of what I'm looking at?" Landry asked.

"It looks like the device the Foothold Aliens used to change themselves into us," Daniel informed him. "Wow, Sam, nice catch! How'd you ever spot that?"

"What's it mean?"

"It means," Carter said slowly, "There's a very good possibility that Aris Boch didn't assault Mrs. O'Neill."

"Why would a Foothold Alien disguise itself as Boch and go after Maddy?" Daniel asked.

"And were those actually Lucians?"

"He kept talking about the Lucian Confederacy. I think it's more likely the Lucians have somehow gotten their hands on the Foothold Aliens' technology," Sam reasoned. "It was a Lucian disguised as Boch that attacked Mrs. O'Neill."

"Then the Lucians are holding Boch," Landry said. "Didn't I read in the mission report that the subject has to be alive for the technology to work?"

"As far as we understand it, Sir. At least we know that when the imposter dies, the captive wakes up. That teardrop device they used along with the disc transferred thoughts and memories," Sam said. "That's how they knew where Mrs. O'Neill was, and that Boch had access to her."

"How does it all tie together?" Landry asked.

"They didn't count on us ever discovering their Foothold Alien ruse," Sam was thinking out loud. "They got their hands on Boch's ship, tapped into his memories, and realized they had the means to infiltrate the SGC and tie us up long enough to make another stab at that ship facility..."

"Along with learning Boch had the ability to slip in and out of Earth's orbit without being detected, they realized they had a means of putting pressure on Jack not to come after them," Daniel finished for her.

"And maybe a little revenge," Carter said bitterly. She had first-hand knowledge of how the Lucians enjoyed their revenge.

"They probably don't realize O'Neill isn't in charge of the SGC," Landry nodded. "They thought if he was frightened enough for his wife, he'd back off and leave them alone. At least long enough to get their hands on several of those ships."

"Well we stopped _that_," Sam grimaced.

"Whoever assaulted Maddy sure did his best to convince her to convince Jack to back off," Daniel said. "Which is gonna royally backfire," he added ominously.

"Once you realize it isn't Boch," Sam pointed out, "The things he yells at her during the attack make it all so obvious."

"Not to mention if Colonel Carter hadn't picked out that ruse, Jack would be hunting down Aris Boch instead of the Lucian rebels, and since they've got Boch it would tie up SG-1 in a wild goose chase."

"Somehow, 'Lucian' and 'rebels' seems redundant," Daniel muttered.

Landry slapped both palms on the table. "Recall Teal'c from Chulak and contact Vala on Hespardia- tell her never mind, we've got a priority mission at hand. I'll contact Mitchell. We can't have these Lucians running all over the galaxy masquerading as whom ever they damned well please."

"In Boch's ship with all that technology," Carter added.

"What about General O'Neill, Sir?"

"I'll call him myself."

Jack hung up the phone and sat mulling over what Landry had just told him. The gravity of the suspected situation weighed heavily on him. He was damned sure going with SG-1 to track down the Lucians that had the potentially lethal technology, but what about Maddy? Now was not the time to leave her alone, and right now she needed him more than anybody else. He went in to wake his wife.

Maddy came awake slowly, her body not ready to give up the first peaceful slumber she'd had in far too long. Jack absently rubbed her back, his mind working furiously. Finally she turned over and yawned.

"Hey, Gorgeous, you decide to wake up?"

"I was _hauled_ awake," she muttered.

"We need to talk."

She grimaced. "We covered just about everything last night. I didn't dream, Jack. Thank you. Do it again, please, so I can _sleep._"

"Landry just called. I need you awake, Babe."

"Need me to drive you to the SGC?" She wiggled her shoulder blades. "Oooh, _scratch."_

"Not hardly. But we _are_ going." Jack dutifully scratched her back, elated that she welcomed his touch. A good night's sleep had done wonders for her and he hated that he had to wake her.

Maddy wiped the sleep from her eyes and shifted to study his tense features. "What's wrong?"

He explained what Sam had spotted on the hologram and the eventual conclusion. "So there's a good chance it wasn't Boch who attacked you."

Her eyes widened, and he thought he saw a bit of relief in her expression. "Will we ever know for sure?"

"If we find Boch alive, yes."

"Alive?"

Jack shrugged. "He might be. We only have a sketchy idea how the technology works."

"Why do we have to go to the base?"

"I'm going because... I'm going. With SG-1. To find that technology and destroy it."

"And rescue Aris?"

Jack narrowed his eyes at her. "It's hell being a hero, but I'll do it for you."

"Do you have to go with them? I need you right now, Jack."

There was an apologetic desperation in her voice that twisted Jack's guts into a ball. She really _needed_ him for the first time and he was going to refuse her, let her down. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. _'Am I ever gonna get this right?'_

"I have to go with them. I want you to stay at the SGC. Pack a war bag."

"I'll stay here."

"No, you won't. Please don't argue with me on this."

"I'll be fine, Jack, honest. I need the alone time."

"And I need to know the Lucians or Boch or whoever can't just beam you away. You can be alone in my private quarters on the base. I'll use that sedative and carry you if you make me, Maddy," he warned. "And take a bra- there will be close-circuit cameras on you."

She sat up. "What do you mean, 'cameras'? Are you doing this just to piss me off so I'll scrounge up some fight?"

He grunted. "Whatever works," he muttered. Then his face hardened. "I'm not taking any chances after the way you were talking this morning. I'm sorry, Maddy, but we didn't come this far for me to return from an off-world mission to find you had gone through with killing yourself. And the base will protect you from transport rings, but not that beaming technology the Lucian's have. I want you watched twenty-four seven."

She swallowed her anger. "If it'll mean you'll have your mind on staying alive instead of worrying about me, I'll deal with it. Sam will be there..."

"I don't think even Lam will be able to keep Carter off this mission."

"But she's not ready for..."

"Carter's tough. This is too important, Maddy. It's why I have to go when I'd rather stay here with you."

"Will you watch out for her?"

He brushed his knuckles over her face. "Jealous?"

She shrugged self-consciously. "I wish I could go."

"To keep between Carter and me?"

"To keep from being held prisoner in a windowless cell at the bottom of a mountain with no air and with cameras on me until you get back."

Claustrophobia was settling over her already. Jack sighed.

"The galaxy isn't ready for you, Rambo." He kissed her on the forehead. "Get dressed. I'll even hook your bra for you this time."

Jack watched Maddy pace the cramped living quarters at the base.

Arms crossed, he grimaced at the video monitor as she glanced at the camera for the umteenth time. He glanced at Teal'c. He had brought his alien friend up to speed on his wife's condition and mental state. The big Jaf'fa was in his 'stoic observation' mode. Jack ran a hand over his head. Right now, O'Neill needed a solution- and fast.

"This'll drive her to suicide faster than anything else!"

He understood that Maddy had reached out to him for a reason not to kill herself, for reassurance that he could accept what she perceived as insurmountable problems. He knew it had been a coin toss between her coming to talk to him and simply letting him find her body. And he also knew that if he weren't there to keep her going, she would slip backwards into a black maw of depression, despair, and guilt. If Maddy decided to go through with it while he was gone, she would simply do it. She would not go to anyone else the way she had come to him. And nobody at the SGC would have an inkling, there would be no opportunity to stop her. She was that stubborn, that determined, and that smart. Short of having Dr. Lam induce a coma, he was at a loss as to what to do with her while he was off-world. SG-1 would be back from recon anytime now, and the mission would be planned. Leaving her at the lodge was out of the question, but apparently so was stuffing her into bowels of Cheyenne Mountain.

"Your wife paces like a caged animal, O'Neill. Not unlike yourself in that situation."

"Ya _think_?"

"DanielJackson is of the opinion that you and your wife are fowl."

Jack scrunched up his face. "Foul?"

"He compared you to birds."

"_Birds of a feather,_ Teal'c. It means we are drawn to each other because we're very much alike."

"I do not see the resemblance."

Jack sighed. "Birds stay together in flocks. All robins, all wrens. You never look up and see ten wrens, six robins, three ducks, and a buzzard flying together in a flock. Daniel meant that my wife and I think alike, enjoy the same things, get each other's jokes."

"She is a unique woman indeed if she comprehends your humor, O'Neill."

"Yes, T, she is."

"You do not wish her to return to your home for fear she will take her own life."

"Or the Lucians will grab her as leverage when we go after them," O'Neill added. Maybe he didn't need to go with SG-1. Was he putting his need for revenge ahead of Maddy's need for him? Guilt rode him like a biting monkey. But it was more than revenge. He had to ensure none of those Lucian bastards survived to attack her again. He had to know that, if Boch were alive, he understood that if he ever contacted Maddy again he would die for it. He had to ensure that anyone and everyone who knew the lodge coordinates from space would never again pay his wife a visit. That had to take precedence over everything else- even Maddy's desperation. A prisoner holding facility on the Alpha Site was not good enough, not enough of a guarantee she would be safe.

Cold-blooded murder wasn't something he could ask of SG-1.

"Mrs. O'Neill is not sufficiently recovered to resume her employment in the SGC commissary." It was a statement, not a question, and Jack sighed.

"It's too bad- that _would_ help take her mind off being stuck here. But she's so weak, T, so frail." He shook his head. _'Leave it to me to take a strong, vibrant, healthy dynamo and turn her into ...'_

Teal'c interrupted his thoughts. "Perhaps I can offer a solution."

Jack did an about face. "What do you have in mind?"

"Bra'tac."

"_Bra'tac_? You want to ask him to come here and _babysit?"_

Teal'c's one eyebrow climbed his forehead. "I was not aware you had become a father, O'Neill."

"It's an exper..." He trailed off when he saw Teal'c's version of smirk. It was hard to tell in that impassive face of his, but O'Neill knew him well enough to sense it. "Funny, Teal'c. Good one." His dry tone belied his words. The big alien inclined his head. Sometimes he didn't get O'Neill's sarcasm.

"I was considering the possibility of taking her to Bra'tac. He is assisting the formation of a new colony of free Jaf'fa on a planet not unlike Earth. The colony is unknown, save to a few who are not already there. Your wife would not only be safe, O'Neill, but may benefit from Master Bra'tac's guidance."

The longer Jack thought about it, the more he liked the idea. No one in the world could better protect Maddy- from herself as well as from outside forces- than Teal'c's savvy mentor.

Next to himself, he amended.

Bra'tac had a way of blowing away the chaff and cutting into the meat, an uncanny insight to the workings of the soul. _'One hundred and thirty plus years'll do that for you,' _Jack thought. Traveling to a strange planet would appeal to her sense of adventure- perhaps that alone would put the sparkle back into her eyes. The way she had enjoyed roughing-it with him when they had been kidnapped, being immersed in a rather primitive setting might give her something to think about besides her troubles. And certainly being contained deep inside this mountain was only going to wear on her nerves- she already had the look of someone who had just been buried alive. Maddy needed wide-open spaces they way most people needed a roof over their heads. _'You may be creating a monster,' _he warned himself. _'She gets another taste of going off-world, she'll want to do it all the time.'_ He decided that having her want anything again would be better than the broken and hopeless version of Maddy he now had. The brutality of the attack and it's aftermath of angst had effectively crushed her incredible spirit.

Maddy paused to stare at the camera again. Her eyes seemed abnormally large, sunken into their darkly-shadowed sockets and underlined by purple puffiness. Her cheeks were hollow, a sallow color marked only by two high spots of bright red that attested to her distress. She was breathing fast, feeling a lack of oxygen that had nothing to do with air flow. Her lips were bloodless, pulled tight, causing deep lines to bracket her mouth. Her arms were wrapped around herself, knuckles white. He knew she was battling panic, fighting the feeling of being drowned.

He couldn't leave her there, leave her like this, another moment.

"I knew you'd come through for me, Teal'c!" The slap he laid across his friend's shoulder made the alien frown at him. "I just hope she doesn't hurt the old fart."

Maddy stood trembling beside her husband as the wormhole initiated with an awe-inspiring 'whoosh'. Jack subtly twisted their fingers together and squeezed, smiling at her when she looked up at him.

"You'll like Bra'tac," he assured her.

She sucked in a shaky breath and watched as the strangely dressed man stepped through the stargate. Bra'tac exchanged greetings with Landry and SG-1.

"Trust me?" O'Neill said softly. "Just this once?"

But the wide eyes she turned on him were filled with dread, tired and unwilling. Full of distrust and misgivings. The certainty he was sending her away for it's own sake. Resentment that he had this power over her, the ability to make this decision against her will. He still saw death in her eyes and he reconsidered his need to go with SG-1. But Teal'c had told Bra'tac everything and the cagey old Jaf'fa warrior wouldn't let her harm herself. This drastic change would do her as much good as anything, occupy her mind so that her thoughts were drawn away from the devastation that overwhelmed her.

Jack was beside himself at having to do this to her, handle and manipulate her life once again, and he fretted that she wouldn't be able to forgive him this time. He frantically searched his mind for an alternative, but not going with SG-1 to track down the Lucians was not an option. Any other woman, and this drastic a step would not have been necessary. Any other woman, and this option would have never occurred to him, would probably result in a negative effect on her fear and depression. But his Maddy was entirely unique. Her heart was truly wild, her spirit as primitive as the wind. She was a force of nature. She would chafe under the constant attention of modern medical treatment, would fight tooth and nail against being smothered by it. Jack smirked at himself for such poetic thoughts, but accepted that she had that effect on him, too. It was part of what he loved so much about her. He adjusted her pack to keep from making a display of himself by clinging to her and blubbering like a baby. He had a reputation to maintain in front of these people and was determined not to give them a show of emotion.

Finally Teal'c led Bra'tac over to the O'Neills and made introductions. Bra'tac forcefully gripped Maddy's elbow and stared hard into her face. Beside them the stargate established an out-going wormhole. He looked up at O'Neill, gave a slight nod and a barely perceptible grunt. To Jack, it was more reassuring than the thick stack of doctors' reports telling him Maddy had the potential to recover.

"Come," Bra'tac told her firmly. "We can use your strong arms."

As Maddy moved away from him, Jack slipped the orb into the pouch Bra'tac carried on his side. The old warrior made eye contact with Jack and gave a brief nod.

Jack stood rooted as Bra'tac led his wife to the ramp. Halfway up she threw him a desperate look over her shoulder.

They had nearly reached the event horizon when O'Neill broke.

"Hey!" He sprinted up the ramp, bent his wife over his arm, and laid a long, sizzling kiss on her mouth. "I love you," he said to her stunned reaction. "I'll come get you soon." He pulled off his dog tags and put the chain around her neck, then tucked the tags inside her shirt. Maddy stared up at him with wide eyes and clutched the tags in her fist through the T shirt.

The SG personnel exchanged sheepish glances and tried to look away. Some of them managed.

Bra'tac tugged on Maddy's arm and, with a swirl of his silver cape, stepped through the puddle. With a last, wild look at her husband, Maddy disappeared.

She was still clutching his tags in a death grip.

SG-1 chased down several leads that ended up being dead-ends. Vala and Teal'c sent out feelers to their alien contacts and the team learned that who they were after were a small knot of Lucians running with a few Jaf'fa, rebels among rebels. When the SGC routed the Lucian Alliance from the ship building facility, this group had splintered off and gone into deep cover to regroup. There had been no mention of the Foothold Aliens and descriptions had yielded them no species name.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months as SG-1 haunted alien trading depots, public establishments, and talked to what passed for authority figures all over the galaxy. The Ori continually interrupted their search, and SG-1 had to make them their priority. But O'Neill continued relentlessly, grateful to Thor for joining the hunt and using his ship to shuttle him from planet to planet. When available, the Odyssey was employed by SG-1. Teal'c was eventually able to obtain the use of a Jaf'fa ship, taking O'Neill off Thor's hands long enough for the Asgard's Supreme Commander to check in at his home world and their ongoing battle with the Advanced Replicators.

Jack chafed and stewed over not being able to see Maddy. He managed to contact Bra'tac frequently enough to earn the elder Jaf'fa's impatience- not to mention the impatience of General Landry, Thor, all of SG-1, and half the crew of the Odyssey. Each occasion, Bra'tac had given him some excuse why Maddy was not available to speak to him personally, but he assured Jack his wife was faring well.

Nearly all the time Jack spent away from Earth he was aboard either the Odyssey, Thor's ship, or the cargo transport with Teal'c and there was no stargate available to make the connection to the Jaf'fa colony. But it was becoming next to impossible for Jack to tolerate the separation from his wife.

"Do you not trust Master Bra'tac to care for your wife, O'Neill?" Teal'c finally asked with as much impatience as the big Jaf'fa would allow himself to show.

"Sir, you made the best possible decision for her," Carter said, as close to snapping at O'Neill as she had ever been. "This is the exact attitude you have always hated the idea of having to face after being away on a mission!"

"Jack, maybe Bra'tac is applying the old 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' theory," Daniel cajoled.

Mitchell, still rather in awe and a bit star-struck by the opportunity to see _Jack O'Neill_ himself in action, merely absorbed the general's frustration.

After Vala offered to take his mind off his wife for him, the team aggressively kept her as far away from O'Neill as possible for her own protection.

Thor, blinking silently, finally beamed him off the bridge and into a cargo hold.

Then came the intel SG-1 had been waiting for. They had the location of an uninhabited planet that the odd mixture of alien rebels calling themselves the Lucian Confederacy used as a base of operations.

Jack stepped through the stargate alone, trying not to show how anxious he was to see his wife.

He could have stepped onto a patch of western Canada, the planet seemed so much like Earth. He heard running water and living creatures and the wind whispering through not-so-alien-looking trees. A curl of smoke led him to a path that twisted through the undergrowth, and he kept an eye out for Maddy along the way. He could picture her sitting on a rock beside still waters, or wandering through the trees lost in thought, perhaps with a pocket full of rocks to take home with her. She had probably started a flower bed close to her quarters, and he might stumble across her lifting blooms to transplant. Her thoughts would be centered on her husband, missing him, wondering if he had deserted her for good, rehearsing the many ways she would show him he had been forgiven. As he approached the typical Jaf'fa village filled with tents and cook fires and playing children, he began to picture her standing beside one of the fires, stirring something in a pot with a long-handled paddle. Or sitting at Bra'tac's feet as the old warrior imparted some tidbit of sage advice. Perhaps helping to build one of the many permanent structures that were dotting the encampment.

What he did not expect to see was his wife dressed in classic Jaf'fa garb, clutching a training staff and warily circling with a young Jaf'fa warrior.

Jack clicked the safety off his P90 and shifted the weapon forward.

"Here, O'Neill, before she sees you."

Jack half-turned to see Bra'tac motioning him behind a tent. Jack followed but kept a sharp eye on his wife. Maddy dodged a swipe of the staff, spun, and landed a solid blow to the Jaf'fa's rib cage.

"If he hurts her, Bra'tac...! Are you gonna put a stop to that?"

"Stop it? Humph! I have a heavy wager on your wife to win the contest! She will make the Tau'ri a formidable warrior."

"_Warrior!_" Jack yelped. "She's my _wife_!"

The old Jaf'fa nodded sagely. "You have chosen well, O'Neill."

"For a Jaf'fa! What the hell have you done to her?"

"I have helped her to regain her spirit, her confidence. She is a hard worker, O'Neill, toiling long days without complaint beside the free Jaf'fa. She has made many friends, and a few enemies. We have had long talks and her mind is sharp. It was not so at first; her spirit was broken, her will weak. She longed for you, and for a time when she did not have fear or loathing in her heart. I brought her to see that we cannot change the past, but we can choose our future. She has chosen a future of life and vitality and strength. She will bring to your home fine, strong children, O'Neill. You should be proud!" He gave Jack a whack on the shoulder that sent him stumbling a full step.

"But didja have to teach her to spar with a training staff...?"

"It was she who asked to be taught. I saw no reason to refuse."

"What else do I need to know?" Jack grumbled, visions of an emotional reunion fading fast.

"She has filled out and gained strength, power," Bra'tac tapped his biceps, "Here, and here," he tapped his temple. "She is a joy to teach, a joy to watch as she blossoms and learns."

Jack narrowed his eyes on the man. "Just what do you mean by _blossom_?"

Bra'tac glanced around the tent. "Come, watch your wife win me a gold medallion! Take care she does not see you, O'Neill, or her concentration will surely be broken!"

Jack walked along behind the aged warrior, his eyes on Maddy. She looked like a wild thing, hair bound in thick braid down her back, arms tanning and becoming firm again. She took a blow that made Jack wince then countered with a wide sweep that landed her opponent flat on his back. She leaped, spun the staff, and held it to the man's throat. He swept out a leg, trying to knock her off-balance, but Maddy was faster. She side-stepped the leg-sweep and gave him a rap along the ear as punishment. The gathered crowd roared. Her hands a blur, she whipped the staff backwards and tagged the boy's thigh then brought it back to his neck in a taunting gesture.

"She has earned her keep, O'Neill," Bra'tac continued. "Our cook fires have never yielded such satisfying fare."

"Yes," Jack responded. "Our cook fires are missing her at the moment."

"She has shown the women how to bring water to the food plants by ditch instead of using their backs to carry it. She delights the children with wild tales of great, four-legged creatures that allow her to race the wind upon their backs. I am intrigued by this God she worships and we have had many long discussions. She has tasted every root, branch, and plant in the forest and added many new flavors to our meals. Have you ever considered cooking meat with smoke, O'Neill, instead of the fire itself?"

"Yeah, uh, does she ever bother to mention the handsome bastard she's married to? A few stories about his skill with a fishing rod, maybe? His impeccable taste in music? A tear or two? Anything?"

"Her days are filled with labor and training, but I often catch her watching the path to the chapa'i. Every night, without fail, from her knees she implores her God to ensure your safety. Many a Jaf'fa warrior has tried to win her favor, but it is well understood that her heart is already given to O'Neill of the Tau'ri." They watched as Maddy let her opponent up and they squared off again. "Ahh, if I were fifty years younger, O'Neill, I would slit your throat and carry her off for myself!"

Jack shot him an arched look, and decided the old man was serious. He looked back in time to see Maddy knocked to her knees, then flat. She rolled onto her back. The Jaf'fa pounced and held his staff across her neck. Maddy braced her arms and held her own for a moment in a test of raw strength. The boy couldn't have been more than fourteen, but he was a strapping lad who would one day rival Teal'c in power and bulk. Jack glanced at Bra'tac to see if he was going to put a stop to the contest but the warrior showed no inclination.

"He's _letting _her get the best of him." When Bra'tac didn't answer Jack shifted nervously. "_Right?_"

"Of course!" Bra'tac scoffed. "And she knows this as well. But the bruises and blood and sore muscles are very real." He rapped on his chest. "And felt _in here_. She is well respected for her determination and willingness to compete. But it is the testing of her broken body that drives her, and it is thus that her soul is being healed."

"Well, it's nice of them to let her play," Jack said dryly.

Bra'tac chuckled. "It is more the opportunity to get their hands on her delectable body."

Jack spun towards him, anger darkening his brow. Bra'tac's expression sobered. "Your wife had a terrible fear of being touched, of being handled by a man... _any_ man."

"She let me touch her!" Jack barked. "That's all that counts!"

Several of the watching Jaf'fa glanced around curiously.

"Did she, O'Neill?" Bra'tac challenged shrewdly. "Or did she submit to your hand out of a sense of duty, and guilt? Has she willingly sought your arms for more than brief comfort? And whose comfort did she seek? Hmmm? Her own, or _yours_?"

When Jack continued to lower at him Bra'tac said, "Umph! You know I speak the truth. The fire in her eyes will spread to her belly in no time." Bra'tac saw that O'Neill's attention was again on his wife, and he allowed a brief look of affection to touch his face. He wiped it away before he taunted, "You should feed your woman better. When you gave her to me she was nothing but skin and bones. Now she is filled out, her muscles toned, her body supple. Her..."

"I get the picture, Bra'tac," O'Neill cut him off sharply. "And I didn't _give _her to you! What about the nightmares?"

"They plagued her at first, but I was able to teach her how to turn and attack the sleep visions before they could overtake her. They haunt her with rare frequency of late."

Jack tore his eyes from Maddy to gape at Bra'tac. "How the hell did you teach her to attack her nightmares?"

"I began by teaching her an attainable version of kelnorim. This she combined with the teachings of the religion she follows. Within this state, she was able to summon those visions which troubled her the most, and within her mind, alter the facts so that she became the aggressor rather than the victim. In vanquishing her attacker from every angle, in every moment of the attack during meditation, her mind became trained to do so on its own, as she sleeps. She is now able to recognize the nightmares for what they are- the past- and move her mind forward to the time when she is once again safe, when the pain is gone, when she feels pleasure and comfort in your arms. It has also helped her to overcome the anger she insists on denying, gives her the revenge she craves and scorns at the same time. Your wife has a strong mind, O'Neill. Take care that you do not challenge it in a test of wills!"Jack stared at him with a blank look. He had no idea what Bra'tac just said, but he was pretty sure he had thrown in an insult, there at the end.

"Watch, and learn!" Bra'tac told him with an elbow to the ribs.

The Jaf'fa once again had Maddy on her back, both of them locked in a struggle for the training staff. Maddy abruptly reversed the pressure she was exerting, pulling the warrior forward and off-balance. At the same time she rolled her hips and tipped him sideways. When he reared back to keep from being thrown over her head, she kicked high and hooked the back of her knee around his throat, dragging him down into the thick dust. She sprang on top using her knees to pin his arms to his sides. Then she laid the staff across his face, rolled the handle, and wedged the weapon between his teeth.

The crowd screamed.

"Do they always let her win like that?" Jack asked.

"For them, the contest is not winning or losing, but vying to see who can best test her abilities, which can withstand her aggressive play the longest without injuring or exhausting her."

"Like poking a dog with a stick," Jack muttered.

Bra'tac eyed his Tau'ri friend as if gauging whether or not to tell Jack more. "There is a side competition of which your wife is unaware," he finally admitted. "It has to do with how many times they can touch her breast, thigh, or backside. The palm of a hand is a more valued contact than the back. Fingertips count for less."

"They're _counting coup_?"

Bra'tac anticipated the rage he saw on O'Neill's face and raised a warning hand. "It is but brief contact, O'Neill, and while she does her best to evade it, your wife considers it an unavoidable and non-threatening part of sparring. The fact that she pays it no mind now is far better than the way she cringed at the slightest brush of her arm or hand or foot when she first arrived. She does not invite the contact, or appreciate it, but the fact that she can ignore it attests to the progress she has made over her loathing and dread."

"I don't need you to teach her how to have sex again, Bra'tac," he warned darkly. "This ends now."

Bra'tac grinned at Jack's fury. "Have no fear, O'Neill," his tone helped to soothe Jack's ruffled feathers as much as his words. "You are as a god in your wife's eyes. She idolizes, worships you. In over one hundred and thirty years I have never witnessed such incredible devotion in a woman for her mate." He looked Jack up and down and added tauntingly, "I do not profess to understand the attraction, but see to it that you do not disappoint her."

Maddy stood and offered her hand to her opponent. He grinned widely and accepted, then bowed his head to her. A little boy ran forward and pressed a medallion into her hand. Maddy bent down and kissed his dirty cheek, then returned the Jaf'fa's solemn nod before turning to search the throng for Bra'tac.

"Her heart is as fragile as it is big, O'Neill, and her spirit is such that it will suffer greatly under a heavy hand," he advised in a more somber tone. "While she will endure mightily to please you, it will be the smallest of indiscretions that could crush her heart, cripple her spirit." He balled a hand into a fist to illustrate. "Take care, my friend, in words and actions, that you never neglect the grave responsibility of being loved in such a manner, by a woman such as that."

"Look at what she's survived already," Jack responded. "She's pretty damned tough."

The Jaf'fa warrior grunted. "Her body and mind are tough, strong. It is of her heart and spirit that I caution you. A flower of the forest will withstand pounding rain and hard winds, endure bright sun or the lack of it when necessary. It survives the change of seasons. Yet if picked for a moment's enjoyment, it will wither and die."

Jack studied the old man's face as the Jaf'fa closed ranks to hide him from Maddy's line of sight.

"I'll never leave her, Bra'tac," he said as, patting her and cheering, the Jaf'fa passed Maddy through the crowd without her realizing she was being passed. The last several Jaf'fa abruptly parted and Maddy was standing in front of Jack.

Jack knew an uneasy moment as she simply stood there. Wild and beautiful, dirty, bruised, and sweaty, he thought she never looked more desirable. Then her face crumpled and she launched herself at him. The woman that came into his arms was far different from the one he had kissed goodbye in front of the entire SGC. She held him tightly with a strength he remembered from another time, and did not shrink away when he gripped her against him as hard as he could.

Bra'tac shooed away the watching Jaf'fa. "Go! See to your duties!"

Maddy buried her face against Jack's neck and sobbed. "I missed you so much! Are you okay? You weren't wounded...?"

"I'm fine," was all he could manage past the lump in his throat.

"Jack, Jack... I thought you forgot me! I didn't think you were coming back!"

He held her away to look deeply into her wet eyes. "Undomesticated equines couldn't keep me away."

She laughed, fingers racing over his face, her eyes searching his. "Can I come home now?"

Jack made a rueful face. "Sorry, Babe. I didn't even come from Earth. We think we've finally got them pinpointed and we're making our move. I had to see you first, had to know you were okay."

"I am now," she said with a trembling smile.

"Are you okay here? Can I leave you with Bra'tac awhile longer?"

She nodded. "Oh, Jack I missed you. I was so worried...!"

"Hey, don't you know by now that I'm ten feet tall and bullet-proof?"

"It's the energy weapons I worry about."

He laughed and caught a handful of braid, drawing her head to his chest.

"I see your nose healed okay. And the black eye is gone," she said into his chest.

"You _aren't_ planning on bringing home a training staff, are you?"

She laughed against him and Jack's heart soared. It was a real laugh, the kind that always made him feel lighter than air. He was still holding her when Teal'c appeared at his side.

"The Lucians are preparing to move, O'Neill," he said gravely. "Time is of the essence."

Maddy gave him a final hard squeeze and obediently stepped back. Jack took her head in both hands and kissed her. When her lips responded to his with a very real passion, a groan rumbled in his chest and the kissed deepened. His body felt like rushing water and the thrill that spun through his mind shook him to the core.

Teal'c inclined his head, a small smile touching the edges of his lips. The Lucians could wait a moment longer to die.

Jack couldn't break away, couldn't resist the sweetness of her lips. It was Maddy who gently drew him back to reality. "Jack, I love you so much. Are you for sure coming back for me?"

"I _will_ come for you, Maddy. It might be awhile- but don't ever think I won't."

"O'Neill," Teal'c pressed quietly.

"Jack, the horses, the dogs...?" she asked apologetically.

"Landry has assigned Corporal Williams to the lodge. He's recovering from some pretty nasty wounds and needs the down time, but he has a background in horses so he's taking care of everything. Don't worry, ok? We'll both go home soon."

"Jack..." She gave him an imploring look, her eyes swimming in hot tears.

"Try not to hurt these poor Jaf'fa," Jack said, cupping her cheek in his palm. He cursed softly and ripped off the fingerless shooting glove he wore, then let his hand linger on her face, absorbing her softness and warmth, letting his fingers trail down over her neck and back up to touch her lips.

Maddy closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, covering his hand with hers and kissing his fingertips. When his hand left her face she stood there with her eyes closed, determined not to watch him leave. But she couldn't resist one last look at him and she opened her eyes in time to see him following Teal'c through the trees at a dog trot.

**Chapter Twenty-Four **

"I believe this to be a world I once scouted for Apophis. It was uninhabited at that time," Teal'c voice came softly through the headset. "We came by ship. There was no structure of any kind, nor was there a stargate."

"Then they must have moved that gate and DHD here by ship," Carter said.

"I believe it to be the one stolen by Jaf'fa rebels," Teal'c answered. "It is rumored the Lucians paid for it with the blood of a much revered leader of the free Jaf'fa who taught peace over war."

As they watched the single, round structure below, several tall, very ugly gilled aliens emerged to speak with the handful of Lucians.

"Foothold Aliens," Carter announced. "Looks like we got the right place."

"Cohabiting with Lucians," Mitchell said. "Where are the Jaf'fa that are supposed to be with them?"

"Maybe they took their identities, too," Vala suggested. "Wonder what's in that building?"

"Probably one of those freakin' cocoon deals they use to... do whatever it was they did so they could impersonate us," O'Neill answered. "Along with a bunch of folks hanging from the ceiling."

"Doesn't look like a lot of them," Vala offered. "So far I like the odds."

O'Neill brought an alien into focus through his field glass. He shuddered at the sight of the ugly being.

A cargo ship appeared, hovered for a moment, then settled amid a cloud of dust and debris. The Lucian O'Neill had his glass on touched his chest, shimmered, and turned into Aris Boch.

"Holy Hannah, General, did you see..?"

"That Lucian turn into Boch, yeah."

"No, Sir, the one I was watching turned into Captain Hall, SG-14. He was listed as KIA during the rout of the ship facility. We never found a body and assumed he had been vaporized."

O'Neill swore under his breath. "Wonder who else we're gonna find in there?"

Three Lucians transformed into Jaf'fa.

"Recognize any of them, Teal'c?"

"I do not, O'Neill."

"Looks like it's more Lucians than Foothold Aliens," Carter mused.

"I overheard the aliens discussing Earth as a potential new home world during the foothold situation," Teal'c said. "And many of them died in the gateroom. Perhaps we are seeing the last of their race."

"Odyssey, this is Mitchell. They're boarding the craft. Get set to intercept."

"Intercept my ass," Jack growled. "Blow it up!"

Carter and Mitchell exchanged glances.

"What do you wanna take them prisoner for? They're rebels from both... species. Can't tell us about anything we aren't already gonna blow up." O'Neill knew he was over-stepping his bounds; SG-1 was no longer his command. "That ship has a cloaking device we can't detect, ring transport, and beaming technology that we can't scramble. It's part of the reason we're here!"

"Be nice to have in our arsenal," Mitchell mused.

"It is not worth the potential risk," Teal'c advised.

"If we find Aris Boch alive inside that structure this ship belongs to him. We can't just take it," Carter added.

"We could confiscate it," Mitchell grumbled. "Seize it under Mitchell's Spoils Of Battle Rule Number Two."

"What is Mitchell's Spoils Of Battle Rule Number One?" Teal'c asked.

"Bet it has to do with women," Vala snickered.

"We can _blow it up!_" O'Neill insisted.

Carter gave Mitchell a nod.

"Odyssey, this is Mitchell. Intercept and destroy."

'_I'm just glad Daniel isn't here to talk them out of it,' _Jack thought ruthlessly.

"Uh-ohh," Vala breathed.

The aliens were carrying some sort of device between two long poles.

"Wonder why they didn't just beam it up?"

"Perhaps transportation technology is what activates the device," Teal'c offered.

"That's headed for Earth," O'Neill said. "Why else have a Captain Hall aboard?"

"Odyssey, this is Carter. Keep your distance when you target the enemy ship. Be advised there may be a potentially powerful device aboard that will enhance the explosion."

"Received and understood, Colonel," came the reply from within the huge ship laying in orbit.

"They really are ghastly creatures," Vala said.

"Lock and load, Kids." O'Neill was still studying the ship. "They're about to take off."

A moment later the ship lifted off the ground and zipped away.

"Odyssey, target has launched. They're comin' atcha! Get 'em before they see you and cloak."

"Target acquired," the disconnected voice replied.

SG-1 looked up into the sky in time to see a brilliant flash, then a secondary flash bright enough to make them quickly avert their eyes.

"Odyssey, report!" Carter barked.

There was a long silence. SG-1 began to show signs of concern.

"SG-1, this is the Odyssey. Target neutralized. Kill has been confirmed."

"Yes!" O'Neill breathed.

"Everything alright up there?" Mitchell asked.

"Rattled our teeth and the bridge crew are seeing spots in front of their eyes, but the shields held, Colonel."

"Stand by while we begin our ground assault. Mitchell out."

O'Neill was studying the lone structure. It stood about fifty yards from the stargate, a round, imposing construction that blended into the terrain. He knew how he'd execute the assault, but he kept quiet and let the two hot-shot colonels show their stuff.

"No cover," Carter murmured. "We're going to need a distraction."

"Vala, you're with me. Sam, you take Teal'c and reconnoiter. We'll meet on the far side of the Super Dome down there," Mitchell instructed. "General, in the meantime, if you'd do the honors with claymores for a distraction..."

"Got it," O'Neill said.

As he was on his belly planting a secondary line of explosives in a semi-circle leading to the stargate, O'Neill heard Mitchell call for radio silence. He sent a carrier to confirm he'd heard the order then took cover behind the DHD where he could see the entrance on his side.

Twenty minutes later Mitchell reported. "I count eight of the ugly ones and a dozen Lucians. No Jaf'fa. The structure is set up like a hangar, with one tiny room on the stargate side that I could see. They've got about thirty assorted beings hanging from the ceiling like fresh meat, encased in what looks like entrails. There's a lumpy gizmo of some sort in the middle of the place, some junk along the walls. I counted at least three crates that look like they could be naquada transport containers. Big entrance we saw from the ridge on General O'Neill's side, and a smaller opening on this side. Stay low, those odd looking panels at head-height are see-through. They have a clear line of sight the whole way around."

"Will we need reinforcements from the Odyssey?" Carter asked.

"Aw, _hell_ no," Mitchell replied. "We've got General O'Neill with us!"

Jack snorted and shook his head.

"Belly-down, then," Carter responded. "Teal'c and I will come around to your side, General."

"I've got the entrance covered, Colonel. You push 'em out from that side and I'll handle 'em from here."

"I knew we let you come along for a reason, Sir."

Jack grinned.

"Let's do it," Mitchell said. "General, if you please?"

Jack flipped open the safety lid on a black box and pressed the first button. Back on the ridge where they had first dug in to watch, a loud explosion blew rocks and yellow dust into the air. A moment later two Lucians and a Foothold alien cautiously exited the building. O'Neill tracked them with his P90 but didn't take a shot until he heard a commotion inside that told him SG-1 was initiating their assault. He squeezed the trigger and the first Lucian fell. Two more shots dispatched the remainder, and he turned the P90 towards the door.

When the explosion drew the aliens' attention, SG-1 stormed the building. They took out more than half of the enemy before the rest flooded through the door on O'Neill's side.

"Now, Sir!" Carter shouted into the radio.

O'Neill pressed a second button and caught the vanguard of the fleeing enemy in a tight blast. Four managed to escape the explosion and O'Neill calmly picked them off with one shot apiece.

"Clear!" Carter called.

"Clear here, too," Mitchell confirmed.

O'Neill walked up to the fallen aliens. The Foothold Aliens were dead, as were all but one of the Lucians. The Lucian rolled onto his back and glared up at him. Jack thought of Maddy, of her compassion and willingness, need, to forgive. His face hardened and he drew his sidearm, calmly put a bullet into the Lucian's head, then drilled each of the others just to make sure.

"Clear here."

Inside, SG-1 heard the deliberate shots and they exchanged glances. Nobody spoke.

"Colonel Mitchell, this is the Odyssey. Everything alright down there?"

"Mission complete," Cam replied. "Enemy base is secured, no casualties."

"Glad to hear it, Colonels. We're standing by to bring you aboard."

"Beam a medical team down," Carter instructed. "We have alien hostages who might need treatment. And we'll need a universal translator."

The hanging beings began to stir. The first one to wake was Aris Boch. O'Neill entered the building and glanced around. "Nice work, SG-1."

Mitchell and Teal'c were binding the hands of three Lucians they had captured.

"Teal'c, stand aside," Jack ordered quietly.

Teal'c gave Jack a solemn glance over his shoulder. He correctly read his friend's face and softly warned Mitchell to step back. Cam glanced at Teal'c, followed his gaze to O'Neill, then back-pedaled quickly. The Lucians stared at Jack with hateful defiance.

Jack raised his sidearm and put a bullet square between each of their eyes.

"General!" Carter reacted with shock.

Jack met her stunned gaze levelly. "What?"

There was a moment of silence as the two stared at each other. Carter finally looked away.

"Let's start getting these... people... down and see if they want to go home," she said evenly. "General, would you mind keeping an eye on that end? Vala, if you'd stand watch on this end."

It took several hours to free the hostages, convince the mixture of alien races that they had been rescued, take detailed information from each for follow-up in case any of the Lucians or Foothold Aliens were still prowling the galaxy under a false identity, and get the stories from Captain Hall and Aris Boch.

Jack understood the uncomfortable, sidelong glances he kept getting from the team, the looks of consternation that passed between them. Carter in particular couldn't keep the condemnation from her expression, the accusation out of her eyes. They thought he had exacted revenge, and they were wrong. He had ensured the safety of both Carter and Maddy. Holding those Lucian animals prisoner would only have sparked an onslaught of attacks on both women and countless others. A vicious cycle of revenge, leverage, and threats. The Lucians in particular- and the galaxy in general- had to be shown that Earth wouldn't tolerate their people, their women, being tortured and abused as a means of persuasion. It had to stop and he had stopped it. Let Carter and the rest condem him. The Lucians didn't understand mercy, saw it as a weakness to be exploited.

His conscience was clear on this one. There would be no nightmares this time.

Maybe he _was_ the meanest human in the galaxy.

"I've got three Lucians heading for the gate, " Vala said suddenly.

"Hold your positions until we see how many more show up," O'Neill said. He dropped flat and crawled around the entrance to where he could see the gate. One of the Lucians began to lay down cover fire towards Vala's end of the building while another dialed the gate. The third sent a couple energy bursts towards O'Neill. He rolled back and palmed the black box.

The wormhole established with a "whoosh".

"They're making a run for the..."

Vala's shout was cut short when O'Neill hit a third button on the detonator. The Lucians were blown to bits as they crossed the claymores he had so strategically placed.

"Never mind," Vala said.

Aris Boch sat in a holding cell aboard the Odyssey.

"You blew up my ship?" he asked O'Neill incredulously.

Jack grinned wolfishly. "Sorry."

"Well, I'll just have to steal another one."

"I don't think you'll get the chance," Jack told him.

"You're gonna kill me for taking you and Maddy for a little... vacation? She certainly seemed to enjoy it. I would have too, if_ I_ had been there with her."

Jack's face went dark and Carter put a restraining hand on his arm. "Remember, General, it wasn't him."

"What didn't I do?"

"The Lucian who adopted your identity assaulted the General's wife," Mitchell informed him heavily.

The alien bounty-hunter half-rose. "Not Maddy! Is she okay?" He slowly sat back down as O'Neill's sidearm came up a fraction.

"She's... getting better," Carter answered with a hesitant look at O'Neill. Jack's expression was stony.

"Aww, not Maddy. How bad was it?"

"Bad," O'Neill snarled.

"Hey, _I_ didn't do it! Why be mad at me?"

"Actually," Carter told him, "The Lucian left one of your hologram devices. He had recorded the entire assault. It wasn't until a short time ago that we realized it _wasn't_ you."

Boch sat back in his bunk. "Maddy thinks I hurt her? Awww... I'd never hurt her! I like Maddy. She fed me pizza. Cookie things."

"No more," Jack told him softly. "No more visits to my wife, Boch. You leave her alone."

Boch studied O'Neill. "My ship _is_ bigger than yours!" he said gleefully.

"I wouldn't push him," Mitchell said from the doorway. "It wouldn't take much for the rest of us to just walk away and leave you alone with him."

"What do you say, Boch?" Jack offered with deceptive quietness. "Without all your little toys to give you the advantage..."

The bounty hunter and the retired general stared each other down. Boch finally said, "Maddy may be the only person in the universe I consider a friend."

"Look for another," Jack demanded.

"Does she know it wasn't me?"

"She knows."

"She'd still be afraid of me, though, wouldn't she?"

"Doesn't matter. You led the Lucians to her."

"Not on purpose!" He spread his hands wide. "I was captured!"

"You set her up for what happened. Started the ball rolling when you kidnapped us. Show your face again and I'll kill you."

"You really are the meanest human in the galaxy."

"Let me prove it," Jack fumed.

"Take good care of her, O'Neill. Give her _my love._"

Carter pushed O'Neill's arm down as the gun went off. The bullet plowed through the mattress on the bunk between Boch's legs and pinged into the floor. Boch raised an eyebrow, glanced down to check himself, then blinked at O'Neill.

"Beam him down to the planet and let him go through the gate," O'Neill snarled to Carter. "I see him again, I'll kill him."

Teal'c openly watched his friend's face as they neared the village. Without slowing his quick pace, O'Neill unhooked his P90 and handed it over to Teal'c. Teal'c frowned at the weapon but carried it without comment. O'Neill's pack hit the ground behind him and he strode on without a backward glance. His gloves and flack vest followed. Teal'c's eyebrows raised when O'Neill's hat came off was flung carelessly away.

It had only been a few days, but Jack was just as anxious as last visit about what kind of reception Maddy would give him. So much had happened to her. What if an errant staff blow had taken her memory again? What if one of those randy Jaf'fa had assaulted her?

What if she had decided to stay?

Maybe she'd tell him it was just to dangerous being his wife.

Maddy looked up from where she was tending a cook fire. When she saw O'Neill and Teal'c striding towards the village she rose. He saw her twist her fingers together, then raise a hand to smooth her hair. She took two steps and stopped, her eyes locked on his face. Jack put his hands out to her and Maddy broke into a sprint. She threw herself into his arms and locked her mouth on his. Jack lifted her off her feet and whirled in a full circle. She wrapped her legs around him and hung on for dear life, kissing him frantically.

"Ready to go home?" he asked when she gave him a chance.

"Are you okay? Is everyone okay? Is it over?"

Teal'c gave them one last glance and moved on to find Bra'tac.

"It's all over, Maddy. We got 'em all... we think... no, we got 'em all. SG-1 didn't get so much as a scratch, and the Odyssey actually came home in one piece for a change."

She blinked back tears. "I was so scared for you!"

"Hey, I made you a promise, didn't I? I missed you."

Maddy stilled and her face stiffened a little. "Aris?" She dropped her feet to the ground and watched him closely.

"We found him hanging around the Super Dome."

"You... he... the Super Dome?"

Jack threw his head back and laughed. "Honest to Pete, Maddy, the building on that planet looked just like the Super Dome, and the Foothold Aliens had eight other species wrapped in this goo that Cam said looked like intestines..." He wound an arm around her waist and led her back towards the village, relating the story of the coup but leaving out the part where he executed the Lucians and tried to shoot Boch's balls off.

"So it really wasn't Aris who attacked me?"

"No, Babe, it was a Lucian who had assumed his identity, like we thought. I saw him turn into Boch before he boarded the ship, and the ship got blown up. Boch felt really awful about you getting so badly hurt."

"Did he say if he'd be back?"

Jack's face tightened. "He won't be back, Maddy. He's lucky I let him go this time." He watched her to gauge her reaction, and when she shrugged he felt a strange relief sweep over him. "It was his ship we blew up. No more surprise pizza parties."

"Until he gets himself another ship..."

"I told him testicles were an Earth delicacy and you were a master cook, and you couldn't wait to have him for dinner."

"You did not!" she laughed at him.

Jack nodded. "Told him that's what made me the meanest human in the galaxy. You keep me on a steady diet of other..." She kissed him to shut him up.

"What, Sam kept you gagged the whole time, the bullshit backed up, and now I get to deal with a whole load of it?" she giggled.

He leaned down and gave her a loud, smacking kiss.

"The Lucians?" she asked. "And those other aliens?"

"All dead, Maddy. We blew up the building and all the equipment inside, and Mitchell is working on confiscating the gate and DHD as we speak."

She closed her eyes for a long moment.

"They won't be back," he assured her. "It's _over."_

The woman he led back through the stargate to Earth was not the same one he had sent with Bra'tac. As Jack watched the faces of SG-1 and the other gateroom personnel, he knew he owed Bra'tac an enormous debt of gratitude. Lean, strong, and once more full of life, the picture of his wife in Jaf'fa garb, mass of hair wild and her eyes shining, brought a long pause of amazement to those present. Jack had never been prouder of his prize. Sam stepped forward and hugged Maddy.

"Good to have you back!" she smiled. "You look great!"

"I look like a wild woman," Maddy grinned.

"You're beautiful," Daniel told her with a bear hug. "Feeling better?"

"Much, thank you," Maddy told him.

The rest of SG-1 and Landry all crowded around her then, but O'Neill quickly whisked her away. "I want you all to myself," he murmured in her ear. He knew a moment's disappointment when reservation flickered in her eyes, but gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

During the ride home, as they cooked and ate together, and later as they sat on the deck in the chilly fall air, Maddy chattered about her time with the Jaf'fa and Bra'tac.

"I know it's probably not possible," she said, "But I'd love to send them some stuff."

"Like what?" Jack asked as he settled down between her knees.

"Tomato plants. And garlic. Chickens... and turkeys. Sunflowers. Popcorn!" She started on his neck with her thumbs and Jack groaned.

"I can see Landry's face now when you go traipsing through his base with a crate of chickens under your arm. Feathers floating around the elevator..."

She laughed at him and the sound was music to his ears.

"I wish there was some way to translate a Bible into a language the Jaf'fa could read," she added softly. "With the Gou'ald gone and the Ori confusing them, they need a steadying influence, something to grasp onto and give them hope. They're kinda lost after centuries of being forced to worship false gods and suddenly finding themselves without any at all."

"That was one reason the Ori converted so many at first," Jack agreed. "They just can't catch a break when it comes to religion." He caught a hand and kissed it. "Talk to Daniel. Maybe you two can come up with something. A computer program to do the translating."

"You surprise me, Jack."

"Why?"

"I fully expected you to argue with me. Tell me they'd been abused by enough religion and they just need to be left alone."

He sighed. "That's my gut reaction. But when you think about it, they _are_ a culture that thrives on religion. Our God isn't gonna enslave them, abuse them, or force them to kill any Jaf'fa who reject Him."

"Lesser of the evils, Jack?" she asked with a warning in her voice.

"Don't put words in my mouth that'll get me into any more hot water with Him than I already am!" he growled. He kissed her hand again, and after a long moment he said softly, "Has it occured to you, Maddy, that if you hadn't gone through what you did, the Jaf'fa would never have been introduced to the real God?"

"He does work in mysterious ways." There was an overtone of satisfaction in her voice. "I believe everything happens for a reason." She dropped a kiss on his ear. "Even you."

"I was beginning to think the 'reason' was you were too damned good to waste on me."

"He knows what I need, Jack, and I need you." She drew his face around and kissed him. "You, and a donut." She stepped over him and went into the kitchen. A moment later she returned with a box of donuts and two cups of coffee. "It's so strange- they have technology we've never dreamed of, yet they seem so primitive. It's an odd combination." She handed him a cup then sat down in a chair across the little table from him.

"It's the way they want it." He scowled at her, wondering why she hadn't sat down with him again.

"Well, a little garlic wouldn't hurt."

"I can just imagine the Grand Council convening and the whole chamber reeking of garlic." Jack waved a hand under his nose.

Maddy threw a donut at him. Jack started up off the deck meaningfully. Maddy leaped up, but instead of running she waited until he was almost on his feet and swept his legs out from under him. As he hit the deck with a heavy thud, scattering plastic chairs and spilling coffee, she turned and ran. Maddy made it into the bathroom and got the door locked before he reached her.

Jack rattled the door then headed for the walk-in closet. He pushed open the bathroom door, surprised that she hadn't locked it, too, and lounged in the doorway to watch her. She was concentrating on the knob, waiting for him to try it again. She spun abruptly and pulled up short when she saw him. Maddy put her back against the door, her fingers working the lock as she tried to distract him.

"It was only a _donut_," she reasoned.

"That deck is hard," he countered.

"I'm sorry," she said contritely. "Guess being around Bra'tac made me think an old man could take a little tumble..."

The lock slipped and she whipped the door open. She was halfway through the bedroom when Jack wrapped a fist in the waistband of her pants. He jerked her back and around and into his arms. Maddy lifted her mouth for his kiss. Jack lowered his head. In the instant before their lips met, their eyes locked, and Jack threw her bodily onto the bed. Maddy squealed then gasped for breath when he dove on top of her. She squirmed and struggled- but not too much. Jack kissed her then, gently, tenderly, slowly quenching a thirst that had been building for far too long. When he finally raised his head and looked into her eyes he could see worry in their dark depths. He smiled at her and shifted so he could play with her hair.

"I missed you, missed this, so much."

"Jack..." she began uncertainly.

"Just say you missed me, too. Tell me those Jaf'fa warriors didn't take your mind off me for a single minute."

"What's a Jaf'fa?"

He kissed her again and worked his way around to her ear. "Bra'tac said if he was fifty years younger, he'd carry you away for himself."

"You'd let him?" She let her fingers roam over his neck, tickle his ear.

"He might have mentioned slitting my throat first..."

She sucked in a breath, shocked by the thought. His lips, mouth, teeth, and tongue were sending a message she just wasn't ready to answer. She splayed her fingers over his ears and brought his eyes back to hers. She shook her head slightly.

"Say it," he demanded gently.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Can't what? Say what you mean, or make love to me?"

She nodded. He laughed at her.

"Maddy, I'll make a deal with you. I won't get mad when you tell me 'no' if you won't get mad when I try. And try, and try..."

"You're too good to me."

"I love you," he said simply. "Now, stop interrupting me- I'm busy." He moved back to the spot on her neck where a love bite was rising on her skin.

"Mmmm, Jack?"

He made a sound to let her know she had his attention.

"I had time to come up with a new fantasy while I was with Bra'tac."

Jack raised his head and frowned at her. "A hundred and thirty year old Jaf'fa inspired a _fantasy_?"

She pinched his nipple and he winced. "A hundred and thirty year old Jaf'fa helped show me the way back to you. Don't mock my Bra'tac!"

Jack planted his elbows on either side of her head and rested his chin on his palms. "You really are better, aren't you?" he asked.

She grimaced briefly. "All but... making love to you, Jack. I'm not there- I don't know if I'll ever be."

He shrugged comically. "Babe, I get off when you rub my back!"

Her grin was impish. "Yeah, well, Jaf'fa females have some really... interesting ways of pleasing their warriors."

"Girl talk, huh?"

"Yeahsureyoubetcha."

"Maddy, I'm so proud of how far you've come. You scared the hell outta me that night."

"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm sorry I worried you, sorry you had to go through all that... Sorry I can't make love with you the way we used to."

"I'm sorry you're sorry 'cause I'm _not_ sorry and I'll only ever _be_ sorry when you're sorry because I can't be sorry _unless _you're sorry. ...First."

She blinked then laughed and gently boxed his ears for him. "I was being serious and you're making fun of me!"

"We've had enough 'serious' to last us a lifetime, Maddy. I'll listen to anything and everything you ever have to say on the subject, but I finally got you back- physically _and_ mentally- and I just want to enjoy you for awhile."

"I'm... sorry?" she quipped.

He growled and molested her neck until she giggled.

"Don't you even wanna know what Bra'tac said about you?" she gasped.

"Later," he murmured. Thirty seconds passed. "What did he say?"

She burst out laughing again. "'Vanity, thy name is O'Neill'! You said 'later'."

"It _is_ later."

"Talk me into it."

"Then I'll forget I asked. You fight fair, but you play dirty."

"If I tell you, will you let me practice my Jaf'fa husband-pleasing skills?"

"Does it involve a training staff?" he asked warily.

"Only if that's all you got to be pleased, big boy."

He growled and bit her on the neck. "Tell me quick, before I lose interest."

"I just remembered you have a short attention span," she sighed, then squealed and squirmed when his teeth dug a little deeper. "Okay! Okay... He said I had captured the heart of the Tau'ri's most contemptible, cantankerous warrior, and that if I didn't take care of you nobody else would. He said he understood why having you in love with me would drive me to kill myself, but nothing else that had happened to me was a good enough reason."

"Now who's making up stories?" he demanded.

She drew his head up and held his gaze steadily.

"He really said that about me?"

"He said nicer things about you later," she soothed.

"Like what?"

"He warned me to mind your ego," she teased. "And not to dare do to you what I'm about to do to you because you've gotten soft in your old age and probably couldn't handle it."

**Chapter Twenty-Five **

Jack inhaled the incredible smell of roasting turkey and turned to watch Maddy dump what seemed while he was cutting them like a bushel of potatoes into a huge pot.

It was hard for him to believe that this time last year he was standing over her lifeless body, wondering if she'd ever wake up, wondering how Vala and the healing device could possibly restore any part of her from the mutilation and beating she had taken. And here she was, vibrant, beautiful, confident, and still loving him with an intensity that staggered him.

And still wearing his dog tags. From the day he put them around her neck, there on the ramp to the stargate before she left with Bra'tac, she had never taken them off. It made him smile and shake his head.

The only shadows that passed through her eyes these days were when

she wanted to make love to him and couldn't. She worked so hard to keep him satisfied, to give him what she thought he needed from her, and he didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't necessary. Maddy needed to give. He was learning that generosity was yet another of her delightful traits, but he also knew that she gained a little solace in trying to make up for what she thought he was lacking. She tried so hard, encouraged him to help her try, and each failed attempt brought her to tears.

How to tell her just being in the same world with her made him deliriously happy? How to make her understand that she gave him a contented peace deep in his soul? That he woke up thinking about her, went to sleep thinking about her, spent his every waking moment enjoying everything about her?

She still didn't wear jeans, and she had made no attempt to ride her horses.

"I think I hear a vehicle," he said, lounging off the refrigerator.

She dusted her hands on her apron and turned on the burner.

"Didja set the table?"

"Yes, Dear."

She popped him in the chest with a wet chunk of potato. He gave her a hard look.

"You really wanna start that with company coming?"

She shot him a grin. "Poor Daniel..."

Jack laughed. "Come greet our guests with me, Gorgeous." She draped the apron over a chair and slipped under his arm as he opened the door.

"Dinner smells wonderful," he said into her hair. "How fast can we get rid of them and be alone?"

She dug her fingers into the spot between his ribs that made him double over and gasp.

"Stop that, or SG-1 one is gonna have to finish making their own dinner!" he threatened as Daniel's car wheeled into the drive.

Daniel, Landry, Teal'c and Vala all piled out, waving and gathering grocery bags. Daniel opened the trunk and removed a box filled with various wine and liquor bottles. Amid the din of voices and laughter, Jack felt Maddy stiffen. He glanced down, wondering what was bothering her- she had been so excited about hosting Thanksgiving dinner for SG-1. Her eyes were riveted on the lane, and Jack heard it then, too.

The deep-throated rumble of a sports car.

Maddy's eyes were starting to dance and Jack groaned inwardly. He watched her face as she cocked her head and listened.

"Three-ninety big block, dual exhausts... glass packs... it's gonna be a Mustang," she breathed. She canted Jack wide-eyed look as Mitchell's car came into view. "Sixty-five Fastback!" Jack thought she looked delirious. "Three hundred and twenty horsepower, Holly four-barrel... wonder if it's got a Cobra kit?"

Mitchell nosed the polished black, vintage Mustang in beside Daniel's car and got out. Sam carefully closed the passenger side door and waved. Maddy left Jack's side to walk around the car, the look on her face making Jack cringe. Daniel paused with the box and glanced back to see Mitchell and Maddy discussing his car. Cam popped the hood and Maddy leaned over the motor like a kid being offered a dish full of candy.

"It's a beautiful day!" Landry said as he shook Jack's hand. "The calm before the storm- we're supposed to get hammered with snow in a couple of days. Good Heavens something smells good..."

Jack nodded absently as the hood of the car closed and he listened to Maddy and Mitchell's conversation as they approached the porch.

"...like to take her for a spin?" Mitchell was offering.

Maddy's face lit up like a Christmas tree. She was nearly past Jack when she came to an abrupt stop. Her eyes met Jack's and he gave her a small grin. He slipped a hand into his pocket and tucked a dollar bill into her finders with a wink. Maddy shot him gleeful smirk and spun around.

"I'd love to, Cam!"

Mitchell opened the passenger side door and tossed her the keys.

"Shouldn't you tell him..." Daniel asked Jack.

"Shut up, Daniel."

Daniel looked over his shoulder, exchanged glances with Landry, then looked back at Jack.

"You're evil, Jack. Pure evil!"

Jack grinned as Maddy eased the expensive car down the rutted lane.

When they reached the end of the lane, Maddy slapped the dollar bill on the dash in front of Mitchell.

"Betcha a hundred more you can't pick that up off the dash."

She hit the gas, popped the clutch, and slammed Mitchell back into his seat.

"Anything we can do to..." Sam began to offer but Jack waved impatiently and put a finger to his lips. Everyone quieted, wondering what Jack was listening for. Then they heard it.

The roar of the big engine and squeal of tires on pavement drifted up from the end of the long lane and echoed through the surrounding hills.

As one their eyes went to Jack. He lifted a bottle from the case Daniel was holding and looked at the label. "Hope you brought something stronger than this," he mused. "He's gonna need it."

Jack didn't stop drumming his fingers until they heard the car rumbling back up the drive. Sam set down the spoon she had been stirring potatoes with and Daniel closed the oven door. Vala shook out the match she had been using to light all the candles Maddy had placed. Landry got up from his seat in front of the fire, topped off his drink, and headed for the door. Everyone converged on the porch with Jack and Teal'c.

When they exited the car, Mitchell looked shell-shocked but Maddy was grinning from ear to ear. She thanked Cam again and darted past Jack, stopped, backpedaled, and planted a resounding kiss on his cheek. Then she hurried into the kitchen to check on the meal she had abandoned. Sam and Vala followed her in, explaining what they had done to tend the food.

Mitchell came towards the porch, a dazed look on his face. Landry sipped at his bourbon to hide his smirk. Cam stopped shoulder-to-shoulder beside Jack and looked the general straight in the eye. He slapped the dollar bill against Jack's chest and, without breaking eye contact, Mitchell reached out and took Landry's glass from his hand. He closed his eyes, knocked back the entire drink and handed the glass back. He held Jack's gaze meaningfully as he shuddered.

"You should see her on a horse," Jack grinned.

Mitchell's voice was hoarse. "Don't ever teach her to fly."

It was long after midnight when Jack finally got Maddy to himself. She had spent a week preparing the food and lodge and Jack was so proud of her. She was a continuous marvel to him, and SG-1 had become her fan club. She had fed them an exquisite meal then a vast array of desserts until they couldn't move. She played poker, discussed Bra'tac and his new colony with Teal'c, had Daniel teaching her Latin, giggled with Sam, and sorted through the alien gemstones with Vala. Landry had caught Jack's eye and raised his glass in a silent toast that Jack had deeply appreciated.

He pulled Maddy closer and sighed into her ear. "You are incredible."

"You need to buy me a chest freezer."

He grunted and let his hand wander along her side. "Right this minute?"

"Right this minute, I want to kiss your neck and whisper naughty things into your ear."

"You won't be mad if I fall asleep, will you? Turkey does that to me."

"I'll have to keep turkey on hand for when I want to do the driving."

"Speaking of driving... Mitchell looked rattled when you came back."

Maddy giggled. "Sweet car."

"Cobra kit?" he guessed.

"Oh, _yeah_!" she sighed.

"Did he get the dollar bill?"

"When it fell on his knee, after I stopped. I only had it on two wheels once."

"Back two, or side two?" he grumbled.

She laughed. "His fingernail imprints are probably still in the upholstery."

Jack tugged on her ear with his teeth. "I see a fast car in your future."

"Oh, don't go buying me a car," she told him. "A truck is far more practical. Which reminds me, I need to buy a _bunch_ of hay."

"What would be your dream car? Lamborghini? Jaguar? Viper? Porche? I know- a Vet."

"Ah, those are for little boys with big wallets, bigger egos, and little..."

O'Neill drew back and grinned at her expectantly.

"...confidence."

"I'm a little boy with a respectable wallet- and my wife works."

"Yeah, and your ego matches your... confidence. But if you're going through a mid-life crisis we'll go find _you _a pretty little play toy."

"I have a pretty little play toy, and I wanna buy her a car for Christmas."

"I'd rather have a chest freezer."

"Not for Christmas! Tell me what kind of car will make you so happy you'll..." he whispered into her ear and Maddy giggled.

"That's worth a car to you? You're easy."

"Easy, but never cheap. Tell me."

She sighed. "Muscle cars, vintage. _Big_ motor..."

"I figured on horsepower," he said dryly. "Something with training wheels so you can't roll it."

She gave him a wistful look. "Some people just drive. I make love to the road!"

"Lucky road."

"Lift kit, _shift_ kit, bucket seats, dual glass-packs, fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror..."

"You're dating yourself."

"I like the classics!" she pouted. "I married you, didn't I?"

"Okay, so did you want an upright or a chest freezer?"

Jack offered to spend extra time at the SGC over the holiday weekend so both colonels and Landry could travel to visit with family. There was nothing major going on, no teams were off-world, and the base was operating on a skeleton crew. They all needed a break after an eventful year. Since there was nothing much to do but _be _there- and Jack didn't feel it was fair to have to do paperwork over the holiday weekend- he mostly napped behind his desk. The commissary kitchen was closed as well, but Maddy had instructed her crew to stock a cooler with sandwiches, fruit, and desserts, and had set out supplies for coffee. Even the infirmary was dark and quiet, with no patients spending the weekend hooked to machines and tubes. He made a last trip through the all but deserted corridors, looked at his watch, and decided to call it a day. Maddy had been working on a soup of some kind that morning and as he stepped into the abrupt chill of the tunnel, he thought a hot bowl of soup sounded just right.

It had snowed while he was deep inside Cheyenne Mountain, and it was still coming down in huge flakes. Jack smiled as he thought how happy Maddy would be to finally have snow. It had been very late in coming to Colorado Springs this year, and she had been disappointed when Thanksgiving Day had dawned bright and surprisingly mild.

As he drove through the falling snow he laughed at himself for being so anxious to get home to her. It had been eight hours and felt like eight days. His Maddy. She was a joy to live with, and so easy to live for. He decided he had met the one person in all the world who had, like himself, learned the hard way not to dwell on petty grievances. He fell in love with her more every day, found something new to love about her every day. The snow on the lane to the lodge had several sets of tracks through it already. Jack didn't give it much thought, his mind preoccupied with idle visions of his beautiful wife cuddled to his side in front of a crackling fire, a hot cup of soup, and the TV remote in his hand as the snow slowly cut them off from the rest of the world. She had worked so hard this past week, between her job at the commissary and preparing the incredible dinner for his friends, he decided she deserved a back massage. Maybe while sharing the garden tub with him. He mentally kicked himself for not buying her roses. She loved roses and he surprised her with them so much that she almost wasn't surprised anymore. But she was always delighted.

He pulled the truck into the garage and noted the absence of Maddy's big dually. That explained the tracks.

But it didn't explain the soup simmering over a low heat. She would never have left the lodge with something on the stove. He stirred the pot, inhaled the wonderful aroma, turned off the burner and ladled himself a bowl. Finished, he wandered out onto the porch to enjoy the snowfall. He shook his head when he saw footprints in the snow just outside the porch- leave it to his Maddy to run around in the snow in her bare feet. That's when he noticed the tire tracks going towards the barn. Grabbing his coat, he headed that direction.

Maddy's truck was backed into the barn, it's bed stacked high with bales of hay. He continued past and stared at the huge hay wagon, also piled high. A solid thump greeted him as he rounded the back of the wagon and stooped to play with the two excited Aussies. A couple of the horses nickered in greeting when they saw him. The barn had a warm, cozy feeling, with all the horses tucked snugly into their stalls while the outside world was being covered in a cold, white blanket.

A heavy bale landed beside him.

"Comin' down!" Maddy warned belatedly.

Jack looked up to see his wife, in shirt sleeves and covered in hay seeds, standing atop the load. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked.

Maddy planted her hands on her hips and stared at him. "I'm washing the windows on my air plane, Einstein."

"Come down here and say that!" he challenged.

"I would, but I gotta get this unloaded and back before the lane is snowed shut. Weather report says we're in for a doozy- I can't _wait!_" Excitement made her eyes dance and Jack said a silent prayer of thanks. "We really need to think about a tractor with a blade. And a backhoe attachment. Front bucket. A Ford 6000 would do nicely... but I don't care for spin-off rims..."

Jack looked at the huge pile of hay already stacked. "How many loads have you done already?"

"This is the third- and last. Did you think to stir the soup? I stopped in and turned it on again so it'd be hot when you got home."

"Had a bowl and turned it off," he nodded. "It's excellent. And thank you." Here she was, busting her ass _again_, but she thought about him, made time to take care of him. And he forgot roses. It was humbling.

"Instead of a chest freezer for Christmas, can I have a hay elevator?" She wiped an arm across her forehead.

"Know what I want for Christmas?"

She hefted a bale and looked at him curiously. "What?"

"I want you to get it through your head that if you want a freezer and a hay elevator and a tractor with a backhoe attachment, you can just go buy them."

Maddy threw the bale at him. He side stepped the projectile and watched it bounce then roll across the barn floor.

"_That _woulda left a mark!" he yelled. He ripped off his jacket and started climbing the wagon. Maddy laughed at him, then yelped and scooted away when he made a swipe for her ankle. She twisted away and leaped the gap between the wagon and the high stack on the floor. Jack was hot on her heels and he brought her down with a thud on the soft hay. Bonnie wanted to play too, and she scrambled up on the stack. Jack grabbed Maddy's leg and worked her boot off. She fought when he reached for the other, but he managed to get that one off too, and tossed it over the side of the stack.

"Hey!" she yelled.

Jack grabbed the bottoms of her stretch slacks and started to pull. The pants slipped down and Maddy made a grab for them. Jack gave them a jerk and they came off in his hands. They followed her boot to the floor below.

"_Jack! _It's cold!"

He unbuttoned his shirt and dropped it. "Yep, it's cold." He came down on top of her. "Better warm me up."

Maddy held onto his shoulders and tried to keep him from kissing her, but Jack grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head. As he kissed her, Bonnie jumped onto his back and playfully mauled the back of his head.

"Ummph!" Jack pushed his head back and used his shoulders to try and dislodge the dog. "Ouch! Toe nails! _Teeth!_"

"Mine or hers? Get him!" Maddy encouraged the dog, who renewed her efforts to get Jack to play with her.

Jack glowered at her, then winced as the dog started licking his ear.

"You're gonna have to wash that if you want me to lick it later," Maddy laughed.

"That's what Bonnie just said," he shot back, then added hopefully, "She hasn't touched the other one...""Oh, get off me, you cad! I have work to do!"

"You've been working all day. Time to play with your husband." He kissed her, teasing with his tongue and nipping playfully. It didn't take long to make Maddy forget about the hay. Bonnie, ignored, soon lost interest and found a mouse to chase. Maddy clutched at Jack's shoulders and gave in to the passion he was building. Jack sat up and drew her up with him, his fingers working at her shirt and bra as he kissed her with a fevered intensity. When he lay her back it was to move his mouth to her breasts. Maddy curled her fingers into his hair and arched her back, moaning encouragement. He slid his hand slowly down along her stomach and inside her panties. Maddy tensed but when he looked at her she nodded briefly. He kissed her again and tried to take her mind off her nervousness. But the further he went the more distant she became. It broke his heart that she was trying so hard, that she wanted this as much as he did, but her body refused to become aroused. When she abruptly pushed him away, Jack immediately rolled onto his side.

Maddy sat up and ran a shaking hand over her face. He saw her tears and wanted to cry for her, too.

"It's alright," he said soothingly.

"No, Jack, it's _not_ alright!" She levered herself to her feet and snatched up her shirt.

He watched her hands shaking as she tried to slip the buttons. He got up and buttoned the shirt for her, then brought her chin up to look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry you tried, or sorry I couldn't?" she snapped waspishly.

"I'm not sorry we both tried, and I'm not even sorry you couldn't. I'm sorry it upsets you so much."

She looked at him through eyes of self-loathing. "You're too good for me, Jack."

"Stop that." He tried to put his arms around her but Maddy shoved him back and climbed down to retrieve her clothing. When he reached her, she was shrugging into her jacket.

"Go eat soup, Jack."

"I'll help you finish this hay."

She whirled on him. "I don't wanna be around you right now!" She softened her words with a gentle touch to his cheek. "Just... let me work off my frustration, Jack. I hate my body and I need to punish it. Go away."

One of the hardest things he'd ever done was walk out of that barn and leave Maddy furiously throwing bales of hay.

An hour and a half later he heard the wagon rattle past the lodge. It was getting dark and the snow was coming down harder than ever. Jack swore and began to pace. He turned on the outside lights and looked at his watch again. He should have gone with her. He went into the bathroom and stepped into the huge garden tub for a better view of the lane out the bay window. He looked down at the tub, an idea beginning to form.

He scoured the lodge, gathered up all the candles he could find, and took them into the bathroom. Then he put a bottle of wine into a fancy bowl and filled it with ice. Grabbing a wine glass, he carried that to the bathroom as well. He sorted through their combined collection of CDs, set the CD player for specific songs, then moved the bedroom speakers as close as possible to the bathroom door. A soft love ballad filtered through the sound system as he began to light the candles. He went back to the kitchen and raided the Thanksgiving dessert leftovers, piling a plate with sweets and setting them on a tray table near the tub. Satisfied, he undressed and pulled on his robe.

When he heard the truck pull into the garage, Jack turned on the tap to a slow flow and found some bubble bath to pour under the stream. He drew back the curtains in the bay window, pleased that he could see the heavy snowflakes filtering past the porch lights. The garage door slammed. Jack headed for the kitchen. Inspiration struck and he grabbed a winter scarf off the pegs by the door on his way past.

Maddy was dumping the soup into a bowl to put in the refrigerator. He came up behind her as she closed the door.

"Hi," he said, slipping his arms around her and pulling her back against his chest.

She leaned against him. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," she told him on a sigh.

"I'll let you make it up to me," he said into her ear.

"How?"

"Trust me?" He loosened her hair and picked out several strands of hay, then wound the scarf around her eyes and tied it behind her head.

"Jack?"

"Trust me, Maddy. Don't fight me, just let me lead you."

He felt her tensing as he used his hands on her hips to walk her into the livingroom. He stopped her and kissed her, leisurely unbuttoning her shirt.

"Jack..."

"Uh-ahhh," he coaxed. "Relax and trust me." He rained his fingers lightly over her breasts and nuzzled her ear. "Now, we're walking..." He walked behind her again, but instead of his hands on her hips he kept them over her breasts.

Maddy heard the music, heard the running water, and she took a deep breath. He could feel her impatience, her reluctance, but she let him finish undressing her and walk her into the bathroom. He stopped her and, her back still against his chest, his hands warm and gentle on her cold breasts, he guided her into dancing with him to the romantic music. Maddy gave in and laid her head back against his shoulder.

"The lights are out," he murmured into her ear. "But there are lit candles everywhere."

She let her fingers play on top of his, delighting in their feel from both sides.

"You can see the snow falling outside the window." He nipped at her earlobe. "I can barely see you in the mirror. A golden shadow in the candlelight, beautiful, soft..."

"Scarred," she sighed sadly.

"Stop that," he said gently. "You're as beautiful as the day we met. You get more beautiful every day. You take my breath away."

When the song changed he stepped away from her. The water stopped running. He dropped the robe and eased her back against him, pressing himself along the length of her. She immediately tensed again.

"Jack don't..."

"Hush, or I'll move that scarf from your eyes to your mouth," he whispered into her ear. "And that would make it damn hard to kiss you." He turned her around and coaxed her into a lazy, erotic dance. Hands, lips, hips, his entire body worked together to relax and arouse her.

"Now," he said softly, moving her over until her leg touched the cold porcelain, "Step into the tub. I've got you." Maddy held onto him for balance and stepped into the warm, sudsy water. Jack stepped in with her and eased her down among the bubbles. He settled down behind her and drew her into his lap.

Maddy sighed. He knew the warm water had to feel incredibly good to her after working so hard in the cold all day. He felt her body begin to relax, felt the chill begin to seep out of her skin. He touched a piece of brownie to her lips and she opened her mouth. When she tasted it, she giggled.

"No strawberries?" she asked around a mouth full of chocolate.

"Couldn't find any."

"Can I take the scarf off now?"

"Nope. Open up." She opened her mouth and he fed her a piece of chocolate chip cookie. She settled back against him and sighed.

"I love you, Jack O'Neill."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," he said, feeding her another brownie.

She held a piece in her teeth and turned to him. He nibbled his way down to her lips and feathered them with chocolate kisses. Then their mouths were merging, exploring, caressing. Maddy whimpered when he moved away. He turned her shoulders away from him and began massaging her back. He swept her hair forward over her shoulder and worked his thumbs into the base of her neck. Maddy groaned.

Jack poured a glass of wine, took a sip, then used both hands reaching around her to clasp her fingers around the glass and guide it to her lips. As she swallowed he cradled her back in his arms and slowly dribbled a fine stream of the cold wine between her breasts. Maddy gasped but he held her still. He dipped his fingers into the wine and let the drops dot her breasts. She sighed as he meticulously licked the wine from her skin. Her fingers traced his shoulders, played over the muscles in his arms, caressed the back of his neck. He picked up the glass again and guided her fingers into the liquid, then slowly sucked the wine from each of them. Maddy shivered in his arms at the erotic sensation. He drew her up again, coaxed her to take another drink, then set the glass down and resumed his slow, deliberate massage. He could feel her tension ebbing.

Jack was in no hurry. By the time he finished with her entire back, Maddy was all but asleep. When he drew her back against him and moved the water over her breasts in gently lapping waves, her head lolled on his shoulder and she was very nearly purring. Jack opened the drain and the hot tap, warming the water. As the water ran, he slid his hands down along the outside of her legs, and let them creep just as slowly up the insides. He felt her lips move along his neck and he made a soft sound in his throat. When he lifted her knee to the outside of his, it seemed as if she didn't even notice. He let his fingers drift over her thigh, describing small, maddeningly slow, ever widening circles that drifted closer and closer until he was absently brushing over every sensitive part of her. He felt her sigh against his neck, then her hand urged his mouth to hers. He kissed her just as slowly as he had massaged her back, his hands idly working their magic. He paused long enough to share another sip of wine, then began all over with another back massage. When he moved to her thighs again, he slipped a small sliver of ice from the bowl and let it glide along in an exotic contrast with the warm water. Maddy gasped softly, shivered and sighed.

She was totally relaxed, unresisting of his every touch when he let the water drain away and painstakingly dried them both. He paid particular attention to her toes, teasing and nibbling until she sighed again, then meticulously worked his way back up her body with the towel, his mouth, his hands. When he came within reach she kissed his chest, his arms, his hands and let him know how much she enjoyed every caress. When he drew her to her feet, he kissed her before guiding her out of the tub. He kissed her again, using his hands to mold their bodies as snugly as possible, urging her into another sensuous slow dance. Maddy had no idea they were traveling as they danced.

"Touch me, Jack. Hold me, kiss me," she whispered breathlessly. "I can't get enough of you, can't get close enough..."

He slowly danced her through the doorway and into the bedroom, matching her ardor kiss for kiss, touch for touch, letting her set the pace of their rising passion.

"Take the blindfold off," she begged. "Let me fall into your eyes."

"Time-release knot." His voice was husky, deep, breathless. "Won't untie until sunrise."

He kissed away her protest, and knew he was winning the secret battle when her hands became bolder, more insistent, then demanding. When he laid her back she gasped, not expecting the mattress to meet her decent. Then he was laying on top of her, pressing her deep into the softness, matching their bodies together, taking her mouth deeply. She wrapped her legs around him, arching, pleading with her body, giving herself up to the moment.

She didn't tense, didn't cringe away from him, didn't hesitate to follow his lead. She cried out softly, once, then caught his shoulder in her teeth and hung on until, a very long time later, another low, drawn-out cry forced her to let go.

Jack woke to an empty bed. He glanced at the window, covered by driving snow, then looked at the clock. His gaze swept his legs, then slowly came back.

The scarf he had used to blindfold her last night was tied in a huge bow around a very provocative part of himself.

Maddy was making coffee, her untied robe draped loosely off her shoulders. Jack walked up behind her and grasped her hips. She leaned into him.

"Mornin', stud," she sighed.

"A long, long time ago, on a planet far, far away," he said into her ear, "You told me you couldn't be seduced."

The memory made her gasp softly. Delicious little chills swept over her skin. "I remember saying you might be the man for the job."

"I was. How'd it feel?"

The way her body reacted to his words was answer enough for Jack. He turned her around trapped her eyes with his. "Marry me, Maddy."

"Again?" she smiled.

"Once a year, every year, for the rest of our lives."

"Why?" Her lips were creeping closer to his.

"So we can have a perpetual honeymoon."

"Something tells me that will _not_ be a problem. Are you gonna kiss me, or do I have to molest you into it?"

"You haven't told me how you feel this morning."

She caught his lower lip in her teeth and tugged gently until he used both hands on her bottom to pull her tightly against him. Her eyes widened and her little gasp forced her to let go of his lip.

"I feel like a chest freezer, a hay elevator, a tractor, _and_ a sports car!"

Jack laughed and kissed her hard. "You earned it all and more. I'm so proud of you, Maddy."

"I couldn't have done it without you." She let her hands wander freely. "We're snowed in, you know. Whatever will we do with our time?"

"Care to earn flying lessons?

The End ..._Not!_

If you stumbled onto this portion of Jack Retires, you can find the first half under Jack Retires, Installment One. It was too large to download all at once. I apologize for any inconvenience. Thank you.

Watch for Book II of The O'Neill Chronicles, _The O'Neills_- coming soon!

Book III, _Still At It_, is nearly finished.


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